I don't know anymore

[Aegon Spengler]

Prior to 2013 it was to be married, raise kids somewhere close to my best bud, and our kids could grow up together. Mundane domestic life stuff. Hang out with my wife and my friends. After splitting with my wife I just didn't know anymore, and decided to focus on trying to better myself. Not even focus on relationships until I was in a stable place. But that's not really happening.


Now I don't know, and that question bothers me a lot. I don't enjoy my hobbies anymore. Everything I do or think just seems to make me sadder. Even when I try to daydream about just being where I want to be, I don't see anything anymore. Just nothingness. I'm still trying but mentally I've already accepted there is no happiness. And I know that as long as I'm thinking and feeling that way, that will be my reality.

What about in the very near term? Like a marshmallow? Or maybe skittles.

 

[RR]

Prior to 2013 it was to be married, raise kids somewhere close to my best bud, and our kids could grow up together. Mundane domestic life stuff. Hang out with my wife and my friends. After splitting with my wife I just didn't know anymore, and decided to focus on trying to better myself. Not even focus on relationships until I was in a stable place. But that's not really happening.


Now I don't know, and that question bothers me a lot. I don't enjoy my hobbies anymore. Everything I do or think just seems to make me sadder. Even when I try to daydream about just being where I want to be, I don't see anything anymore. Just nothingness. I'm still trying but mentally I've already accepted there is no happiness. And I know that as long as I'm thinking and feeling that way, that will be my reality.

Don't let that dictate your life. The grass is always greener. Shit sucks somtimes

You got this dude.

 

[Mike]

Most won't and that's ok.

But you are the center of your universe and since you don't have children you can focus on small victories for yourself. Making a work or school friend, even if it only surrounds work, sounds like a good start. I've struggled with it myself but having someone laugh and compete with is really good for mental health.

I'd be wary of women because of your baggage and just know they're dealing with their past too. And most women are taking a somewhat passive role in their mating partners and only get to choose from the men who approach them. If 90% of the men who approach them are just looking to pump and dump and they're trying to make real connections it's going to lead to some very serious baggage on their end too.

Are you obese? Does any past even from over two years ago haunt you on a regular basis?

By normal human standards of decency I am bordering on obese. Although for here I'd say I'm in average shape. I've never lived somewhere with so many fat people. As far as baggage tons, but probably my marriage. It's been a long time and I feel like I should be over it by now. I've tried therapy and meds, and I'm starting to suspect I just won't be happy being alone. I've tried to force myself to be happy with it, but I'm not good at lying to myself.

 

[Anung Un Rama]

Hang in there @Mike!

Have you ever heard of Dave Ramsey? He is this guy who talks about personal finance on the radio. He has this program called the “debt free snowball” where you’re supposed to pay off your debt from smallest to largest. It’s not the ideal way to do it because it oftentimes ignores interest rates so a person actually pays more money than they might’ve otherwise. But... it’s based on building confidence in the system by succeeding at small challenges until your ready to take on big ones.

Nobody has a perfect life and depression and other issues can maginfify the disparity between what we want, what we need, and what we have, and who we are.


You are good people. And while we all have our demons, sometimes all we need is a win. Pick some small battles, like making your bed in the morning and work your way up to volunteering or some other activity that will improve your social situation.

I know it’s easier said than done, but you have to keep trying. Life is hard, but it’s worth it.

 

[Misfit23]

Stop drinking and smoking for starters. That's not helping your depression.

 

[IloveTHIS]

Hey man, this may sound corny but fuck it. I've dealt with a similar mindset, especially here lately. I know what it's like.

You know how DC's moto is "king of the grind"? Thinking about that inspires me for some reason. Put one foot in front of the other. Shit gets hard and shit seems pointless all the time, but it doesn't fucking matter. Every single day you get out of bed and PUT ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER.

I don't care what kind of setbacks you have during the day. You go to bed every night having accomplished something productive. Anything. If you can improve your overall situation even half of a percent each day, within 6 months life will be pretty fucking good.

 

[Bay Area]

Yeah this is true, and part of the problem. I look to the future and I see nothing to be happy or excited about. I don't even know what I'm working towards anymore. Even if I achieve my goals I don't think I'll be happy.

Bro your still depressed?

 

[Aegon Spengler]

I’m not kidding when I say take care of an immediate need or urge or want when you feel like this.

When you feel like shit that is the best time to show some love for yourself.

 

[EL CORINTHIAN]

I remember when I was having a hard time with some girl issues you really helped me out. It may seem cheesey but I won't be forgetting that at all in the near future, you took some time out of your day to give me, a stranger, some advice and it really helped me through a time that was messed up, perhaps you've forgotten.

You have it in you to help others you also have it in you to help yourself. If it's true that you have nothing than you have nothing else to lose. When we are backed into a corner we always find a way. Of course those people being the ones who want to help themselves.

Life is suffering , the ones who do well just suffer more efficiently than others. There are the outliers that go through life without a care in the world but for the majority we are all taking on battles of our own. Stay strong buddy

If you ever want to talk let me know.

 

[blaseblah]

You're definitely thinking of some other Mike. Tbf I bet half the people itt are confused which Mike I am. I can tell at least a few are.

The guy who was scarred for life by boot camp and wanted to murder his ex girlfriend. If that guy can turn it around, so can you.

 

[FierceRedBelt]

By normal human standards of decency I am bordering on obese. Although for here I'd say I'm in average shape. I've never lived somewhere with so many fat people. As far as baggage tons, but probably my marriage. It's been a long time and I feel like I should be over it by now. I've tried therapy and meds, and I'm starting to suspect I just won't be happy being alone. I've tried to force myself to be happy with it, but I'm not good at lying to myself.

You'll have to deal with your feelings about your marriage and your parents. You can make yourself insanely busy so you don't think about it but eventually you'll have to deal with it.

I know half the people in this thread are suggesting exercise but you should try that. Even if it's only going for walks in the park. Is there a yuppy side of town with stuff like that around? Burn some calories and get some vitamin D, win win. It's a nice way to clear your head or if you really need it, put on some headphones and listen to a podcast while you walk.

As far as happiness without a woman goes, I'm not sure. You had a wife at one point which means you're capable of a long term relationship which is a good thing. I've never gotten that far but I've only truly been into three girls in my life and I wasn't able to get any of them to date me. Maybe you can't achieve maximum happiness without a woman but some marginal happiness without one is certainly possible.

 

[Mike]

Bro your still depressed?

It's permanent bro

 

[Morning Star]

@Mike I find you to be one of the most genuinely likable people on this forum. I've felt what you're feeling at times. I just keep making goals for myself and spend as much time with my friends and loved ones as I can. In my experience it's better to carry a positive attitude. I'm not where I want to be, but I could be a lot worse off. Maybe try to find something or sink more time into something you are passionate about. Hope you pull out of it.

 

[faustian]

Go outside and get in tune with nature fam

 

[JinKazama]

your life is of tremendous value and you have purpose, don't give up dude

the Good Lord gave His life for you, which means you are of so much worth

message me dude, at the very least I can pray with you, otherwise I will definitely be praying for you

 

[D Train]

That’s a tough spot to be in. Have you tried medication? I’d say find a hobby. Hiking. Working out. Off roading. Chess. Anything that gets you out of the house and around people. All hobbies have communities. You need community. Have you thought about trying a church? If you’re interested, Let me know where you are and I’ll find a good one for you.

 

[AgentSmecker]

I'm looking to get myself over to Peru soon to get off my tiny wee dial on ayahuasca for a few weeks and maybe wipe the slate clean and start afresh. I suggest you do the same Mike.

 

[ZOD66]

I'm so tired of my life. Doesn't seem to matter what I do, or how hard I try, I fuck up every single thing I touch and for every one step forward I go three steps back. For the last five years I've been telling myself just around the corner things will get better. Just keep trying, keep grinding, don't give up. But it doesn't get better. I'm just getting older and sicker and more weary, and I just don't know anymore. I feel like I'm going to hit a breaking point soon, and completely lose my mind. I almost welcome it, so I can just give up.


No friends, no woman, no fun,no love, no life. Just work and work and drink and smoke and lay awake at night, and wake up hurting and exhausted and defeated and on and on it goes. it's to the point where I keep myself distracted 24/7, because as soon as I have time for introspection it's like why am I even bothering to go through this anymore? What's the fucking point? So people won't feel vaguely sad for a couple weeks?

View attachment 328225


Yeah whiny beta cuck thread, I know. Don't expect any sympathy or advice or anything, just feel like I need to vent or I'm going to explode. Feel free to throw in whatever insults you want, I know my life is meaningless and I'm WAY beyond the point of giving a fuck anymore.

Man you live in USA. Can you imagine how we live past 25 years here on Balkan after war 1990-95. We still paying banks money for credits we have for build are houses and all. So stop drinking and start training little boxing. Buy a bag or make one

 

[minute bull]

Life isn't happy for a lot of people so you're not alone in that. I don't know if you're operating on the notion happiness is the reason for life but happiness only serves as a barometer of the moment. It's not something that can be anchored to the future, because happiness is not a goal. (It is the byproduct of achievement, in this case.)

Happiness in the moment isn't always obvious, either, until hindsight. The absence of that happiness-in-the-moment is what we typically feel when we regard life as joyless. No happy memories. We didn't feel it in the moment.

If there is nothing you can do right now that will make you happy, like see a movie, or eat a favorite food, if nothing gives you joy -- that is your sign to abandon the pursuit of joy. You need to look elsewhere for your purpose or karma or identity.... your peace of mind.

Instead search your fears and your weaknesses. You're tired? Eat nutritious food, rest, and exercise. No friends, no women? Find some. There are road signs in your life, read them, follow them. You may never get to where you think you want to be, but life is in the going.

When life doesn't make you happy, the best thing you can do is find how it can make sense.

How do you feel now? Does it make sense to do something else? Think about that. If no answers come, talk to someone to help outline concrete options and provide support.

Resisting this, then consider how you feel is in reality what you want or think you deserve. And there is nothing wrong with such a mode of identity unless it hampers your life (not happiness). There nothing wrong with being this type of person as long as it still motivates you forward.

 

[faustian]

Life isn't happy for a lot of people so you're not alone in that. I don't know if you're operating on the notion happiness is the reason for life but happiness only serves as a barometer of the moment. It's not something that can be anchored to the future, because happiness is not a goal. (It is the byproduct of achievement, in this case.)

Happiness in the moment isn't always obvious, either, until hindsight. The absence of that happiness-in-the-moment is what we typically feel when we regard life as joyless. No happy memories. We didn't feel it in the moment.

If there is nothing you can do right now that will make you happy, like see a movie, or eat a favorite food, if nothing gives you joy -- that is your sign to abandon the pursuit of joy. You need to look elsewhere for your purpose or karma or identity.... your peace of mind.

Instead search your fears and your weaknesses. You're tired? Eat nutritious food, rest, and exercise. No friends, no women? Find some. There are road signs in your life, read them, follow them. You may never get to where you think you want to be, but life is in the going.

When life doesn't make you happy, the best thing you can do is find how it can make sense.

How do you feel now? Does it make sense to do something else? Think about that. If no answers come, talk to someone to help outline concrete options and provide support.

Resisting this, then consider how you feel is in reality what you want or think you deserve. And there is nothing wrong with such a mode of identity unless it hampers your life (not happiness). There nothing wrong with being this type of person as long as it still motivates you forward.

tl/dr