Dana White's Assassins

Discussion in 'UFC Discussion' started by Psychedelic, Jan 23, 2019.

  1. Psychedelic

    Psychedelic Red Belt

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    Mr. Dana White is a strategic man. He never puts himself in harm's way, and when it comes to doing the dirty work, it's best to hire the professionals. Thus, in order to kill the men's flyweight and women's featherweight divisions, Dana White hired his finest assassins to pull the trigger.

    After long-winded bouts of introspection, Mr. Dana White observed and meditated on many aspects of Mother Nature, and was inspired from it to carry the hits. He was particularly awed by the killing prowess of snakes and lions.

    The Lioness

    [​IMG]

    The lion is the KING of the jungle. Let that sink in. Within the most ruthless, primal, and raw environment present on this godforsaken Earth, one creature rose and took the throne of the animal kingdom. In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight and hunts tomorrow, ruthlessly slaying his enemies.

    Enter Amanda Nunes: Few gave her a chance against the technologically superior Cyborg, enhanced by the most cutting edge of oils and juices. Nonetheless, Dana "The Reaper" White had faith in his assassin . The gambling aficionado that he is, he bet the mansion on Amanda and went all in.

    The gamble paid off !

    Dana White smirked, seeing his first hit carried on successfully as Cyborg's corpse lays motionless in the Octagon. The women's flyweight division is mortally bleeding, as Dana "The Reaper" White puts the belt around the lioness waist. Life is good for Mr. White.

    The Snake

    [​IMG]

    After the success of the first hit, it was time to kill another division : the much maligned men's flyweight division. And who can really blame him ? The minions of the sport, who buy the product and personally pay for Mr. White's driveway snow cannot take that division seriously, calling its warriors "manlets".

    It was time to put the division out of its misery, especially that its greatest warrior, the mighty mouse, had defected to another country.

    On paper, this hit looked like all but done. Dana White had a lot of faith in his hitman, the snake. On paper, The Snake had many ways to kill The Manlet: by venom injection, by strangulation, by paralysis, by laying traps. Due to the size difference, the Snake could downright devour the manlet in one gulp.

    However, Mr. White and his hitman underestimated the power of a manlet with his back against the wall and a family to feed. The whole future of manlets in the world rested on The Manlet's shoulders and was he going to give the snake a fight.

    But it wasn't much of a fight, as The Manlet struck the snake like lightning, ending their war in a matter of seconds.

    [​IMG]

    !!!!!

    !!!!

    !!!

    What

    the

    fuck

    is

    going

    on ?

    Dana White asked himself. He was in a state of utter devastation as the assassination failed and the Men's flyweight division looked stronger than ever.

    [​IMG]

    "I was never defeated, what you just saw is an illusion. This is unfair. Life in unfair. There is no God !" exclaimed The Snake.

    "He was never defeated, what you just saw is an illusion. This is unfair. Life in unfair. There is no God !" repeated Dana White, with sadness and despair oozing from his face... :(
     
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2019
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  2. NorrinRadd

    NorrinRadd Yellow Belt

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    Wuud hit Megan.

    Or Cyborg.

    Not Nunez.
     
  3. MescalineDreams

    MescalineDreams Yellow Card Yellow Card

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    Uncle Dana is the true and Undisputed Gangster of MMA
     
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  4. Dilan Cummingsworth

    Dilan Cummingsworth Yellow Card Yellow Card

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    Dana has been taking it up the ass by WME hence his irritable mood as of late. Conor is his only Goat left that can save mma and win back the fans
     
  5. dildos

    dildos Gold Belt

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    How long did that op take you to think off and write ts?
     
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  6. EdmundsEmptyBankAccount

    EdmundsEmptyBankAccount Pulsing expert from Pulsylvania

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    Brilliant piece of prose that is far too close to reality.

    I bow to you @Psychedelic
    DILLASHAW-5.png
     
  7. Breaking

    Breaking One shall stand, and one shall fall.

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  8. Maaj19

    Maaj19 Green Belt

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    OP you forgot the Dragon sent to end the Bad boy.
     
  9. Fearthekhabib

    Fearthekhabib Double Yellow Card Double Yellow Card

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    Dana “gotti” white takes no prisoners
     
  10. krelianx

    krelianx Silver Belt

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    Well, I think Cejudo's victory was actually a worst-case scenario. With a big convincing victory he could have boosted interest in him. With TJs win he gets rid of it clean. With a controversial 30 sec victory... it's limbo.
     
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  11. Verace

    Verace Silver Belt

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    This is what he was thinking of doing with TJ (or the ref that called the fight)


    [​IMG]
     
  12. mmacasualviewer

    mmacasualviewer Hardcores vs Casuals

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    Some of this instances are more along the lines of The Aluminum Foil not some grand Dana plan.
     
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  13. DeeDubb

    DeeDubb Gracie Online Black Belt

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    That gif always trips me up. Someone decided to cast Dana White to execute the second most popular guy in The Lonely Island...
     
  14. Guy LeDouche

    Guy LeDouche Green Belt

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    I don’t usually do long winded posts, but I got a good laugh off this.
    Thanks TS

    {<redford}
     
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  15. wwkirk

    wwkirk Green Belt

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    Is it certain the Flyweight division is done?
     
  16. mbffm

    mbffm White Belt

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    wood. even though she has strange knees.

    [​IMG]
     
  17. TriangleMonkey

    TriangleMonkey Black Belt

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    Nice pic!


    TJ training wrestling!
     
  18. Morris88

    Morris88 Purple Belt

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  19. VinceArch

    VinceArch Venom in the veins.

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    TS what the hell are you talking about?
     
  20. Streeter

    Streeter Brown Belt

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    What would u hit them with ?
     
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