The TUF 23 Trivial Games of Reality and Leisure vol. 3.0

Fight

1. A) Lanchana Green

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2. B) Yes, it will go to a third, "Sudden Victory" round

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3. E) KO third round

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Bonus

1. B) Two to Three people wearing hoodies will be 'wearing' the hood on their head as well.


---

2. C) They bring in someone famous (ufc vet, athlete, famous person. etc) to talk to them or hang out with them



---

3. A) It involves a member of his family (either being sick or in trouble or needing him to come home for some reason)


---

4. A) Kate Jackson will get a confessional and we can put this to rest


---

5. A) Yeah, bring it in, bro


---

6. A) Four times or less during the fight the closed captioning will catch a phrase or word being said four times or more consecutively (ex.- "go, go, go, go"!)
 
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Fight

1. B) Helen Harper

2. A) No, it won't get to the 3rd round

3. B) SUB first round


Bonus

1. B) Two to Three people wearing hoodies will be 'wearing' the hood on their head as well.

2. D) None of these things will happen. Same old same old.

3. A) It involves a member of his family (either being sick or in trouble or needing him to come home for some reason)

4. A) Kate Jackson will get a confessional and we can put this to rest

5. A) Yeah, bring it in, bro (but only the girlz - Claudia got no love for the guyz :p )

6. A) Four times or less during the fight the closed captioning will catch a phrase or word being said four times or more consecutively (ex.- "go, go, go, go"!)
 
[One note I want to emphasize. I've been kind of at a hesitant stalemate with the EPR lately because I think I've unfairly characterized the fighters in a way that may be considered fighter bashing.

I asked a good friend, and he said I should just make sure to note that these EPR's are just a fantastical portrayal of the events on TUF 23, a parody, if you will, and aren't meant to be taken seriously or to offend anyone or their loved ones. With this, I will try to be sensitive to all parties concerned and tone it down a bit]




EPR

{Episodic Pictorial Review}

WEEK 3
Part 1
Fight



The fight was a domination of a wrestler against a striker. Tatiana proved to be an All-American Wrestler that can make the takedown and submission.


First, here's an example of her sheer strength of takedown against JJ's sprawl:

7w1v2Q9.jpg



Now, JJ did bloody Suarez's face with some elbows, but Suarez persevered:

4I0m6o4.jpg



The final sequence occurred in the second round where instead of just letting gravity take it's course, Suarez lifted Aldrich and spiked her on her head:

UfKg5em.jpg



This lead to the beginning of the end:

PVJbRHl.jpg



And finally the tap near the end of the 2nd round. Victory by SUB via RNC:

KxBDM2I.jpg


--------



Bonus


1. Things are a bit heated all around. Joanna is bullying Claudia and I think Helen "The Harpie" Harper is getting in between Syndicate buddies Roundtree and Cory to form the first of the season TUF House Love-Triangle! Will there be any scene in the house with the three of them together? Will Hanna Harper, Khalil Roundtree and Cory Hendricks be filmed in the same room (or outside together)? TUF gym and vans don't count. (10pts)


A) Yes, three's company!


Cory is really working it in the Women's Room. Last episode, he found an opportune time to suddenly undress in front of a Bronchitis stricken Harper as soon as she woke up and stepped foot out of her bed, catching her and Gatorade bottle in total surprise by throwing off his shirt, his UFC brand hat, and also dropping his trousers, all for no reason in mid-sentence:

kSeL6BM.jpg



She seems fine, Cory, I'm a bit worried about the Orange Gatorade that is currently being choked to death with both her fists there, though:

yy3QMun.jpg


And the rest of that week, it was as if she were under his spell, doing errands and little chores for Cory at the mere suggestion, completely ignoring the high-five attempts and inspirational pep-talk coffee dates that Khalil set up to build her confidence and morale. She just wasn't there for Khalil, friendship wise, as she once was:

U1HjMT6.jpg



Khalil found out, and wanted Cory to stop bugging her with his subliminal grifter-lethario ways, so that he could more effectively bug her with his positivity bubble of good times and universal-energy-beings talk.

They ended up settling this like gentlemen, but instead of pistols at dawn, it got negotiated down to a Donut Eating Contest near the breakfast nook, with Helen Harper in the back, off to the right, waiting for the Spell of the Hendricks to be broken.

Here are the two, ready to battle for rights to Helen Harper's soul:

3HQE6kW.jpg


If we pan to the left, we'll see JJ Aldrich (with hood), Yoder (with facemask) and Cooper, and the legs of Moyle to the far right:

uSJGJo9.jpg



If we pan back further, we can see Lanchana Green laughing and mocking them all on the left, and to the far right, there is Tatiana Suarez, as line-judge, Jamie Moyle with knees up and feet on chair in the fetal position, and yes, with the mini-gallon jug half filled with Nyquil, farthest right, is Helen Harper, awaiting her fate:

Qrst8nT.jpg



You may ask... ok, those are seven of the eight female fighters. Where is Kate Jackson, gorgonon? Sadly, she was not invited. In point of fact, later on in the day when the blue team went for morning practice, it was revealed that she was 'accidentally' left behind the previous night at the TUF gym, left to fend for herself with only UFC Water Bottles as nourishment.

Nobody made a big deal, so don't get all teary-eyed or anything. Kate Jackson didn't seem to mind, or at least, nobody asked and she didn't say anything or make eye contact, for that matter.


----

2. The whole JJ and Claudia smack talk took a turn week 2, with JJ going full tilt into it and not relenting. The thing is, there were a couple moments where I thought Amanda Bobby Cooper (ABC) or Lanchana Green were going to chirp back, as ABC even muttered to Gadelha that she wished she didn't understand English like the Brazillian Boxing Coach, so she wouldn't have to understand the Champ. There were stares given. Chuckles suppressed and hidden from view.


Will any of the irked Claudia Team utter anything about Joanna to each other or themselves or JJ herself or anyone this episode? This only includes the fellow Team Claudia Strawweights (Amanda Cooper, Kate Jackson, Tatiana Suarez and Lanchana Green), It doesn't have to be a negative thing, just will they mention her now that Jo Jedz has made an indelible impression on them. Confessionals DO NOT count. (15pts)



B) No talking about, or to, the Champ or I'll find you disrespectful and put the Shame on you!


Frankly, Joanna Champion is getting sick and tired of waiting on the other team or their weakling coach to start talking to or about her, so when she saw Helen Harper crying and making direct eye contact, she went full Polish Gangster on her and told her to not show any sign of fear or crying when JJ's fellow 'coaches' will drag her kicking and screaming from the TUF House:

saal14r.jpg


She whispered all these things into Helen Harper's crying, weak ears so nobody else will hear, and described in ruthless, calculating ways, from weakling body part to weakling body part, asking why Helen Harper wants this done to her? Why she look directly into Champion's eyes and speak Shameful words like, "I've still got bronchitis, please stop staring at me":

wlLeDYk.jpg


Is this what Helen Harper wants? :mad:


---
 
EPR
{Episodic Pictorial Review}

WEEK 3
Part 2

3. Other than smack talk, the only other thing that is proliferating on TUF is the officially sponsored UFC Branded Bottled Water.

These little guys are multiplying faster than Tribbles on the deck of the Star Trek Enterprise! Legend has it that Jo Jed even threw one at Claudia during their "after hours" fight, they were so prevalent in the gym! They're at the gym, they're definitely in those friggin locker rooms for the teams, and they've even proliferated at the house. All 3 levels! Just random bottles strewn everywhere, like the staging area finish line of a half marathon in the summertime.

How many single water bottles will be filmed this episode? Once it's filmed, it only counts once. We're not counting the water bottles inside the mini fridge with the window in the TUF gym, because it's too fuzzy to tell how many. Also, if there is a case of unopened water bottles shown, that doesn't count. Only singles. (20pts)



F) 21 and up!!!!


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Here they are like one pound plastic transparent rodents filled with tap water, burgeoning like a hydration plague!!!:

#1, between two 'unofficial' water bottle/jug to the left:

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#2, at feet of coach

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#3, JJ Aldrich taking a sip

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#4 Tatiana genuflecting to UFC branded water bottle, showing she knows way to Dana's heart:

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#5 really small, but near Tatiana and Lanchana's feet, next to unknown black barrel of oil/tar?:

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#5-6, during competition for soul, Lanchana handles a bottle and one is resting on table as reinforcement near Cory:

a4yD5Cc.jpg



#7 As JJ Aldrich moves from dark room, you can see UFC brand water waiting for her, lurking:

Wb3ZO7v.jpg



#9-12, JJ, as ever the superstitious Irish lass, sets up UFC branded water at the four cardinal directions, for luck:

IDlEdqm.jpg



#13, honorary UFC water bottle for TUF House ghost, next to haunted black chair, just in time for nightly orgy. This night is living room night, apparently:

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#14, Myrion with UFC water at pool table, practicing his diving/tapping capabilities:

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#15, rare photo caught on security camera of Kate Jackson ducking away from eyesight as she scrambles to feed herself on a food run up from the basement hovel trapdoor she has fashioned in the kitchen after getting locked out of the house one too many times, sometimes having the door shut on her face one too many times. It's easier this way. Bottle is far left on counter:

yuGVJPt.jpg



#16-18, UFC bottle on table and two (newly spawned through osmosis) on counter near Tatiana's head:

MJFfZLo.jpg



#19, Claudia sippin on water as Joanna watches in horror and disgust as Claudia shamefully drinks just like a smiling rude and disrespectful person would, with lips showing and sucking on bottle like pervert. The shame!!! Do it in private, you know???:

PhhApSM.jpg



#20, Flirting coach in front of Joanna, showing bottle and body lasciviously. She ignores this, of course:

T1qmzIY.jpg



21 and up! Maybe 8 UFC branded water bottles here, just waiting for Suarez to chug after her fight in celebration:

zjOPsfb.jpg




----


4. The futuristic, anthropomorphic and streamlined TUF Vans are here!!! They've got funky windows and a penchant to hide secrets and blast feuds!!! How many van scenes (footage taken from within the van on the fighters) will we be gifted with this episode? (10pts)


C) Two to Three


Khalil took moments as special as the van rides as an opportunity for a captive audience to hear his views on life and such:

2qSB7O1.jpg



JJ Aldrich on her way to her executi... I mean exhibition match:

8cLf7ZP.jpg



---
 
EPR
{Episodic Pictorial Review}

WEEK 3
Part 3

5. We've seen the mentorship between Joanna Jędrzejczyk and JJ Aldrich blossom in week 2, even going so far as to show Aldrich holding pads for Joanna, which is seen as a very intimate gesture in Polish culture between two women who aren't "the different ones". And now, that fledgling familial bond may soon be broken.

Certainly, this episode will have the highest rate of people saying "JJ" in this series, with the focus on JJ Aldrich fighting this week. How many times will we be hearing "JJ" throughout the entire episode (not counting the show announcers)? (15pts)

B) 10 or more times


There were alot of JJ's muttered this episode, here goes!

#1, First up is Zeilton Nenzao, JJ's trash talking muse, whose ears perked up when he heard the syllables "JJ", as he speaks no English, and only knows of this mysterious Euro Goddess by this sound, and her flirtatious eyes as she gets close and whispers to him occasionally off camera about, what is this word, "disembowelment"? and that other one, "AK47"? Is that the name of a star in the sky she wants me to look up as I am in the barrios of Rio de Janeiro and she is in ghettos of Warsaw? We both look at same star AK47 and dream? :

Y4iR3TV.jpg



#2, late night sesh with teacher:

8h7oWQG.jpg



#3 more of same:

TJJ8dXG.jpg



#4, she keeps saying same thing, in different ways:

akz0oE9.jpg



#5, in retrospect, she never really ever mentioned 'Aldrich' in this interview... :

OsKxtaI.jpg



#6, in Polish, striking is same as truckin', so misunderstanding:

m4jw1Ao.jpg



#7 Apparently, the fighters began to realize the subliminal UFC propaganda everywhere, on their UFC branded water bottles, as well as UFC branded pool table:

rWa0t96.jpg



#8, this official did the air quotes and everything, so embarrassing :rolleyes: :

yiS8thn.jpg



#9, Aldrich lept up like a bionic person, and Yoder had a UFC hat on, so it was a pretty spectacular weigh in:

8gsqcgz.jpg



#10, Aldrich moves like a bumblebee, too:

r5h4n68.jpg



#11, there were many more instances of "JJ", but this is the one that was most significant, advice-wise, from the Champion:

bVz7rbi.jpg



---------------
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Sorry it took so long, had a crisis if I should do these, sometimes they come off mean, but it's done from love. I hope people can understand this and please don't misunderstand my intentions!
 
Fight

1. B) Helen Harper
2. A) No, it won't get to the 3rd round
3. D) SUB second round

Bonus


1. C) Four or Five people will wear the hoods of their hoodies.
2. C) Will they bring in someone famous (ufc vet, athlete, famous person. etc) to talk to them or hang out with them?
3. A) It involves a member of his family (either being sick or in trouble or needing him to come home for some reason)
4. A) Kate Jackson will get a confessional and we can put this to rest
5. A) Yeah, bring it in, bro
6. A) Four times or less during the fight the closed captioning will catch a phrase or word being said four times or more consecutively (ex.- "go, go, go, go"!)
 
Fight
1. A
2. B
3. C

For Bi:

K4StJcM.gif


Bonus
1. D
2. A
3. C
4. A
5. A
6. B
 
Fight:

1. A
2. A
3. A

Bonus :
1. B
2. C
3. A
4. A
5. A
6. A
 
Fight:

1. A

Lanchana via power of Kettlebells

857579_10151476680146071_790577268_o.jpg



Rogan approves

tumblr_o0x4anfUf11ry1rm7o2_500.gif



2. A
3. C

From the promo I saw Harper getting a mount but I think Lanchana survives it and then bashes gassed out Harper in the second rounds to score TKO win (now watch as she loses via sub in second round because she is tired)


Bonus :

1. C
they will go ghetto on our asses in this episode

2. C
3. A
I think his wife is dumping him.

4. A
I believe in you Kate. You can do it!!!! Kate probably dumped one of TUF producers and he is getting his revenge by not giving her a second in this season lol

5. A.
Oh there will be some touching baby. Claudia is a woman that knows what she wants...and I bet she wants to hug sweating Lanchana after her win. I know I wood.

6. B
I'll say more than 5 because this fight is going to the second round....lots of time for JJ to express her poetic side with NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO lol
 
Last edited:
I have a question suggestion....maybe for next episode.

Seems like he get some Khalil time in every episode. Will we have another Khalil show this week?

You like it Gorgonon?
 
I have a question suggestion....maybe for next episode.

Seems like he get some Khalil time in every episode. Will we have another Khalil show this week?

You like it Gorgonon?

Love it, Art! I'll formulate a question based on activities this episode. Safe to say this guy is going to be 'guest hosting' some events for the UFC in the future, he's just so charismatic, and has been on TUF Talk several times already!
 
Answer Key

for Week 5

---

Fight



1. Who will win, Lanchana Green or Helen Harper? (15pts)
[Since this may be spoiled, it only counts the fewest points]

A) Lanchana Green
B) Helen Harper




---

2. Last week, the men failed us by a two round decision via grounded dominance, and depriving us of a "Sudden Victory" round. Disappointed as we were, will we finally get our first "Sudden Victory" round in the TUF house? Will this fight get to the 3rd round? (20pts)

A) No, it won't get to the 3rd round
B) Yes, it will go to a third, "Sudden Victory" round



---

3. Since we and Dana abhor leaving it to the fc$^#@#&$ judges, let's do some positive visualization. How will this fight be finished? (30pts) [Remember: If it ends in decision, we all lose, my friends. We all lose]

A) KO first round
B) SUB first round
C) KO second round
D) SUB second round
E) KO third round
F) SUB third round

we all lose, my friends. We all lose


--------



Bonus

1. We're getting plenty of wearing hats and handling bottles this season, but an overlooked but abundant accessory item this season is the 'hoodie'. But not just wearing the hoodie, but putting the hood over the head in all its intended ear and neck and scalp shelter.

Example:

PhaZ2NQ.jpg


How many people will pull up their hoods on their heads and be comforted by the mini fleece head blanket? We will count one person, per day. So if they're wearing the hoodie on their head at the gym, and they show them in the van with it on, then they arrive at the house with it on, that doesn't count for three, but one. But if they wear it for weigh in day, and then later they wear it for fight day, that's two separate times. (20pts)

This counts for everyone, coaches as well as fighters and anybody seen.

A) Zero to 1 fighters will pull on their hood.
B) Two to Three people wearing hoodies will be 'wearing' the hood on their head as well.
C) Four or Five people will wear the hoods of their hoodies.
D) Six or more people will be fully utilizing that hood of their hoodie.



---

2. We got both the coach visit and the celebratory meal, and now we've also been blessed with the yearly prank parade (water balloons) and people seen using the pool. All of this while not under the influence of alcohol. Not a drop. I know if I make a drinking question at this point, it won't happen, so the next best thing is to guess which other historically honored TUF activity will they be doing, if any at all? Pick one, even though more than one can happen! (25pts)

A) Will they all get their mandatory 'field trip' for the season, where one or both teams get to explore the outside world of TUF Gym and TUF House and have some recreation time? Coaches challenge doesn't count.
B) Speaking of which, will there be a Coaches challenge? So soon?
C) Will they bring in someone famous (ufc vet, athlete, famous person. etc) to talk to them or hang out with them?
D) None of these things will happen. Same old same old.


---

3. In the previews, there was some drama involving one of the male team members of Claudia. They made it look like he got a call about something. But what could it be? (15pts)

A) It involves a member of his family (either being sick or in trouble or needing him to come home for some reason)
B) It involves a recent injury he has suffered
C) It involves him breaking a rule of the show


---

4. Kate Jackson is the quiet sort. But two of her fellow UK foreign friends are fighting each other. Surely this will get Kate into the confessional, right? Right? (10pts)

A) Kate Jackson will get a confessional and we can put this to rest
B) Why should we hear from Kate Jackson? That's silly.


---

5. Claudia is getting close to her team. There's beginning to be physical contact, like hugs and such. Will this disturbing trend of cuddliness continue? Will Claudia hug one of her fighters again? Hand over/on shoulder doesn't count, there needs to be head on shoulder contact. (10pts)

A) Yeah, bring it in, bro
B) No touching!!!


---

6. Oh, one last thing, Joanna is about to snap. She is a seething cauldron of Polish Stew. One way she expresses this is during the fights, she yells out the same thing on repeat like an echo chamber. Again and again, like 4 times at least. Personally, I think it's from the Gilbert Melendez school of Cage Directing.
She starts fresh out the gate and says, "No, no, no, no, no", which I'm interpreting to mean Myron shouldn't have lept onto the floor head first so Andrew could mount him immediately?

NavlTPg.jpg



Then she offered constructive criticism, like "move, move, move, move" which is a pretty good thing to do in a fight I'm guessing:

Y4tBcJM.jpg



And I guess when Myron moved, she didn't like where he moved, so she screamed:

bQoo5bg.jpg



And right when Myron was at the exact spot of the cage where JJ was satisfied, there was the most legit advice of the fight she offered him:

itytJ6T.jpg



When that didn't work, she went back to the old standby:

Yr5o0qh.jpg

So, going by the closed captioning, how many times will Joanna, or even anybody for that matter (although Claudia at most repeats her phrases 3 times), scream a phrase or word 4 times or more consecutively? (10pts)

A) Four times or less during the fight the closed captioning will catch a phrase or word being said four times or more consecutively (ex.- "go, go, go, go"!)
B) Five times or more during the fight the closed captioning will catch a phrase or word being said four times or more consecutively (ex.-"no, no, no, no"!)
 
Preliminary Point Totals for Week 5

gorgonon


Fight
1. A-----------------------------------------15
2. B-----------------------------------------20
3. C

Bonus
1. D
2. A
3. C
4. A
5. A-----------------------------------------10
6. B-----------------------------------------10

497pts +15+20+10+10 = 552pts


-----


Homeless Infant

Fight
1. A-------------------------------------15
2. B-------------------------------------20
3. E

Bonus
1. B-----------------------------------------20
2. C-----------------------------------------25
3. A-----------------------------------------15
4. A
5. A----------------------------------------10
6. A

500pts +15+20+20+25+15+10 = 605pts


--------------



BisexualMMA

Fight:
1. A------------------------------------15
2. A
3. A


Bonus:
1. A
2. D
3. A---------------------------------15
4. A
5. A------------------------------------10
6. A

560pts +15+15+10 = 600pts


---------------


airic_15

Fight
1.A-------------------------------------15
2.A
3.C

Bonus
1.B------------------------------------20
2.D
3.A------------------------------------15
4.A
5.A------------------------------------10
6.B-------------------------------------10

565pts +15+20+15+10+10 = 635pts


----------


Asurah

Fight:
1. B
2. A
3. D

Bonus :
1. C
2. C---------------------------------25
3. A---------------------------------15
4. A
5. A---------------------------------10
6. A

502pts +25+15+10 = 552pts

-----------



Mark Zima

FIGHT
1. A----------------------------15
2. A
3. C

BONUS
1. D
2. C----------------------------25
3. C
4. A
5. A----------------------------10
6. B----------------------------10

481pts +15+25+10+10 = 541pts


------------


Vulkkan

Fight:
1. A----------------------------15
2. A
3. A

Bonus :
1. B---------------------------20
2. C---------------------------25
3. A----------------------------15
4. A
5. A----------------------------10
6. A

514pts +15+20+25+15+10 = 599pts


-----------


The Invisible

Fight:
1. A ----------------------15
2. A
3. C

Bonus :
1. D
2. D
3. A--------------------------15
4. A
5. A--------------------------10
6. B--------------------------10

437pts +15+15+10+10 = 487pts


-------


ArtofDrowning

Fight
1. A-------------------------15
2. A
3. C

Bonus
1. C
2. C--------------------------25
3. A--------------------------15
4. A
5. A--------------------------10
6. B--------------------------10

480pts +15+25+15+10+10 = 555pts


---------


Askafan

FIGHT
1 B,
2 A,
3 D

BONUS
1 A,
2 D,
3 C,
4 B,----------------------------10
5 A,-----------------------------10
6 A

424pts +10+10 = 444pts


----------


Xuh

Fight
1. B
2. A
3. B

Bonus
1. B------------------------------20
2. D
3. A------------------------------15
4. A
5. A-------------------------------10
6. A

490pts +20+15+10 = 535pts


-------


battery

[no entry]

414pts




hrkRF7J.gif



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Last edited:
Preliminary
Standings for Week 5

Qt6vlEJ.jpg


Rankings:

1st------------------airic_15----------------------635pts
2nd-----------------Homeless Infant-----------605pts
3rd------------------BisexualMMA--------------600pts
4th------------------Vulkkan----------------------599pts
5th------------------ArtofDrowning-------------555pts
T6th----------------Asurah-----------------------552pts
T6th----------------gorgonon--------------------552pts
8th------------------Mark Zima------------------541pts
9th------------------Xuh---------------------------535pts
10th----------------The Invisible---------------487pts
11th----------------askafan----------------------444pts
12th----------------battery-----------------------414pts
 
Congrats to our 3 movers of the week, Art went from 9th to 5th, Homeless went from 5th to 2nd, and airic is putting in a 30 point gap as leader!

Alot of leapfrogging going on still!

vdMFhvT.gif
 
Congrats to our 3 movers of the week, Art went from 9th to 5th, Homeless went from 5th to 2nd, and airic is putting in a 30 point gap as leader!

Alot of leapfrogging going on still!

vdMFhvT.gif
giphy.gif




When Claudia was shaking Lanchana's arm between rounds I was like " Oh yeeeeahhh, shake those points for me" lol
 
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