Ode To The Spaz (now with Haiku, p.6)

Poem to the "All Excuses" grappler

I pulled my abductor feeding my llama,
Then tripped and stubbed my toe and that created more drama,
Last week I swear I got a concussion during warm-up, that's why I got tapped so much,
The week before, I could have submitted everyone but my sudden migraine made me lose my genius touch,
This week I injured my throat drinking a Diet Coke,
No wonder you could sink in that damn Ezequiel choke.
I don't like to make excuses, but I ate too much peanut butter and jelly,
That's the only reason last time I tapped from your knee on my belly!
 
BreezerD said:
ode to the sweaty fat guy? mma wannabe guy?
Click to expand...

I'll do an MMA wannabe be later. There's definately some gold to be mined there.
As per your request:

Ode To The Sweater

When warm ups begin you really work up a sweat
Those around you slip down 'cause the mat is so wet
You sweat when it's hot, you sweat when it's cool
You're soaked to the bone! Did you come from the pool?
Our training begins and we go to the ground
Your puddle gets deeper and I try not to drown
I can't get you off and I'm beginning to fear
Oh man! It just happend! Your sweat's in my ear!
I try an arm bar, but you slip right on out
Your sweat's coming faster, like it comes from a spout
You sit up in my guard and I'm showered with rain
I tap due due to drowning but not due to pain.
 
D-Train said:
I'll do an MMA wannabe be later. There's definately some gold to be mined there.
As per your request:

Ode To The Sweater

When warm ups begin you really work up a sweat
Those around you slip down 'cause the mat is so wet
You sweat when it's hot, you sweat when it's cool
You're soaked to the bone! Did you come from the pool?
Our training begins and we go to the ground
Your puddle gets deeper and I try not to drown
I can't get you off and I'm beginning to fear
Oh man! It just happend! Your sweat's in my ear!
I try an arm bar, but you slip right on out
Your sweat's coming faster, like it comes from a spout
You sit up in my guard and I'm showered with rain
I tap due due to drowning but not due to pain.
Click to expand...

That's me!!!!
If we're given a waterbreak after warmups I change my shirt because it's already soaked.
I've actually gone through three different shirts during a one hour class.
 
Here's some jits haiku (you know, 3 lines - 5syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables)

My favorite gi
Dirty, worn, frayed, beautiful
You help me to win


No gi jiu jitsu
I submit you with my skillz
I don't need a gi


I roll on the floor
With sweaty, musclar dudes
I swear I'm not gay
 
Ode to the Future Cagefighter

At all times you shadowbox,
Grunting like a slob,
Bringing striking to grappling,
"I swear, it's my job",
Because that's what you do,
Hoodrats none the wiser,
At the clubs you tell them,
"I'm a fucking cage fighter!"
You think that you're Chuck,
Recording yourself "training", covered in wata,
That move won't work with punches,
Don't touch me with your homo-pelata.

I encourage someone to make it better.
 
HAIKU

Rubberguard is best,
No, really, I swear it is,
I am a white belt.
 
Funny thing is nearly every grappling club/gym has a spaz or two. Here is the clincher though, if you do not know who the spaz at your club is......the bad news is its probably you.
 
D-Train said:
Here's some jits haiku (you know, 3 lines - 5syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables)

My favorite gi
Dirty, worn, frayed, beautiful
You help me to win


No gi jiu jitsu
I submit you with my skillz
I don't need a gi


I roll on the floor
With sweaty, musclar dudes
I swear I'm not gay
Click to expand...

The others are ok, but the last one is magical.

And true. So true. I'm really not gay.
 
Yeah, there was one time when I asked my wife to help me refine a technique. I put her in my guard and move to pit stop and she looks up and says, "You do this with guys? On purpose?"
 
D-Train said:
Yeah, there was one time when I asked my wife to help me refine a technique. I put her in my guard and move to pit stop and she looks up and says, "You do this with guys? On purpose?"
Click to expand...

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The funny part about this sketch is that the BJJ dude is just doing normal BJJ stuff, not even exaggerating anything!
 
HAIKU

Our ears look like prunes
We live in fear of the staph
Our hearts still thank us

Caught in triangle
Why cant you please wear a cup
Ball stench makes me tap
 
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