a story about training ur kid (long read)

Discussion in 'Standup Technique' started by devante, Mar 22, 2008.

  1. devante

    devante Silver Belt

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    i made a post about this almost two years ago, but here it is two yrs later and the prob has arisen again..the first time things ended pretty calmly, this time not so much.

    well a bit of a situation popped off as a result of me training my kid a little bit; long story short, she is 5 now..but had been having a prob w/a kid who is almost six now. Actually a little girl who dad trains in karate; now i know the dude, not well but i know of him and seen what he has/how he trains/etc. The dude is not a mcdojo type dude...he goes hard and has taken to teaching his kid some basics or whatever; i know this because my daughter told me of his kid kicking and punching her and other kids.. I talk to her mom about this, she says that she talked to the people at the daycare, they claim my kid is the only kid who admits to it; according to my kids mom, the issue is that the other kids are scared of her.. even the little boys if u can believe it. So my kids mom comments to the guy, he blows her off saying the kids are just playing and need to toughen up.

    so i pick my kid up for the summer, i have her for almost 2mnths; during this time i decide we gonna get a few things straightened out, i had shown my kid a little bit. But her mom was griping about it and i cut it out; but since she obv can't handle this, i decide imma set this kid straight via my kid...

    so through the summer my kid is watching me shadowbox, an imitating me; she got a bit of natural talent...not that she would be a pro of genius, but she has watched me and whe she throws he punches got some education on them. So i proceed to take this time to give her some basics, the one/two, the block/hook and how to get hands up just to pick off shots; an also get her used to getting strikes thrown at her..so the flinch factor gets worn down a little bit, an to get her used to not just freezing or backing up..but firing back.

    im thinking she is not getting this at all, cus she looks fine til i throw at her a little bit, an no i am not throwing hard at her. UNTIL one day im tapping her on the the chest w/a lead right; then she slaps the right down and clocks me w/the hook, im shocked...but impressed. I need to see if its a matter of just luck so i start tapping her again, know she is starting to pick them off a bit, not totally but enough not to get hit clean; then i swing an open hand l, she lifts her arm up tp block, and counters me w/a stiff hook to the eye. Not text book in execution; but in strategy, perfect.

    towards her last few weeks i back off, but she keeps wanting to fight and so on and off we do this...

    she gets home..... an i don't hear anything...then i get a call...

    my kid is in trouble for busting this kid in the eye; i wasn't there but from what one of the older kids who's mom knows my kids mom told me, the kid was kicking my kid as usual and my kid was totally backing down then the kid hit my kid in the face, an it clicked. The girl kicked my kid in the leg HARD...my kid screamed stop and the girl then proceeded to try and slap my kid in the head; an it HAPPENED, my kid blocks it and blasts this gril clean in the eye w/a left and then follows w/the right hand... Kid stumbles and falls..

    at this point its a bit of a wrap cus the older kid steps in and sends them both their way; later on the kid has a bit of a bruise on her eye, her dad is pissed and complains to the daycare people and gripes my kids mom out about my kids violent nature. They ask the kids what happ the little kids won't say anything, but the older kid says the other little girl was kicking and punching my kid, so my kid popped her; they ask why did u let it go and not get us, he says cus he knows my kid can handle herself cus her dad trains an the he thought the kid deserved it....


    the father of the little girl loses it, he is heated and demands that i bring myself down her so we can resolve this..i get a call from my kids mom. MAD AT ME...for teachign my kid how to def herself..an the daycare people are mad, mind u they had no problem ignoring my kid getting her *ss handed to her for the past 3 months.. She says he has an issue w/me and felt the need to demand we all meet at the daycare, w/the teachers; b4 she finishes im already getting my stuff ready and driving to be there first thing tomorrow.


    we end up going to the meeting, the dad comes in and sees me sitting in there w/the other parents; i notice alot of men being there..i later find out that its because both of us know martial arts and they are afraid we might actually fight. Which im too calm to force a fight, but this dude is a hothead; iv seen his act b4..trust me on this.

    So he comes in and looks at me and hasn't put two and two together...an says are u hear to keep me from tearing this *sshole a new one; to which people get quiet cus they know who i am he doesn't, i said not at all. Im here cus i think its fun that ur kid stepped out of pocket and got put on her ass; he gets dead serious and states that if it wasn't for the fact he was waiting for the little b*tch who is the other kids father he would take care of me, at that point the head person comes in and says mr so and so (me). An the dude looks at me like he wants to kill me; he says ur the guy who had ur kid punching my kid in the face, i said yep and if she steps out of pocket w/my kid again its gonna happen again. I then proceeded to tell him im not like the rest of these clowns letting him get over bullying their kids and wives; an if he tries that sh*t w/me he gonna get the sh*t slapped out of him. He then calmly but in a very angry manner proceeds to tell me he taught his kid self control otherwise she would have beaten my kids ass instead of letting her off the hook; but that i was a grown man who supposedly "trained" so i wasn't gonna get that pass. So if i would tell my kid to apologize and admit im an irresponsible parent we could end this; i said two things one my kids isn't apologizing and two if u don't drop that arrogant tone then we're gonna see how tough he is. What really set him off is when i stated, based off the training u gave ur daughter i don't think u wanna do anything but get the fuck out of my face

    he loses it and tries to rush me, the other guys grab him im standing right there; an he is getting held back but trying to get at me. One of the guys is tellin me not to instigate this and i am utterly disgusted by this coward, who's kid has gotten his ass beat by this little girl many times; who is only coming to me, cus im the small non threatening guy.. so i ignore him... Im like let him go, im right here; let him go and we can put an end to this right now.. i DON'T know if im more offended at him approaching me cus i am the least threatening or the fact they are restraining him, cus they really think he is gonna hurt me..which he wasn't..

    either way we end up having this meeting, which accomplishes absolutely nothing; we more or less agree that our kids should just stay away from one another and that the teachers will just keep an eye on them until this blows over. So i go back to my kids mom house, to see my daughter for im about to go home; of course my daughter sees me and gets in her stance... her mom is not please and proceeds to tell me not to teach my kid anything, i said fine; just make sure my kid isn't getting beaten up everyday and we won't have this issue.

    long story short, his kid ends up going to another daycare; this dude HATES me and everytime he sees my kids mom says he is gonna beat my ass this summer when i come to get my kid, which im not worried about to be quite honest. But i felt the wholse situation could have been avoided had he checked his kid, instead of putting this on other kids; or the other parents had shown spines and stood up to this guy. But he is about 6 190, NOT a big dude; but very fast exp and hits pretty hard, he does alot of hard contact sparring..ok hands...good kicks..garbage on the ground, unless he on top. I had seen alot of this guy, in training and in general in fights; he is a hot head and was known to beat the shit out of people... Nonetheless if my kid was getting beat up ...I WOULD NOT punk out cus im afraid of getitng beat up... An some of these dudes are like men, not office dudes, construction, truck drivers, etc and letting their kids get handled... an then my 5'11 164 pnd ass shows up talking ish...


    sidenote- on about two other occassions it almost went down, as my kid now bolstered by this success against the bully is less willing to take sh*t from the girl an now the other little kids come to her to def them, an the last time they had to step in cus the little girl and my kid were in their stances circling ready to go.

    i didn't make it better by a)being a smart ass, as my own dad says; that little nonchalant smart ass tone and attitude is gonna make people wanna punch u in the face, but i know the guy and pretty much was just looking to instigate him cus he thinks he is a badass.. I had actually sparred him about 1yrs prior; which is why he made the comment about taking care of me, if he wasn't waiting for the other guy who ended up being me... an why he considered me to be supposedly trained...

    either way just thought i would share...a story about training ur kid... im sure alot of people will say u shouldn't done this and blah blah...im not writing to get ur opinion or ok; but feel free to share, i just relayed a story....

    where u have a kid who is being trained and is bullying kids who aren't so i decided to level the playing field, since her dad felt her behavior was fine and out punk ass kids were the problem. I don't have any prob w/what i did; an if my kid becomes the bully she will be getting her ass lit up by dad; i don't let that ish fly at all, i made things worse by my attitude..but like i said i know who i was dealing w/
     
  2. boxer steve

    boxer steve Brown Belt

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    Kids establish a pecking order. I hate this fact but it is a fact.

    My oldest boy was getting bullied ,in the school bathroom, and I tried to have him do the "right" thing. I said tell a teacher. He told and the teacher said nobody likes a tattle tell. So I said telll the principle she blew it off and said something like well just try to get in and get out quickly. I got torqued.

    I wanted to have a meeting but I was put off, I kinda have a reputation I wish I didnt. I got word to the school that I will train my child to defend himself. I said I am capable and willing to teach him to stop a figt very quickly. I also said when little johnny(the bully) goes hope with a shattered noses from a knee and his parents calls I had better not hear a word. If they will not protect my child then I will teach him to.

    I wont say we did the right thing but I think we did what we had to.
     
  3. zop

    zop <img src="http://img240.imageshack.us/img240/7201/

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    I support your decisions. You could make a movie out of it. There better be another update come summer time when you beat his ass down.
     
  4. devante

    devante Silver Belt

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    see i feel u on this point, but the thing that made my situation worse was the fact the kid pulling the sh*t was a)trained and b)had a father who was trained and a c) an asshole..

    but it sucks that parents and teachers let ish slide an then get mad when u remedy the situation....its ridiculous...i think the teachers should help instead of exacerbating the situation w/non action.
     
  5. Cyclone Mike

    Cyclone Mike Amateur Fighter

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    im gonna go out on a limb and say anytime ur child gets hit it will make u mad no matter what.
     
  6. devante

    devante Silver Belt

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    ur right,,,its normal; but had my kid instigated i wouldn't have an issue, not that i would want my kid to catch one..but i wouldn't have much to say...

    its just that this was happening repeatedly and w/out justification and/or any reaction from the adults...not the ones who worked there nor the ones who parent the kids...

    an for a person who trains to send their kid off like a cocked and loaded guy is irresponsible; if u wanna go around putting people into unconciousness, fine. But don't get ur kid in the mindset of slapping the shit out of other kids from a perceived dominance; an then getting even more confrontational when someone doesn't roll over, u would think after seeing my kid put her on her ass she would stop. Instead she pulling the sh*t again...trying to reassert her position; which im sure is partly on her dad, an def partly on behalf of the dad who is determined to get his kid to teach my kid a lesson to make his point to me.

    an i don't want to fight this guy, not cause im scared; im aware of what he can do and how he does, im just not a violent person... But if he really makes a point to come see me, then its just gonna have to go down; cause im not gonna let him pull any intimidation ish, esp w/my kid getting ready to start school where his daughter already goes to school. If he really wants it like that, he can get it like that plain and simple; it's not even being tough, its him trying to set some ridiculous tone the same way he does w/the rest of the people he comes across. An if it was just me i would have no issue w/it; but my kid is on his radar, which means it can't be allowed to get any further out of hand in regards to his feeling as if he can just talk greasy, act shady and NOT have to deal w/the repercussions...

    so if for reason it does go down..which i doubt, but if it does it is what it is and im sure any other parent would agree w/it
     
  7. Rinksterk**

    Rinksterk** Banned Banned

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    There are some fucking retarded parents. I think boxer steve and devante both did the right thing. And devante, no offense dude but your kid's mom is well, like a typical woman; doesn't now how to stand up for herself or her child. If your daughter came back with visible bruises, I wonder how she would react. She would probably bitch at you.
     
  8. Gramps

    Gramps Banned Banned

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    Beat the piss outta anyone who fucks with your kids, that's a rule of thumb.
     
  9. cockysprinter

    cockysprinter Purple Belt

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    did little johnny get a shattered nose?
     
  10. foofie

    foofie Yellow Belt

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    You did absolutely correct , especially in this time , it is important to learn your kids to defend them selfs .

    Look at the very rich , and powerfull community of today . They arent the really intelligent ones , the really nice ones , or the ones that work hard , its the ones without morality ( in most cases that is ).

    Its important that you learn your kids to not be afraid to say what they think , and to stand behind what their conscience tells them is right - keeping it at an humble level though .

    So really , all thats missing is for you to learn her to argument like a grown up person , so when she starts arguing with someone it doesnt end up in - no your stupid , no you are , no you are , no you are - not so that she can offend other kids on purpose , but so that she can defend .

    Lots of people will say that its better to just do what ever you can to avoid the things you dont want to do , but heck , I think thats wrong .

    I have a friend from school , everyday we go to the bus from school , a really stinky beggar goes with him and begs for money ( now its not nice for him or me , that everybody else from school is looking at us like we were that beggars friends :D ) ,and why ? Because when he was doing it the first time , he was making himself look really desperate , stubborn guy , he just wouldnt go away , so my friend gave him like 1$ or something and he went away , due to this he asks him everyday , while he doesnt give a shit about anybody else who didnt give him anything .

    I know it got pretty off topic , but this is what explains my opinion about this .
     
  11. Sinister

    Sinister Doctor of Doom Staff Member Senior Moderator

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    Why hate that kids establish a pecking order or that they fight? Adults are no different.

    We're pack animals, and despite how sophisticated we think we are, we're not above your typical pack-animal conflicts. Just kids are more excused for fighting physically because as an adult society for some silly reason we've come to believe that violence is incorrect, which I strongly disagree with, especially since most societies are very hypocritical on that notion.

    It's not that we don't fight, or won't fight, it's just that we'd rather pay someone else to do it for us in most cases. We're more manipulative. Hence, I don't feel encouraging a child to defend themselves is in any way, shape, or form incorrect.
     
  12. devante

    devante Silver Belt

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    i agree w/u on that, my issue w/it was how it got out of hand..ONCE the playing field got leveled; as long as his kid was giving kids the beats it wasn't a prob, once someone refused to roll over THEN he had an issue...

    i would rather my kid not get in fights, but i don't want it to be cus she can't or she is scared; i want it to be because she doesn't want or doesn't feel its necessary. I realize and recognize that the world is what it is, i don't have an issue w/it; but once again its about not being a victim. I been there b4 cus im naturally a non confrontational person; but now if i avoid or back down its not cus im any less scared or anything, its cus i don't want to fight someone. Still in the back of my mind if and when it goes elsewhere i know i can and will be able to not just def myself; but put it on someone else, an that is important at a young age, or older age. People feel like cus u get older u can't be intimidated or pushed around or whatever and that is not true; things don't change if people think they can bully u or rough u up, then u know what they will and if u have no confidence in urself it will overlap into ur life in all elements/aspects-i.e. professional/personal/relationship.

    there is a reason women like fighters, thugs, or even real phys athletes; its the confidence comfort they have w/in themselves from testing themselves in very tough situations/etc...

    i respect ur point one hundred percent

    an on your last point, people don't want to do it themselves; they want the fight FOUGHT, they just don't wanna have to put their ass on the line, they rather have the police, a friend, older bro or teacher resolve the issue. People say i don't believe in violence; but won't stop someone else from bailing them out or won't stop from running to someone for protection, i mean in the case of what i wrote all the parents upset running to get someone to handle this instead of going to the source. Why. Cus he can fight and they aren't sure if they can beat him... then when i get there people don't know how to respond cus im not waiting for someone else to resolve the issue on behalf of my kid. Im squaring up myself...
     
  13. darnok

    darnok Orange Belt

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    Great thread. IMO you did the right thing. Everybody respects a person who can stand up for themselves.
     
  14. devante

    devante Silver Belt

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    sidenote-i was pretty dissappointed that all these men and women allowed their kids to be taken adv of the way they were; i respect not wanting to set a bad example, but the same guys who had nothing to say b4. But then when i refuse to backdown, now all of a sudden they got opinions and solutions; so basically they waited for the other "MARTIAL ARTIST"/TRAINED GUY, to show and fight their battle for them.
     
  15. Sinister

    Sinister Doctor of Doom Staff Member Senior Moderator

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    That's how people are Bro. That's an aspect of the hypocrisy I'm speaking of. Everyone's got ideas when they know it's not their ass on the line, but when it is they've got nothing to say or offer. On any level of social interaction it's not different. Countries even do this to other Countries.
     
  16. tripnastic

    tripnastic Dudeist Priest

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    When I was in school, two kids fought, one got their ass kicked. Teachers broke it up, you were both given detention or some other nominal punishment, and life moved on. Maybe, MAYBE they told your parents, with a letter or a phone call. All this crap about calling parents in, having meetings, resolving "issues" is ridiculous. Hell, in high school you could go to the gym teacher and request the gloves, box it out, and it was all legal. :mad:
     
  17. boxer steve

    boxer steve Brown Belt

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    No the school started a BS policy that only allows two at a time to go to the bathroom while the others wait. All that to avoid punishing the bully.
     
  18. ambertch

    ambertch Purple Belt

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    yeah seriously. I mean i'm not an old timer by any means but I did go to high school before the internet was around. even that recently if we had a conflict our gym teacher had boxing gloves for us. Or we could wrestle on the mats

    Nowadays every is so UN-physical. Counselors, psychiatrists, therapy. It has only gotten worse. Bullying now takes place on facebook and myspace for these poor kids...
     
  19. boxer steve

    boxer steve Brown Belt

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    I grew up fighting. It has cost me alot and jaded me towards others. I want BETTER for my children and had hoped to protect them from the fact that the world isnt fair. That info robs a kid of a lot of joy.

    I would rather he not have to fight for protection just as entertainment.
     
  20. jwalk2515

    jwalk2515 White Belt

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    Other than it sounds like it was written by and about a couple of 15yr olds it is a story that can be told any day of the week in any place in the world.

    Cons:
    You egged the guy on and gave a bad public image to yourself/ family.
    You pissed off baby momma.
    you may end up with a fight in public from it.

    Pros:
    Your kid has confidence and probably will never be a victim. Well worth it all in my opinion!

    My 8 yr old girl is confident enough to throw kicks & punches at my 15yr old son and me. We both train Hapkido and she learns by proxy. She won't be a victim and that is all that matters. Good job protecting your girl.
     

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