Applying yourself and building personal relationships

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by SSgt Dickweed, Jul 30, 2016.

  1. SSgt Dickweed

    SSgt Dickweed Black Belt

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    -For my entire life, I have always had trouble applying myself in anything. Whether it is school, sport, hobby or personal relationship, I never gave much effort. Granted there were a lot of things beyond my control that causes this (i.e. unsupportive/dysfunctional family), but a lot of times it is laziness, rationalization and insecurity.

    -My situation now is that I have a job which a lot of people would kill for but I am often bored and mentally removed from being engaged it. I just kind of do my job, and despite being new to it, I am already looking for something more engaging and rewarding.

    -I always had reasons why I never like where I was at that certain moment of my life. And because of this I am often alone. I always had fewer friends than average and my friends and current workmates don't feel reciprocated with their efforts in being my friend. What's worse is that my college click hardly ever go out together anymore.

    -I have always been the wallflower/silent type and that shit might have been acceptable when you are younger but not when you are almost 30 years old.

    -There is this great mental tendency for me to "shut off" whenever the average person would be engaged whether it is a simple conversation or work related group activity. Or just be very inactive generally.

    -I have never been in a serious relationship and it is hard for me to make friends much less approach a cute chick. I think most ladies would find me weird and timid and lacking non-physical attractive qualities.

    -Many people would reach out to befriend me but almost all the time, because of habit, I just be polite and decline their invitation. I swear I wouldn't be surprised If I was ever diagnosed with Asperger's or some shit. There's always a reason I give myself why I can't talk to him or her on a regular basis.

    -"Happiness is a journey not a destination" is a saying that I understand but don't feel. I fear that I would never reach that goal of premium job, loved one all around you and all of that good stuff.

    -For the longest time, I was oblivious to this, and maybe in denial as a I grew older. But at this point, I feel I have a great need to change myself for the better and I don't know where to start.

    -People with equal or even less than what I have, have achieved way more because of having a better attitude.

    -I have struggled with borderline depression before and now I think it's more of a "almost in your 30's existential crisis".

    -Sherdog is way easier place for me to express myself and I feel I have a vicarious mental outlook of this and I need to work on my IRL skills.

    Cliffs:
    -Emo bro wants to be less emo and more alpha.
    -I am probably retarded but I still want to be socially functional
     
  2. Dolomite

    Dolomite Red Belt

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    To quote Drew Carey;

    There's a support group for that. We meet every Friday afternoon at a place called the bar.


    Back on topic- I read all your shit and the bad news is you're normal.
     
    Taboo and EJRMAN513 like this.
  3. georgekillian

    georgekillian Purple Belt

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    Don't leave your job. Good jobs are hard to come by. Unless you have a unique skill set and are easily hirable you should ride it out. As for being more outgoing you gotta just go for it. Its hard and it sucks but you have to try. Maybe try an internet dating site and talk to someone online for a few days before meeting?

    I'm how good my advice is I'm 35 married and have had two long term relationships one lasting over 11 years. Just learn how to project confidence even if it's not there. I don't mean that in a cocky asshole way but girls can tell if you know how to handle yourself and your business. Its inherent in a way. Learn how to talk to people and listen. Read a lot learn about a lot of various shit so you can speak intelligently on a variety of topics and not just your own interests. I'm telling you these things will help you get a secure good woman. My wife is college educated has a good job and is 11 years younger. We met 4 years ago When I was 30 it can be done even later in life. Also if things don't work out with someone don't take it poorly just keep pressing forward.

    Good luck and I hope you can make the improvements you're looking for.
     
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  4. FightsFTW

    FightsFTW Red Belt

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    While my situation wasn't as bad as yours, I can relate somewhat. I was also shy and introverted, I had trouble talking to people and terrified of approaching a cute girl. I also usually declined going to public events or I said I would go and just never showed up. It's weird because as a child up until I was like 11 or 12, I was confident and outgoing, then one day I became really shy and nervous about talking to people, it was probably puberty. I did have friends, but only a close circle of them.

    What got me out of it was myself, I started putting myself out there, it was scary and uncomfortable, but I did it and it has become easier and easier to talk to people now. Not everyone is gonna like you, but most if you give off a good friendly and energetic vibe will be receptive. Or for the ladies, a cool and confident vibe. There is help out there, but I would just recommend getting out of your comfort zone and just talk to people, even if its just a little, then gradually build off that.
     
    gorgonon likes this.
  5. MarloStanfield

    MarloStanfield The Wild Colonial Boy

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    username checks out
     
  6. michal001

    michal001 Brown Belt

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  7. spin

    spin Gold Belt

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    If your family was truly disfunctional, you're basically right on track.

    Just start or continue on the process getting your shit together and try not to over-analyze yourself.

    Life is difficult for all of us, try to find some takeaway from the hard times, because good or bad, when it's gone it's gone.
     
  8. SSgt Dickweed

    SSgt Dickweed Black Belt

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    Because I am seeking better employment conditions, I was thinking of taking a career coaching seminar or scheduling a session with a career consultant but I fear that this wouldn't be helpful or be cookie cutter nonsense. Can anyone shed a light onto this sort of thing?
     

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