Another joke thread.

[dije1]

Know any jokes? Doesn't matter what type (one liner, pun, funny observation, momma jokes, etc). Clean or dirty. Offensive or inoffensive. Funny or unfunny, post it in here.

I'll start.

 

[EmpireShallFall]

What did the ocean say to the beach?

Spoiler

nothing it just waved

 

[facePuncher7]

Horse walks into a bar. Barman says "why the long face?".

 

[MarloStanfield]

i have a mate who lost his tongue, he doesnt like to talk about it

 

[Persuadertron]

Theres these 2 friends Flippy, and Hambone. Now, if I asked you which one likes dolphins more, you would think flippy right? Well you'd be wrong. It's Hambone.

 

[Clippys Mom]

Where is the link to the other joke thread?
There was some really lame as f@ck jokes in there that were so bad they where good.

 

[punky brewster]

When Chuck Norris was eight years old, he molested his creepy uncle.

 

[Slobodan]

A man went to the doctor and said "every time I look in the mirror I get an erection"

The doctor replied "that's because you look like a cunt"

 

[dije1]

Where is the link to the other joke thread?
There was some really lame as f@ck jokes in there that were so bad they where good.

There's a few of them, I just wanted to start a new one. Do you remember any of the jokes?

 

[DataBreach]

what did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

Spoiler

it just gave out a little whine.

 

[rearnakedchoke]

Sherlock holmes is trying to have sex with watson ... But he is having a hard time penetrating watsons rectum ... So he goes to the ice box and takes out a lemon pie and rubs it on his member and walks back to watsons and proceeds to penetrate watson with ease ... A delighted watson asks holmes what he did ... Sherlock says "lemon entry my dear watson ... Lemon entry!"

 

[MarloStanfield]

what do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?

Spoiler

divorced

 

[MarloStanfield]

how do you know a woman is about to say something smart?

Spoiler

she starts her sentence with "a man once told me"

 

[M3t4tr0n]

A vampire walks into a restaurant and asks for a cup of hot water. The waitress says "I thought vampires only drank blood?". The vampires says "We do." He pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm having tea."

 

[rearnakedchoke]

A lady is at the checkout counter and the cashier scans one potato, carton of six eggs, half a quart of milk and a pacakage of two chicken breasts ... The cashier says, "you must be single" the lady was shocked and said, "you are good, you can tell just by my groceries?" The cashier says "no, its cuz you're ugly"

 

[Pliny Pete]

What do nosey peppers do?

Get jalapeno business

 

[Clippys Mom]

There's a few of them, I just wanted to start a new one. Do you remember any of the jokes?

Cant remember....
What is your ethnicity, or one that could be deemed dangerous to make fun of?

 

[Goodfella86]

A 45-year old man and a 6-year old boy are walking into the woods on a dark, creepy night. As they enter the woods, the boy turns to the man and says, "I'm scared!!"

The man sharply replies, "Oh, you're scared? I've gotta walk outta here ALONE in 40 minutes!"

 

[Slobodan]

A little boy was sitting by the road all alone, crying.

A priest walks up to him and asks "what's wrong my son?"

The boy replies "my parents died in a car accident, this is the worst day of my life."

"Oh my dear boy" says the priest "you don't know the half of it" as he proceeds to unzip his pants.

 

[Slobodan]

Q: What's the difference between Jesus and your father? A: Your father never came back.