*to the tune of American Pie*
[Intro]
A long, long time ago
I can still remember how that little mouse would make me smile
And I knew if I did my shtick
That I could make those buttons click
And maybe they'd be clickin' for a while
Now wires really make me shiver
With every click that I'd deliver
The wire would restrain me
This feeling would so much pain me
I got myself a wire-less
To get rid of that wire-mess
But something touched me deep inside
The day the battery died
[Chorus:]
So bye, bye, my wireless mouse
You were not office equipment, I brought you from my house
And them office clerks were drinking coffee and tea
Sayin' wireless is only for me
Wireless is only for me
[Verse 1]
Did you order the wired mice
Without taking my advice?
Or did the big boss tell you so?
Now do you believe in technology?
Wire-less is cutting edge, you see
So can you make me the firm's CEO?
Well, I know that batteries can die
And a dead mouse can make people cry
But wires are a danger
They can even choke a stranger
I was a workin' female office clerk
Seated next to Clippy the jerk
But I knew I could not longer work
The day the battery died
I started singing
[Chorus:]
Bye, bye, my wireless mouse
You were not office equipment, I brought you from my house
And them office clerks were drinking coffee and tea
Making fun of me constantly
Making fun of me constantly
[Verse 2]
Now for ten years that I've had this mouse
Brought it here straight from my house
But now that's how it used to be
When I noticed that the mouse had lag
And Clippy laughed at me, that f*g!
And it started to be obvious to me...
Oh, and while I checked the battery
That Clippy dude drank all my tea
The battery was dead
Couldn't even power a LED
And while I looked for another one
The entire office was having fun
I felt I'd never see the sun
The day the battery died
[Chorus:]
Bye, bye, my wireless mouse
You were not office equipment, I brought you from my house
And them office clerks were drinking coffee and tea
Making fun of me constantly
Making fun of me constantly
[Verse 3]
To their insult I would protest
That there is no reason to jest
To me it's such a serious case
But they said that my problem was
A first-world problem just because
It was easy just to open and replace
But the thing that really sealed my doom
Was the lack of batteries in the supply room
Nobody had AAAs
Oh, I could search in here for days
So I finally snapped and grabbed the PC
And I smashed Clippy's head with the utmost glee
Nobody talks such shit to me
The day the battery died
[Chorus:]
So bye, bye, my wireless mouse
You were not office equipment, I brought you from my house
And them office clerks though they could laugh at me
Now I'll drown them in a bloody sea
Drown them in a bloody sea
[Verse 4]
Oh, and there we were all in one place
So I took ol'Clippy and ripped off his face
Punched a hole in his chest somehow
So come on, punk, just make my day
Cause I've been training MMA
So all you boys are really fucked up now
Oh, and as I watched them turn to crud
My hands were drenched in guts and blood
No angel born in Hell
Could break that Satan's spell
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite
I saw Satan laughing with delight
The day the battery died
He was singing
[Chorus:]
Bye, bye, my wireless mouse
You were not office equipment, I brought you from my house
And them office clerks are now in a puddle of gore
Guess I'm not going to office no more
I'm not going to office no more
[Outro]
Pretty soon the cops arrived
Of my freedom I was deprived
Handcuffed they took me away
The judge said how do you defend
But I just could not comprehend
So I shrugged and then I called him fake and gay
In the asylum, the patients screamed
The crazy cried and the cretins dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The wireless mice were broken
And Clippy who I hated most
Came back to me in shape of a ghost
I hope in hell his soul will roast
The day the battery died
The ghost was singing:
[Chorus:]
Bye, bye, my wireless mouse
You were not office equipment, I brought you from my house
And them office clerks are in a puddle of gore
Guess I'm not going to office no more
I'm not going to office no more
