A hole neighbours

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by AgentSmecker, Aug 14, 2015.

  1. AgentSmecker

    AgentSmecker Brown Belt

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    Anybody else gotta deal with real asshole neighbours? Just had a run in with the fat fuck who lives next door. Was going down the stairs minding my own business and some people are coming up past me I don't recognise then the cretin who lives next door to me comes round the corner and almost walks right into me cos he's drunk and too busy looking at his feet. I never said anything just kept on down the stairs and he shouts after me "watch yourself". I just did my incredulous Cormier coupon and said likewise mate, then he shouts you freak. Now I'm pretty pissed and I say sorry bud didn't quite catch that you want to come down here say it to my face and he replies aye see you later. "Thats what I thought" I reply and I walk outside. I've got some scraps of food for one of my local foxes who is outside and I go into the woods with her and start feeding her when this joker appears again with his dog and sends it into the woods and it scares my Fox away and starts barking at me so I tell it to piss off. Then the prick starts shouting shit at me and I come out the woods and say come on then fat boy let's fucking go right now, to whit he says get a ay from me, pulls out his phone walks away and starts calling the cops. I've had this sort of shit with this passive aggressive pissbag before, walks past me calls me a name when he's a little bit past me then when I confront him he shows what a gutless sack of shit he is and starts squeeling like a bitch how he's gonna call the cops if I don't stop harrasing him. Really hope this oxygen thief dies in a burning wreckage or some equally pleasant fate. Ok so that's my rant. Feel free to share your own a hole neighbour stories.
     
  2. DyslexicDave

    DyslexicDave Banned Banned

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    Feeding foxes? Where do you live?
     
  3. Pliny Pete

    Pliny Pete Puts Butts In Seats

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    I am the asshole neighbor
     
  4. mrsenor

    mrsenor Black Belt

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    touch him wit the jab
     
  5. milkmandanl

    milkmandanl Green Belt

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    My asshat neighbor feeds foxes. TBH, I'm not fat me mum sez I'm a husky lad.
     
  6. Nonsense

    Nonsense Silver Belt

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    I just love that you feed foxes. Keep up the good work.
     
  7. louky

    louky aligned for 9

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    tell'em about your 02 join date next time

    [​IMG]
     
  8. xbone19

    xbone19 Green Belt

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    why did he call you a freak? do u have a mohawk? lots of tattoos?

    are u known as the guy who plays in the woods?
     
  9. HARRISON_3

    HARRISON_3 Gold Belt

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    I, too, would like to know why he called you a freak.

    Sounds like there's something you're not telling us.
     
  10. Scrody

    Scrody Gold Belt Platinum Member

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    You should have broken his neck.
     
  11. Viva

    Viva Thanks Cody Parkey!

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    feeding foxes?

    [​IMG]

    no wonder your neighbor wants to start shit, you clearly condone the presence of varmints
     
  12. Sole

    Sole Sole Calibur

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    I wish I had foxes to feed.
     
  13. therealdope

    therealdope Steel Belt

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    /thread.
     
  14. RedRocket44

    RedRocket44 Brown Belt

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    I would feed all the foxes, then train them to be my fox army.
     
  15. Cubo de Sangre

    Cubo de Sangre President of the War Room

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    Haha. This made the whole story for me.
     
  16. AgentSmecker

    AgentSmecker Brown Belt

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    Is that right Sherlock?

    I look like teh Jebus guess he don't dig the messiah look. This guy is kinda like the repressed gay dad from American Beauty, walks around with perpetual mean mug and a major chip on his shoulder. Looking at him and the way he acts i expected him to back it up but it turns out he's all bark just like his mutt.
     
  17. AgentSmecker

    AgentSmecker Brown Belt

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    I don't condone the presence of humans. I am forced to tolerate them to some extent but I do not condone them.
     
  18. Allan__Martel

    Allan__Martel King of the ring Banned

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    Some old bitch living on my street is secretly hated on by everybody. The only visit she gets is family.
     
  19. Slobodan

    Slobodan Вело ;) Staff Member Senior Moderator

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    Yeah I've had a-hole neighbours before.

    So a few years back this fat couple used to live next door, they'd constantly shout at each other all day. When I left in the morning and came back they'd still be going at it, shit was annoying. He'd call her a whore and she would say shit like he's a bad father etc. and whenever the fat lady was on the phone she'd go into the backyard and basically shout to to the person she was talking to so everyone could hear her, like she wasn't actually arguing but she was screaming while having a normal convo "HEY DO YOU AND BRIAN WANT TO COME OVER FOR DINNER??? OH GREAT, WE'LL SEE YOU GUYS THEN', shit was so annoying. Then one day I just had enough, I was taking care of my cousin's little husky puppy while he was in the hospital. The stupid neighbours started screaming and so the husky started howling with them which pissed me off even more, he wouldn't stay quiet so I just had enough. I knock on their door and tell them to keep the noise down, the fat bastard tells me to "fuck off, you piece of shit", this got me mad so I threw a quick jab that staggered him. He mumbles something so I just reply "bring it on porkins", he comes at me like the fat fuck that he is and I land a stinging leg kick (Jose Aldo style), he screams in pain but just lunges at me (LOL), so I fired back with a crisp 1,2,3 combo and he's down for the count. The fat whale of a wife says that I'm gonna be in trouble and they're gonna get their gang to beat me up. I knew shit was gonna go down, so I called up my good friend Nicolas Cage who was pissed off at me for calling so late but he quickly calmed down when I told him they were fat so he told me he'd be bringing an extra guy for back up.

    I waited a while and I see the Cage pull up in his 1935 Rolls-Royce Phantom and with him he has Nick Nolte. We wait for a few moments and we see this van pulls up (which was tilting to the side) and out come 4 fatties. We late learned these fatsos were part of some fat club that the fat neighbours organised a few years ago, we're still not sure what they actually do. Anyway, the first fatty who kinda looks like a fat version of Paul Giammati runs at Nick Nolte, who goes fucking ballistic and lands one of the most beautiful flying knees I have ever seen and the fattie goes down like a sack of potatoes. Just as he lands the ground begins to shake (we later learned that he caused a 4.3 magnitude earthquake lol). Up next, one of the fatties tries to take out Nicolas Cage who takes him out with a headbutt. Now there's just two fatties left and then one of them pulls out a subway sandwich and starts eating while the other guy tells us to wait a moment so he could get his strength up. We're having none of this so I take one of them down with single leg, the other guy gets knocked out my Cage and Nolte and then we decide to tie them up like piggies and put an apple in their mouth. The fat neighbours were now begging us to let them go but we decide to do the same thing to them and call the cops. When the cops arrived they laughed their asses off and even took a few pics.
     
  20. korean blood

    korean blood Keep tracks that make an Arab thief clap Platinum Member

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    My roommate smells like a nasty piece of shit because he doesn't shower...can't wait to gtfo of here
     

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