Are you good at comforting your loved ones?

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by AznCezi187, Jun 2, 2014.

  1. AznCezi187

    AznCezi187 Brown Belt

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    My uncle is on his deathbed and it's not looking good. It seems each day the doctors cut his life left shorter and shorter and my mom has been breaking down the past couple days. I've never been a good comforter so I just tell her to keep good thoughts and prayers and everything will be ok. My mom is a strong woman and to see her like this really sucks.

    It doesn't help that my dad drinks a lot and that also causes stress for my mom since he gets drunk and she hates that so all together I know this is really breaking her down.

    My mom has had cancer, her mom died in a hospital and now her brother is going to pass soon...this really fucking sucks. I just needed a way to vent out my frustration of seeing my mom in this situation.
     
  2. Kevin Rudd

    Kevin Rudd Banned Banned

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    that sucks dude, sorry to hear that. Males generally aren't good at that sort of thing, I know I'm not. Just be there to support her as best you can.

    Tell your father to pull his head out of his ass.
     
  3. therealdope

    therealdope Titanium Belt

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    Good luck with that. I'm terrible at supportive grieving.
     
  4. AznCezi187

    AznCezi187 Brown Belt

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    My dad does try to comfort her and is a good guy but the problem is like I said he drinks too much and when he gets drunk my mom gets frustrated and doesn't take anything he says seriously. We tried many times to get him to stop drinking but he just gets defensive and angry when we mention it.

    We gave up a while ago on trying to get him to stop.
     
  5. PAUonePUNCH

    PAUonePUNCH Black Belt

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    Hang in there man. Stuff gets dark and awful for everyone at some time so just know your not alone with feeling that pain.
     
  6. Kühle Hand Luke

    Kühle Hand Luke Mr. Cool Hand Luke Ice

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    Sorry to hear. Sounds like your dad is dealing with this in his own way and your mom is making this about herself, when it should be about your uncle.
     
  7. AznCezi187

    AznCezi187 Brown Belt

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    Thanks

    Thanks and my dad has been drinking like this since I was a kid so it's not that. Also my mom is not one to show a lot of emotion unless its a situation where its understandable.
     
  8. adam199

    adam199 Purple Belt Platinum Member

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    I'm the same way. My grandmother is on her last legs and I'm trying to be there for her. When I first see her, I always say "How's it going?" and immediately smack myself mentally.
     
  9. adam199

    adam199 Purple Belt Platinum Member

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    Good luck though.
     
  10. Tycho Brah

    Tycho Brah You drink water, I drink anarchy Platinum Member

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    Not me either, sorry man. One day I'd like to be the guy that can step in with the perfect words and make everyone feel a little better, but as of right now all I've got is gibberish.

    Best of luck to you.
     
  11. nostradumbass

    nostradumbass Steel Belt

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    I stink at that too. My dad died about 2 years ago and I had to call his mom(my grandmother) to tell her. It was fucking awful. My parents were still married so I had my mom and my sisters in hysterics too and kind of felt like a sociopath for being the only one not crying all day for weeks, then my mom's mom died just a few months later. I just tried to make them laugh cause that's my only trick.
     
  12. Tank_Kam

    Tank_Kam Purple Belt

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    I'm absolutely awful. My gf's mom passed last year who is my god mother and I was extremely close with. So it has been very hard on both of us. My gf has told my several times that at times I seem distant/nonchalant when she brings these things up and it really upsets her. Truth is it's very difficult for me to talk about, because I'm grieving too, and I don't deal with grief by talking.

    It really bothers me though cuz I get the feeling that she thinks I don't care but I think about her mom every day and really miss her.

    Ugh getting emo tears coming up
     
  13. Lone Coyote

    Lone Coyote Green Belt

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    Hey mate, sorry to hear that... Tell your mom and your uncle that you love them, and just ask your uncle if he has something that you could do for him, or some issues unresolved that you could help with.

    Be strong.
     
  14. FierceRedBelt

    FierceRedBelt Red Belt

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    Just tell them you love them and really listen to them; nothing you can say will take away the pain of losing someone, or dying themselves, but lending a supportive ear can provide some comfort in these times.
     
  15. Tank_Kam

    Tank_Kam Purple Belt

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    Best thing to do is just be there for her as a shoulder to cry on, try and do nice things to take her mind off it, like take her for dinner or something . Because I suck at talking that's what I normally do in these situations.
     
  16. AznCezi187

    AznCezi187 Brown Belt

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    Thanks for the responses guys.

    I also think I should mention that my mom is currently living in the USA and her brother is in Korea so she's is stressing about not getting there in time to say goodbye before he goes.
     

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