Lost my girlfriend

[Nimrod]

No, he didn’t. I just looked at the original version, before he made any edits, and he clearly says “I wasn't prepared to see her like that yesterday when I visited.” TS is correct, you just read it wrong, and then accused him of changing it.

Well i suppose its all down to interpretation and perception, how did you look at the original version before it was changed? and why was it changed after i made a comment on this post? and why are you so bothered that you would think to look at the original post? so many questions so little time.

I have offered my deepest regret and i sincerly hope that things are better for him and his girl friend, but you are beating a dead horse here.

 

[Gazwald]

Well i suppose its all down to interpretation and perception, how did you look at the original version before it was changed? and why was it changed after i made a comment on this post? and why are you so bothered that you would think to look at the original post? so many questions so little time.

I have offered my deepest regret and i sincerly hope that things are better for him and his girl friend, but you are beating a dead horse here.

It's a fine line in this situation. Saying "Sorry to hear that. I'll pray for you" is fine but actually offering practical advice that could potentially make somebody's life better (which is what you originally did, regardless of any confusion with post editing etc) often bites you in the ass. Sometimes people going through trauma aren't ready to hear it.

I see your situation. You wish you could give your past self the same advice regarding your gran. Your past self probably would've been too preoccupied up to listen, same as TS with the ongoing situation. I can understand. I got drunk and missed my gran's funeral because 'I couldn't handle it waagh waagh' and I've regretted it every day since. When you're in that mindset, it's hard to think about even short term solutions.

 

[Peteyandjia]

Well i suppose its all down to interpretation and perception

No, it's just down to character & accountability. Some people apologize when they make a mistake & accuse someone of something they didn't do; others don't.

how did you look at the original version before it was changed?

I'm an admin on this forum.

and why was it changed after i made a comment on this post?

For a bunch of grammatical errors, just like he said.

and why are you so bothered that you would think to look at the original post?

It literally took less than a minute.

so many questions so little time.

Nah, this was pretty quick too.

 

[UFC=Pride]

So sorry that is horrible

 

[ralphc1]

I'm sorry things turned out this way. Without knowing more about it, I suspect the blood clot in her brain moved or the pressure increased to the point where they had to try to relieve it. It seems she was unable to communicate if they had to have her friend give permission.

 

[TSO]

Edit: if you're talking about me not being at the hospital right now, she would not be aware if I was there. There is nothing I can do for her. The nurse told me her brain sustained a lot of trauma and she will probably die in the next 24 hours. I visited her every day, including today, except when they transferred her and the new hospital had more limited visiting hours and I didn't find out until after visitation was over.

I'm having a hard time believing much of this. Why is a nurse telling you anything about how long she has to live? She can lose her job for that.

My girlfriend since January got a brain clot last week. We spent the night together and had planned to spend the following day together. In the morning, I took her to meet her friend so she could open a bank account and she was complaining of weakness in her right side because she could barely sign her name.

Her friend volunteered to take her to a massage place to work it out so I told her I'd call her later. Her friend later tells me that my gf got worse so she took her to the hospital. I went to see her and she couldn't move the right side of her body and was tired and grumpy. She was still responsive though and even laughed at some jokes.

The nurses kep waking her up over and over again every 30-90 minutes. They never let her sleep while they did tests on her and fed her drugs that were supposed to help with the brain clot.

Everything was ok for a few days. We were talking about doing rehab to help her regain control and the nurse was optimistic because she is young and healthy.

Then they transfer her to a different hospital and some surgeon made the decision (with the permission of her friend because she has no family in the US; she only had her friend and I) to operate on her which screwed her up. She has significant brain damage and may die. I hate doctors. I told her friend not to trust them. If she had just been allowed to rest then she would be ok. She was much better before the operation.

You're leaving out some important details here. If everything was "ok" the friend wouldn't have ever been asked anything regarding her care. So this either didn't happen or she was unconscious and wasn't "ok".

She will never be the same if she lives. I'm very again marriage and having kids because it's such a liability in the US but I was really starting to believe that she was different. She didn't act like other women. She proved herself to have high moral character many times while we were together.

You're against having kids, but you already have kids?

She wanted to have a family and I was ready to do it with her. I trusted her and loved her. We talked about it and agreed that she should stop taking birth control the night before she had the blood clot.

The nurse said that the oral contraceptives probably contributed to her having the blood clot.

Birth control is horrible

I wasn't prepared to see her like that yesterday when I visited. They removed half her skull. I barely recognized her. I want to kill the surgeon but won't. Fucking hack. She was getting better until they did this too her. People always believe doctors but so much of modern medicine is shit. If she wasn't taking birth control that a doctor prescribed this never would have happened.

Last year I got sick and had a major flare up from my psoriatic arthritis. Doctors did nothing for me. They were completely useless. They wanted to prescribe expensive drugs with horrible side effects. I did my own research, changed my diet and fixed myself.

I'm venting about healthcare because I'm upset about the loss but it is a major problem.

Nothing is going to make her the way she was though and I can hardly breathe. I don't want to eat. I keep almost crying but I'm still numb. I can't believe that I can't see her the way she was. I want to text her. The last thing she texted was that she loves me. I miss her. Don't know what to do. This hurts.

It sounds to me like you're confused and don't understand what is going on with her at all dude. It's understandable and you should speak to a mental health professional about it. Sorry for your loss.

 

[Damien Karras]

Shit man I'm so sorry.

I hope your gf can make a decent enough recovery and that she can pull through though I understand that chances are slim.

I'd hate to be in your shoes. Focus on her at the moment and deal with any legal issue afterward.

 

[Nimrod]

No, it's just down to character & accountability. Some people apologize when they make a mistake & accuse someone of something they didn't do; others don't.



I'm an admin on this forum.



For a bunch of grammatical errors, just like he said.



It literally took less than a minute.



Nah, this was pretty quick too.

What the fuck is wrong with you people?

No mistake made, i made my thoughts out of what I read, if someone doesn't like it fine, thats why this is a forum and makes it so unique as way of communication. I made my thoughts based on my real life experience with a situation not far from the TS's and the mistakes i feel i made. You make up ypur own mind as to what you do with the information your are presented with.

 

[Damien Karras]

Nowyou have edited your original post to say you weren't prepared to see her?

Whats your problem dude.


Er.. no you have reedited your original post to say that you werent prepared to see her... thats NOT what your orginal post said.

So what is going on here?

Woah dude, how about some compassion?

What's up with your ego here? The guy's gf is dying and you're worried about being misunderstood?

My mother in law is in palliative care at this moment and my wife is using me as a punching bag (figuratively speaking) 18 hours in a day. I understand that she can't be held accountable for things she says because she is in tremendous emotional pain.

So just let this go. We should all offer support to OP. He isn't asking for advice.

 

[Nimrod]

It's a fine line in this situation. Saying "Sorry to hear that. I'll pray for you" is fine but actually offering practical advice that could potentially make somebody's life better (which is what you originally did, regardless of any confusion with post editing etc) often bites you in the ass. Sometimes people going through trauma aren't ready to hear it.

I see your situation. You wish you could give your past self the same advice regarding your gran. Your past self probably would've been too preoccupied up to listen, same as TS with the ongoing situation. I can understand. I got drunk and missed my gran's funeral because 'I couldn't handle it waagh waagh' and I've regretted it every day since. When you're in that mindset, it's hard to think about even short term solutions.

Yeah i get your points, but 80% of the posts in this thread are "sorry to hear that" .. i was trying to offer i previous experience personnal experience,we all learn from each other whether we like it or not, we have to have other people to gauge where we are and how we are doing in the real life. Trauma comes at anytime in life, whether your you ready or not, trauma will not wait for you to be ready, our life is a constant tragedy, its how we deal with it defines the person.

 

[Nimrod]

Woah dude, how about some compassion?

What's up with your ego here? The guy's gf is dying and you're worried about being misunderstood?

My mother in law is in palliative care at this moment and my wife is using me as a punching bag (figuratively speaking) 18 hours in a day. I understand that she can't be held accountable for things she says because she is in tremendous emotional pain.

So just let this go. We should all offer support to OP. He isn't asking for advice.

I have let it go, but you are perpetuating it. I wish all the luck in the world to TS and his girl friend.

It seems like some people don't like being questioned on certain things that belittle or bring morals judgment into light.

always question, examine our curiosity for pain love death and what it is to be human is this crazy world.

 

[tonysmasseuse]

I have let it go, but you are perpetuating it. I wish all the luck in the world to TS and his girl friend.

It seems like some people don't like being questioned on certain things that belittle or bring morals judgment into light.

always question, examine our curiosity for pain love death and what it is to be human is this crazy world.

For what it's worth, i definitely see where you are coming from. Also the title - Lost my girlfriend - made it seem like she was already dead, and since she is not, one has to assume he meant she was dead to him, as in he'd given up hope.
I liked the way you offered your support, too bad some misunderstanding got in the way for the deeper sentiment:

We suffer and awaken together.

Peace.

 

[Gazwald]

Yeah i get your points, but 80% of the posts in this thread are "sorry to hear that" .. i was trying to offer i previous experience personnal experience,we all learn from each other whether we like it or not, we have to have other people to gauge where we are and how we are doing in the real life. Trauma comes at anytime in life, whether your you ready or not, trauma will not wait for you to be ready, our life is a constant tragedy, its how we deal with it defines the person.

I don't disagree man.

At the same time though. The point has been made that the TS posted this on a public forum and shouldn't be offended when people post what he doesn't want to hear. Fair point. By the same token, you can't expect to give advice to somebody in a time of crisis and get offended if they react defensively. It's always a possibility.

 

[I Am Legion]

Damn that’s terrible. Sucks that life can change in an instant like that. Good luck.

 

[Nimrod]

I don't disagree man.

At the same time though. The point has been made that the TS posted this on a public forum and shouldn't be offended when people post what he doesn't want to hear. Fair point. By the same token, you can't expect to give advice to somebody in a time of crisis and get offended if they react defensively. It's always a possibility.

Im not offended in the slightess.

I just hope things can improve for them in the future.

 

[Nimrod]

For what it's worth, i definitely see where you are coming from. Also the title - Lost my girlfriend - made it seem like she was already dead, and since she is not, one has to assume he meant she was dead to him, as in he'd given up hope.
I liked the way you offered your support, too bad some misunderstanding got in the way for the deeper sentiment:

We suffer and awaken together.

Peace.

Sometimes things to get lost in translation, and if the TS feels this was an attack on him personally it sure wasn't meant to be anything like that, kick a man when hes down is not my style.
Thats just the way it read to me.

 

[TribalDrumz]

Sorry for your tragedy. Did I also read you were going to get a bank account together after 5 months ?

 

[D3THRONED]

I am incredibly sorry.. no one should have to go through that.

Much love to you

 

[Law Talkin’ Guy]

By what legal authority was her friend able to give directions to the hospital about her care? That doesn’t make any sense unless she signed a medical directive or living will giving her friend that authority.

 

[Scerpi]

I'm having a hard time believing much of this. Why is a nurse telling you anything about how long she has to live? She can lose her job for that.


You're leaving out some important details here. If everything was "ok" the friend wouldn't have ever been asked anything regarding her care. So this either didn't happen or she was unconscious and wasn't "ok".

You're against having kids, but you already have kids?

Birth control is horrible



It sounds to me like you're confused and don't understand what is going on with her at all dude. It's understandable and you should speak to a mental health professional about it. Sorry for your loss.

I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't fully understand what exactly is going on. It sounds like this shit happened quickly and medical "Professionals" may not know what exactly is happening too, especially nurses, they're just giving their best opinion at the time. It's easy to look back 20/20 and make critiques.

Also, with traumatic experiences like this, it's easy for some details to get cloudy. The brain is funny like that.

I had to go through a similar situation with my my dad and some of it was a fog because I think I may have been in shock a little. I remember some stuff clearly, but other parts.... its weird.

Agree about talking to a mental health professional.