Are there any upsides to being a loner?

Other than the amount of time that I spend with my wife each day, I suppose I've become a loner since we moved to Arizona. My friends are back in Buffalo & I just haven't gotten around to making any new ones in the 18 months that we've been here. Oh, sure. I'm friendly with some of our neighbors & I've met some of my wife's coworker's husbands. But none of them are really the type of guys that I can see myself hanging out with.

But that's cool. I really don't mind not having anyone other than my wife to spend time with. She's my best friend.
 
Toxic ppl dont fuck up your life.
 
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You are free to do anything

Otherwise long loneliness is one of worst things that can happen health wise according to studies

Take it from a guy who grew up without friends among homeless.
 
This.

I'm a huge loner and giant introvert. And it's SO freeing.

- Only have to deal with my own issues
- Have more time for my own goals
- Am free to be myself and not have to conform to others
- When I do socialize, it's on my OWN terms

You can be a loner 90% of the time and still have a better social life than the vast majority of people. What I've seen work and what I will inevitably do:

- Go out two nights a week max but make them count. Go CRAZY lol. Rest of the time is for yourself.
- Strike up conversations as you go through life *naturally*. My best friend does this all the time with girls. He'll naturaly strike up a conversation, and at the end will put his number in the girl's phone. And then it's on HER to text him if she wants. This works so well.

There you go. The blueprint to be an introvert and yet be more *effectively* social than 90% of extroverts.

Now give me $1000 for my services.

Dude two nights a week is extremely sociable

Most people i know plus 25 go out 2 times a month

Loner is a guy who can go for 10 years without friends and girlfriends and be psychologically undamaged because its his nature

And they are very small percent of population
 
This.

I'm a huge loner and giant introvert. And it's SO freeing.

- Only have to deal with my own issues
- Have more time for my own goals
- Am free to be myself and not have to conform to others
- When I do socialize, it's on my OWN terms

You can be a loner 90% of the time and still have a better social life than the vast majority of people. What I've seen work and what I will inevitably do:

- Go out two nights a week max but make them count. Go CRAZY lol. Rest of the time is for yourself.
- Strike up conversations as you go through life *naturally*. My best friend does this all the time with girls. He'll naturaly strike up a conversation, and at the end will put his number in the girl's phone. And then it's on HER to text him if she wants. This works so well.

There you go. The blueprint to be an introvert and yet be more *effectively* social than 90% of extroverts.

Now give me $1000 for my services.
If you think someone who goes out and gets crazy twice a week and regularly approaches women in the wild is an introvert, I think you may be confused.

Enjoying alone time and not having commitments to other people doesn't make you an introvert
 
You get to avoid the mind numbing task of small talk with people you don't know/don't like.
 
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Other than the amount of time that I spend with my wife each day, I suppose I've become a loner since we moved to Arizona. My friends are back in Buffalo & I just haven't gotten around to making any new ones in the 18 months that we've been here. Oh, sure. I'm friendly with some of our neighbors & I've met some of my wife's coworker's husbands. But none of them are really the type of guys that I can see myself hanging out with.

But that's cool. I really don't mind not having anyone other than my wife to spend time with. She's my best friend.

Honestly with age what I find is diminished tolerance to hanging out with people for the sake of it. I spose my job was reasonably sociable(pre virus anyway) in that once a week I ran a stall and interacted with other sellers and the public but generally I'v found my social circle diminished towards those I have strong shared interests with, typically cinema and photography.
 
Honestly with age what I find is diminished tolerance to hanging out with people for the sake of it. I spose my job was reasonably sociable(pre virus anyway) in that once a week I ran a stall and interacted with other sellers and the public but generally I'v found my social circle diminished towards those I have strong shared interests with, typically cinema and photography.

Oh, absolutely. I noticed that was happening even when I was still nearby my friends back in New York.
 
It's mostly stress free. You set your own rhythms for everything you do.

On the down side you could die and nobody would know or care until your festering stench seeped through the walls.
 
The voices tell me it’s ok to be alone
 
Other than the amount of time that I spend with my wife each day, I suppose I've become a loner since we moved to Arizona. My friends are back in Buffalo & I just haven't gotten around to making any new ones in the 18 months that we've been here. Oh, sure. I'm friendly with some of our neighbors & I've met some of my wife's coworker's husbands. But none of them are really the type of guys that I can see myself hanging out with.

But that's cool. I really don't mind not having anyone other than my wife to spend time with. She's my best friend.
Husband is the same. We used to hang out with people and I’d arrange stuff but he would be perfectly fine if he never saw anyone again socially other than me.
 
There are many upsides. As a loner I write from experience.
1) You are free. When you travel you don't have to consult with anybody about what to do. You can do whatever you like, whenever you like, however you like. If you see life as a journey, although it's a flawed metaphor, the traveling philosophy can still be applied somewhat.
2) You have minimal contact with people, and all their bullshit. Of course they have their good sides too, but at least you're free of the bad stuff, which is saying something.
3) If you actually like Saturday nights alone watching the fights, drinking your favourite booze and eating your favourite food, undisturbed, no responsibilities other than to relax and enjoy the fights, then there's nothing wrong with you.
4) You don't have to concern yourself about offending anyone, pleasing anyone, anyone's approval, anyone's judgment....you can just be yourself. And in the big picture, when you're "yourself" you tend to follow along the path that is meant for you, as opposed to veering off in directions that others think you should go, or that you think you should go to please others.
5) You learn how to be self-sufficient emotionally and practically. That can come in handy later in life especially.
6) You can become a teacher to those who are lonely of how to be a loner without feeling lonely all the time.
7) You can focus on reaching a high level of spirituality through meditation and reflection, if that sounds appealing to you. All of the great monks have been loners.
8) You have more creative space.
9) The "outside world" is fucked up in many ways. As a loner you're less involved in it, as it's people who make the fucked-up world go 'round. Maybe this is the same as 2), so maybe I'm done here....oh yeah, one more....
10) I like bagels. (Just checking if anyone got this far.)

why begels?
 
Saved majority of my money(had to spend some on necessities- food, clothing shelter).

more time reading and learning.
 
Yes. For a lot of the reasons stated.

Also, being a loner doesn't necessarily mean being anti social. I am essentially a loner when it comes to personal friendships, but I socialize well with a lot of people.
 
Husband is the same. We used to hang out with people and I’d arrange stuff but he would be perfectly fine if he never saw anyone again socially other than me.

Well, there's still a part of me that longs for the occasional party or get together. For instance, on Halloween night I stepped outside to take a look at the full moon & I happened to hear revelers laughing, talking loudly & listening to music over at the clubhouse. And it reminded me that the community Halloween party was taking place & I'd completely forgotten about it. Jana & I had discussed getting dressed up & masked up to drop in for a bit but we decided not to earlier in the week. But Halloween night when I heard the party going on I felt a bit left out & I wished we'd gone.

So, I haven't lost all my desire to socialize. So, maybe we'll go to the community Christmas party next month if things aren't too bad COVID-wise. We'll have to wait & see.

Another way in which you & I are a lot alike is that I also hate unexpected socializing. I like to have some time to get myself mentally prepared for it & if I'm suddenly thrust into a social situation it takes me a while to get into the flow of things. Most of the time, if it occurs I adjust within twenty minutes or so. But until then I tend to feel a bit awkward & I'm quiet.
 
Well, there's still a part of me that longs for the occasional party or get together. For instance, on Halloween night I stepped outside to take a look at the full moon & I happened to hear revelers laughing, talking loudly & listening to music over at the clubhouse. And it reminded me that the community Halloween party was taking place & I'd completely forgotten about it. Jana & I had discussed getting dressed up & masked up to drop in for a bit but we decided not to earlier in the week. But Halloween night when I heard the party going on I felt a bit left out & I wished we'd gone.

So, I haven't lost all my desire to socialize. So, maybe we'll go to the community Christmas party next month if things aren't too bad COVID-wise. We'll have to wait & see.

Another way in which you & I are a lot alike is that I also hate unexpected socializing. I like to have some time to get myself mentally prepared for it & if I'm suddenly thrust into a social situation it takes me a while to get into the flow of things. Most of the time, if it occurs I adjust within twenty minutes or so. But until then I tend to feel a bit awkward & I'm quiet.
Yeah, we both wished we were back in Norfolk on Halloween and this year for Thanksgiving because we used to always do stuff with friends for both. And we had a house full of people quite frequently so it isn't like he's anti social, he just doesn't crave or need it.
A Zoom Thanksgiving call with people whose houses we went to for Thanksgiving first year in Norfolk and subsequent years will be nice considering we're spread so out now. Namely the two guys who got me into Bills and their families.
 
You can seriously start meditating.
 
You will have plenty of time for deep interpersonal thought. So much so that it can help you see through the looking glass like 25 years ahead of the rest of civilization

See: Ted Kaczynski - Industrial Society & Its Future
 
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