Toxic Beliefs that you have Let Go/Trying to let go

[Goonerview]

I'm in my thirties now, but I remember in my 20s, I had some weird beliefs that damaged my self-esteem and held me back.

If anyone is in their 20s and reads this and finds it useful, then good luck.

1. The world is going to end:

I remember actress Daisy Ridley being asked whether she would be in future Star Wars movies, her reply was "I don't know, the world might end soon, who knows?"

From Nostradamus in 1997, the millennium bug, to the Mayan prophecy that the world would "reset". The belief that the "world is going to end" is not helpful for long term planning and is a toxic message to hold and entertain.

How are you supposed to make any long term commitments to growing yourself, if in the back of your mind, you believe the world will end?

2. Destiny and Astrology:

"Maybe it was just meant to be", "maybe it's just destiny", "shit happens", "it's the law of attraction".

No! We actually have free will and are fully in charge of making decisions in our lives. Take responsibility for what you have decision making control over and stop feeling guilty and shameful of stuff you have no control over. It damages your self esteem.

And if anyone tries to make you feel guilt/shame for anything you didn't do/had no agency over, give them the middle finger.

3. Materialism and minimalism:

We don't need that much stuff to live. Some people are obssessed with accumulating materials. Look at the Black Friday sales, who needs this junk? Where are you going to store it. The more things you own just weighs you down, mentally.

At the same time, don't go full minimalist, either. About a year ago, I tried minimalism, but found I wanted to keep certain things that I was passionate about, hobbies etc.

I was researching some minimalists who burn photographs and upload them digitally, to "save space" and "reduce clutter". That's insane and taking it way too far.

4. Obssessed with perfectionism:

Good enough is good enough. Let go of the idea of having a "perfect" anything.

5. Being an honorable loser:

"I lost but I played by the rules" whereas the winner was underhanded, sneaky and breaking the rules.

I'm all about fairness, but if I see that my opponent isn't playing fair, then the gloves are off and I ain't losing.


6. You don't owe everyone your kindness:

Be kind and polite, but you don't owe it to everyone. Especially if they are being rude to you.

It's ok to be selective about who you show kindness to.

Positive beliefs and habits:

1. Appreciate what you have and the positive things in your life.

2. Read lots of books. Accumulate knowledge and wisdom.

3. Trust your intuition more. You know what you should be doing.

4. Don't beat yourself up too much. Forgive yourself and move forward.

Can you think of any others that ring true?

 

[Midnighter]

That money doesn't buy happiness; it does.

 

[FierceRedBelt]

 

[dildos]

That money doesn't buy happiness; it does.

only people that believe money doesnt by happiness are poor people.

 

[FierceRedBelt]

only people that believe money doesnt by happiness are poor people.

 

[Cheese]

that I can make everyone happy. I kill myself trying to please everyone around me.

 

[tmnpothead]

Having low self esteem I always thought I was never good enough to accomplish much so I never even put the effort to try. Now I'm 31 and realizing how stupid I was. I have a lot of catching up to do

 

[dildos]

dont change yourself to please others, control and manipulate them to become how you want.

 

[Goonerview]

Having low self esteem I always thought I was never good enough to accomplish much so I never even put the effort to try. Now I'm 31 and realizing how stupid I was. I have a lot of catching up to do

I have come to realize a lot of the biggest mistakes I have made in life have come from low self-esteem.

But, you have to learn to forgive yourself and move forward.

 

[Cash Bill 52]

Do you know any wealthy yet unhappy people? I do. I read somewhere that marginal happiness after a certain amount (70k) is minimal.
Also, minimalism/materialism... you don’t have to get rid of everything. Just keep some empty space around.

only people that believe money doesnt by happiness are poor people.

I’d let to let go of the idea that I need to be positive/happy 24/7. I find it difficult to be vulnerable at times. I don’t want to let my family, friends, or teammates down. I want to hang on to my super hero status.

 

[KhabibTheBeagle]

I used to believe I could help everyone I knew. You cannot help everyone, as much as you try, and you should not put yourself down for the choices other people make.

Also, shit happens. It really does. The idea of fate is comforting, and gives you a sense of peace, even in dark times. But sometimes, the ship really is sinking, and it's because you steered into an iceberg, not because of a greater force at play.

 

[Benjamin Burton]

That everyone is equal. We're not, some people are just shit.

 

[LockardTheGOAT]

only people that believe money doesnt by happiness are poor people.

It often doesn't in the long run. It's false to say that it can't, but there's a ton of variables to being happy, and being rich doesn't guarantee that you will be.

 

[loyalyolayal]

I'm in my thirties now, but I remember in my 20s, I had some weird beliefs that damaged my self-esteem and held me back.

If anyone is in their 20s and reads this and finds it useful, then good luck.

1. The world is going to end:

I remember actress Daisy Ridley being asked whether she would be in future Star Wars movies, her reply was "I don't know, the world might end soon, who knows?"

From Nostradamus in 1997, the millennium bug, to the Mayan prophecy that the world would "reset". The belief that the "world is going to end" is not helpful for long term planning and is a toxic message to hold and entertain.

How are you supposed to make any long term commitments to growing yourself, if in the back of your mind, you believe the world will end?

2. Destiny and Astrology:

"Maybe it was just meant to be", "maybe it's just destiny", "shit happens", "it's the law of attraction".

No! We actually have free will and are fully in charge of making decisions in our lives. Take responsibility for what you have decision making control over and stop feeling guilty and shameful of stuff you have no control over. It damages your self esteem.

And if anyone tries to make you feel guilt/shame for anything you didn't do/had no agency over, give them the middle finger.

3. Materialism and minimalism:

We don't need that much stuff to live. Some people are obssessed with accumulating materials. Look at the Black Friday sales, who needs this junk? Where are you going to store it. The more things you own just weighs you down, mentally.

At the same time, don't go full minimalist, either. About a year ago, I tried minimalism, but found I wanted to keep certain things that I was passionate about, hobbies etc.

I was researching some minimalists who burn photographs and upload them digitally, to "save space" and "reduce clutter". That's insane and taking it way too far.

4. Obssessed with perfectionism:

Good enough is good enough. Let go of the idea of having a "perfect" anything.

5. Being an honorable loser:

"I lost but I played by the rules" whereas the winner was underhanded, sneaky and breaking the rules.

I'm all about fairness, but if I see that my opponent isn't playing fair, then the gloves are off and I ain't losing.


6. You don't owe everyone your kindness:

Be kind and polite, but you don't owe it to everyone. Especially if they are being rude to you.

It's ok to be selective about who you show kindness to.

Positive beliefs and habits:

1. Appreciate what you have and the positive things in your life.

2. Read lots of books. Accumulate knowledge and wisdom.

3. Trust your intuition more. You know what you should be doing.

4. Don't beat yourself up too much. Forgive yourself and move forward.

Can you think of any others that ring true?

Excellent thread.

Most of these reads like something from Anton LaVey.

 

[moreorless87]

only people that believe money doesnt by happiness are poor people.

I would say the reverse, often its actually more well off people who forget how much stress a lack of money can cause.

Its possible to be well off and miserable, much easier to be poor and miserable.

 

[therealdope]

That money doesn't buy happiness; it does.

While you're right, it can also bring misery.

 

[Organic Damage]

Perfectionism fucked me over for a long time. Perfect storm of upbringing and personality. I am trying not to worry so much about that or what other people think of my choices, but it's tough to break those habits.

Also been trying to break out of the typical "me, always everything" negative thought spiral anxiety and depression sufferers know all about.

I would say the reverse, often its actually more well off people who forget how much stress a lack of money can cause.

Its possible to be well off and miserable, much easier to be poor and miserable.

People in poor countries routinely report higher levels of happiness than those in rich ones. The takeaway isn't that it's fun to be poor, but that the greater community and generosity in those societies are more valuable to the human psyche than decimals in a bank account. Over and above what's required to ensure you don't worry about going cold and hungry, extra money doesn't provide much extra happiness.

 

[Alphaboy]

I agree with everything you wrote. I didn't want you to keep rambling on do you wouldn't say something I dislike, but it ended well.

 

[Alphaboy]

People in poor countries routinely report higher levels of happiness than those in rich ones. The takeaway isn't that it's fun to be poor, but that the greater community and generosity in those societies are more valuable to the human psyche than decimals in a bank account. Over and above what's required to ensure you don't worry about going cold and hungry, extra money doesn't provide much extra happiness.

Someone should offer a good amount of money to those poor happy people and see how many of them would reject it so they don't compromise their "happiness".

 

[moreorless87]

People in poor countries routinely report higher levels of happiness than those in rich ones. The takeaway isn't that it's fun to be poor, but that the greater community and generosity in those societies are more valuable to the human psyche than decimals in a bank account. Over and above what's required to ensure you don't worry about going cold and hungry, extra money doesn't provide much extra happiness.

Ultimately though "happiness" is something that's highly subjective, people growing up in a deprived background might well have a much lower threshold for it.