Not in the mood. Have you ever convinced someone to have sex and is that bad?

Ok so this Weinstein situation has created or outed some pretty polar ideas on what constitutes non consensual or bullying in a sexual relationship with your wife, girlfriend or someone you are dating.

I am shocked by guys like @snakedafunky and @Kframe having views that any attempt to change the mind or convince your wife, girlfriend, date into sex when they might say no or they are not in the mood is akin to rape.

They do not accept that there are not just different types of women but also that there are different situations. I've been with women who are super aggressive sexually and if for instance I came home grumpy from work and not in the mood she would quickly set about getting me in the mood and changing my mind because she could see i need the stress relief and vice versa.

so what say you sherbro's, have things changed this much that if you come home and your gal says I am not in the mood and you persist, tease and flirt to get her in the mood that, that is somehow abusive or her just relenting out of pity as Kframe says? Can a man or woman not be won over and not only participate willingly but also be glad you persisted and it being one of the more passionate exchanges you have?

i tell ya, if most people agree with those guys then I guess things have changed a ton and Im glad I am older and did not spend my youth in a time where guys were afraid to show they were really into a gal before she may have felt the same and to try and convince her based on that passion.

That is the correct word, and is never appropriate in a sexual relationship.

So one forum poster is strawman-ing another posters point?


I, am shocked.
 
Given your experience and the story I get why you would advocate for a caution first approach.

But you in no way seem to agree with Kframe's position. In fact it is because guys like Kframe might end up being the one judging you or others that you have the caution first approach. YOu can see certain people can be completely irrational on this topic and treat everything as if black and white.

But I think it is wrong to let such fear dictate your actions. We all saw that young USC student charged with rape and immediately found guilty by th court of popular opinion when a young girl literally dragged him (looking reluctant) out of a bar on campus and was making gestures behind his back to her girlfriends that she was going to take him home and fuck him. She then regretted the exchange after and said it was rape and only the secxurity camera footage saved him. No way he wins that otherwise.

So what lesson should we all take away from that near tragedy? Never to let a girl take you home for sex because you cannot control how she views it the next day? Tough if you try to live your life that way.

I do just fine and always have. Single people with even mediocre social ability should be able to get laid easily. I'm a 3 at best and punch up all the time. I've never had to use alcohol or "convincing" either.

I also don't have a mindset that I have to be in control of situations all the time. I prefer sexually forward women, and because of that, I will never get burned by playing those games.
 
Definitely an interesting question.

I agree with @Mike that relationship dynamics are constantly in flux, so though it sounds harsh when worded this way, oftentimes each party is working to get the other to do things they wouldn't independently want to do. It's a subtle art (or it should be anyway) but in good relationships the long term consequence is two people who have successfully read enough cues over time that they're able to make each other very happy - without becoming unhappy about their own (adjusted) behaviour. Sexual persuasion is just another set of these cues and is on-side and acceptable imo. A relationship between people with very different sex drives would never survive otherwise.

Among my circle of friends, and I suspect on Sherdog as well, what's more controversial is whether your significant other has some obligation to sexually perform when you have the desire to, even when she doesn't. On this my answer is a firm no. My ex tried this once near the beginning of the relationship, and I gave her shit for not standing up for herself more when she was clearly not in the mood. I can honestly say I don't want to have sex with a girl who isn't into it the way I am, but I haven't found that's a general consensus among men.
 
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Also, I bet an app that smoothly recorded signals of consent would be a big hit right around now.

Come home with girl, log in, input ID info, obtain voice or written consent from both parties to prevent future legal ramifications, go to town. Would be a cool design challenge to make it as non-obstructive as possible.
 
Definitely an interesting question.

I agree with @Mike that relationship dynamics are constantly in flux, so though it sounds harsh when worded this way, oftentimes each party is working to get the other to do things they wouldn't independently want to do. It's a subtle art (or it should be anyway) but in good relationships the long term consequence is two people who have successfully read enough cues over time that they're able to make each other very happy - without becoming unhappy about their own (adjusted) behaviour.

Among my circle of friends, and I suspect on Sherdog as well, what's more controversial is whether your significant other has some obligation to sexually perform when you have the desire to, even when she doesn't. On this my answer is a firm no. My ex tried this once near the beginning of the relationship, and I gave her shit for not standing up for herself more when she was clearly not in the mood. I can honestly say I don't want to have sex with a girl who isn't into it the way I am, but I haven't found that's a general consensus among men.

This is the key. @Sonny mentioned the old go to backrub to get his wife in the mood. I guess some could see that as "coercion" somehow, but as he said if it doesn't work he just shrugs and says "hmm I guess not today"


And that's how most guys I've known have approached it. We've got our various strategies for getting a girl in the mood if she's not already there, but there's a VAST difference between that and just taking someone by force despite their objections.
 
Also, I bet an app that smoothly recorded signals of consent would be a big hit right around now.

Come home with girl, log in, input ID info, obtain voice or written consent from both parties to prevent future legal ramifications, go to town. Would be a cool design challenge to make it as non-obstructive as possible.

Or you just be an adult
 
Or you just be an adult

I don't especially like the idea either, but the design opportunity is there.

Sadly, today's society seems to be demonstrating that the ambiguity around "being an adult" is too much for people to handle.

Now buy the full version or feel the wrath of dildo ads galore.
 
I do just fine and always have. Single people with even mediocre social ability should be able to get laid easily. I'm a 3 at best and punch up all the time. I've never had to use alcohol or "convincing" either.

I also don't have a mindset that I have to be in control of situations all the time. I prefer sexually forward women, and because of that, I will never get burned by playing those games.
And that is all fine and good. I am not suggesting other.

What I am saying though is that there are vast numbers of women who will not resonate with that approach. they require guys to be 'convincing' for whatever reason (want to feel pursued, or puritan reasons as mentioned) and there are just times when your moods are different and yet you can be convinced.

Those are not inherently bad situations and women 'convince' men just as men convince women.

there is a reason why the top genre of women's literature deals with this subject matter and women flock to buy it. WHy a complete garbage book and movie like 50 Shades of Grey has women flocking to it.

And its not like Kframe would have everyone believe that they are dong research on how bad men can be in books or movies like that. For whatever reason that type of male/female interaction is the top fantasy for far more women than many might suspect until they actually get out in the real world and date many different women and discover it first hand or they look at how the literature sells.
 
Lol you can't convince somebody to have sex with you if they don't want to. I know a guy who doesn't get human interaction and he doesn't get why he can't logically convince a woman to sleep with him and blames that on women being illogical.

I have had women who didn't want to sleep with me but change their mind. I wouldn't say I "convinced" them though.
You told them you're a blackbelt on Sherdog
 
This is the key. @Sonny mentioned the old go to backrub to get his wife in the mood. I guess some could see that as "coercion" somehow, but as he said if it doesn't work he just shrugs and says "hmm I guess not today"


And that's how most guys I've known have approached it. We've got our various strategies for getting a girl in the mood if she's not already there, but there's a VAST difference between that and just taking someone by force despite their objections.

Agreed.

Hell, I've pretended not to be in the mood just to see what my girl would come up with to change that. Rarely ever disappoints.
 
Definitely an interesting question.

I agree with @Mike that relationship dynamics are constantly in flux, so though it sounds harsh when worded this way, oftentimes each party is working to get the other to do things they wouldn't independently want to do. It's a subtle art (or it should be anyway) but in good relationships the long term consequence is two people who have successfully read enough cues over time that they're able to make each other very happy - without becoming unhappy about their own (adjusted) behaviour. Sexual persuasion is just another set of these cues and is on-side and acceptable imo. A relationship between people with very different sex drives would never survive otherwise.

Among my circle of friends, and I suspect on Sherdog as well, what's more controversial is whether your significant other has some obligation to sexually perform when you have the desire to, even when she doesn't. On this my answer is a firm no. My ex tried this once near the beginning of the relationship, and I gave her shit for not standing up for herself more when she was clearly not in the mood. I can honestly say I don't want to have sex with a girl who isn't into it the way I am, but I haven't found that's a general consensus among men.
Excellent post. But at complete odds with what guys like Kframe say where there is no flux. Everything is black and white from the first utterance. No dynamics, not flux, no working to get the other to do anything.

And i completely agree that if someone truly does not want to participate then you never force it. Nothing wrong with trying to win them over or change their mood however.
 
Also, I bet an app that smoothly recorded signals of consent would be a big hit right around now.

Come home with girl, log in, input ID info, obtain voice or written consent from both parties to prevent future legal ramifications, go to town. Would be a cool design challenge to make it as non-obstructive as possible.
haha, as ridiculous as that would be there might be merit and future need for it.

My current gf would have no issues with it as she loves directness and wants the guy to be the guy. She pushes for that and wants her guy to tell her exactly what he wants to do to her and when. And she will reply back playfully but escalate it.

My prior gf would never use it. She was the type who struggled to be open or communicate about sex. Very shy, demure or reserved in that regard but also the one who was all about the 50 Shades of Grey stuff and shocked me when she finally got up her moxy to tell me that is what she wanted from me from time to time. It ended up being something I was uncomfortable doing and did not ultimately do which I knew always disappointed her. But she literally just wanted to be dominated and forcibly taken with no regard to seeking if that was something she wanted or not in that moment.

My current gf is far more likely to do the taking but the difference is I always comply. But if I tell her I am not in the mood she just takes that as a challenge.

Surprise,not every woman is the same.
 
I don't especially like the idea either, but the design opportunity is there.

Sadly, today's society seems to be demonstrating that the ambiguity around "being an adult" is too much for people to handle.

Now buy the full version or feel the wrath of dildo ads galore.

Are you basing this on what you see our and about, or online?

Cause crib whey I see it and about, things are just fine
 
This thread reeks of guys who get no love. Good grief...

Some girls love to play hard to get. Like Mr. Algar says; "They want you to come get them. They LOVE it!"
It's your job, you bunch of queers, to convince them that they want the D.
 
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If she says she's not in the mood, then i just wait until she wants to talk, then i say, "I'm not really in the mood to listen to you"

That feels even better than sex.

Which is good, because after i do it, i don't get sex for a long time.
 
This thread reeks of guys who get no love. Good grief...

Some girls love to play hard to get. Like Mr. Algar says; "They want you to come get them. They LOVE it!"
It's your job, you bumch of queers, to convince them that they want the D.
It seems crazy to me that there are grown men that don't grasp this
 
Back in the day, I used to convince girls to fuck semi-random dudes that I picked for them. Yes, it was bad.
 
Since when did we have to give a fuck what these internet SJWs have to say? The internet, and the world itself, would be more tolerable if we just ignored these assholes.
 
Definitely an interesting question.

I agree with @Mike that relationship dynamics are constantly in flux, so though it sounds harsh when worded this way, oftentimes each party is working to get the other to do things they wouldn't independently want to do. It's a subtle art (or it should be anyway) but in good relationships the long term consequence is two people who have successfully read enough cues over time that they're able to make each other very happy - without becoming unhappy about their own (adjusted) behaviour. Sexual persuasion is just another set of these cues and is on-side and acceptable imo. A relationship between people with very different sex drives would never survive otherwise.

Among my circle of friends, and I suspect on Sherdog as well, what's more controversial is whether your significant other has some obligation to sexually perform when you have the desire to, even when she doesn't. On this my answer is a firm no. My ex tried this once near the beginning of the relationship, and I gave her shit for not standing up for herself more when she was clearly not in the mood. I can honestly say I don't want to have sex with a girl who isn't into it the way I am, but I haven't found that's a general consensus among men.

Maybe it's just me but I find it very fucking obvious whether a female is into it or not. Some guys are apparently either blind to this or just don't care, which is where this whole sexual harrassment thing comes into play.
 
meh, i dont find it rapey. ive had dudes nag me to have sex with them, no matter how much they nagged i just turned them down and that was that. i dont think anybody that truly doesnt want to have sex with you is going to just do it. though ill say nagging isn't sexy and pretty pitiful lol, hopefully you guys are a little more fun and whatever else when making your advances.

i do know women that think it's considered rape. but those are my online, crazy sjw pals lol. tbh they think just about everything is rape ffs. gets on my nerves.
 
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