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dating a girl who has kids

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by llperez22, Feb 9, 2016.

  1. llperez22 Red Belt

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    just curious what sherdog's thoughts are on getting into a relationship with a girl who has kids and potentially settling down with her?

    Ive dated a girl who had kids and im not gonna lie, it had some major drawbacks. The one saving grace was that the father kept them every other weekend and since we only saw each other on weekends it allowed for me to have half my time with her alone.

    Also, maybe its just me being insecure, but I would feel like a chump if I settled down with a girl who had kids and the father wasn't around and wasn't providing financial assistance and now I come in and raise another mans kids. Its a must for me to even consider dating a girl with kids that the father has to be around a bit to help watch them and provide financial assistance. Its not even just about the time or money, just the principle of the matter for me.
     
  2. MoparOrNoCar Black Belt

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    It depends on how old you are. If you're a younger man then it's kind of beta. Some dude bangs a chick out and you swoop in and take care of his kids for him while he's still out having fun.

    The older you get, the harder it is to find people without kids so it becomes more normal. Just sucks being a step parent because you're always considered a second rate parent to the kids regardless of how awful the biological parent is that stepped out.
     
  3. Bobby Boulders My Lovin' Is Digi Platinum Member

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    I'd wager that a good number of people here were raised by men who weren't their fathers.

    And while they illustrate otherwise, they probably don't have as big a problem with it as they'll make it out.
     
  4. DaDamn Purple Belt

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    That’s when you have your own kid with the mother and treat your kid like an angle and the steps like shit. Adds a whole new dynamic to the game.
     
  5. TeTe Less politics. More beach and gym time. Staff Member Senior Moderator

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    I couldn't do it. I'm not fan of kids and really don't want them.

    In fact, when I'm on Tinder and I see a hot woman that I'd probably swipe right on.... but see that she has kids... left she goes.
     
  6. Primitivo Third World Prince

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    Good luck dating octomom, TS.
     
  7. llperez22 Red Belt

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    parents divorced when I was 7 and my dad was out the picture by the time I was 10. My step dad never tried to be a father and my mother was the bread winner so its not like my step dad had to raise or support me. All he had to do was put up with me being around. I do believe I missed out on lots of things a good father could have provided. But all this is beside the point of this thread because you are looking at it from the point of the kid or what is best for the kid. Im not talking about that. Im talking about the perspective of the new man
     
  8. OverCoronavirus Pressure Mayberry = War Room, WR = OT. Shit. Banned

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    It's important whether the father is in the picture at all.
    Take it from me, if he is, or there are custody issues, you'll be stuck in this weird place where your attempts to parent may not be welcome or tolerated even in your own home, and that's nowhere to be.
     
  9. 45ACP I'll Be Back Belt

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    I used to think this was a deal breaker. Then I fell in love with a girl who had a son. That didn't work out (for the best, I might add) BUT... The way she handled it while we were dating worked well.

    The woman needs to be comfortable raising that child independently, without your help at all, and she can't expect you to serve as a replacement father. If you decide, somewhere down the line that that is the role you'd like to take, then cool, but it has to be 100% your decision, and 0% hers.
     
  10. Bobby Boulders My Lovin' Is Digi Platinum Member

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    No, I am looking at it from the man's POV. What I am doing is calling all of the potential "That's what betas do!" generic posts that will surely litter this thread and letting those "alphas" know I see right through them.
     
  11. llperez22 Red Belt

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    well then count me in as one of those alphas you see through because I absolutely think raising another mans kids is shitty. I mean I can see if hes dead or locked up, but I cant take the situation seriously if my girl got knocked up by a dude and doesn't even hold him accountable enough to force him to pay child support yet im supposed to be cool with that and fill that role?
     
  12. ithinktheymad Red Belt

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    They don't take me seriously.
     
  13. Bobby Boulders My Lovin' Is Digi Platinum Member

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    Maybe get a different girl? Seems as though you the girl you described is a dumb bitch in your eyes anyway, why be with a girl you hate?
     
  14. Scerpi Black Belt

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    I'd say there's plus/minus's for both.

    I completely agree with avoiding women with kids when you are younger (30 and below). In fact I'm a huge advocate of spending your 20's playing and doing lot's of stuff you want to while finishing college/etc. You can't do that if you get married and/or have kids when you're young.

    However, I didn't get married until I was older (35) and she had two kids (2 & 8). She took great care of them and they were well behaved. It gave me insight into how she would be as my wife and it was correct. That was 10 years ago and we tried to have one kid and ended up with twins... whoops. But I have no regrets.

    Anyway, the one positive with meeting a woman with a kid is that it it will give you a great idea of what kind of person she is and if she takes care of her business. People can hide a lot of stuff in the early stages of a relationship (lazy/crazy/psycho/lack of ambition/etc), but she can't hide being a terrible mom to her kid.

    My brother called it my modular family and he was right. But I was ready for it when it happened.

    There was no f'ing way I was doing that in my 20's though.
     
  15. llperez22 Red Belt

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    well "dumb bitch" and "hate" are over the top extreme ways to put it, but basically yeah that's how I feel about the situation.
     
  16. Chesten_Hesten The Wiener of Steel

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    NO!


    Humping, yes.
     
  17. Bobby Boulders My Lovin' Is Digi Platinum Member

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    There is nothing wrong with raising another man's kids. In fact, it takes a bigger man to be so selfless, to make a huge sacrifice and take another man's child as his own.

    If you aren't cool with that, seriously, find a new woman. Bc odds are that you are not even a blip when compared to the love a woman has for her own children.

    Good luck, bud.
     
  18. IIIIIIII Titanium Belt

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    i'll admit that it takes a very understanding man to get with a woman who has kids. i don't think i could do it. she would have to be absolutely amazing in every way. i don't think that kind of woman exists. at least not to me.
     
  19. Handsomebwonderfull Double Yellow Card Double Yellow Card

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    I've dated a widow with a kid so that's different. You won't come first. If she's a good mom she'll be a great woman to date. Probably the best relationship I've ever had.

    Just depends on the woman really.
     
  20. caliboi74lv Black Belt

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    TS, my ex had two daughters and the father was around. He helped financially and he had them on his days off, so me and the ex had time together. We actually are friends and talk here and there. This pissed the ex off, but he was cool with me, and was the only guy he trusted with his kids. Besides him, I was the longest relationship she ever had. She used to tell me, I was more of a father than he was. But then she broke up with me, and told me I didn't accept the fact she had kids. Which is further from the truth, and mutual friends know this. Just don't let assume that role right away, and don't lend or let her borrow money.
     

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