I am so f'ing depressed

Ditch the chick. Seriously. There are 3.5 billion vaginas in the world, don't wreck your life over one.

Ditch the liquor.

Spend some time with your kid. Try to be engaged while you're there.

Tell baby momma to fuck off.

Get that tooth checked out.

Start getting your diet in check and sleeping more.

Jump on some easy mode job to get the bills taken care of. Security's always hiring. Tons of labour jobs. Maybe a couple weeks worth of shoveling gravel outdoors will do you good. (Go watch Office Space. Always gets my head right.)

If all that doesn't work check in with a professional.
 
No woman in the world is worth it if they cause consistent pain and stress.

Dump the girl.
 
Legit, no one is worth so much hurt. Everyone deserves a chance at happiness. You only have one life, and your clock is ticking away every one of those chances.
 
Just go read some Henry Miller, listen to some Louis Armstrong, if you're going to drink, make it red wine, and get the fuck out of Kansas.
 
OMjitsu316 said:
Don't even know exactly where to start. Been training bjj around five years. It was always a good escape, and I'd often walk off the mat feeling a bit more confident in facing my problems. But now, I'm just all messed up. I've always dealt with mood disorder stuff a bit, but this situation just. Eff.

Have my head wrapped around this girl. Bunch of crap to it, can't explain all the BS. She's a bit twisted. Got a DUI, lost my job, terrible toothache, baby momma issues, and I'm having a hard time showing any enthusiasm with my son. Drinking a lot. Haven't drank in two days.

Anyway. Now, in between rolls, I'm still thinking about stuff outside the gym. I've been skipping classes I could easily get to. The progression isn't feeling as satisfying. I don't even know if I'll be able to afford membership soon. Let alone roll without insurance.

Anyone made it through this crap? It's constant. I don't even know. Looking for whatever message anyone feeds me.
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Hang in there man. I suffer from clinical depression, it sucks but tomorrow is always another day. I made it through, but it can come back pretty easily.

Gotta be careful with the drinking, it can sneak up on you and if you end up getting a habit eventually it'll make stuff a lot worse. Plus if you end up with a habit/dependency then eventually you're going to not ever be able to drink at all, that's what helped me when I was drinking heavily and regularly. I wouldn't want to reach a point where I'd never be able to enjoy a dram or two of Lagavulin 16 with good company. I know you haven't mentioned drugs, but for me I messed around with some hard drugs for a while and it really made the small mess my life already was into a big, hot mess. Having a clear head is essential in a crisis.

When I had to have medical and psych help for my depression (and PTSD but that's not relevant right now I think), at it's worst point, the crux of the entire period of my life came when my MH worker started talking to me about mindfulness, being in the present moment, enjoying and savoring the moment &c.

So for me that's what helped, even if 99% of my day is a glass of warm horse urine, for that 1% that's not I try to be as present and "in that moment" as possible; savoring like I savor the aforementioned single malt, enjoying the complexities and intricacies and deep beauty of those moments. It's what get me through, I don't know if it will work for you or not as everybody's different but I hope you find what works for you. If there is anything I can do to help you in any way, or even if you just need to vent or talk to someone, please don't hesitate to PM me.
 
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OMjitsu316 said:
Anyone made it through this crap? It's constant. I don't even know. Looking for whatever message anyone feeds me.
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Well dude I've been in a similar situation. I almost lost my dad due to heart disease, I was going to court back to back over a never ending custody battle, and also I was in a very toxic relationship. I used to use BJJ as an outlet, but like you I started to think about it during my rolls. Prioritize life. Take a break from jiu jitsu and fix everything you can. Once you have everything back in order then the negative thoughts after or during rolling will go away.

My old wrestling coach told me something that stuck with me. He asked me "How do you eat an elephant?". I looked confused when he asked me. He replied "One piece at a time". So with that being said. You have all these problems on one huge plate. You should just tackle each individual problem one at a time. You'll get there. Keep your head up
 
OMjitsu316 said:
Don't even know exactly where to start. Been training bjj around five years. It was always a good escape, and I'd often walk off the mat feeling a bit more confident in facing my problems. But now, I'm just all messed up. I've always dealt with mood disorder stuff a bit, but this situation just. Eff.

Have my head wrapped around this girl. Bunch of crap to it, can't explain all the BS. She's a bit twisted. Got a DUI, lost my job, terrible toothache, baby momma issues, and I'm having a hard time showing any enthusiasm with my son. Drinking a lot. Haven't drank in two days.

Anyway. Now, in between rolls, I'm still thinking about stuff outside the gym. I've been skipping classes I could easily get to. The progression isn't feeling as satisfying. I don't even know if I'll be able to afford membership soon. Let alone roll without insurance.

Anyone made it through this crap? It's constant. I don't even know. Looking for whatever message anyone feeds me.
Click to expand...

Be selfish and find some personal time.

Just go for a walk every day for 30 minutes.

Walking is free, it is a good exercise and should help clear your mind.
 
Gonna necro my own thread. Things have gotten better and worse. You know, like they do. Recently laid off. Younger brother committed suicide in December 2016. Anyway, this has given me an opportunity to focus on my comedy career, connect with people, and some more mat time. If you are struggling, or you are just interested in my shit, you can contact me on here, or find contact information through my website. Here is a recent blog post:

https://timmaggard.com/being-suicidal-and-your-baby-brother-beat-you-to-it/

My brother helped me start my site, and withsome advertising/merch projects. Fifty percent of the merch that he helped me with (plague doctor stuff) is being donated to NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). Shameless plug. Actually a lot of shame. But I'm not really trying to make a buck off of my brother's death, I just want to connect. My standup material, as well as my online social media presence, heavily revolves around mental health and addiction. The more I can work without going back to construction, the more I can focus on my creative pursuits and communicating with people. And the more I can communicate with people, the more graitified I'll feel, hopefully giving me a little extra boost to keep working to stand on my own work rather than manual labor. Thanks.
 
Also, in case anyone is curious, I have not used since two days before this original post. Almost 14 months sober. Also got my purple belt from Marcio Navarro and Robert Drysdale in December, a week before my brother passed. Also been given a monthly comedy show at my local club, and am being scheduled to tour that club franchise. Also, I am hardcore running out of money haha. Things are always so bittersweet, you know?
 
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Hey man. Best of luck to you. I've passed (and still passing) through my fair share of hard stuff- even if in all honestly yours seems surely bigger/different than mine. But I do understand the struggle. Keep it up!
 
OMjitsu316 said:
Don't even know exactly where to start. Been training bjj around five years. It was always a good escape, and I'd often walk off the mat feeling a bit more confident in facing my problems. But now, I'm just all messed up. I've always dealt with mood disorder stuff a bit, but this situation just. Eff.

Have my head wrapped around this girl. Bunch of crap to it, can't explain all the BS. She's a bit twisted. Got a DUI, lost my job, terrible toothache, baby momma issues, and I'm having a hard time showing any enthusiasm with my son. Drinking a lot. Haven't drank in two days.

Anyway. Now, in between rolls, I'm still thinking about stuff outside the gym. I've been skipping classes I could easily get to. The progression isn't feeling as satisfying. I don't even know if I'll be able to afford membership soon. Let alone roll without insurance.

Anyone made it through this crap? It's constant. I don't even know. Looking for whatever message anyone feeds me.
Click to expand...
Bro. Sounds like you need time alone to figure all this shit out. I know it seems scary but sounds like this woman is unhealthy. Then you need to get your drinking sorted if you think it's a problem. Also finding a job is important for your self esteem too. Maybe you can look into working at Starbucks. They have a decent benefits package. Seriously, you need to figure your shit out and drinking isn't a good way to sort that shit out. Also, if you can find a way go see a psychiatrist and your shit together.
 
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thread makes me realize how much it must suck to need health insurance to train bjj....... ugh
 
OMjitsu316 said:
Gonna necro my own thread. Things have gotten better and worse. You know, like they do. Recently laid off. Younger brother committed suicide in December 2016. Anyway, this has given me an opportunity to focus on my comedy career, connect with people, and some more mat time. If you are struggling, or you are just interested in my shit, you can contact me on here, or find contact information through my website. Here is a recent blog post:

https://timmaggard.com/being-suicidal-and-your-baby-brother-beat-you-to-it/

My brother helped me start my site, and withsome advertising/merch projects. Fifty percent of the merch that he helped me with (plague doctor stuff) is being donated to NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). Shameless plug. Actually a lot of shame. But I'm not really trying to make a buck off of my brother's death, I just want to connect. My standup material, as well as my online social media presence, heavily revolves around mental health and addiction. The more I can work without going back to construction, the more I can focus on my creative pursuits and communicating with people. And the more I can communicate with people, the more graitified I'll feel, hopefully giving me a little extra boost to keep working to stand on my own work rather than manual labor. Thanks.
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inspiring post man. as someone who studied psych in college, I was very interested in this space.

I think you should write an ebook and publish via kindle. another way to make some passive income
 
Sorry to hear about your brother. I've been there. It takes years but will get better.

Did you keep the girl or move on?
 
mike sherry said:
women are usually not worth the effort if they are causing stress

i dated a girl that ended up being married and honestly it's made it a lot easier for me to not put up with any of the shit the new girls try to pull.

smoke a blunt, grapple your best training partner, and raise your son. he's all that really matters man.
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Damn, good advice.

I'd smoke a blunt, grab a trusted training partner and flow-roll during open mat, and try crazy leg log entries and inverted junk just for fun, with no intent on anything else but enjoyment.

And of course, after that session, spend time with my son, if I had one. I would not shed a tear over a woman, unless she died in a traffic accident.

Women or relationships rather, are not worth it. Life is too short.


Edited * some intelligent people said to get the tooth fixed first, I agree. Do that first--
 
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There is way too muhc poontang (you kids still call it that?) in the world to cry over one.

Kid, do not let anyone control your happiness but you. Don't like it to the person. A lot of good advice from the above. And maybe instead of alcohol try smoking up a little

AND GET TO CLASS!
 
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