We tend to lump all PEDs together, but nothing could be further from the truth. There is virtually limitless medical research that demonstrates the clear benefits of (responsibly) using certain performance-enhancing drugs, and despite my suspension, and retirement from competitive fighting that followed, I would not hesitate to use PEDs again if a trained and reputable physician advised me to do so.
Truth is, I have absolutely no regrets over taking testosterone. When used in a responsible fashion, the drug can work wonders. I experienced transformative effects to my overall attitude, my energy level, my appearance (skin and hair), and, obviously, my confidence. None of this is meant to suggest that everyone can or should take testosterone — when abused, it can have devastating effects — but for me, the benefits far outweighed the risks, especially because of that certain built-in check that fighters must be mindful of: the weigh-in. You see, “abusing” testosterone (or any other PEDs I took) never made much sense for me. I would not have made weight had I done so.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Chael, you still don’t seem to understand that what you did was wrong. Don’t you see how by taking the easy path — the cheaters’ path — you short-changed the guys you fought against?”
To this, I say, “You’re right. And you’re wrong.”
I knew full well that breaking the rules was wrong then and remains wrong now; that my conduct and intentions were colored by an overriding sense of selfishness and entitlement; that the warriors I fought against were probably* not relying upon the PED-infused fortitude that often carried me to victory.
(*I say “probably” because I have no idea what anyone else in UFC did or does with their own bodies. If you ask me to put a percentage on how many fighters are using PEDs, I’d put it at somewhere close to 100 percent. This doesn’t mean, specifically, that they are using legal (but not exempted) PEDs or illegal anabolic steroids, per se; it just means that it is nigh-impossible not to run afoul of WADA’s archaic (and wackadoo) banned substances list unless you’re restricting your diet to bread and water — and even then, you really can’t be completely sure. Again, I made my own bed, and I will lie in it. I didn’t take PEDs because I felt it necessary to keep up with the competition; I took PEDs because I wanted to be the best me.)
Where you’re wrong, however, is when it comes to any of this being “easy.” What most people — even casual MMA fans — don’t realize is that the training that goes into being a championship fighter is far more punishing, brutal and demanding than any one match could ever be. To be the best — actually, to even obtain a shot at facing the best — you have to be willing to put in countless hours, days, weeks and years of training. It’s monotonous and it’s depressing, and at times, it’s downright demoralizing.
Now, consider adding another layer of “training” on top of the weights, the running, the practice sessions, and the video work.
Fans see the chiseled bodies and the superhuman feats of strength and the boundless athleticism, but those are merely the end results. There is nothing “easy” about starting and maintaining a regimen of PEDs. Though I didn’t know it before I got involved, PEDs are a tremendous nuisance to those who take them — requiring excessive time, expense, doctor visits, and a never-ending series of blood tests and ingestion tweaks to keep up with ever-changing protocols. In essence, the PEDs become their own distinct part of the training process, every bit as important as eating right, lifting weights, getting enough sleep and preparing mentally for what’s to come.
Beneficial (in the ring)? Yes. “Easy?” Not so much.
All of which brings us to the hypocritical elephant in the room: How, exactly, can Chael Sonnen, admitted PED user, claim to be in favor of clean sport?
It’s quite easy, actually.
Where I erred was not in the taking of performance enhancing drugs, it was in the manner and under what pretenses through which I did so. In a vacuum, not only can taking testosterone, HGH and EPO be warranted, they can provide virtually unparalled health benefits that have nothing to do with being bigger, stronger or faster. In my case, the former even helped with fertility when my wife and I struggled with conceiving a child.
But in the end, rules are rules, and I broke them. Repeatedly. It matters not that my intentions were muddled by some amalgam of ego, desire, insecurity and at least some belief that what I was doing wasn’t wrong, per se. I cost myself a chance to be the best I could be — not on the mat, necessarily, but in representing myself as an inspiration and role model to young MMA fans, and the millions of people who supported me throughout my career.
So, yes — I do firmly believe that every athlete should adhere to the (sometimes unfair and often duplicitous) rules that their sport’s governing bodies have enacted. But if you think that for every truly “clean” player out there, there aren’t three others looking for any and all ways to get an edge — “legal” or not — you’re kidding yourself.
