So I can't sleep, thought maybe venting some of this would help. You've been warned twice now, so I don't want to hear any comments bitching about wading through all of this. Please feel free to leave your own quasi or complete life story about failure, bitterness, or a Rocky montage of how you turned it all around. Here's a cliffs notes of the last 10 years or so for me: Take a pill for the migraines, for the anxiety, for the depression, for the nerve pains, for the aches and pains, for the indigestion. They got pills for all kinds of shit now. Where's the pill to make me stop hating myself so fucking much? For making me not feel so ridiculously sad or angry all the time? That will show me how to interact with people like a normal human being again, how to make friends, how to get a girlfriend, how to sleep through an entire night without waking up wanting to kill myself every night. They don't seem to have a good pill for that yet.When I was in my teens I just thought this would magically get better some day, don't ask me why. Guess I'm just not very bright. In my early 20s I thought having a girlfriend would make it better. In my mid 20s I just gave up completely. Spent years fucking up everything I touched and just running full tilt into a brick wall every day. Just tried to stay drunk or high every single second I wasn't at work, until I lost everything I had over and over again. In my late 20s I woke up one day and realized I lived in a room I had rented off of Craigslist, I had lost my latest shitty job. Had no career. Burned bridges with all of my family and 95% of my friends. I thought I was going to die in that cramped little room, surrounded by all of my shit in boxes. I wish I had. Instead I started dating my ex-wife, and got motivated to do more than just scrape by and do the bare minimum for the first time in about a decade.Got a new shitty job just in time, as I was completely broke and behind on the rent for the first time in my life. A buddy had an uncle with some land that needed manual labor done, I went out there and busted my ass for enough cash under the table to survive until my first check came in. The new job was work I was completely wrong for, everyone in my life thought I would hold it for a few months tops. I worked hard, harder than I'd ever worked at anything I think. I knew from months of searching if I failed again there were no other jobs, ot even fast food.I got really, really good at my job. Doubled my pay in about a year and a half. Got my girl and I out of our shitty rented rooms, got us a place, a car, stuff etc. Paid off a bunch of her debt, started working on mine. Woke up one day and realized I was actually happy, for probably the first time in my life ever. Didn't really know how to deal with it. Proposed to my girl, spent a year clocking overtime to pay for a wedding and a honeymoon. My ex and I had a cute When Harry Met Sally thing going on when we first met, where we were trying to be friends but just had this incredible chemistry that everyone else saw but us. Anyway we got married, about a month after my company cut my entire departments pay in half. A couple months after that, my wife left me for someone else. I was so shell shocked I actually tried to get her back. I figured marriage vows are srs bsns and we should at least try to work it out. Yeah I said I'm not so bright. Anyway she made it clear between trips to get her stuff she didn't have any interest in being with me. She saw me more as a friend now, it was totally her and not me, etc bullshit bullshit, but thanks for spending the thousands of dollars on her and whatnot. So then I drifted around for a couple years again, slowly sinking back into drugs and alcohol, etc. And now, I'm trying to get my shit together again. Seeing a therapist, lots of little pills for all the fun things that are wrong with me and etc. I never really got over any of it. It's been about 3 years now, plenty of time to get over it, but it just isn't nappening. I'm still chuggin along, trying to plan for a future that isn't so fucked up, where maybe I'll have friends again or a girlfriend or some social interaction of some kind. Where I'll feel happy and like my life has some value to it, like it actually matters if I live or die. I've pretty much given up on the idea of ever being in a relationship again, and am just absurdly lonely. I miss having hope, that shit is just gone. I'm in my mid 30s now and still a fuckup in pretty much every way possible, hoping to one day piece together the bare minimum for a happy existence. The same way I felt when I was 18 and moved out on my own for the first time. I've literally accomplished nothing my entire life, and am a complete waste of human life. Feels good man. Because of the fucked up way I grew up I based my entire life on everyone else around me instead of my own happiness. I'm paying the price now for not knowing how to build a life around myself.To anyone that actually endured all of that, thanks for listening I guess. I've been starting to seriously rethink the idea of suicide lately, everything just feels very bleak. I'm trying to get through it the best I can, but I honestly just don't see the point in living any more, other than not wanting to hurt people by killing myself. Anyway I'm probably not going to kill myself I just don't want to live anymore. I'm just rambling now, so I'm gogoing to try to go back to sleep.
I hope your situation improves mike. My brother led the same kind of life it seems and this morning my mother called and told me my brother had shot himself at the lake we used to camp at. Don't kill yourself.
Hey were here for ya...I like the part about "still here and chuggin'" and building your life around yourself forr once... i can relate and know been through a lot of that same stuff myself. I'll check back or pm me sometime...later friend.
Mike I've got love for you. No homo. Life is not fair sometimes. And you've had it a lot harder than me. Not joking, I know you don't want to believe it, but your only hope is in Jesus Christ. and that is the truth. Sometimes that's all we've got. I'll say a prayer for you. God Bless you Mike and I hope you can get some rest. I hope you can get hooked up with some church that can help you out man.
You almost posted the exact thing as some other poster on here did a day or two ago. The thing you have in common is that you both spout atheist shit on here and insult religion and anyone religious and look down on them. Of course it is easy to tell that you are miserable and spew it on anyone else you can. I hit the bottom. Was not happy one second for years. I had to give myself one year to live and evaluate then. At some point I thoroughly investigated religion and became religious. I enjoy a decent level of happiness which is increasing and the thought of offing myself has not hit me in a year and I doubt it ever will. The fruits of atheism are death and we are not special and there is no plan. The things of this world will not make you happy. Love is the only thing that will. But I would bet you do not know what love really is. I don't really have any words of encouragement for you and my advice you will probably shit on, but it worked for me and what you have done in your life has not worked for you. Take the help or not, but this is genuinely me giving you the best advice I can and actually hope you will take it. But I would be surprised if I get anything other than shit on. My advice watch this guys videos [YT]PuyKsaj6GbM[/YT] [YT]dLTEDiAwWm8[/YT] read these two books with an open mind and not acting like a dick about it http://www.amazon.com/Answering-Ath...&sr=1-1&keywords=answering+atheism+trent+horn http://www.amazon.com/Catholic-Bibl...eywords=catholic+bible+personal+study+edition
i can definitely relate man kinda got the same story but one good thing can make a thousand bad things worth it
Your attitude isn't very sportsmanlike. You do realize the people who are the angriest with god are the ones who believe most ardently? This anger is the beginning of giving up one's pain. It's hard to let go of it totally. You should understand the difficulty of being faced with what you consider an unfair deal.
Try traveling alone somewhere. I've went all over Europe and it's a blast and I've felt recharged ever since. I met some girls, got lucky a couple times, struck out, had game that I don't have back home, saw historical places and things, learned about myself... it costs money and that takes time to save but that goal of getting out of town for a few weeks or months can give your life some purpose. You need a goal bro. I'm one guy, maybe it's not for everyone depending where you are mentally but I've been saved by traveling more than once, including when I was 19 and went to England with my Dad and I was extremely depressed, smoking a lot of weed with far too many people in my life and I was breaking. I was in a bad place for over a year. No sleep, feeling lost, internalizing everything like a pure introvert which I'm not. I didn't know I needed a break until I was 2 weeks removed from my life back home and my mind cleared up through detox of being away. I went back home and stopped smoking, lost some close friends who only wanted to smoke all the time but I was happier inside even though I missed my friends. I had some luck with my recovery being pulled away from life via traveling but that and making a life goal that takes a year to achieve is something you should look into. And maybe get off the drugs too. I was on a depressant and it doesn't do jack shit unless things change in life, the drugs made me feel numb. I did need them at first but I got off them after realizing nothing was changing in my life... anyways don't kill yourself. Change your life, do what made you happy in the past and get some goals, and start today.
then you said in your late 20's you married your ex wife, what happened there, did you find a GF and marry her or what?
Sounds like you are at a low point in life. Don't worry, it happens to all of us. If your situation allows, try to hit the gym, or work out at home, it's a good distraction and the physical results will give you confidence, a much needed boost when you're feeling down. Good luck bro.
Sorry to hear your stuff Ever try a life coach? Just seems like you need someone beside you to guide you
And yeah hit the gym. If your heart pounds without physical exercise then you need to trick your heart and make it pound via exercise and change your body chemistry. You'll feel better and look better and your body will release natural antidepressants into you as you go. Again, make some goals.
Haven't been that far down, but I understand what you're going through and I'm in my early 20's. Unsure of what to do most of the time. I used to hold a very negative mindset a few years back a lot suicidal tendencies and feelings of worthlessness, everything lost its luster. Things are getting better through a lot of personal problems are popping up for me right now and my life has gone a drastic change through the past two months. Thankfully I can see the good in it and I'm taking it as an opportunity to become a better person and to try new things. My friends have helped me through this a lot making me realize everyone goes through situations like this and that I can get past it. I feel free.
Its never pointless man. Seems like you invested too much of your happiness into to someone else instead into yourself though regarding your current situation. Things can get better
As stated prior, you've gotta set some major goals, dude. Write that shit down, or it'll never happen. In the mean time, get some exercise. Get the blood pumping and endorphins jumping. Spoiler And I'll see you at the top!
I don't know you personally, but from reading your posts over the year, you sound like a really great guy, but perhaps with a penchant for putting other people's needs ahead of your own. You give so much great advice, always offer a sympathetic ear and an (online) shoulder to lean on, but I really hope you have your own support system in place for when your feeling down. I really do wish that one day you can see yourself for the way others see you. Stay strong bro - PM me if you ever just need to vent.
Not trying to put you down even more but ever thought of using your brain? Life if a gift you only live once. Don't be an idiot if a sherdogger can convince you to commit suicide or not too then you have no spine is your problem. Again not to put you down but have you ever read a book? Based on what you wrote I don't think you have been to a church or prayed in years.... Maybe it's time to quit being selfish and let god into your life........Just a thought of food for your soul buddy
I know you catch alot of flak sometimes for your beliefs, but I think you have a point about seeking solace and a sense of purpose in a church (or similar community organization). I am not a religious man, although I believe in God. I also never go to church. With that being said, there is an enormous volume of literature and research that finds belonging to a church is akin to having an extended familial network, which in turn, radically improved mental health. Whether you believe or don't believe is kind of a non issue in my mind. You are going to a place with people that (hopefully) care about your well being and often have the resources to put you in contact with support services. Our school partners with many local religious groups to offer mental health (and other) services regardless of whether students identify as being part of that religion. Maybe you find peace in God, maybe you don't, but it is something to think about if you don't have a strong peer network currently in your life.
