Disobedient Children

[chrisdiaz]

Abuse isn't the answer.

That sucks TS I'm terrified of my 4 month old turning out that way. good luck and keep usbposted

Getting spanked isnt abuse, fuck off. Worked for me.

 

[Benny Viper]

dont fight with him, just buy him shit he wants. If he is into fortnite, bribe him with V-bucks or whatever he is into until he acts the way you want him to. Money makes kids happy.

Bribing your own children.

 

[Cheese]

Bribing your own children.

goldstar stickers are bribes that school hand out as a way to enforce good behavior. same thing will work at home. Better then beating the kid like most are saying to do to. i could never uppercut my kid with full force like i imagine some of the people in here are doing. thats crazy

 

[Benny Viper]

goldstar stickers are bribes that school hand out as a way to enforce good behavior. same thing will work at home. Better then beating the kid like most are saying to do to. i could never uppercut my kid with full force like i imagine some of the people in here are doing. thats crazy

You're acting like people ITT are fucking their kids up. A quick ass whopping with the belt would straighten that shit out. Good Lord. I got my fair share of ass whoppings. I had em coming too.

 

[HomeCheese]

Just be loving and patient and it will all work out. Remember your job as a parent is not to win every battle, you need to manage the situation. Try different approaches and different techniques at communication with him. If you have to resort to spanking then you have lost the argument. Ever read The Seven Minute Salesman? It has some good language techniques for trying to get people to do what you want. Like the alternate close: Would you like to read a book then brush your teeth or would you rather brush your teeth now then read a book?

Kids go through phases and guess what? These phases pass and they bug you with some other behavior. Don't sweat it. Chow down and eat some shit every now and them to keep the peace. I spoiled the heck out of my daughters and they have turned out fine so far, my oldest goes to Berkeley. I did not do many time outs or other types of discipline, I never wanted to be the source of negative energy. I had 50/50 custody and my girls were 8 and 10 when we split.

Remember he is a child and is very precious. Don't expect too much and try to enjoy the ride.

 

[ghoul]

My brother was like that when he was young. He spent every other weekend with his dad, and all they did was fun stuff. Then he started being there 50% of the time and he had to do chores, and suddenly dad wasnt just the fun parent anymore. They fought constantly for a while.

 

[osudude]

Ask somewhere else from someone who might actually know what they're talking about. His pediatrician is a good place to start.

Sherdog...you might as well be asking a hammer the best way to solve a dispute (just hit it!).

 

[BillytheFish]

This is a pretty fucked up thing to tell a child.

Be a better man.

Agree with you here!

One thing I dont do is have in-depth discussions with kids (have a 4 yr old girl, 9 year old boy). I don't try and talk about anything 'adult' (eg money, relationships) with them.

If he is fighting you then you need to fix the relationship with him, since you are the parent. The only way to do that is gain his trust. Just look him in the eye, and say "its time to grow up, if you're good in school and behaved at home you can have anything you want. However, if you speak to me like shit or fight me then you will get absolutely nothing".

The moment you say that and he understands you HAVE to follow through. If he turns up at your house on the Friday and got a good grade- then you're not only taking him to the movies but playing sports with him/buying him something AMAZING. When he fucks up you give him a chance to fix it without punishment at all. If he fucks up without fixing it then you punish the absolute fuck out of him.

This is how you build trust. Be the 'Im not fucking around Dad'.

-Hes good- you be amazing to him,
- hes bad and doesnt care- you punish him HARD.
-He's bad and tries to fix it and recognizes he fucked up- zero punishment.

 

[My name is]

Give them up for adoption

 

[Cheese]

You're acting like people ITT are fucking their kids up. A quick ass whopping with the belt would straighten that shit out. Good Lord. I got my fair share of ass whoppings. I had em coming too.

How sherdogger whip they kids infront of the rest of the 3rd grade class

 

[colby25]

This is a pretty fucked up thing to tell a child.

Be a better man.

I admit it might have been harsh.

But I was like hey I took a sacrifice so we can be together more. We never use to fight like this. Asked him if he enjoys fighting- he said no and I told him I don't either. I'd rather be at work than fighting my child.

It's the truth. Maybe I was too real with him.

Keep the comments coming sherbros, I will try to get to them all as soon as I can.

 

[Scott Parker 27]

Make him go to a therapist to talk out his shit. Start with him, then make him go alone and talk with the therapist if it doesnt stop. You need to get his attention and make him know you are serious.

 

[Alphafail]

Incel is a new word to me. never heard it before

Fair enough, I only learned about recently too. This very educative thread should help.

http://forums.sherdog.com/threads/this-incel-thing-is-f’d-up.3769479/

 

[gatchaman]

This might be more of a vent than anything but here's my story. I'm a single dad of a 9 year old. Current custody arrangements are I get 50/50 custody.

I recently took a pay cut- 20k a year for the opportunity to have more time off and better schedule for my son back in January. I work wed-fri have weekends and holidays off/ so normally I'll pick up my son Friday night and drop him off Tuesday evening at his moms.

Seemed like a good idea- buuut now all we do is fight. Kid does not want to listen to me, I'm miserable he's miserable. Supposedly he does not do this with his mother. It got to the point this morning where I sat down and told him look I gave up 20,000 dollars a year so we can just fight all the time.

I'd ratther be at work than fighting with you.

Idk what to do, I'm at the end of my rope and honestly contemplating might as well go back to my old job and the old schedule - but I'm sure his mom would hate it cause currently she's all the free time to do whatever she wants.

End of rant/

Any of you guys deal with this before? Prior to this we had a great relationship with the occasional fight but now it's at least once or twice a week all out war.

It sounds like you are struggling with which you love more: $20,000 more per year or your 9-year-old son.

Your son doesn't owe you $20,000 of good behavior.

You don't owe your son any love.

But what do you love?

 

[cooks1]

Colby, I've had 3 children. Let me tell you something. Children lash out and are disobedient sometimes because they are angry on the inside, only, they aren't articulate enough to express why they feel that way. Could be your divorce was somehow blamed on you.

That or beat that kids ass until the demons leave.

Well put.

 

[cooks1]

This might be more of a vent than anything but here's my story. I'm a single dad of a 9 year old. Current custody arrangements are I get 50/50 custody.

I recently took a pay cut- 20k a year for the opportunity to have more time off and better schedule for my son back in January. I work wed-fri have weekends and holidays off/ so normally I'll pick up my son Friday night and drop him off Tuesday evening at his moms.

Seemed like a good idea- buuut now all we do is fight. Kid does not want to listen to me, I'm miserable he's miserable. Supposedly he does not do this with his mother. It got to the point this morning where I sat down and told him look I gave up 20,000 dollars a year so we can just fight all the time.

I'd ratther be at work than fighting with you.

Idk what to do, I'm at the end of my rope and honestly contemplating might as well go back to my old job and the old schedule - but I'm sure his mom would hate it cause currently she's all the free time to do whatever she wants.

End of rant/

Any of you guys deal with this before? Prior to this we had a great relationship with the occasional fight but now it's at least once or twice a week all out war.

Sorry for the troubles bro. I have 2 daughters. 5 and 10.

One thing I have learned is that kids behave better when they have a predictable routine that they can depend on. That's where I would start peeling the skin off this if I were you.

What were the things your son was doing with the time he is now spending with you? This new change may have inadvertently removed your son from some of the things that brought him the most joy in his life. If that is the case, he is going to be pissed. But a 9 year old kid is not going to be able to explain that to you. He will just be a douche.

 

[HIMBOB]

Don't talk money to kids, beyond a general concept.

Don't hit your kids with a fucking belt.

Try to smooth the transition between the two locations.

Speak to his mother and establish common rules and patterns.

Tire the little bugger out.

Invite him to bring his friends over.

Shared experiences.

Give him power to decide somethings, ability to negotiate others and retain absolute say on others. IE park or pool, order of things to be done, washing up.



My boys are 2yo and under a month, so no experience but this is what I would suggest.

 

[Shawn91111]

Sort of. I have a 10 year old son, and I work 12 hour shifts and sometimes the weekends. So in turn my wife has him a lot more than I do. She just has way less patience than I do, and gets easily frustrated (and she's a Kindergarten teacher) with my son, who is honestly one of the most well mannered, mild, happy go lucky kids out there. I just think they have similar personalities or something and just clash, but also she can be over controlling, and can nitpick at things that frustrates him as well. I really never have issues with him when I have him or am around.

 

[Wrath of Foamy]

A disobedient child is a child who never met mr belt.

Great idea.

 

[blackhat]

Bruh... Your kids are probably gonna have a fucked up upbringing based on YOUR shitty life choices (your wife is to blame too).

You selected the wrong life partner

You FAILED to keep your marriage together

You failed to create a positive environment your kids will flourish in

You are a SHIT parent. OWN IT.

Time to accept that and CHANGE, and make it right.

Your kid honestly deserves to throw a few shots at your face for the BS struggles they now have to deal with. His / her chances of life success will drop substantially.

1) apologize for not only bringing them into an unstable environment, but also for having to deal with a harder future going forward

2) explain why there's a rift and WHY the divorce happened

3) explain everything from YOUR PERSPECTIVE from the heart.. those sacrifices you made to be with them, they need to know about.

4) you can bet your wife is trashing your ass daily to your kids.. you'd better focus 10x harder on solidifying a connection and explaining your own stance

I feel bad for you.. but feel worse for your kids.

Just take full responsibility for everything. And try to have a good relationship with your ex.. if you can't, your kids may resent you (sympathize with her and villanize you).

It's a complex and bad situation. Make it right.