What do you do when you feel like you've reached the end?

[Sir Galahad]

I've tried to kill myself a couple times before but I wasn't so good at it really. And now I don't even know. But it's strange to feel like you've come to the conclusion of something - or yourself I guess. And it's really strange when you have all these feelings and the person that you haven't talked to in months won't talk to you. And then you realize all the stuff people pick on you about is true. And then you stop having a job that you love. And then you're afraid of the future.

I guess I'm just wondering like when it's okay to give up and then how is it okay to give up. and when you hate yourself and you realize most people do too then why not?

But the general question is if any of you have been in a position where you felt entirely hopeless and if so what made you keep going?

 

[ralphc1]

Nobody lives out their life just to wish that they killed themself 40 years earlier. Whatever feelings you have will eventually pass.

It's never alright to give up.

I wish I'd ended it sooner, like about 40 years ago. People tell you that it would hurt your family. Basically you're supposed to suffer to prevent others a little discomfort. Then there are the Sunshine people blowing smoke up your ass who tell you things will get better. I listened to people like that. Nothing got better, it kept getting worse. I decided to hang around and see how bad things could get. Now I consider those bad times the good old days.

Everybody has these feelings. Some engage in risky behavior like using alcohol and drugs, joining gangs, climbing mountains, racing cars etc. When they die, it's considered an accident and they are celebrated rather than being seen as people who killed themselves.

 

[ralphc1]

In the immortal words of WC Fields;

If at first you don't succeed try, try again, then quit. There's no point being a damn fool about it.

 

[Mike]

Also ts, and this might sound cheesy, but if you keep living eventually something amazing will happen.


One day you'll have something great happen and think wow, if I'd killed myself back then I would have missed that.


I haven't had a fulfilling life, but it's still been full of things like that. From new music, movies, or entertainment, to people that I've loved or beautiful things I've seen.

 

[Mike]

I wish I'd ended it sooner, like about 40 years ago. People tell you that it would hurt your family. Basically you're supposed to suffer to prevent others a little discomfort. Then there are the Sunshine people blowing smoke up your ass who tell you things will get better. I listened to people like that. Nothing got better, it kept getting worse. I decided to hang around and see how bad things could get. Now I consider those bad times the good old days.

Everybody has these feelings. Some engage in risky behavior like using alcohol and drugs, joining gangs, climbing mountains, racing cars etc. When they die, it's considered an accident and they are celebrated rather than being seen as people who killed themselves.

There's a lot of truth to what you said, but it's not as simple as that. Now that I'm older, and things seem much harder, and my health sucks etc, the bad days of my youth seem like good days.



Still I've surprised myself here and there. Fell in love and even though it didn't work, those were some of the best years of my life.


Had some great pets, watched some great movies, found new music and games.



It has been thin, the happiness in my life, a lot thinner than what a lot of other people seem to get. But those happy experiences still have value.



I wish it was more fair, but eventually darkness overtakes everything. You just have to cram in as many good experiences as you can before them.



I live right now because I don't want to make anyone sad or guilty when I die, but if I live long enough maybe I'll find some other reason

 

[Amerikuracana]

Pretty much everything you described in your post is me right now. But my intelligence keeps me from thinking about something so stupid.. Intelligent people realize we're dead in a hot minute anyways. How old will YOU be in 20 years? It's not that long. You could be homeless on a beach in Hawaii and have some good experiences in those 20 years lol. Keep in shape, ie feel good, and just ride out the short time you have left. Killing yourself is delusionally pretending that you aren't going to die anyways.

I enjoy sex with women and watching my kids grow. I have made a deal with God that my life can suck and people can continue to treat me like crap to make themselves feel good as long as my kids keep growing healthy ,and into quality people. He has upheld his end of the bargain in spades.

 

[FamousSFO]

I reached the end of my employement with my previous employer a couple weeks ago. I had asked for my vacation mainly to avoid just outright asking for stress leave but because i had/have a lot of things going on mentally. Long story short, One day i went to work, and my light bulb just burned out. I had nothing left for them. I felt nothing and it seemed like i zoned out. Couldn't hear anything. Couldn't feel anything. I just walked out and when my manager went after me, i told her i quit. No back up plan no nothing. I reached that point. I literally told my manager straight out im dealing with massive depression, and as much as i don't like to admit i deal with depression, I was reaching a point i had never felt before, and that i was a little afraid of what it would make me capable of doing. But to answer the question, i know its in different context, i felt nothing....like a very weird feeling of "nothing" though. In that state of mind i feel i was capable of doing anything that was on my mind. It a lot scarier than it sounds

 

[genecop]

Sometimes there is no neat tidy way around difficult times..Pray, gut it out, read, or just plain old hang on , keeping in mind no matter what your head tells you, that this to shall pass..Seeking professional help is also an option, temporarily get on some anti depressants,,,,I watched a short documentary film yesterday. It was about a seaside village in India, The village is the go to place for Ships that go to die, seven main families own and run the salvage business. Indian workers are exploited and work for $3 USD per day, they often get injured and die, families have no recourse or protection against this abuse. Children must resort to living on the street, begging and worste....keep things in perspective, go help someone less fortunate than you, good luck brother..

 

[Significance Deficit]

I live right now because I don't want to make anyone sad or guilty when I die, but if I live long enough maybe I'll find some other reason

This is essentially why I live, but I believe that it is irrational. Long term, the depressed and miserable person will cause more pain to their loved ones than if they were to just end it. I think that if I could ignore that survival instinct everyone has for long enough to cut my life short, it would be better for everyone who knows me, once they got over the initial trauma of that loss. Nothingness would certainly be preferable to the existence I am currently living, which consists of inescapable suffering on a level that no human should ever be forced to endure.

Basically you're supposed to suffer to prevent others a little discomfort.

People want to call suicide a selfish act and pretend that no one ever regrets not having offed themselves, which is bullshit. I hate the fact that I've lived long enough to see my mental state deteriorate to where it is now and I can only image how much worse it will get in the future. No matter what I do, it gets worse. I genuinely wish I had died during either of my suicide attempts years ago. I've rebuilt my life enough that I wouldn't feel right about doing it now though. The time when that was my best option came and went. The circumstances of my life have improved because I know how to manage the nightmare of my own mind better than I did when I was younger, but the burden of self and never-ending desire to escape from consciousness only continue to increase.

 

[Buff]

I'm permanently thinking about that shit...

It is what it is, life's a bitch... What can you do? Another day another dollar. Cliche cliche cliche.

Depression is a motherfucker and that's all there is to it... Take it or leave it.

 

[Buff]

Nobody lives out their life just to wish that they killed themself 40 years earlier..

Old people kill themselves all the fucking time and say they lived a life of regret.

Take that hippy bullshit somewhere else.

 

[Mike]

This is essentially why I live, but I believe that it is irrational. Long term, the depressed and miserable person will cause more pain to their loved ones than if they were to just end it. I think that if I could ignore that survival instinct everyone has for long enough to cut my life short, it would be better for everyone who knows me, once they got over the initial trauma of that loss. Nothingness would certainly be preferable to the existence I am currently living, which consists of inescapable suffering on a level that no human should ever be forced to endure.



People want to call suicide a selfish act and pretend that no one ever regrets not having offed themselves, which is bullshit. I hate the fact that I've lived long enough to see my mental state deteriorate to where it is now and I can only image how much worse it will get in the future. No matter what I do, it gets worse. I genuinely wish I had died during either of my suicide attempts years ago. I've rebuilt my life enough that I wouldn't feel right about doing it now though. The time when that was my best option came and went. The circumstances of my life have improved because I know how to manage the nightmare of my own mind better than I did when I was younger, but the burden of self and never-ending desire to escape from consciousness only continue to increase.

It's a toss up. Were the brief moments of happiness worth the constant pain and grinding pressure, being slowly eroded mentally and physically? Losing litte pieces of myself here and there.



It doesn't seem worth it. Yet the survival instinct is strong. I lost all hope a long time ago, just getting up and gritting through the day and waiting for the next terrible thing. The theory is maybe someday it'll be a surprise, and something good will happen instead. Han't worked out that way yet.

 

[Mike]

The topic of suicide so prevalent in mayberry is disturbing. We only need 1 suicide thread with an OP full of advice and tips for all the suicidals to ignore.

Yes yes, you don't have clinical depression so you're a superior human being, we're all just whining etc. Fuck off somewhere else then.

 

[Significance Deficit]

It doesn't seem worth it. Yet the survival instinct is strong. I lost all hope a long time ago, just getting up and gritting through the day and waiting for the next terrible thing. The theory is maybe someday it'll be a surprise, and something good will happen instead. Han't worked out that way yet.

One of the reasons that everything is so hard now is the fact that I am doing everything right. I have tried it all. I have eaten healthy, focused on getting regular sleep, exercised every day, tried meds/therapy, gone off meds when they made things worse, tried to be more social, see friends, became active in jiu-jitsu, got completely sober and stayed that way, etc. No one can ever fucking tell me I haven't done everything in my power to escape this shit. Still, I spend every day hating myself and this world. When my life was fucked up, I could justify it as my mental state being the result of the shit I was doing. That's all gone now. It's just me doing everything I can to survive while the crippling depression and anxiety chip a little bit more away from the person I used to be. No joy, no happiness, no hope.

 

[AgentSmecker]

I'm pretty much at that point right now. I feel empty, exhausted, burned out, very little emotion other than anger and hatred and a strong overwhelming blanket sadness and hopelessness. I went to visit one of my few friends a couple of days ago and she sat there waffling away at me while her little girl ran round and round in circles in the middle of the room. I just lay there on the floor hugging her dog and my pal's voice was just a drone in the background. I felt like crying but I didn't. I feel like I'm done.

 

[Mike]

One of the reasons that everything is so hard now is the fact that I am doing everything right. I have tried it all. I have eaten healthy, focused on getting regular sleep, exercised every day, tried meds/therapy, gone off meds when they made things worse, tried to be more social, see friends, became active in jiu-jitsu, got completely sober and stayed that way, etc. No one can ever fucking tell me I haven't done everything in my power to escape this shit. Still, I spend every day hating myself and this world. When my life was fucked up, I could justify it as my mental state being the result of the shit I was doing. That's all gone now. It's just me doing everything I can to survive while the crippling depression and anxiety chip a little bit more away from the person I used to be. No joy, no happiness, no hope.

I certainly could still do better, but I quit drugs, cut down on the booze, tried to work on my education. Went on meds and into therapy. Put my full effort into school and trying to be a pleasant person no matter how I felt. Nothing has worked out and every few years I look around and I'm in an even worse spot. Every decision I make is wrong. Burned out and worn out now.

Don't be mad at the homie cos he's winning and you're not.

Last thing I would do is begrudge anyone else happiness. I want everyone to be happy. Just sick of dickheads coming in with there only weak people have depression, or it's your fault you have depression etc.


Yeah dickhead I chose to start feeling like this as a child, and to have a long history of mental illness on both sides of my family. Too bad I couldn't be a "winner" by virtue of pure luck since I didn't choose my genetics.

 

[equus]

take the pissing match to pms. not a thread about suicide.

 

[minute bull]

Inertia works.

 

[essie]

thanks for all the advice and encouragement.

 

[equus]

this looks like me on night watch in the military....