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Anyone know any Bjj/MMA jokes?

Discussion in 'Grappling Technique' started by Sloth, Jul 8, 2010.

  1. Sloth

    Sloth Brown Belt

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    I'm bored and looking for something funny to laugh at so I figured I would check with you folks.
     
  2. FREAK656

    FREAK656 Yellow Belt

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    That U.F.C. stuff wouldn't work in a real fight (roll on snare drum)
     
  3. StranGold**

    StranGold** Banned Banned

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    Oh, this is the worst-looking gi I ever saw. What, when you buy a gi like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh?

    (sorry, not really a joke but a line from caddyshack i kinda butchered)
     
  4. lechien

    lechien Gold Belt

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    A combative online blue belt is better that a BJJ blue belt because he trains for the STREETZZ!
     
  5. ASSMAN

    ASSMAN Blue Belt

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    brock lesnar
     
  6. Khunti

    Khunti Yellow Belt

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    Kimbo vs Huston on fast forward with benny hill blasting
     
  7. KOCowboy

    KOCowboy ROLLING MUD TIRES ON EASY STREET

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    if you're rolling and you learn a submission thats good... if your rolling and you make eye contact and smile you're gay.... damn not a joke... crap
     
  8. stile0

    stile0 Purple Belt

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  9. lethalazn

    lethalazn Purple Belt

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    Location:
    preferably behind you, with both hooks sunk in
    Third Hook Jokes:

    When taking the back, the first hook is with your left leg, the second hook is with your right leg, guess where the 3rd hook comes from (hint: must be male to perform this technique)

    *Randomly when coaching from sidelines if one guy is attacking the turtle/back* "3rd HOOK! 3rd hook!"

    If someone complains that you doing BJJ is gay:
    "Yeah and if I were to rape you, I'd to totally unstoppable"

    If you're drilling and it's your training partner's turn to get into your guard:
    *Points to crotch aggressively*
    "GET IN MY GUARD!!!"
     
  10. Baconator69**

    Baconator69** Banned Banned

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  11. Il Wop-O

    Il Wop-O Green Belt

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    Finish the joke!!!

    (glances at Ted Knight in a camo gi)...

    "Looks good on you, though!"

    (rolls eyes)

    (Ted Knight takes camo gi off, puts it back on the rack)
     
  12. Simco

    Simco Green Belt

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  13. Rather Unique

    Rather Unique Yellow Belt

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    Haha beat me to it. I was gonna start with "You know you're a blue belt when..."
     
  14. johnyboy

    johnyboy Silver Belt

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    shrimpin aint easy
     
  15. Sloth

    Sloth Brown Belt

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    How many Bjj guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
















    Three, one to screw the bulb in, one to completely change the leverage behind screwing the bulb in and one to claim that Carlos Gracie was in fact the creator of the lightbulb.
     
    Nathan LaMontagne likes this.
  16. FREAK656

    FREAK656 Yellow Belt

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    So a tapout douche and BJJer walk into a burger king...
     
  17. bnosam

    bnosam Green Belt

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    So a samboist walks into a dry guard and gets triangle choked...wait wut
     
  18. dataws6

    dataws6 Blue Belt

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    When you realize that some things you thought were gay actually work IE:
    smashing a guys face with your hips in north south...
    checking the oil I had heard about it and thought I would never do it until I attended a class about taking the back from the turtle position and the BB put a thumb up (not in the guys asshole) but in his crack and shoved him forward so he could get his shin over the guys calve. Now I do this if they guy is hiding his legs so he cant flip and recompose guard

    I know a guy that if you put him in north south his escape starts out with him humping your face, everytime he does it i just lose it laughing but its no laughing matter it always makes the opponent create space and he escapes.

    By far the funniest gayest thing I have seen is teaching a Combatives class that was around the same time broke back mountain came out. A crazy guy who started out screaming "KIMURA" everytime he got someone in a kimura saw the movie and decided everytime someones ass was in the air he would pretent to spit on his hand and wipe it on thier ass. Very disturbing but at the same time very funny.
     
  19. dunerider

    dunerider Green Belt

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    hahaha we do this one all the time nothing like quotes from GREG "GET IN MY GUARD" Gaggenwanker.



    im so good ill make you feel like your in the ring with both the diaz brothers.
     
  20. MysticNinjaJay

    MysticNinjaJay Banned Banned

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