Those DTV movies with big stars that keep coming out? I want to find out if any of them don't suck.

[Guestx]

@BisexualMMA and I were talking yesterday about the wave of direct-to-video (or very limited theatrical release) films that have been coming out in the past several years with big name actors. You know the films I'm talking about: You see the cover and there's Nic Cage or Bruce Willis or whoever in some film you've never heard of and you instinctively channel your inner Yoel Romero: "Hey! Hey, Nic Cage! Hey Bruce Willis! What happened to you?!"

But I'm not certain that DTV/limited release has to automatically mean the actors are slumming it. And in fact, that's exactly what I intend to find out: Are any of these movies any good?

BMMA says no way in hell. @SidJustice says that attempting this is going to be the equivalent of punching myself in the dick repeatedly.

A lot of you guys know I sometimes like to approach movie watching with some kind of theme or plan in mind, like watching all the Resident Evil movies, or catching up on popular action films I never saw when I was younger, or whatever. Well this time the theme is attempting to find out if any of these movies don't suck.

I intend to watch 10 movies in 10 nights and apprise you guys of my thoughts along the way. And with that said, here are my picks:



The Trust (2016)

Stars: Nicolas Cage, Elijah Wood

Premise: A pair of cops investigating a drug invasion stumble upon a mysterious bank vault.

It looks entertaining and I've actually heard a few people say some positive things about it. Plus, it has The Cage, which means it has at least one thing going for it already.





Cell (2016)

Stars: John Cusack, Samuel L. Jackson

Premise: When a mysterious cell phone signal causes apocalyptic chaos, an artist is determined to reunite with his young son in New England.

It's based on the Stephen King story. In fact, apparently King co-wrote the script. A King story with Cusack and Sam Jackson? Fuck it, why not.





Maurauders (2016)

Stars: Bruce Willis, Dave Bautista

Premise: When a bank is hit by a brutal heist, all evidence points to the owner and his high-powered clients. But as a group of FBI agents dig deeper into the case - and the deadly heists continue - it becomes clear that a larger conspiracy is at play.

Well it at least looks better than most of the other shit that Willis has been doing lately.





Tapped Out (2014)

Stars: Michael Biehn, Martin Kove, a bunch of MMA fighters

Premise: A disgruntled teenager, sent to do community service at a rundown Karate school, enters an MMA tournament to face the man who killed his parents.

First off, Jesus H. Christ, Michael Biehn is has fallen SO FAR from where he once was. I just went through his recent filmography and it is bad, homeboys. Like, really really bad. C- and D-level kind of shit.

Second, Michael Biehn and Martin Kove together with K-Sos, Lyoto Machida and Anderson Silva in an MMA movie? Yes, please!





Blackway (2015)

Stars: Anthony Hopkins, Julia Stiles, Ray Liotta

Premise: An ex-logger comes to the aid of a woman who returns to her hometown in the Pacific Northwest and finds herself harassed and stalked by a former cop turned crime lord.

This one I think actually looks like it could be interesting. I expect it to be one of the better films that I watch in this series. Plus, I need more Julia Stiles in my life. I don't think I've even seen her in anything since Silver Linings Playbook.

 

[Guestx]

Hardwired (2009)

Stars: Cuba Gooding Jr., Val Kilmer, Michael Ironside

Premise: After a tragic accident nearly claims the life Luke Gibson (Gooding Jr.) the Hexx Corporation hardwire an implant into Luke's brain, it saves his life, but Luke soon finds out that this new technology comes at price, advertising.

Holy shit, this does not look good! This does NOT look good! But I'm gonna watch it anyway just for Cuba, Val and the wacky premise.





Dog Eat Dog (2016)

Stars: Nicolas Cage, Willem Defoe

Premise: A crew of ex-cons are hired by a Cleveland mafioso to kidnap the baby of a rival mobster.

This one's directed by Paul Schrader (wrote Taxi Driver, directed the 1982 remake of Cat People). The dude ain't no scrub. Considering the talent involved both in front of and behind the camera I have some hope here. The trailer at least looks entertaining.





Kill the Messenger (2014)

Stars: Jeremy Renner, Robert Patrick, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Oliver Platt, Ray Liotta

Premise: Journalist Gary Webb (Jeremy Renner) happens upon a story that not only leads to the origins of America's crack epidemic but also alleges that the CIA was well-aware of the dealers who were smuggling cocaine into the U.S. and using the profits to arm Nicaraguan rebels. Despite warnings to halt his investigation, Webb keeps digging and uncovers a conspiracy with explosive implications. As a result of his findings, Webb's career, family and life come under threat.

This is another one that I actually have some fairly high hopes for. It seems to be a little better than the usual low-budget/small-release film. I'm getting a similar vibe from the trailer as I got from The Infiltrator with Bryan Cranston, which was also a pretty solid film.






Heist (2015)

Stars: Robert De Niro, Dave Bautista, Kate Bosworth, Gina Carano

Premise: A father is without the means to pay for his daughter's medical treatment. As a last resort, he partners with a greedy co-worker to rob a casino. When things go awry they're forced to hijack a city bus.

The trailer looks okay. If nothing else, I've always liked riverboat casinos. And De Niro, Bautista and Carano is an interesting casting combination. How the hell did THOSE three ever end up in a movie together?





First Kill (2017)

Stars: Bruce Willis, Hayden Christiansen

Premise: A Wall Street broker is forced to evade a police chief investigating a bank robbery as he attempts to recover the stolen money in exchange for his son's life.

I mostly want to watch this one for Hayden Christiansen. Not really because I'm a huge Hayden Christiansen fan, but I just think the guy has had kind of a weird career arc and I'm interested in seeing what he's up to these days.

 

[BisexualMMA]

You are literally buttfucking yourself by even trying to watch Tapped Out.

You picked a couple doozies. Fucking Heist, lol.

 

[Ikuza]

At this point, Bautista is the one slumming it in these movies. Though he's getting valuable hours under his belt.

Everyone else is just buying lake homes or keeping their spouse's failing businesses afloat.

 

[Guestx]

You are literally buttfucking yourself by even trying to watch Tapped Out.

You picked a couple doozies.

You know, that's one that I'm sure IS going to suck (kind of like Hardwired) but my curiosity is enough to drive me forward. I can't believe how far Michael Biehn has fallen. I was going through his recent filmography today and he's is making, like, Z-grade shit these days. Well, maybe not quite Z-grade but not fucking far from it.

Personally, I have the most hope for The Trust, Marauders, Blackway, Dog Eat Dog and Kill the Messenger.

 

[BisexualMMA]

You know, that's one that I'm sure IS going to suck (kind of like Hardwired) but my curiosity is enough to drive me forward. I can't believe how far Michael Biehn has fallen. I was going through his recent filmography today and he's is making, like, Z-grade shit these days. Well, maybe not quite Z-grade but not fucking far from it.

Personally, I have the most hope for The Trust, Marauders, Blackway, Dog Eat Dog and Kill the Messenger.

It's hard to watch. If you really want to shed a tear for your fallen homie, check out Hidden in the Woods. They actually steal scenes and imagery from The Terminator.

I think you might top out with The Trust here. It wasn't good, but it wasn't god awful.

 

[Guestx]

It's hard to watch. If you really want to shed a tear for your fallen homie, check out Hidden in the Woods. They actually steal scenes and imagery from The Terminator.

I actually watched that trailer earlier. You actually watched it?

I almost put it on the list but the themes just seemed too fucked up to be entertaining.

I think you might top out with The Trust here. It wasn't good, but it wasn't god awful.

How many of these have you seen?

 

[Ikuza]

Tapped Out is really bad and I've made it thru similar movies with Stone Cold, Billy Blanks and Michael Bisping.

 

[Ikuza]

You need some John Cusack on this list of shit. He still ropes famous people into his movies a la Nick Cage.

 

[BisexualMMA]

I actually watched that trailer earlier. You actually watched it?

I almost put it on the list but the themes just seemed too fucked up to be entertaining.

How many of these have you seen?

Yeah, Michael Biehn was a producer on it. It seemed partly like a passion project, which is somehow sadder than a completely cynical cash grab under the circumstances.

I've seen The Trust, Blackway, Tapped Out and Heist. Blackway is actually better than The Trust. I didn't see it on the list the first time. It's probably worth watching overall. The Trust is okay but I wouldn't call it worth watching. Tapped Out and Heist are a joke.

 

[BisexualMMA]

You need some John Cusack on this list of shit. He still ropes famous people into his movies a la Nick Cage.

He's in one of them. But the best way to capture the spirit of this endeavor is the Cusack + Willis one-two punch in The Prince.

 

[Ikuza]

He's in one of them. But the best way to capture the spirit of this endeavor is the Cusack + Willis one-two punch in The Prince.

Plus the dude from Speed 2.

I was thinking The Bag Man. You get Cusack, De Niro, Crispin Glover along with Dominic Purcell, Sticky Fingaz and discount Mini Me.

 

[Guestx]

Yeah, Michael Biehn was a producer on it. It seemed partly like a passion project, which is somehow sadder than a completely cynical cash grab under the circumstances.

I don't get it.

This dude was Kyle Reese. He was Johnny Ringo. He was Corporal Hicks.

How did he end up where he is today? I mean, we talk about how guys like Nic Cage have fallen. That's nothing compared to Michael Biehn.

I've seen The Trust, Blackway, Tapped Out and Heist. Blackway is actually better than The Trust. I didn't see it on the list the first time. It's probably worth watching overall. The Trust is okay but I wouldn't call it worth watching. Tapped Out and Heist are a joke.

Indeed. Considering the fact that you were denigrating these kinds of movies, why did you even bother to watch them?

In any case, what I'm really looking for is another Infiltrator. Not necessarily in terms of plot or even genre, but in terms of it being a movie that just kind of came and went with little fanfare, but that actually is a pretty good movie.

 

[Guestx]

He's in one of them. But the best way to capture the spirit of this endeavor is the Cusack + Willis one-two punch in The Prince.

Plus the dude from Speed 2.

I was thinking The Bag Man. You get Cusack, De Niro, Crispin Glover along with Dominic Purcell, Sticky Fingaz and discount Mini Me.

Both of those were contenders, but the trailers didn't look interesting to me at all. Not interesting in a "maybe this is so bad it's good" way, or in a "hey, that might actually be pretty entertaining" way. Mostly those two just looked like they would be fucking boring.

 

[Ikuza]

Both of those were contenders, but the trailers didn't look interesting to me at all. Not interesting in a "maybe this is so bad it's good" way, or in a "hey, that might actually be pretty entertaining" way. Mostly those two just looked like they would be fucking boring.

I would give The Prince a chance.

Skip The Bagman.

 

[Guestx]

You need some John Cusack on this list of shit. He still ropes famous people into his movies a la Nick Cage.

He's in Cell.

I considered going with one of these two but they didn't quite make the cut.

 

[BisexualMMA]

I don't get it.

This dude was Kyle Reese. He was Johnny Ringo. He was Corporal Hicks.

How did he end up where he is today? I mean, we talk about how guys like Nic Cage have fallen. That's nothing compared to Michael Biehn.

Indeed. Considering the fact that you were denigrating these kinds of movies, why did you even bother to watch them?

In any case, what I'm really looking for is another Infiltrator. Not necessarily in terms of plot or even genre, but in terms of it being a movie that just kind of came and went with little fanfare, but that actually is a pretty good movie.

Well, I still have a reasonable amount of trust in an Anthony Hopkins performance. I wouldn't say he's outright doing the Bruce Willis dance.

As for Michael Biehn, he needs a good script and more importantly needs a good director. On top of that, he's not exactly hungry like it's 1981 or something. He's been through the ringer and has spent the last decade plus in the gutter. Would you be approaching new projects with unbridled optimism at this point? And he's also pissed some people off in the industry over the years.

As for why I watched The Trust... Seemed like a way to keep up on how Cage and Wood are performing these days with a lesser risk than normal of an utterly shit movie. As for Heist...DeNiro's acting is like an abusive husband I keep giving another chance.

 

[Guestx]

I would give The Prince a chance.

Skip The Bagman.

Maybe I'll check it out if I do a Round 2 with this idea.

 

[Guestx]

And he's also pissed some people off in the industry over the years.

What's this all about?

As for why I watched The Trust... Seemed like a way to keep up on how Cage and Wood are performing these days with a lesser risk than normal of an utterly shit movie.

You don't seem too high on it, but I've actually heard some good things about The Trust.

As for Heist...DeNiro's acting is like an abusive husband I keep giving another chance.

LOL

 

[BisexualMMA]

You don't seem too high on it, but I've actually heard some good things about The Trust.

I think it's mostly that it stands out as kind of good by the standards of a recent Cage movie.