SHERDOG MOVIE CLUB: Week 128 - Five Element Ninjas

[Tufts]

Mostly I think it's funny how he gets 3 new brothers and he's all "Kewl! You are all now my blood-brothers!" Talk about an ease of adopting familiar relations.

And also how willing they were to take on his battle with the five elements!

 

[Thesnake101]

This remind me of a movie I watched back when I was but a wee lad. Can't remember the plot very well, but I know that it started with a showdown in a dojo, where the main character gets his arm literally chopped off with a karate chop from the bad guy. He is then trained to adapt to his disability, and in one scene puts his arm in something akin to a forge. With his newly toasted arm comes great strenght, as he destroys a pillar with ease, and then sets out to get revenge. The last scene I remember is during the final confrontation, which occurs in the mountains, I think, where a grenade is thrown at him, and he throws it back. Why do I remember that scene in particular? Because it's a shirtless asian man with a single burnt arm chucking a motherfucking grenade at someone.

This post had nothing to do with the thread, at all, but I might give this, and other martial arts movies, a watch just for the nostalgia factor alone. My uncle used to have a shit ton of MA films laying around back in the day. And also porn.

 

[europe1]

This remind me of a movie I watched back when I was but a wee lad. Can't remember the plot very well, but I know that it started with a showdown in a dojo, where the main character gets his arm literally chopped off with a karate chop from the bad guy. He is then trained to adapt to his disability, and in one scene puts his arm in something akin to a forge. With his newly toasted arm comes great strenght, as he destroys a pillar with ease, and then sets out to get revenge. The last scene I remember is during the final confrontation, which occurs in the mountains, I think, where a grenade is thrown at him, and he throws it back. Why do I remember that scene in particular? Because it's a shirtless asian man with a single burnt arm chucking a motherfucking grenade at someone.

This post had nothing to do with the thread, at all, but I might give this, and other martial arts movies, a watch just for the nostalgia factor alone. My uncle used to have a shit ton of MA films laying around back in the day. And also porn.

You're thinking of The One-Armed Boxer

 

[GSPSAKU]

I grew up on cheesy Asian films, most of which I haven't rewatched for fear of it ruining my childhood. Many of the films I watched, on the surface, looked like what I imagined this film to be and it proved me right. A typical "killed your master, now I must revenge his death" old school Chinese Kung Fu flick, mixed in with some ninjas. The fight/melee scenes were energetic with acrobatics galore as well as weaponry. The plot was thin as expected and as I noted above, little dialogue, and the acting was decent for the time and the genre. Glad to have watched it, won't be rewatching it, and wish I was 10 again as I think I would have enjoyed it alot more.

Notes/Questions/Takeaway
- Is the Master Ningja (Earth guy) into bondage? Tongue and cheek with his excellent use of "wood"-en weaponry?
- Tinfoil Raiden was awesome and good for laughs.
- Don't let a ninja stand on top of your head

 

[D Train]

Man, I loved this movie as a kid. I just thought it was the coolest thing ever. I don’t have any kind of in depth analysis or anything, but I thought fighting all of those different types of ninjas was badass. Looking back on it, it’s certainly no masterpiece, but you know what they say, “Different culture, hard to judge.”

 

[Cubo de Sangre]

Holy shit was this a dance-fest. 95% choreography and 5% acting. If non-stop action can wear you out, this film will do it. I did appreciate all the goofy shit they tried. Never seen groundhog ninjas jamming rods up asses before.

Kudos for the costume design. Lol at the fight scene where the dudes are stopping to have a conversation and the attackers pause to let 'm. And the times in the background where some dude was just hopping around and thrusting and air with his sword.

 

[Cubo de Sangre]

I also laughed pretty hard when the Fire guys in red used a smoke bomb and the guy they were fighting goes, "Ahhh, secret weapons!"

As @Tufts added, it was the addition of "You bastards!" that really cracked me up. That and the guy stepping on his rectum (I think ) were the best parts.

 

[JayPettryMMA]

Yeah, this didn't do much for me, but maybe I wasn't in the right mindset for it. It was more of an unintentional comedy than anything, but a good part of that has to do with the funny dubbing. It felt like rifftrax, especially when two characters that had the same voice actor spoke to each other. This will probably be my shortest review.

Coming into this, it's obvious that the plot is limited to "avenge your fallen comrades," with a poisoned master in there for good measure. The three month ban on doing any kung fu because of the poison made me laugh the first time I heard it, and then someone else said it like it was common knowledge, which made it even funnier.

The ninjas are ridiculous, and their gimmicks doubly so. It's kind of creative and it was very amusing to see the water ninjas flip out of the water, and the wood ninjas act like the temple guardians from Legends of the Hidden Temple. The earth ninjas were by far the best, tunneling around the ground and blasting out of it. Reminded me of a video game.

Something that bothered me was the introduction at the beginning which insisted on it following historical examples to the best of their ability. While yes, cool, they're keeping it real, they then went into the way beyond realistic minutes later. I was half expecting the gold raiden ninjas to shoot lightning out of their blades.

For all of its insanity, I thought I would have enjoyed it more. This film was a perfect example of a director throwing everything and the kitchen sink out there, with no idea too crazy. Did it work? I dunno. Paste Magazine says it's the 8th best martial arts movie of all time, and I do not agree. I would have enjoyed if more members of the Venom Mob were in it.

6/10.

 

[Cubo de Sangre]

This film was a perfect example of a director throwing everything and the kitchen sink out there, with no idea too crazy. Did it work?

Like this rope thing that seemed way more complicated than it was worth. I laughed at how I bet they had a lot more footage of trying to make it look cool that just didn't work out.

 

[Yotsuya]

I have a theory that 5 Element Ninjas was supposed to be a movie for kids that got out of hands a bit. It’s very naive and blingy even for a kung fu flick. The gore kind of seems out of place, but there are plenty on excamples of gory or violent children’s movies.

 

[Bullitt68]

Late to the party, I know, but I just finished an essay on Bruce Lee, Confucius, and Longstreet, so what better way to celebrate than catching up with some more martial arts mania

I watched this one a few years ago on Robert Rodriguez' El Rey channel. I agree with europe that it's nowhere near Cheh's best, but I also agree with Muster and Tufts that it's an entertaining ride. I'm seeing a lot of knocks on the plot, but considering how shitty some Shaw Brothers scripts are, this one wasn't half bad, especially as it concerned Senji, her betrayal, and her comeuppance. And all of you who have sympathy for her, WTF's wrong with you? Did you not see those evil smiles after she revealed herself to Sheng? And then that fucking demon grin when she killed him?



Look at that psycho. That fiendish fishnet-wearing floozy got what was coming to her.

Yeah I... wasn't that high on this movie. It's alright and all... but it was definitively on the lower end of all Chang Cheh movies I've seen.

It's your own damn fault for not nominating The Assassin, which I'm going to keep recommending to you until the end of time seeing as it's either Cheh's best film or else it's #2 to The One-Armed Swordsman.

Edit: I almost forgot, I also laughed pretty hard when the Fire guys in red used a smoke bomb and the guy they were fighting goes, "Ahhh, secret weapons!"

I missed the secret weapons part lol.

Secret weapons. You bastards!

I don't think I would've found that line as funny had I not read your posts before watching the movie, but watching it with it in my head, when I got to that part, I have to admit that it did have me chuckling <45>

Perhaps this was a comedy we just didn't know it.

Oh, dude, if you haven't seen Kung Pow!: Enter the Fist, which brilliantly spoofs these types of old-school chop socky flicks, then do yourself a favor and watch that comedy masterpiece.

That feeling you get when you're watching five element ninjas and you realize Leeloo, Corben, or Ruby aren't going to make an appearance...

You mean you didn't watch the post-credits scene?

Spoiler

 

[MusterX]

Look at that psycho. That fiendish fishnet-wearing floozy got what was coming to her.

She seemed so surprised when Tien-hao ran her through. She seemed to genuinely want to help him, even Tien-hao questioned himself afterwards saying, "ha, I made the right choice. Didn't I?" If she was being deceitful again then she was like....every deceitful woman I've ever met, convincing.

 

[LHWBelt]

Late to the party, I know, but I just finished an essay on Bruce Lee, Confucius, and Longstreet, so what better way to celebrate than catching up with some more martial arts mania

I watched this one a few years ago on Robert Rodriguez' El Rey channel. I agree with europe that it's nowhere near Cheh's best, but I also agree with Muster and Tufts that it's an entertaining ride. I'm seeing a lot of knocks on the plot, but considering how shitty some Shaw Brothers scripts are, this one wasn't half bad, especially as it concerned Senji, her betrayal, and her comeuppance. And all of you who have sympathy for her, WTF's wrong with you? Did you not see those evil smiles after she revealed herself to Sheng? And then that fucking demon grin when she killed him?



Look at that psycho. That fiendish fishnet-wearing floozy got what was coming to her.



It's your own damn fault for not nominating The Assassin, which I'm going to keep recommending to you until the end of time seeing as it's either Cheh's best film or else it's #2 to The One-Armed Swordsman.




I don't think I would've found that line as funny had I not read your posts before watching the movie, but watching it with it in my head, when I got to that part, I have to admit that it did have me chuckling <45>



Oh, dude, if you haven't seen Kung Pow!: Enter the Fist, which brilliantly spoofs these types of old-school chop socky flicks, then do yourself a favor and watch that comedy masterpiece.



You mean you didn't watch the post-credits scene?

Spoiler

Ive seen kung pow mate, loved it but that was like I'd guess 15 years ago anc i was probably 13. I saw it's on netflix recently which intrigued me.

 

[Tufts]

She seemed so surprised when Tien-hao ran her through. She seemed to genuinely want to help him, even Tien-hao questioned himself afterwards saying, "ha, I made the right choice. Didn't I?" If she was being deceitful again then she was like....every deceitful woman I've ever met, convincing.

 

[Bullitt68]

She seemed so surprised when Tien-hao ran her through. She seemed to genuinely want to help him, even Tien-hao questioned himself afterwards saying, "ha, I made the right choice. Didn't I?" If she was being deceitful again then she was like....every deceitful woman I've ever met, convincing.

She wasn't being deceitful again. That was the point. That's why he gives her the line about Sheng when she complains that he lied and he said just like she lied in his bed. Exactly what she did to him happened to her. Fishnets or no, the murder of a brother can't go unavenged in kung fu land. Bros before hoes, bro. That ho had to go.

Ive seen kung pow mate, loved it but that was like I'd guess 15 years ago anc i was probably 13. I saw it's on netflix recently which intrigued me.

One of the silliest and funniest movies I've ever seen and IMO the GOAT spoof. I lost count of the number of times I've watched it long ago but I laugh every time like I'd never seen it before.



That's one of the most inspired pieces of comedic genius ever. Beyond absurd. I don't know how the comedic mind works such that something so simple can be hit upon, but shit like that is why I love comedy.

Also:



Ok, if I don't stop there then I'll just end up posting so many clips that put together they'll equal the whole movie

 

[europe1]

Late to the party, I know, but I just finished an essay on Bruce Lee, Confucius, and Longstreet, so what better way to celebrate than catching up with some more martial arts mania

especially as it concerned Senji, her betrayal, and her comeuppance. And all of you who have sympathy for her, WTF's wrong with you? Did you not see those evil smiles after she revealed herself to Sheng? And then that fucking demon grin when she killed him?

Fishnet > Self-preservation.

It's your own damn fault for not nominating The Assassin

Yeah, I probably should have. The problem is that the movie is super hard to get a hold of (at least over here). I fear that we would have few people discussing the movie if it were chosen.