Relationships Do you look for women like your mom?

[Phlog]

Many times I've heard that men tend to date women like their mom and vice versa, women tend to date men like their dad.

I can imagine this being the case if you have had a good childhood and relationship with your mother/father. You might try to seek that feeling of safety/familiarity/comfort.

For me it's not true at all. My mother is obsessive and neurotic so I much prefer to be with women who are calm and easy going. I have a decent relationship with my mother but I can only spend so much time with her. So if I meet a women who displays similar personality traits, it's a turn off for me.

I once dated a girl who's father would beat the absolute shit out of her even into her late 20s and it seemed like she wanted to emulate that abusive dynamic. She would hit me and egg me on to hit her. I didn't of course and I realized I had to get out. I hope for her sake that she didn't meet a guy like her father after me.

Do you think this is true? Or is this true for you?

People absolutely do this all the time, often with regards to attachment styles. Usually when someone has a string of bad relationships you find they had a similarly bad relationship with their opposite sex parent.

My wife is a similar size to my mother, but all my girlfriends were diverse and basically all societally rebellious sharing nothing in common with my mother. Like you I went in the opposite direction.

Our parents are our infant stages ideal mate pattern, but it can be an expanse of what to avoid if one is fully formed.

I guess my mother and wife are both very conscientious, but what attracted me most to my wife was her kindness which is not a trait that's maxed in my mother.

 

[Cole train]

Yes

Over 60 years old and with grey hair

 

[I Am Legion]

I did marry a sweet loving woman. Same hair and eye color as my Mom. Similar sense of humor and taste in food and movies.....HOLY SHEEEET

 

[liner]

The first girl I seriously dated , her dad was a cop and beat her and her sister and mom. We dated for a few years and she physically fought me a few times. Closed fist punches. Maybe she wanted me to hit her back I guess. So I guess in that case she was doing what she knew.

 

[pugilistico]

According to that "ugly face, hot body" thread, some guys are willing to get with ugly women so maybe that means their moms are ugly lol.

The first girl I seriously dated , her dad was a cop and beat her and her sister and mom. We dated for a few years and she physically fought me a few times. Closed fist punches. Maybe she wanted me to hit her back I guess. So I guess in that case she was doing what she knew.

This sounds familiar haha. I've dated chicks like that. Chicks with daddy issues are really hard to deal with, which is unfortunately a lot of them.

I've also been with the opposite: chick who's dad who was very accepting of everything to an extreme. She expected me to be forgiving even if she was being a total bitch.

 

[ChosenOne]

Nope,

My mom was a great lady, and a model mom. She lived for her family.

But she was also super insecure over money issues and a terrible nag. She would never allow any issue to die and it would brought up over and over and over again.

If i start dating someone and see any signs of that i run the opposite way. I am very harsh on even the slightest perception of that as it is something i cannot tolerate.

 

[Patrick Jane]

No because i want my woman to actually like me.

 

[William Huggins]

People absolutely do this all the time, often with regards to attachment styles. Usually when someone has a string of bad relationships you find they had a similarly bad relationship with their opposite sex parent.

My wife is a similar size to my mother, but all my girlfriends were diverse and basically all societally rebellious sharing nothing in common with my mother. Like you I went in the opposite direction.

Our parents are our infant stages ideal mate pattern, but it can be an expanse of what to avoid if one is fully formed.

I guess my mother and wife are both very conscientious, but what attracted me most to my wife was her vagina, which I spend vast amounts of time trying to get in......... whilst I spent 9 months trying to get out of mother's.

Fixed ........ Don't mention it........

 

[khukurikoo]

Hell no. Single mom who took on the role of provider and disciplinarian without a problem along with regretting having kids. As I got older, I learned to appreciate it and sympathize with her shitty situation, but definitely not the qualities and personality of what I would find desirable in a woman.

 

[Renard]

I think it's primarily an unconscious thing. Like even if you told yourself "I won't do X, Y or Z" consciously, the pattern has been hammered into your psyche from such a young age that it has a life of its' own. Not easy to change. I've seen friends clearly following some childhood patterns. Sometimes their selection of wife isn't bad, she's not like their mother, but their way of handling conflicts and various issues is a re-enactment of childhood. Like I have one that had an abusive mother and he was afraid of speaking out against her. His wife isn't like that, but he's still afraid of disagreeing with her, he puts up with all kinds of nonsense and basically she can do whatever she wants. It's frustrating to watch because you wish he'd set up limits but for him getting trampled on is "normal." He himself doesn't notice it and he gets upset if you point it out. It's always easier for others to spot than for yourself.

 

[liner]

According to that "ugly face, hot body" thread, some guys are willing to get with ugly women so maybe that means their moms are ugly lol.

This sounds familiar haha. I've dated chicks like that. Chicks with daddy issues are really hard to deal with, which is unfortunately a lot of them.

I've also been with the opposite: chick who's dad who was very accepting of everything to an extreme. She expected me to be forgiving even if she was being a total bitch.

Right now I'm trying to talk to this girl who's 21 years younger than me. She gave me her number the other day and dropped some hints before that she was into it. But she doesn't know my age yet, 46 to 25. Sometimes that stops shit right in it's tracks but sometimes not. She's got so many tattoos like her hands are completely tatted, her chest, etc. no face ones. I have zero tats. Do tatted up girls need a guy who is also like that? she's pretty as fuck and seems cool and I'm going for it anyway.

She doesn't seem like my mom at all but I also don't really know her yet.

Thinking about some recent women Ive dated. I don't do this at all, looking for my mom.

 

[method115]

Nah but my wife apparently found someone like her dad. All my jokes and shit I do to her 80% of time lead to her saying "You know who else does that?" and it's her dad.

 

[pugilistico]

Right now I'm trying to talk to this girl who's 21 years younger than me. She gave me her number the other day and dropped some hints before that she was into it. But she doesn't know my age yet, 46 to 25. Sometimes that stops shit right in it's tracks but sometimes not. She's got so many tattoos like her hands are completely tatted, her chest, etc. no face ones. I have zero tats. Do tatted up girls need a guy who is also like that? she's pretty as fuck and seems cool and I'm going for it anyway.

You don't have to worry about not having tats lol. I've been with a bunch of chicks who have tats and I don't have any. Some covered in it. One even had face tats.
Those chicks were definitely not like my mom. My mom would flip out if I brought home a girl who was all tatted up.

I think it's primarily an unconscious thing. Like even if you told yourself "I won't do X, Y or Z" consciously, the pattern has been hammered into your psyche from such a young age that it has a life of its' own. Not easy to change. I've seen friends clearly following some childhood patterns. Sometimes their selection of wife isn't bad, she's not like their mother, but their way of handling conflicts and various issues is a re-enactment of childhood. Like I have one that had an abusive mother and he was afraid of speaking out against her. His wife isn't like that, but he's still afraid of disagreeing with her, he puts up with all kinds of nonsense and basically she can do whatever she wants. It's frustrating to watch because you wish he'd set up limits but for him getting trampled on is "normal." He himself doesn't notice it and he gets upset if you point it out. It's always easier for others to spot than for yourself.

I think a lot of men aren't good at handling negative emotions from women and it might start with their mothers. My mom (same as my dad) was very controlling and as a kid I was afraid triggering anything that could set them off and I would shut myself out if I made her mad. Until fairly recently I realized I was like that with the women I was dating. I would either shut down or go the other extreme of getting really angry if they were upset about something, and let's be honest, it's very easy for women to get upset. I'm not much better at not being reactive, but it also helps to avoid women who easily get upset at every little thing.

 

[liner]

You don't have to worry about not having tats lol. I've been with a bunch of chicks who have tats and I don't have any. Some covered in it. One even had face tats.
Those chicks were definitely not like my mom. My mom would flip out if I brought home a girl who was all tatted up.

my mom wouldn't know what to do . I mean I know what she'd do, she'd be very respectful and wouldn't stare or say anything. and then later say, are you sure about her???

This girl also has one of those earrings but right above her teeth in her mouth in the gums I think? I'm very intrigued by that.

 

[Berserker13]

No, the complete opposite

 

[Gene Tunney]

I guess if you have a bad relationship with your mother, you might avoid traits that remind you of her. That is data too. Being with my mother can be stressful because she's extremely neurotic, fearful, and she gets stressed easily and raises her voice often. I seek out women who much more relaxed and not scared of everything. If she raises her voice, that's a huge turn off for me.

There is likely a biological reason why a lady raising her voice elicits distress in others.

And those who frequently do it when no alert is needed are too much of an energy sink.

She would have to be stunningly beautiful. Even then.

 

[fingercuffs]

You don't have to worry about not having tats lol. I've been with a bunch of chicks who have tats and I don't have any. Some covered in it. One even had face tats.
Those chicks were definitely not like my mom. My mom would flip out if I brought home a girl who was all tatted up.


I think a lot of men aren't good at handling negative emotions from women and it might start with their mothers. My mom (same as my dad) was very controlling and as a kid I was afraid triggering anything that could set them off and I would shut myself out if I made her mad. Until fairly recently I realized I was like that with the women I was dating. I would either shut down or go the other extreme of getting really angry if they were upset about something, and let's be honest, it's very easy for women to get upset. I'm not much better at not being reactive, but it also helps to avoid women who easily get upset at every little thing.

My guy bestie meeting my mum for the first time couldn't believe how night and day we were. She was incredibly prim and proper, and really posh I was nervous as all fuck when I told her I'd got a tattoo. So yeah my mate who knew me as a bit of a metal chick with jet black hair and band shirts compared to my mum he was baffled as to where I'd come from.

 

[TeTe]

Not at all. I hold myself to a much higher standard and therefore hold the women I'm with to much higher standard. My mom is the definition of how to do everything wrong in life.

 

[plataoplombo]

Absolutely not. Her character is best suited for being a cartel boss while I'm the complete opposite.

 

[plataoplombo]

Absolutely not. Her character is best suited for being a cartel boss while I'm the complete opposite.