Anyone else not have kids and don't want any?

[El Che]

I'm 33 and I don't have kids and really don't want to. People say it's a phase or I haven't met the right person and sometimes I think I should try to talk myself into it, but I just can't. My previous GF would/will be a great mother but I just didn't want them, even knowing how good of a mother she would be. It was one of the reasons we split up. I tried talking myself into it, but just couldn't and I know she wanted to get married and have kids right away. I don't regret it either. I enjoy having my own free time, getting as much sleep as I want, when I want, and doing whatever the hell I want with no attachments. It's like adding a very expensive bill for at least the next 18 years.

I see a lot of my friends have kids and say it is the best thing ever, but they are always tired and stressed out and broke. I know my friend she has 3 kids 5 and under with a 4th on the way and although she posts what a blessing they are always looks busted, tired, and stressed the hell out. They are always sick(mostly the kids, but her and her hubby too) and broke. I think they are lying to themselves and they think I'm lying to myself.

I know in the future I might regret it, that I don't want to be alone in the future but I don't want to just have a kid so I won't regret it in the future. Also, I see how fucked up this world seems and just imagine how worse it probably will be when they are my age and I don't want to put them through that. Some people say I'm the type of person who should have kids while these uneducated, broke, morally corrupt people keep popping them out. I like kids, but that's because I don't have to be around them 24/7 caring for them. Maybe I'm selfish, but that's another good reason not to have them right?

 

[TCE]

I'm 27 and I don't have kids. I'm not sure if I want them either.

 

[Tankeray]

Absolutely 100% agree. I have no kids and one of the reasons I'm going through a divorce atm.

32 here

 

[Chinballs]

I'm 33 and I don't want kids either.

And my friends has slipped that they actually regret getting kids after firmly holding on the "best thing ever" theory.

One of them said that he could not straight up regret the existance of his kids but he would still have wore a condom if he got to rewind.

There's probably many happy families out there but I suspect there's a giant bunch of secretly unhappy ones - especially males that got married/had kids early.

 

[MarloStanfield]

everyone says they dont want them when they have none, but when it pops out its the best thing ever in the world and you realize this is what life is all about

 

[Frode Falch]

I waited til i was 36 years. It was important for me to be free in my 20s and til my mid 30s.

 

[Clippy]

I'm 31 and been desperately trying to have a kid for a year and a half now

 

[koolinkunming]

I'm 31 and been desperately trying to have a kid for a year and a half now

Have you guys both been to the doc to get checked?

 

[Clippy]

I have and she doesn't have a doctor right now, we're on a wait list and where I love those things take forever

But we're going to try to get to a clinic soon

 

[irish_thug]

100% normal to not want kids when you are young. Wasted youth is sad. If I didn't have kids I would have a whole lot more money and time, but to what end? There comes a time when the jewels cease to sparkle, when the gold loses its luster, and all that is left is a father's love for his child.

 

[antithetic]

My third is on it's way. I'm 34.


The first one wasnt planned, i didnt expect to ever have kids when i was 25.

 

[Horse Style]

Just a heads up TS, this topic has been done before and it can get a bit heated. There will be people who agree with you and for the same reasons. On the other hand, there will be people who think having kids is a must and you're too young/immature/have to experience it to understand, etc.

My favorite is the "well I lived life without kids and lived with kids so I know more than you" reasoning.

Well no. If you had kids at 25, then you did not experience age 26+ without kids like I have so you have not walked down the same path.

 

[Smashandgrab]

I just turned 36. No kids here. Doubt I'll ever have any. I'm single now but my reluctance to have kids has been an issue in past relationships. I like kids, I have a niece and nephew I adore, but I don't really have any desire to have my own. I, too, have heard guy friends express regret over having kids. It's something only you can decide, there is nothing inherently wrong with either choice.

 

[MusterX]

I'm 33 and I don't have kids and really don't want to. People say it's a phase or I haven't met the right person and sometimes I think I should try to talk myself into it, but I just can't. My previous GF would/will be a great mother but I just didn't want them, even knowing how good of a mother she would be. It was one of the reasons we split up. I tried talking myself into it, but just couldn't and I know she wanted to get married and have kids right away. I don't regret it either. I enjoy having my own free time, getting as much sleep as I want, when I want, and doing whatever the hell I want with no attachments. It's like adding a very expensive bill for at least the next 18 years.

I see a lot of my friends have kids and say it is the best thing ever, but they are always tired and stressed out and broke. I know my friend she has 3 kids 5 and under with a 4th on the way and although she posts what a blessing they are always looks busted, tired, and stressed the hell out. They are always sick(mostly the kids, but her and her hubby too) and broke. I think they are lying to themselves and they think I'm lying to myself.

I know in the future I might regret it, that I don't want to be alone in the future but I don't want to just have a kid so I won't regret it in the future. Also, I see how fucked up this world seems and just imagine how worse it probably will be when they are my age and I don't want to put them through that. Some people say I'm the type of person who should have kids while these uneducated, broke, morally corrupt people keep popping them out. I like kids, but that's because I don't have to be around them 24/7 caring for them. Maybe I'm selfish, but that's another good reason not to have them right?

Having kids is a singular experience. What I mean by that is its like the flavor of chocolate. If someone has never had chocolate and asks what does that taste like, you have no way of accurately describing it. The reason being, only chocolate tastes like chocolate. There is nothing to compare it to so the only way to know the flavor of chocolate is to taste the chocolate. That has been my experience with kids because I have the perspective of before I had kids, and after. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Having children is often transformative in a persons life.

The biggest problem you may have to come to grips with is are you willing to grow old, and weak, alone? There will come a time when you no longer need your free time and extra money to go have beer with your mates on a Friday night, but by then its too late to start a family.

 

[BuffaloEmperor]

100% normal to not want kids when you are young. Wasted youth is sad. If I didn't have kids I would have a whole lot more money and time, but to what end? There comes a time when the jewels cease to sparkle, when the gold loses its luster, and all that is left is a father's love for his child.

I do NOT want kids right now, and i am 26. But i really do respect what you just posted. Touching to say the least.

 

[Horse Style]

I just turned 36. No kids here. Doubt I'll ever have any. I'm single now but my reluctance to have kids has been an issue in past relationships. I like kids, I have a niece and nephew I adore, but I don't really have any desire to have my own. I, too, have heard guy friends express regret over having kids. It's something only you can decide, there is nothing inherently wrong with either choice.

I have a 5-year old nephew and 6-month old niece. Although both are adorable, the stress that my brother and his wife have is evident. I remember what they were like before kids and can see the difference. I don't need to experience having a child first-hand to have an idea of what it entails.

Personally, whenever I am sick or in pain, I don't want to be around anyone and it's the opposite when I'm healthy. I don't have that luxury if I have a kid. No matter how shitty I may be feeling, they have to be cared for.

 

[INTERL0PER]

The OP is almost word-for-word my take on the subject.

I see no reason to have a kid that I don't want. Some people say "Oh, but when you have it, you'll see it's the best thing in your life!" Yeah? And what if it's not? What if I end up resenting the child? After all, it's not like every parent ever was an amazing parent. There are PLENTY of parents that don't seem to love their kids all that much. I'm a pretty decent person, so I'm sure I'd take good care of a kid... But it's a pretty big gamble to take for something I don't even want.

And, like others in this thread, I know plenty of parents who undoubtedly love their kids... But who also undoubtedly have a FAR more stressful, and in many ways, unpleasant life directly because they have children. Higher highs and lower lows, I think.

 

[irish_thug]

I do NOT want kids right now, and i am 26. But i really do respect what you just posted. Touching to say the least.

When I was your age, I felt exactly the same way. Like I said 100% normal. I was still very deep into "work only to afford partying" mode at that time.

 

[INTERL0PER]

The biggest problem you may have to come to grips with is are you willing to grow old, and weak, alone? There will come a time when you no longer need your free time and extra money to go have beer with your mates on a Friday night, but by then its too late to start a family.

This is one of the most common reasons I see for having children. People have often used it to try and persuade me.

"Someone to look after you when you're old."

This reason doesn't make any sense to me. First, it seems inherently selfish and feels like you're creating a life simply to help your own, which feels weird to me. Second, this is hoping that your kids A) survive, B) are fully functioning and C) aren't complete fuck ups.

Of course, people die young all the time, well before their parents, which is tragic, but an unavoidable fact. It's one of those things that happens to "other people"... Until it doesn't.

There are also disabled people born all the time. Like my brother. Having a disabled child means that not only is that child definitely NOT going to take care of you but you'll also have to spend an inordinate amount of time caring for it instead. Probably it's whole life.

Then, of course, you could have a completely "normal" child who goes completely off the rails and ends up fucking up their life, and potentially yours too. I know a woman who recently had gang members visiting her house and issuing death threats because they were looking for her drug addict son, who recently stole a bunch of money off her and has gone on the run. I guarantee you that was not how she envisioned her son growing up. But it happens.

Or hell, what if your kid isn't a total fuck up, but is just kind of a dick and you have a falling out, they move to another country, start another life and you end up dying alone in a retirement home anyway?

Of course, all of this possible but not necessarily likely, and if you really want kids, then the risk is well worth it... But if I don't even want to have kids in the first place, why in the hell would I risk it? Just for the "security" of my future, which may or may not come anyway?

 

[AgentSmecker]

I would never bring another life into this fucked up world and ultimately we are only fulfilling our evolutionary instincts to procreate and ensure the survival of our species. Since I do not want our species to survive I will not contribute to it. Fuck you evolutionary instincts!