Relationship Anyone else failed at real life relationships?

[Parmenides]

TS maybe you should move and start over

Already did thanks..hence the thread

 

[Parmenides]

Lol I called a woman ma'am once and I thought she was gonna kill me

I did too..she said she aint a man

 

[Parmenides]

A lot of my best friends are dead.
Most of the rest moved out of this area or live on the other side of the country.
This area is fucking weird now, it used to be a really cool place full of music and art.
Gentrification and the techies pretty much killed all that.
Like everywhere I used to hang out is gone.
It's fucking weird before things closed how alien things became here because of the new crowds that moved in.
Shows n concerts was all I had left really and where I saw people who weren't work friends.
Now that's all gone to shit.
Also I'm kinda weird, not like creepy weird,but my interests aren't exactly the kinds of things this new crowd is really into so I don't bother with most of them.

Sucks for you mang..what are those weird hobbies you talking about?

 

[Parmenides]

Yeah I do have to be fake to an extent, but I have quite a complicated life and I’m not willing to share it with these people. I just see most of these people as people who I can pass the time with. If I thought they’d be good candidates for true friendship then I would do what I could to pursue that. When I move away and start over I hope i won’t have to keep my guard up as much.

Then quit being phoney and stone cold tell them the truth

 

[Parmenides]

To address OP, I think most people have VERY superficial levels of relationships, even relationships that have spanned decades. If you took drinking and going out to eat, and general familiarity/comfort out of the equation, most people's social circles would pucker quicker than Altar boy's asshole in the Vatican City. It's easy to have friends when things are going well for you and it's easy from an effort standpoint, but once people have to start making effort or various other sacrifices I think most people would be shocked at how quickly their relationships fall to the wayside. Truth be told, alot of people are going to be quite lonely as the Millennials and younger get older, since the effort they put into their friendships and other relationships largely involves no greater effort than commenting on each others' social media accounts. To have good relationships, you have to make big efforts, but at the same time, other people need to make effort with you too. And it's OK to require this effort from other people. I'm not talking about sacrificing your whole self, but effort is needed for good relationships, just like anything else worthwhile.

Amen brother..i just split with my gf cause she was a lazy ass bitch..making all kinds of promises and shit but delivering on none

 

[Long Dark Blues]

Yes, please!

 

[sweetviolenturg]

Nothing too crazy mostly
art, horror, dark comedy related stuff.
And metal, oh and also cooking.

Horror? Ewwww.

How could you enjoy something like that?



Just kidding, bro. I'm a massive horror fan. Movies, Blu-rays, novels, comics, the whole nine yards.

 

[Parmenides]

maybe give up on the selfish ego victomhood stuff and just sacrifice to make relationships work, the ideas you have in your head about whats best for you are most likely bullshit and you are destroying your life so that can lead an empty hollow existence or im totally wrong and you are doing an amazing job keep it up champ

Being stuck in shitty relationships is what destroys life..and define "hollow"?

Happiness follows the rule of diminishing returns..anything you do over and over again gives you less marginal benefit of happiness..toxic relationships have the exponential negative effect

In order to be happy you have to experience new things in life and even good relationships can keep you from that due to inherent obligations and responsibilities

Living in a multi million dollar villa or driving a ferrari will get boring after a while and a waste of money due to novelty wearing out..the incremental benefit would be much larger spending that money in a cheaper but new place or trying another car

Same concept applies to a lot of things including food and women..so what you characterize as hollow is very fulfilling to me..being able to be free and experience new things unbound by relationships or social stigma of worrying what family and friends would think or say

 

[THEfightsAREfixed]

Being stuck in shitty relationships is what destroys life..and define "hollow"?

Happiness follows the rule of diminishing returns..anything you do over and over again gives you less marginal benefit of happiness..toxic relationships have the exponential negative effect

In order to be happy you have to experience new things in life and even good relationships can keep you from that due to inherent obligations and responsibilities

Living in a multi million dollar villa or driving a ferrari will get boring after a while and a waste of money due to novelty wearing out..the incremental benefit would be much larger spending that money in a cheaper but new place or trying another car

Same concept applies to a lot of things including food and women..so what you characterize as hollow is very fulfilling to me..being able to be free and experience new things unbound by relationships or social stigma of worrying what family and friends would think or say

the simple fact that you yourself defined the relationships as FAILED means you need to take responsibility and makes them a SUCCESS or you should expect the kind of things that come with living in failure with a defeatist mindset which is pretty torturous bro so turn that shit around

 

[mmafan2000]

Who has grown tired of fake family and friends, repeatedly broken trust and inherent obligations draining all your precious time and energy?

I myself have given up, cutting them out, and prefer socializing passively and anonymously on sites like sherdog. Its way less stress and i feel much more free.

We have all experienced failed relationships in our lives at some point. I don't think there is a person in here who would say otherwise. It's a part of life. The trick is to learn from it and move on, preventing the same mistakes with others in our future lives. Don't give up.

 

[sweetviolenturg]

Woorddd.
Can't wait for shows to actually start up again.
There were so many cool tours cancelled.
Woulda been fun.

Yeah, it's such a shame. And it's really hit close to home for me because my son, Nigel, is in the music event industry. He's one of the head lighting guys for Breaking Benjamin & other bands like Five Finger Death Punch, Avenged Sevenfold, Korn & more. He was just about to go out on a national tour with In This Moment when the pandemic hit & everything shut down. So, he's been without steady work since then. Though, he lives in Nashville so he gets a lot of one-off gigs there that keep him busy. But, of course, they don't pay like big tours do.

 

[Finding Deebo]

Yes, please!

 

[SteveColdStone]

Then quit being phoney and stone cold tell them the truth

Oh there’s nothing phoney about it. I just don’t share anything personal with these people and that’s it. They’re the kind of friends you just talk crap with. They know the deal. Nothing deeper than that.

 

[ralphc1]

Takes time to find out who ppl truly are..and you cant change ppl they can only change themselves

You can usually tell some things about people by what they say about other people when they aren't around. You can bet these two faced people are sayings things about you too when you aren't around. I had many people that I thought of as friends and I was often helping them do things. When I would ask for help, they were always busy or just didn't show up when they said they would.

I have a brother that the only time I heard from him is when he wanted money. He couldn't be bothered to come to see mother when she was dying. He was late for the funeral but he was expecting to get money. Mom and dad had their wills set up to leave everything to the surviving spouse. Dad had dementia and had to have somebody with him 24 hours a day. I moved in with him for 2 years and had a man that stayed with him during the day. My brother visited once in 2 years.

 

[ObsoleteSoul]

I didn’t know people chose not to have friends. I did something wrong..

most of my old friends died. Hard to meet new people moving around so much, and harder to connect in a deeper way than pure niceties. Such is life, I suppose.

 

[Cpt Migraine]

Yes, please!

Thank god we all have different tastes in women..

 

[Domitian]

I’m new here, what’s the difference between Mayberry and Off Topic???
I checked it out and most of the threads looked super lame!
I noticed that I cannot post there, but to be honest, I wouldn’t even bother if I could.

You can talk shit in the OT and be controversial without getting yellow carded or banned. Got a problem with somebody? Call their ass out.

 

[Unflushable Turd]

OT is where real men hang..mayberry is for sissies

You can talk shit in the OT and be controversial without getting yellow carded or banned. Got a problem with somebody? Call their ass out.

Idk, it looks pretty weak to me!

I seen threads by members crying to get other users banned.
A mooderator gloating about banning a member.
Same mood pleading for, what I’m assuming to be, older members to post in the sub forum.
Not a good look!

 

[El Panteron]

Being stuck in shitty relationships is what destroys life..and define "hollow"?

Happiness follows the rule of diminishing returns..anything you do over and over again gives you less marginal benefit of happiness..toxic relationships have the exponential negative effect

In order to be happy you have to experience new things in life and even good relationships can keep you from that due to inherent obligations and responsibilities

Living in a multi million dollar villa or driving a ferrari will get boring after a while and a waste of money due to novelty wearing out..the incremental benefit would be much larger spending that money in a cheaper but new place or trying another car

Same concept applies to a lot of things including food and women..so what you characterize as hollow is very fulfilling to me..being able to be free and experience new things unbound by relationships or social stigma of worrying what family and friends would think or say

This is true.
But also it is our responsibility NOT to make relationships go sour by being straightforward, building a big list of fun things to do together, trying to tell the truth and always making projects involving the other.
Another key is trying to always interpret their behaviour not statically but in terms of intentional internal states. It's way easier than it sounds: Jenny yelled because she was angry, she was angry because she lost her job, she feels bla bla bla and her info are bla bla bla.

It's not impossible but it takes work.

 

[stelios kontos]

Who has grown tired of fake family and friends, repeatedly broken trust and inherent obligations draining all your precious time and energy?

I myself have given up, cutting them out, and prefer socializing passively and anonymously on sites like sherdog. Its way less stress and i feel much more free.

were ur real family bro.
fuk those guys.