NBA yoff thread v5 Post Drake tears - Chysler Sebring edition

Discussion in 'Sports Bar' started by monster zero, May 9, 2018.

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  1. monster zero Style Don

    monster zero
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    Raptors have been completely dismantled and boliterated. RIP in peace cRaps: 11/03/95 - 05/07/18. On this day they were beaten into a living death, their body remained, but their soul passed on.

    WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT, ACTUAL DEATH FOOTAGE FROM THE GAME

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    The final blow struck by LeBron has set the franchise back 30 years (Literally removed from existence).

    At least we get a satisfying conclusion between the Drake and Kendrick Perkins beef, with my main man Kenny P from the OKC days stroking a victory in the face of known degenerate and desperate basketball groupie Drake.

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    But this thread is about the NBA. We shouldn't get too caught up in other franchises misery. Yeah, it's nice to see Drake get shut down by Kenny P. Yeah, it's nice to see the cRaps were exactly who we thought they were. Yeah, the tears taste delicious but let's move on to something lighter.

    I found a list of Chinese nick names for NBA players and some made smile. We are pretty big on nick names here so I thought a little cross cultural exposure wouldn't hurt the Raps fans grieving, so here they are:


    Giannis Antetokounmpo - 字母哥 "Letters Bro"

    Harden is 罚曼巴 FreeThrow Mamba, Boogie is T曼巴 Technical Mamba, and KI is 平曼巴 Flat (refers to his flat earth belief) Mamba. There is a huge Mamba Family.

    Kobe is "Snail Shell" because it rhymes with "My [guy] Kobe." When he was young they called him 小飞侠 or “Peter Pan” (literally "Little Flying Warrior") and at the end he became 唠嗑 (“Chatterbox, Gossip"), which rhymes with "Old Kobe."

    Manu Ginobili - 妖刀 "The Demon Blade" Perhaps the coolest nickname of them all, Ginobili earned this moniker for his ability to slash to the hoop using tricky footwork like the Eurostep.

    Shaquille O'Neal - 大鲨鱼 "The Giant Shark" Derives from the fact that the first sound in the Chinese word for "shark" (shayu) sounds like the first sound in "Shaquille." Toward the end of his career, he was frequently called "O'Fat" (奥胖) - a play on "O'Neal."

    Carmelo Anthony - 甜瓜 "Melon" Because his English nickname "Melo" sounds like the English word "melon" which they then translated into Chinese (pronounced tian gua).

    Charles Barkley - 飞猪 "The Flying Pig"

    Michael Jordon - 帮主 "Gang Boss" Jordan's ordinary name in Chinese is 乔丹 (qiao dan), but Qiao is also the surname of Qiao Feng, the leader of the "Beggars' Sect" in popular wuxia martial arts novels, often known simply as "Gang Boss Qiao" (乔帮主).

    Dirk Nowitzki is 德国战车, "The German Panzer Tank" Tony Parker is 法国小跑车, "The Little French Sports Car"

    James Harden - 大胡子 "The Big Beard" Paul Pierce - 真理 "The Truth" Allen Iverson - 答案 "The Answer" Gary Patyon - 手套 "The Glove" Kawhi Leonard - 可愛 - means "cute" but sounds like "Kawhi"

    However, "Dr. J" did get turned into J博士 ("J, Ph.D."), and Steve Francis's nickname "The Franchise" was badly translated into 特权 ("Special Rights").

    Dwyane Wade - 典韋 "Dian Wei" Dian Wei was a mighty warrior from the ancient Three Kingdoms Period who was a loyal sidekick of the general Cao Cao. He famously died covering for Cao Cao's retreat when they were ambushed by a rebel army. His name also sounds like "Dwyane Wade."

    Stephon Marbury - 马政委 "Marburyist Political Commissar" This is a pun on "Marxist Political Commissar," since in Chinese both "Marbury" and "Marx" are spelled with the same first character "ma" ("horse").

    Joel Embiid - 大帝 "The Great One" "Da di," meaning "great emperor" is the title used in Chinese for rulers who are called "the Great," as in "Alexander the Great"

    Tim Duncan - 石佛 "The Stone Buddha" Due to his perceived unemotional nature

    Hakeem Olajuwon was known as "The Dream" in English, but this got upgraded to 大夢 ("The Big Dream") in Chinese.

    Tristan Thompson - 八贤王 "The King of Eights" Thompson held out of training camp in 2015 and received a contract worth more than 80 million, despite averaging only 8 points and 8 rebounds in 2014-2015. "The King of Eights" was a nickname for several historical Chinese rulers.

    Doc Rivers - 河文档 "River Document"

    Isaiah Jamar Thomas - 最强175 "The Great 5'8"" Literally "the strongest 175 [centimeters]"

    Isiah Lord Thomas III - 微笑刺客 "The Smiling Assassin" A direct translation of one of his English nicknames

    DeMar DeRozan - 北境之王 "The King in the North" Yes, this is in fact a "Game of Thrones" reference. Chris Bosh - 龙王 "King of the Dinos" This nickname has stuck with him since his days as the the star of the Toronto Raptors

    Steph Curry - 库昊 "**** the sky" This is an extremely elaborate pun. One of Curry's phonetic names is 库里 (ku li) and the second character is a combination of the characters 日 ("sun") and 土 ("ground"). But 日 is also slang for "****." Given Curry's penchant for launching shots into the sky, Chinese netizens apparently felt it would be more apropos to name him "**** the sky" instead of "**** the ground," so they replaced "earth" (土) with "sky" (天) in the second character. Other common nicknames for Steph Curry include "Sprout God" (萌神) and "The Elementary School Student" (小学生), both playing on his diminutive stature.

    Sometimes the Chinese give people feminized nicknames if they think they are too soft or do not conform to masculine stereotypes. Thus Pau Gasol is 家嫂 (jia sao, "Sister-in-Law") since it sounds a bit like "Gasol." Gordon Hayward is 九妹 ("The Ninth Sister") since he was the 9th pick in the draft.

    Boogie Cousins - 表妹 "Younger Female Cousin" They directly translated his last name into Chinese, but went with the most effeminate version possible.

    Kyle Anderson - 人类蠕动精华 "Human Peristalsis" Because he plays so slowly

    Robert Horry - 關鍵先生 "Mr. Crucial" For his crucial shots in countless big games

    Kyle Lowry - 小鋼炮 "The Little Cannon"

    Mo Williams - 莫不傳 "Mo Won't Pass"

    JaVale McGee - 囧神 "Gaffe God"

    Paul George - 泡椒 "Pickled Chili Pepper" This is just because the pronunciation, pao jiao, sounds a bit like "Paul George"

    J.R. Smith - 神經刀 "The Nerve Knife" Because he's so inconsistent it's like taking a knife to your nerves

    Charlie Villanueva - 無眉大俠 "The No-Eyebrow Knight"

    James Harden - 景德镇镇长 "The Mayor of Jingdezhen" Jingdezhen is a town famous for making fragile porcelain, so "Son of Jingdezhen" (景德镇之子) is a term for an NBA flop artist. Harden is perceived to be the best at this "art," so he gets to be the "mayor" of Floptown.

    Another common nickname for Klay Thompson is 汤神 "Soup God" This is not related to "Splash Brothers, which the Chinese translate directly as 浪花兄弟 (although the Chinese word for splash - "wave flower" is pretty cool) Rather, the character for soup (汤) is the also the first sound in the phonetic rendering of "Thompson," so this is sort of like saying "Thom-God"

    Similarly, Kristaps Porzingis is called 波神 "Wave God," also like saying "Po-God" The point is that they're basketball gods.

    Dwight Howard was originally nicknamed 魔兽 "The Magic Beast," back when he was on the Orlando Magic. But after his troubled stint with the Lakers, some angry Chinese Lakers fans started calling him 魔胎, which uses the same first character, but means "The Evil Baby."

    Bobby Portis & Nikola Mirotic - (血花兄弟) "Gash Brothers" After Portis punched Mirotic in the face, Chinese media called them "Gash Brothers" by analogy with "Splash Brothers." Could also translate as "Blood Brothers," with same meaning of becoming brothers by shedding blood.

    So many Mambas! Chinese netizens love to adapt Kobe's nickname "Black Mamba" (黑曼巴) for other players. Of course they translated "White Mamba" (白曼巴) for Brian Scalabrine and "Red Mamba" (红曼巴) for Matt Bonner. But they respect the "Mamba" name & prefer to apply it to somewhat more prominent players. James Harden is the "Free Throw Mamba" (罚曼巴) for his otherworldly ability to get to the free throw line. More critically, he is known by haters as the "Porcelain Mamba" (瓷曼巴), suggesting that he gets fouls from barely being touched or by flopping.

    Victor Oladipo is the "Diligent Mamba" (苦练曼巴) because Chinese netizens feel he drastically improved since last year, and therefore must have practiced very hard over the summer. Texting his trainer right after a game 7 loss only further validated this nickname. Andrew Wiggins is the "Strength Conserving Mamba" (养生曼巴), because people feel he is not aggressive enough and avoids dunking.

    Boogie Cousins is the "Technical Mamba" (T曼巴 - literally, "T Mamba") due to his propensity to be assessed with technical fouls.

    Andre Iguodala is the "Coffin Mamba" (棺曼巴). People feel he plays like an old man in the regular season, but then suddenly comes back to life in the playoffs. This transformation is known as "opening the coffin lid" (打开棺盖). More loosely translates to "Vampire Mamba."

    Ryan Anderson is the "Standing Around Mamba" (站曼巴), because people feel he just stands around behind the three-point line, waiting for a catch-and-shoot pass.

    Clint Capela is the "Pancake Mamba" (饼曼巴), because in Chinese scoring off of alley-oop lob passes is known as "eating pancakes." In this context, Chris Paul and James Harden, as the lob passers, are known as the "Pancake Makers" (做饼人).

    Corey Brewer is the "Laughing Mamba" (笑曼巴), because he is known for his smiles and laughs.

    Manu Ginobili became known as the "Bald Mamba" (秃曼巴) once he started going bald.

    Steven Adams is the "Box Out Mamba" (卡曼巴). People feel Russell Westbrook is always looking to pad his stats, and that Adams is a genius at boxing out other big men so that Russ can swoop in and grab the rebound.

    Eric Gordon is the "Round Face Mamba" (π曼巴, literally "Pi Mamba") because his face is really, really round.

    ...

    And last but not least.. a nod to the historical accomplishments of a once revered and storied but now deceased franchise:

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    Last edited: May 9, 2018
  2. DangDaGawd Defender of Rational Thought

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  3. monster zero Style Don

    monster zero
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    Can anyone find me an image of the cRaps banners hanging in the rafters? Would be fitting to place an image of their accomplishments in the OP as a sign of hespect for our brothers.
     
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  4. kuromusha LONZO LOOMS 2019

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    lol what a troll job especially considering how likely it is he won't be with the team next season

    Edit: The actual COTY is in June
     
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  5. Possum Jenkins Cultural Marxism Belt

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    Home court advantage will be key. First time during their championship years that GSW won't have it.

    Rockets in 7
     
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  6. Revolver you sound poor

    Revolver
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    Warios in 6
     
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  7. Corona 2016 World Champion

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    Chrysler Sebring edition
     
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  8. MikeEhrmantraut All Hail King Killmonger

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  9. iwhoopedbatman Fox Hunter Extraordinaire

    iwhoopedbatman
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    Stupid shit like this is why most of these guys can't keep a job.
     
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  10. clutchCAT420 Black Belt

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    Payback time gswussies.....
     
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  11. berimBOWLoh Silver Belt

    berimBOWLoh
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    I feel like Rockets are in a similar position as the Raptors were coming into game 1 at home. Its gonna be crucial. I could see them getting railroaded if the first game goes bad or i could see them fighting hard and even winning if they win the first game.


    Rockets depend way more on the 3 dropping and ISO type plays. I want Rockets to win but i got to give Warriors the edge. If the Rockets get hot they can win this series but i feel like they are easier to predict offensively. That is why a bummy coach like Casey had success this season vs them. The defense of Klay/Green is gonna be crucial. I hope Harden is on fire and just Salsa's them into the grave.
     
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  12. berimBOWLoh Silver Belt

    berimBOWLoh
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    Regular season is what they vote on and in the regular season Raptors made such big strides. The story that isnt being told that should be told, especially by a guy like Barkley who actually loves the Raptors so he wont tell it, is that analytics arent as the be all, end all.

    If they were Raptors coast over Cavs.
     
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  13. Ceez The Catalyst

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    Regardless this series gonna be off the chain. Im kind of leaning towards the rockets pulling it out too but im hoping hardcan gets hits by a truck on his way to the bus for game one instead. For someone that talks that much shit he cries even more
     
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  14. RR Step into the lab

    RR
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    @Luminaire I didn't forget. Let's get this done. Unfinished business
     
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  15. Sauce Castillo Raise Hell and Eat Cornbread yee yee

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    [​IMG]
     
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  16. berimBOWLoh Silver Belt

    berimBOWLoh
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    This year we add the "Eastern Conference Regular Season Champion" banner.



    man, its gonna be epic!!!!



    Casey and Masai doing a presser at 1:15........ plz be to announce mutual parting of ways!!
     
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  17. HunterSdVa29 Respect, tho

    HunterSdVa29
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    Casey is definitely gone

    you can't say 'lets wait till bron retires' at the presser and expect to keep your job
     
    #17
    Last edited: May 9, 2018
  18. Sauce Castillo Raise Hell and Eat Cornbread yee yee

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    Man I like a few of our assistants. Like you said our system in place is pretty good. It got a lot out of the Raps roster and the bench mob...I give most of that credit to Nurse, Stackhouse etc.


    Casey probably doesn't deserved to be fired. Honestly I'm not 100% sure if he should be, but, I'm sure there a relevant Einstein quote about that.

    Fire Casey..Hire Stackhouse?

    Trade Demar? Keep Casey?
     
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  19. Luminaire Red Belt

    Luminaire
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    I know, you were too busy fanning out $1 bills to 30 year old strippers with csection scars at the renowned dump “Playmates Caberet” in Houston.

    Now that you’ve slept it off and shaken off your pathetic guilt you want my attention, what a weak broken old man.

    I pity you, truly.
     
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  20. iwhoopedbatman Fox Hunter Extraordinaire

    iwhoopedbatman
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    Analytics work great over the long term of an 82 game season when hot and cold streaks will ultimately even out and you're overall utilizing your team's most efficient shots and strategies. But being reliant on 3 pt shooting, or keeping players fresh by utilizing the bench a lot can backfire in a short series. You need your best players to play amazing in the 'yoffs. Relying on role players to maintain their regular season impact is a fool's errand.

    And while the Raps made big strides this season, I'd argue that's because the FO told Casey 'this is what you're going to do' this season. When it came time to adjust for 'yoff series, he was clueless as always. And even if you give credit to Casey for their improvement (I don't), there is no way he did a better job with that team than Stevens did with the Celtics.
     
    #20
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