Balancing training with being a parent

[JohnPL]

it reminds me of one of the coolest bjj photos:

 

[curb1850]

I've been through this, and as others said the kid(s) come first. However, you have to establish a "schedule" if you want to train. Do it early because your life is about to become a lot less yours.

Weekend and morning classes are great for this. But the 90 minute commute is what might become an issue since a 2 hour class just turned into almost 4 hours. Get in two weekend classes, then spend the rest of the day with the kid and let the wife do something. Then just wing it and find a third class if possible.

 

[curb1850]

it reminds me of one of the coolest bjj photos:

Awesome picture!

 

[BassAckwards]

i was in the same boat. when i used to roll at night, i would leave around 630ish to beat the traffic so i can start class at 7pm; wouldnt get home until 9ish or so. by the time i would get home, my wife and kid would be asleep. needless to say, that did not last long...

the only way i can be both a good parent and keep up with jiu jitsu is to go on my lunch breaks. i'm fortunate enough that my boss lets me come in early so i can have a longer lunch break to go train/work out. if you can, find a place that has classes early in the morning/afternoons, and work somehting out with your boss/supervisor so that you will have the time to roll. even if it's only for an hour, 1-2 times a week, it's better than nothing.

 

[Oak]

I have two kids, and work 5-6 nights a week. My current schedule gives me a lot of time with my family, but it has me feeling like a zombie a lot, I just deal with it.

The first few weeks after birth are the most difficult, especially with your first baby, so I would suggest making that the priority until your wife and you are adjusted.

Currently I train 3-4 days a week. M/W/F with the occasional Sat. My wife understands that I need BJJ to stay sane, and she is very supportive. Tues/Thurs I am with my family all day, and the weekend is all for my family as well. I pretty much will do whatever my wife wants on my days off from BJJ. Any chores etc, and if there aren't any, its a few hours at the park playing.

When I go to a Saturday class, I take my son with me, and then we go to the park for the rest of the day. I bring some toys with me, and he plays with them there. He isn't that interested in BJJ yet, but hopefully soon he will be. Right now he loves the soccer ball more than anything.

Don't get me wrong I wish I could train 5-6 days a week, but unfortunately this is my life and I accept it for what it is. My father wasn't around too much when I was a kid, he worked extremely long hours, so for me it is very important to spend a lot of time with my son and to teach him what I can. My daughter is still in larvae stage, but once she can walk she will be right there with me and my son.

You only get one chance to raise them right. You have the rest of your life to train BJJ.

 

[Weeping Gibbon]

Interesting thread.
My wife gives birth in the morning, our first, so we're both a little apprehensive as well as being excited. I have been wondering how it will affect my training, some good points here. Thanks gents!

 

[kiridoku]

Interesting thread.
My wife gives birth in the morning, our first, so we're both a little apprehensive as well as being excited. I have been wondering how it will affect my training, some good points here. Thanks gents!

"The" morning as in...tomorrow morning!? Congrats!

Good thread.
God willing, our twins (1st kids) will be here in Dec. The "how will this affect..." thought has crossed my mind. A lot.
....and it makes me feel like a whiney woman. (luckily, my wife won't read this)

ooooh look at special me, I'm having kids, ooooh, where will I find time to work out & go to judo.... wah wah wah

As if I'm the 1st person to have kids in the history of the world. How grandiose. What ego.

Somehow, people have been having kids, holding down jobs, getting PhDs, inventing amazing things, fighting in wars, curing diseases, taking care of sick parents ...all while finding time to mow the frikkin lawn, shave, be an awesome parent and find a few hours/week to get to the academy.

wah wah wah good martial artists must have 29 hours in a day, right?
Damn, I can be such a girl sometimes.

It's going to take some sacrifice and some prioritization but obviously, it can be done.
It always comes down to How Badly Do I Want It.

 

[Novice]

My son is 3, Him and my wife come to BJJ class with me. He'll sit and play with toys while my wife keeps an eye on him.

Having a kid is a life changing ordeal. Since my child I have given up a lot of things I used to do and just had to cut back on a lot others. But I did it because I wanted to more than I had too. When your child grows up and starts devoloping their own little personality you may find yourself ditching training just to spend the time with them because it possibly may be more of a priority to you.

Involve your family in what you do and you'll be ok. BJJ will always be there but your kids are only babies once.

 

[Will_N.O.]

Good thread. Lots of good responses here...so i'll +1 some of those and add a couple thoughts of my own:

+1 to "just plan to take a few weeks off." As you are no doubt already aware, the first few weeks are incredibly disruptive. If you've read up, you know they're extremely crucial to child and family bonding as well. If the child is healthy (and no colic) then in 4-6 weeks a routine will start to settle in and you'll be able to figure out where there are workable time slots for you to train. From a JJ stanpoint, think of it like an injury - it's enforced time off. Can be a good time to watch some videos, esp. when you're walking the baby in circles around the living room at 3 AM trying to get them to sleep. :icon_sad:

+1 to "share the load." Recognize that every time you go to train, that means more work for mom. So you need to do enough in the house to make up for your share of the work + the extra you create by going to train.

+1 to "you can train when you're 50 but you can't parent your baby then." I don't know what else to say about that except this: a friend once asked me what I thought being a good dad was about, and my reponse was "the difference between being a good dad and being a mediocre one is how often you parent your kid even when you don't really feel like it."

A couple other quick thoughts:

Be really, really careful about hygenie - even more so than usual. Remember that a case of staph might be annoying for you, but it can be fatal to your infant. My kids know I won't hold them or let them hug me while I am covered in "jiu jitsu sweat." My 1 year old fusses sometimes but she can wait 15 min for a shower a lot better than she can handle a case of ringworm.

Realistically, a 90-minute commute is going to cut down on your training opportunities pretty significantly. One option might be to look for or start a local club or teach at a local martial arts school. As a purple you're qualified to teach, and while you're probably not going to find serious challenges at least getting some rolls in will help keep you in shape and flexible in between trips to your regular gym.

 

[blindgod]

Thanks for all the responses. I'm very lucky in that the bjj school I go to has a lot of young fathers who are in the same boat as me. It helps having people to talk to.

The tough things are that the school is one of the closest martial arts schools of any type (I live in the sticks) and that my training is what keeps me sane. I'll end up trying to go to two nights a week (days is really not an option with my work schedule, unfortunately) and Saturday mornings (when my wife and son will be with a group of parent's play group).

The distance bit is the killer because if I go to one 60 minute class, I end up spending more time driving than training. So different from when I lived in San Diego. But I'll do what I can.