Another joke thread.

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by dije1, Feb 11, 2016.

  1. dije1

    dije1 Green Belt

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    Know any jokes? Doesn't matter what type (one liner, pun, funny observation, momma jokes, etc). Clean or dirty. Offensive or inoffensive. Funny or unfunny, post it in here.

    I'll start.















    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2018
  2. EmpireShallFall

    EmpireShallFall Double Yellow Card Double Yellow Card

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    What did the ocean say to the beach?

    nothing it just waved
     
  3. facePuncher7

    facePuncher7 Founder of the militant wing of the Salvation Army

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    Horse walks into a bar. Barman says "why the long face?".
     
    hitcher, Hankooks and dije1 like this.
  4. MarloStanfield

    MarloStanfield The Wild Colonial Boy

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    i have a mate who lost his tongue, he doesnt like to talk about it
     
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  5. Persuadertron

    Persuadertron naw son

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    Theres these 2 friends Flippy, and Hambone. Now, if I asked you which one likes dolphins more, you would think flippy right? Well you'd be wrong. It's Hambone.
     
  6. Clippys Mom

    Clippys Mom Brown Belt Banned

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    Where is the link to the other joke thread?
    There was some really lame as [email protected] jokes in there that were so bad they where good.
     
    dije1 likes this.
  7. punky brewster

    punky brewster Black Belt

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    When Chuck Norris was eight years old, he molested his creepy uncle.



    [​IMG]
     
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  8. Slobodan

    Slobodan Вело ;) Staff Member Senior Moderator

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    A man went to the doctor and said "every time I look in the mirror I get an erection"

    The doctor replied "that's because you look like a cunt"
     
  9. dije1

    dije1 Green Belt

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    There's a few of them, I just wanted to start a new one. Do you remember any of the jokes?
     
  10. DataBreach

    DataBreach Cocaine Fueled Decision Making Belt

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    what did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

    it just gave out a little whine.
     
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  11. rearnakedchoke

    rearnakedchoke Suck it!

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    Sherlock holmes is trying to have sex with watson ... But he is having a hard time penetrating watsons rectum ... So he goes to the ice box and takes out a lemon pie and rubs it on his member and walks back to watsons and proceeds to penetrate watson with ease ... A delighted watson asks holmes what he did ... Sherlock says "lemon entry my dear watson ... Lemon entry!"
     
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  12. MarloStanfield

    MarloStanfield The Wild Colonial Boy

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    what do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?

    divorced
     
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  13. MarloStanfield

    MarloStanfield The Wild Colonial Boy

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    how do you know a woman is about to say something smart?

    she starts her sentence with "a man once told me"
     
  14. M3t4tr0n

    M3t4tr0n Sheriff of Sherfront

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    A vampire walks into a restaurant and asks for a cup of hot water. The waitress says "I thought vampires only drank blood?". The vampires says "We do." He pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm having tea."
     
  15. rearnakedchoke

    rearnakedchoke Suck it!

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    A lady is at the checkout counter and the cashier scans one potato, carton of six eggs, half a quart of milk and a pacakage of two chicken breasts ... The cashier says, "you must be single" the lady was shocked and said, "you are good, you can tell just by my groceries?" The cashier says "no, its cuz you're ugly"
     
  16. Pliny Pete

    Pliny Pete Puts Butts In Seats

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    What do nosey peppers do?

    Get jalapeno business
     
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  17. Clippys Mom

    Clippys Mom Brown Belt Banned

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    Cant remember....
    What is your ethnicity, or one that could be deemed dangerous to make fun of?
     
  18. Harry Ellis

    Harry Ellis Gold Belt

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    A 45-year old man and a 6-year old boy are walking into the woods on a dark, creepy night. As they enter the woods, the boy turns to the man and says, "I'm scared!!"

    The man sharply replies, "Oh, you're scared? I've gotta walk outta here ALONE in 40 minutes!"
     
  19. Slobodan

    Slobodan Вело ;) Staff Member Senior Moderator

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    A little boy was sitting by the road all alone, crying.

    A priest walks up to him and asks "what's wrong my son?"

    The boy replies "my parents died in a car accident, this is the worst day of my life."

    "Oh my dear boy" says the priest "you don't know the half of it" as he proceeds to unzip his pants.
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2016
    TheWorm, blastar, Patof and 3 others like this.
  20. Slobodan

    Slobodan Вело ;) Staff Member Senior Moderator

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    Q: What's the difference between Jesus and your father? A: Your father never came back.
     

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