Artem Lobov vs Paulie Malinaggi : A biological, evolutionary and genetic perspective

Discussion in 'UFC Discussion' started by Psychedelic, Jun 20, 2019.

  1. Psychedelic

    Psychedelic Red Belt

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    Greetings, Sherdog

    Throughout history, humans have assigned roles to themselves in order to better function as a society. These functions were directly correlated with the physical and genetic aspects of a person, especially within the male population. As such, we had farmers, hunters, warriors, and so on and so forth.

    Enter Artem Lobov vs Paulie Malinaggi.

    [​IMG]

    Artem Lobov / Артём Лобов (pictured above) is a born fighter. He is genetically blessed with a warrior's skull, featuring a sturdy cranium, thick neck, forehead able to withstand blows, and a defined jawline as well as a strong chin able to absorb punches in unarmed combat.

    Moreover, he is equipped with the hands of the most ruthless predator in prehistory: The Tyrannosaurus Rex. His fun sized guns provide him with a shorter recoil period, and full extension in less time. In a dogfight, this will make him able to rain punches upon his unsuspecting enemy.


    [​IMG]

    Evolutionary biology has not been as kind to Paulie Malinaggi (pictured above). His thin neck would have rendered him unfit for combat in earlier times, as he is easily decapitated. His round face is perfect material for a soccer ball in the hands of enemy soldiers, which is quite humiliating as well.

    Most importantly, his recessed chin makes punches reverberate harder within his skull. His weak jaw is not made for unarmed combat, as the average punch will damage his skull more than the average person.

    Thus far, Paulie has been protected by boxing gloves, not only providing a cushion for those punching him, but making him used to gaining a few inches of unnatural reach. In pure unarmed combat, he will be unprotected by whatever rules humans concocted to create the sport of boxing.

    TL,DR: Artem Lobov has a clear genetic advantage in the upcoming fight, science confirms it.

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2019
  2. erron

    erron Orange Belt

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    [​IMG]
    Here we see, Artem Goatbov (Right) with his son (Left.)
     
  3. Sjb1888

    Sjb1888 Silver Belt

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    This amused me....

    <mma4>
     
  4. Yacob

    Yacob Kenny Florian level fight predictor

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  5. Hernán Cortés

    Hernán Cortés Conor owns Paulie's soul Double Yellow Card

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    Loling hard at Paulie the butthurt loser
    Paulie has A-level Italian power genetics

    The man's hands were crafted carefully by the gods to wreak havoc

    [​IMG]
     
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  6. Reapzz

    Reapzz Blue Belt

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  7. hillelslovak87

    hillelslovak87 Gold Belt

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    If Artem entered battle in the times of swords, the term sword arm would mean he needs another man's arm tied to his.
     
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  8. Wise1

    Wise1 Black Belt

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    Science be praised.
     
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  9. tonni

    tonni Silver Belt

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    Artem is a Leo and Pauli is a Sagittarius.
     
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  10. ostlerrage

    ostlerrage Black Belt

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    Makes sense. But a pronounced jaw acts as a lever when hit torquing the head significantly more. Bigger target. Luckily big jawed dudes have other attributes. Paulie has no attributes apart from fast hands and head movement.
     
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  11. cobrinski

    cobrinski Brown Belt

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    Jurassic world championship
     
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  12. Psychedelic

    Psychedelic Red Belt

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    A few millimeters of bone will not make much of a difference in terms of being hittable, but will greatly impact the aptitude of a skull to receive punishment.

    Paulie Malinaggi has literally no chin.
     
  13. Codpiece

    Codpiece Met Conor Belt

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    Landed a few flush shots there but the other guy seemed fine. Not sure the term power really applies.


    Gj OP, that was better than I expected.
     
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  14. Hotora86

    Hotora86 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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    I laughed, not bad, TS.

    I'd like to bet the house on Paulie breaking at least one hand.
     
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  15. Bacco

    Bacco Red Belt

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    Artem becoming an hat
    [​IMG]
     
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  16. Hespectfully

    Hespectfully Black Belt Platinum Member

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    TS is right. Pauli is fucked.
     
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  17. kingJohn

    kingJohn Brown Belt

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    Float like a butterfly, sting like a butterfly
     
  18. Mortal Wombat

    Mortal Wombat Black Belt

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    Can't believe I somehow got really geed for this fight. Most of it is the shit talking on here. Hope Artem wins but still keen for the storm of shit that will be on sherdog afterwards.
     
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  19. Dragon Punch

    Dragon Punch Black Belt

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    That was actually a pretty entertaining read.

    If Artem is a T-Rex, Pauli is definitely one of the venomous spitting dinosaurs.
     
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  20. 0verlord

    0verlord Purple Belt

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    Sorry didnt read that shit past the first sentence pal
     

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