Day 3...

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by IloveTHIS, Oct 29, 2020.

  1. IloveTHIS Humble Narcissist

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    Well my sherbrethren I have reached a milestone I honestly did not think I would ever come close to. Cant really explain it but randomly a few days ago I woke up and decided enough is enough and to finally put the fucking drugs down and stop killing myself. Sure I had thought about it a thousand times before but something about this time was just different. A moment of clarity I guess. Somehow I had zero doubt in my mind I would not fail this time.

    So here I am on day 3 of being clean and not throwing junk into my body. Havent been able to make it this long, 3 days, in over 10 years. Hell I honestly could not even tell you how many years its been since I had 1 single day free.

    my pupils are absolutely massive. I havent been able to sleep more than 40 minutes total these 3 days. Lost count of how many times I've vomited. my muscles have been spasming/cramping BAD. and maybe worst of all, the thought of food, any food in the world, sounds absolutely repulsive. I cant even take a bite of anything with out heaving. it feels like my entire body is violently shaking even if I'm 100% certain I'm not moving at all o_O Im ice cold yet profusely sweating. basically I feel like absolute death. Im not religious but all I can do is pray this is as worse as its going to get. but the funny thing is despite feeling so unfathomably horrible, life seem brighter than it has in many years. I find myself just imagining what this new me could be...what I could turn my future in to when I have 10 days, 30 days, 6 months, a year, 10 years free. before nothing in the world seemed more pointless and annoying than thinking about my future. I didnt want a future.


    just gonna keep knocking down one day at a time and get it done. long road ahead, and I definitely am not going to say I'm "recovered" because I havent given in for a whole 3 days. but I'm gonna appreciate each little step....in a weird sadistic way I almost enjoy how absolutely hellish mentally and physically this is. because it is going to burn it into my brain to never, ever have to do it again because of relapsing. but hollyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy fuck this sucks



    love u guys. sorry if this post is a little rambling. I'm sleep and food deprived and emotional.

    [​IMG]

    tldr: I been fukkin up for long time, finally decided to no longer fukk up
     
  2. clutchCAT420 Red Belt

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    Keep fighting the good fight sherbro. One day at a time. Remember that relapse is part of the process. Dont give up, we know you can do it. When you get to your goal youre not gonna believe it was possible but it is. Youre going to be in an good place you never imagined.
     
  3. Pliny Pete Puts Butts In Seats

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    What drugs were you on?
     
  4. M4rk Green Belt

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    This is the first step. Stay strong.
     
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  5. IloveTHIS Humble Narcissist

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    Opiates, benzos, muscle relaxers
     
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  6. bortt Blue Belt

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    Not an expert or anything, but wouldn't a gradual taper be a better idea? Cold turkey could really mess you up with these drugs.
     
  7. IloveTHIS Humble Narcissist

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    tried a thousand times. tapering is just not something that is possible for me. I can never manage to stick to it. just gotta rip the bandaid off and get my ass kicked for a while.

    the only one I'm truly physically dependent on is the opiates. I abuse benzos but I'm confident I'm not going to have a seizure or anything. its just gonna suck but Im not gonna die

    just depends on the day and how stupid I'm feeling. but I can and have gone multiple days with out benzos completely fine more or less. the opiates are my real battle. but I gotta quit all this shit because one will lead to the other....100% of the time.
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2020
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  8. bortt Blue Belt

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    for the benzos, how much were you taking per day typically?
     
  9. IloveTHIS Humble Narcissist

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    I would fucking kill to be able to keep the smallest meal down and get just 1 hour of sleep right now...man that would be heavenly
     
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  10. TribalDrumz Red Belt

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    Dam this xanny feels incredible right now
     
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  11. IloveTHIS Humble Narcissist

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    [​IMG]
     
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  12. Drain Bamage Guitar God 420

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    Good for you bro

    PS. Smoking weed makes quitting all that shit a thousand times easier
     
  13. fungi rl

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    Keep at it!
    You can do this!
     
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  14. dc007 mr. white belt

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    Good for you. I've never been as bad as you but I stopped all recreational drugs over 6 months ago. Mostly coke and weed but still I feel better. Went to a buddy's Saturday for the fights and he mentioned coke and I said nah dude, I'm good but of course after he mentioned it, I thought about it all day but didn't do it. Stay strong Sherbro.
     
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  15. JinKazama Silver Belt

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    Praying for u dude u can do it
     
  16. Uber_Noober Silver Belt

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    I was going to ask the same question, damn! Glad you're seeing clearly now.
     
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  17. Iroh The Dragon of the West Platinum Member

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    We're proud of you, bud! Stay strong! You can do it! Don't forget, you're a Sherbro, you can do anything!
     
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  18. Chest Rockwell Brown Belt

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    One or two more days and you're gonna start to feel amazing. Keep it up!!
     
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  19. sweetviolenturg Silver Belt Professional Fighter

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    I don't know, bro. I'm pulling for you but wouldn't this detox have been a whole lot easier if you got a bed in rehab or even just a local hospital for a few days?

    I've heard that benzos are the worst to detox from because your body doesn't really miss them at first because they stay in your system so long. The worst of the benzo withdrawal can take up to a week. Then you could suffer from insomnia that will make it very difficult to sleep. And then, when you do nod off you might suffer from night terrors. You also might tremble uncontrollably & suffer from seizures. That's why the DEA is making it so tough for doctors to prescribe Benzos these days. They're highly addictive & hell to get off of.

    So, if I were you I'd reconsider admitting yourself if things get much worse.

    What type of opiates & benzos were you taking? Were they prescribed or were buying them off the street?
     
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  20. clutchCAT420 Red Belt

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    Which ones didnt you give up?
     

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