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I've heard a lot of people raving about how realistic this movie portrarys war, which I find utterly baffling. Which part of Rogue One was realistic?
Was it when an eighteen-year-old girl beat up an Imperial squadron?
When a blind monk beat up an imperial squadron?
When a sassy robot beat up an imperial squadron and then was sassy throughout the movie?
Was it when a legendary extremist chose to die a horrible death instead of getting on a plane with them?
Was it when the pilot was tortured by an alien blob creature with no physical or emotional scarring afterwards?
Was it when she saw the last hologram from her father and was the only person who knew the secret he built into the superweapon?
Was it when the girl snuck onto a secret military installation so her father could die in her arms?
Was it when a small group of military fighters listened to a rousing speech from a teen and then stole a military vessel to attack the Empire single handedly?
Was it when a blind monk helped them infiltrate a large military installation by helping to kill the guards in stealthy hand-to-hand combat?
Was it when a blind monk saves the day under heavy enemy fire?
Was it the realistic depiction of a dogfight in space, with noise, gravity and hyperspace warping?
Was it the realistic depiction of a superweapon hanging over the horizon?
Was it when the squadron of space fighters had to bring down the planetary shields?
Was it when the sassy robot sacrificed himself to save the day?
Was it when the spunky teenage girl confronted her mother's killer in hand-to-hand combat and got to enjoy the look on his face when he realized who she was?
Was it when the evil space wizard attacked people with his super-powers?
Answers:
Was it when an eighteen-year-old girl beat up an Imperial squadron?
Yes. Remember when that orphan single-handedly beat up the Boer army, inspiring Charles Dickens?
When a blind monk beat up an imperial squadron?
Yes, Mussolini was continuously thwarted by a blind italian priest waving a dry baguette at his men.
When a sassy robot beat up an imperial squadron and then was sassy throughout the movie?
Yes. This is the part of the Alan Turing story that hasn't been declassified yet.
Was it when a legendary extremist chose to die a horrible death instead of getting on a plane with them and possibly bringing down the empire?
This checks out. Most people don't know that kamikaze pilots just couldn't be arsed to return home again because it was such a chore getting in and out of their flight suits.
Was it when the pilot was tortured by an alien blob creature with no physical or emotional scarring afterwards?
Yep. Most people don't realize, but PTSD was called "a case of nerves" by the Victorian people and was primarily suffered by those who were subjected to pillow fights by enemy captors.
Was it when she saw the last hologram from her father and was the only person who knew the secret he built into the superweapon?
Yep. Most troops on special missions wind up in a situation where moving personal moments play out with long-lost family members dying in their arms.
Was it when the girl snuck onto a secret military installation so her father could die in her arms?
Again, this happens so often that spec ops fighters actually receive specialized training to dealing with poetic moments that may test them during their mission.
Was it when a small group of military fighters listened to a rousing speech from a teen and then stole a military vessel to attack the Empire single handedly?
Yep. This is why Ignacio Comonfort led a revolution against his own government. A bland teen with no personality set his passions ablaze with one deft speech.
Was it when a blind monk helped them infiltrate a large military installation by helping to kill the guards in stealthy hand-to-hand combat?
Blind monks were the primary cause of Hitler's downfall.
Was it when a blind monk saves the day under heavy enemy fire?
Again, this checks out. Many instances of battles won by blind monks wandering through enemy fire.
Was it the realistic depiction of a dogfight in space, with noise, gravity and hyperspace warping?
Yep. We discovered this during the Apollo 11 mission when the Yankee astronaut had to drop kick that space gremlin out an air lock. Luckily he had just been reunited with his lost (in space) father, which gave him the strength he needed to fight on.
Was it the realistic depiction of a superweapon hanging over the horizon?
Yep. This is the last thing Gaddafi saw.
Was it when the squadron of space fighters had to bring down the planetary shields?
Most people don't know that a specialized squadron of black fighters were responsible for most of the laser shields being circumvented in WWII.
Was it when the sassy robot sacrificed himself to save the day?
This checks out. Hitler's sassy typewriter was actually working with the allies.
Was it when the spunky teenage girl confronted her mother's killer in hand-to-hand combat and got to enjoy the look on his face when he realized who she was?
Yep. Franco was undone when he realized he was in the third act of a hero's journey belonging to a tough, but spunky, teenager.
Was it when the evil space wizard attacked people with his super-powers?
I think we all remember what turned the tied against the Americans in 'Nam.
Was it when an eighteen-year-old girl beat up an Imperial squadron?
When a blind monk beat up an imperial squadron?
When a sassy robot beat up an imperial squadron and then was sassy throughout the movie?
Was it when a legendary extremist chose to die a horrible death instead of getting on a plane with them?
Was it when the pilot was tortured by an alien blob creature with no physical or emotional scarring afterwards?
Was it when she saw the last hologram from her father and was the only person who knew the secret he built into the superweapon?
Was it when the girl snuck onto a secret military installation so her father could die in her arms?
Was it when a small group of military fighters listened to a rousing speech from a teen and then stole a military vessel to attack the Empire single handedly?
Was it when a blind monk helped them infiltrate a large military installation by helping to kill the guards in stealthy hand-to-hand combat?
Was it when a blind monk saves the day under heavy enemy fire?
Was it the realistic depiction of a dogfight in space, with noise, gravity and hyperspace warping?
Was it the realistic depiction of a superweapon hanging over the horizon?
Was it when the squadron of space fighters had to bring down the planetary shields?
Was it when the sassy robot sacrificed himself to save the day?
Was it when the spunky teenage girl confronted her mother's killer in hand-to-hand combat and got to enjoy the look on his face when he realized who she was?
Was it when the evil space wizard attacked people with his super-powers?
Answers:
Was it when an eighteen-year-old girl beat up an Imperial squadron?
Yes. Remember when that orphan single-handedly beat up the Boer army, inspiring Charles Dickens?
When a blind monk beat up an imperial squadron?
Yes, Mussolini was continuously thwarted by a blind italian priest waving a dry baguette at his men.
When a sassy robot beat up an imperial squadron and then was sassy throughout the movie?
Yes. This is the part of the Alan Turing story that hasn't been declassified yet.
Was it when a legendary extremist chose to die a horrible death instead of getting on a plane with them and possibly bringing down the empire?
This checks out. Most people don't know that kamikaze pilots just couldn't be arsed to return home again because it was such a chore getting in and out of their flight suits.
Was it when the pilot was tortured by an alien blob creature with no physical or emotional scarring afterwards?
Yep. Most people don't realize, but PTSD was called "a case of nerves" by the Victorian people and was primarily suffered by those who were subjected to pillow fights by enemy captors.
Was it when she saw the last hologram from her father and was the only person who knew the secret he built into the superweapon?
Yep. Most troops on special missions wind up in a situation where moving personal moments play out with long-lost family members dying in their arms.
Was it when the girl snuck onto a secret military installation so her father could die in her arms?
Again, this happens so often that spec ops fighters actually receive specialized training to dealing with poetic moments that may test them during their mission.
Was it when a small group of military fighters listened to a rousing speech from a teen and then stole a military vessel to attack the Empire single handedly?
Yep. This is why Ignacio Comonfort led a revolution against his own government. A bland teen with no personality set his passions ablaze with one deft speech.
Was it when a blind monk helped them infiltrate a large military installation by helping to kill the guards in stealthy hand-to-hand combat?
Blind monks were the primary cause of Hitler's downfall.
Was it when a blind monk saves the day under heavy enemy fire?
Again, this checks out. Many instances of battles won by blind monks wandering through enemy fire.
Was it the realistic depiction of a dogfight in space, with noise, gravity and hyperspace warping?
Yep. We discovered this during the Apollo 11 mission when the Yankee astronaut had to drop kick that space gremlin out an air lock. Luckily he had just been reunited with his lost (in space) father, which gave him the strength he needed to fight on.
Was it the realistic depiction of a superweapon hanging over the horizon?
Yep. This is the last thing Gaddafi saw.
Was it when the squadron of space fighters had to bring down the planetary shields?
Most people don't know that a specialized squadron of black fighters were responsible for most of the laser shields being circumvented in WWII.
Was it when the sassy robot sacrificed himself to save the day?
This checks out. Hitler's sassy typewriter was actually working with the allies.
Was it when the spunky teenage girl confronted her mother's killer in hand-to-hand combat and got to enjoy the look on his face when he realized who she was?
Yep. Franco was undone when he realized he was in the third act of a hero's journey belonging to a tough, but spunky, teenager.
Was it when the evil space wizard attacked people with his super-powers?
I think we all remember what turned the tied against the Americans in 'Nam.
