Like many in this forum, I have battled depression for a big part of my life. And except for a few major setbacks, it's a battle I have been mostly winning for the past several years. In my everyday life, moment to moment, I feel great. I feel excited to do things and I try to feel the moments. I expose myself to positive stimuli and I don't let negative experiences bring me down. I am always trying to do new things and be active. To other people, I look like I'm really living my life. Yet, there is always this nagging sense in the back of my mind that one day, depression will catch back up to me. It'll be more accurate to say my fight with depression is a race. It's a race I am currently winning with depression lagging behind, but I worry that one day I will tire out and it will overtake me. All of the things I do seem like a distraction. I'm distracting myself from the ultimate truth that life is pointless. I cannot find a logical reason to be alive. But I'm giving myself excuses to live by taking on projects or planning trips. If I were to find out tomorrow that I have a fatal disease, I'm not sure if I'd feel that sad about it. I'm going to die anyway so whatever. I guess in that same sense, I'm not killing myself because there is no point in that as well. And as a living organism, I am programmed to want to survive. Since I am currently alive, I might as well enjoy it as much as I can. I am designing my life around enjoyment with the caveat that I won't fall into destructive hedonism because I don't get enjoyment out of that. I see people who don't seem to be enjoying their lives at all; they're stuck at a boring job they hate and don't really do anything else...for what? I don't get it. I think I need to ultimately start my own business or something to give me another distraction. I wonder if anybody else feels the same way. TLDR Is life just a distraction until we die?