Social skills: poor AF

SSgt Dickweed said:
31 already yet as much of a wallflower as a pimply teenage virgin. I probably couldn't sell a glass of water to a man dying of thirst.

My office team just went up to a superior for birthday greetings, and after singing and in the middle of socializing, I once again became in the middle of an awkward situation where I fail to connect with the same people I go to work for the last couple of years. I was constantly led to contribute to discussion, even with the most shallow of topics just to keep the soiree rolling. Only after 3-5 attempts by the group to lead me in, I finally made a lame-ass joke for them to laugh at least, even if it is partly out of pity.

It's just sort of my nature I guess. The men in both sides of the family are similar. I need to grow the fuck up and socialize more, and make more personal connections.
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Don't worry - I like you - We like you - You'll always have Sherdog!
 
Are you in IT ? Almost every single IT guy / friend I have had for the last decade has been socially awkward and addicted to their smart phones..

The Filipino guys at my work are so weird people don’t even acknowledge them..
 
I'm awkward as hell half the time but I'm also funny so people at work always like me and look past it.
 
TribalDrumz said:
Are you in IT ? Almost every single IT guy / friend I have had for the last decade has been socially awkward and addicted to their smart phones..

The Filipino guys at my work are so weird people don’t even acknowledge them..
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Those IT guys. This guy I know would drone on for minutes about smart phone batteries and IoT devices or whatnot if you said hi to him. Nice guy, but I could not have a conversation with him.
 
Dude, don't feel bad.

I'm sure at every job I've worked at people thought I was a weird, socially awkward individual and you know what, that's fine by me.

I kept to myself and only talked to those I wanted to. The people I talked to we ended up having good conversations and to those I didn't, I really had no problem working my whole shift not saying more than a couple words to them if necessary.

I wouldn't say I'm socially awkward, it's just the older I get the more I don't feel like talking unless I have to or want to. I literally have the mindset of not wanting to waste my breathe or time.

Does it make me seem like an asshole at times? I'm sure it does but for those who know me I'm the complete opposite. My last employer had to pull me aside and describe me as stoic because I kept to myself and just did my job.

Eh...it is what it is.
 
I'm... relatively close to 40. Still can't initiate conversation with a stranger. Yet somehow, I've been married.
 
House by the Cemetery said:
Dude, don't feel bad.
My last employer had to pull me aside and describe me as stoic because I kept to myself and just did my job.
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Stoicism is a most wise and virtuous philosophy.

quote-the-reason-why-we-have-two-ears-and-only-one-mouth-is-that-we-may-listen-the-more-and-zeno-of-citium-65-94-90.jpg
 
SSgt Dickweed said:
31 already yet as much of a wallflower as a pimply teenage virgin. I probably couldn't sell a glass of water to a man dying of thirst.

My office team just went up to a superior for birthday greetings, and after singing and in the middle of socializing, I once again became in the middle of an awkward situation where I fail to connect with the same people I go to work for the last couple of years. I was constantly led to contribute to discussion, even with the most shallow of topics just to keep the soiree rolling. Only after 3-5 attempts by the group to lead me in, I finally made a lame-ass joke for them to laugh at least, even if it is partly out of pity.

It's just sort of my nature I guess. The men in both sides of the family are similar. I need to grow the fuck up and socialize more, and make more personal connections.
Click to expand...



The first step to being a good conversationalist is being a good listener. Stop thinking about yourself and really listen to people. And finally, don't be so hard on yourself. I can tell you are a thoughtful person. You can do this. Stop thinking you can't.
 
Mike said:
I'm... relatively close to 40. Still can't initiate conversation with a stranger. Yet somehow, I've been married.
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I honestly don't think there's much to be gained from actually conversing with total strangers.

Most people suck and have stupid opinions, fuck talking to them.
 
bandicoot said:
I honestly don't think there's much to be gained from actually conversing with total strangers.

Most people suck and have stupid opinions, fuck talking to them.
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Tbh that's my opinion too. Then again.... I'm single and have no friends so.... yeah. Then again tbf to myself, I've tried to make progress lately but I ive in an area where everyone is garbage. So I keep to myself a lot. It's safe but boring.
 
Mike said:
Tbh that's my opinion too. Then again.... I'm single and have no friends so.... yeah. Then again tbf to myself, I've tried to make progress lately but I ive in an area where everyone is garbage. So I keep to myself a lot. It's safe but boring.
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I'm 30 now and have no issue with not having much social interaction. Have like 1 long term friend, a friend at work, and that's it other than my fiance.

People are gay
 
bandicoot said:
I'm 30 now and have no issue with not having much social interaction. Have like 1 long term friend, a friend at work, and that's it other than my fiance.

People are gay
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Lol that's pretty much me minus the fiance. Not being good at keeping in contact and constantly moving around, has killed off the majority of my friendships over the years. Well that and not liking most people I meet to begin with.
 
Mike said:
I'm... relatively close to 40. Still can't initiate conversation with a stranger. Yet somehow, I've been married.
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And the irony is she was also a stranger.
 
Have fun but be wary that if you run your mouth enough you'll be the center of attention and you can't back down from that at work. If you have one quiet day everyone is going to wonder what is wrong with you and the last person they'll ask for an answer as to why you decided to be quiet that day is you. To make matters worse the fattest and loudest woman is the first one who'll try to Freud their way into your head.

At that moment of perceived vulnerability you can lean in and feign hardship which may give her the confidence to make physical contact or you can freeze up and say "I just don't feel myself today".

It's up to you.
 
Mike said:
Tbh that's my opinion too. Then again.... I'm single and have no friends so.... yeah. Then again tbf to myself, I've tried to make progress lately but I ive in an area where everyone is garbage. So I keep to myself a lot. It's safe but boring.
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The key imo is having something to talk about, a shared interest or activity that takes the focus off oneself. I don't do small talk, I do engage in pastimes and can talk about those with the people involved.

Kinda happy with myself though, I don't feel I need to become more superficial.
 
It seems your coworkers find you worth the effort so don't beat yourself up too bad. If they think you're worth the time of day you probably are.;)

Maybe you need to look inward to find a way out. If you have fears, confront them. Assess whether they are physically dangerous or just dangerous to your ego and work your way through them until they hold no fear for you anymore. Self worth is more important than self esteem. Any past failings are just that, past. Confront and conquer a similar situation or task that left you unsure of yourself. It won't hurt you to try how many times it may take, but it will hurt you in the long term not to.
Organising your life to achieve goals will give you real confidence because accomplishments are real. Start small and build up momentum, soon you will be achieving things you had never thought possible. Do not take failure personal, it is just life telling you to think about it and try again with more determination.
Meditation, MDMA, shrooms and LSD can all help in discovering who you truly are. Start working on yourself, self help books are great.

Best of luck
 
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