I am so f'ing depressed

OMjitsu316

OMjitsu316

Orange Belt
@Orange
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Don't even know exactly where to start. Been training bjj around five years. It was always a good escape, and I'd often walk off the mat feeling a bit more confident in facing my problems. But now, I'm just all messed up. I've always dealt with mood disorder stuff a bit, but this situation just. Eff.

Have my head wrapped around this girl. Bunch of crap to it, can't explain all the BS. She's a bit twisted. Got a DUI, lost my job, terrible toothache, baby momma issues, and I'm having a hard time showing any enthusiasm with my son. Drinking a lot. Haven't drank in two days.

Anyway. Now, in between rolls, I'm still thinking about stuff outside the gym. I've been skipping classes I could easily get to. The progression isn't feeling as satisfying. I don't even know if I'll be able to afford membership soon. Let alone roll without insurance.

Anyone made it through this crap? It's constant. I don't even know. Looking for whatever message anyone feeds me.
 
Sure it's life bro, it sucks...do bjj for fun enjoy your time there use it to distraft yourself this type of time forget about improving technique or putti g pressure on you for competing or anythong just enjoy de ride etc..
 
Sounds like you should prioritize your life for a while. Work on figuring out the alcohol thing (if you deem it's use to be a problem ) and getting a job first, and do bjj when you can't do anything productive to resolve your other issues. For what it's worth, pot is really good at making you think through all of your internal dillemas and come to peace with yourself. Or you can do that on your own as well, it will just take effort and brutal honestly with yourself.
 
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women are usually not worth the effort if they are causing stress

i dated a girl that ended up being married and honestly it's made it a lot easier for me to not put up with any of the shit the new girls try to pull.

smoke a blunt, grapple your best training partner, and raise your son. he's all that really matters man.
 
Idk, what to tell you. Being on the mat is the only place I shut my brain down lol. And forget all the other bs going on
 
Mmm. Enjoying the ride is one of those phrases. Gotta work on it.

No pot for me, personally. I'm a comic at night, so I tend to spend a lot of time in clubs. Have been to rehab once. Recently went to AA again. Still hard to say whether the problem is alcohol. Hard to be honest, maybe. Also putting in a few hours a week serving at my mother's bar.

This girl is trouble. But the hooks are in, so to speak.
 
Mood disorder? See a therapist and take medication.
Get rid of the girl.
Stop drinking!!! It seems you have an alcohol problem or it maybe linked to you mental health issues (self medication).
Get dental insurance or pay out of pocket if it's been bothering you so much.
Baby mama issues? Couldn't tell you what to do without more information.
No enthusiasm with your son? All linked to your previous problems.

Been in a situation kind of like yours, but the only person who can help you is yourself. So you're going to have to dig deep and get what little energy you have to start working on fixing yourself. If you don't, you'll continue putting yourself in this downward spiral. Good luck.
 
Don't worry about jiu jitsu at the moment. Put that to the side. I would get the toothache looked at asap. Health come first. Work on all the issues in your personal life now. You can't focus on training because God...the universe...your spirit...needs you to attend to other aspects of your life.
 
Don't put pussy on a pedestal bro, oneitis is a leading cause of quarter life crisises, school shootings, angsty poetry on Facebook walls, headache, nausea, and other symptoms.
 
if easy job that's easy to get in to, can always do security.
If its something that's an education, get a easy job and save
 
Keep your chin up.
 
This sounds A LOT like clinical depression unless it's only been going on a short time. May want to seek help man.
 
rmongler said:
Don't put pussy on a pedestal bro, oneitis is a leading cause of quarter life crisises, school shootings, angsty poetry on Facebook walls, headache, nausea, and other symptoms.
Click to expand...

Strong advice. Let go of that scarcity mentality. There's plenty of pussy out there, the drama is not necessary. That's probably a huge aggravating factor that's multiplying the rest of your shit. As to that, get a hold on the drinking, love your kid, don't put huge pressure on the training to save you, it's just a physical outlet and source of good, positive social interaction.

Good luck.
 
Hey man, it looks like you're going through quite a rough patch in life. I'm a paramedic in Canada when I'm not training. So I've heard some very rough stories from patients who were on their lowest days.

I know that exercise in general can make you feel better. There are things that appear to be somewhat of your control. What you can control is BJJ. It may not seem much, but it's a start. Don't let yourself skip class. Sometimes, it's just showing up and be on the mat...regardless of training outcomes in your mind.

Maybe you can find a crisis worker who can help you. They can talk to you and give you an ear & advice in times of need. Though, I'm not 100% sure how it works in the US (I'm assuming). The issue with alcohol is a very slippery slope. I have picked up this fellow multiple times who can't seem to shake off the alcohol. We pick him up off the street. He has drank himself so poor than he resorts to purchasing rubbing alcohol from the dollar store to consume. He can no longer see his soon cause he can barely keep himself alive. He's in his 30s.

Sometimes its all about solving one thing at a time. Take the smallest issue that you can change, and try to fix it. Maybe its the toothache. If you get that fixed, it can be a small victory but it can also start you on a path to recovery. Remember, BJJ won't leave you. It will always be there. Take care of yourself so you can train another day. If alcohol is taking over, maybe get back into AA. But you have to believe in yourself. I've come across so many patients who make it through rough times on purely belief. I have picked up elderly jewish folks who survived holocaust. They told me their stories and told me how they survived.
Once you start to take care of yourself, your little son will get the father he needs.

One thing at a time, keep on rolling. Good luck!
 
My life is in about as shitty of a state, I would kill to be able to roll at all. Count your blessings.
 
OMjitsu316 said:
Don't even know exactly where to start. Been training bjj around five years. It was always a good escape, and I'd often walk off the mat feeling a bit more confident in facing my problems. But now, I'm just all messed up. I've always dealt with mood disorder stuff a bit, but this situation just. Eff.

Have my head wrapped around this girl. Bunch of crap to it, can't explain all the BS. She's a bit twisted. Got a DUI, lost my job, terrible toothache, baby momma issues, and I'm having a hard time showing any enthusiasm with my son. Drinking a lot. Haven't drank in two days.

Anyway. Now, in between rolls, I'm still thinking about stuff outside the gym. I've been skipping classes I could easily get to. The progression isn't feeling as satisfying. I don't even know if I'll be able to afford membership soon. Let alone roll without insurance.

Anyone made it through this crap? It's constant. I don't even know. Looking for whatever message anyone feeds me.
Click to expand...

If you can afford it take a short holiday somewhere isolated. You seemed burnt out and need to reset. You have obviously been through a lot and you will get through this rough patch just as you have in the past.
 
Jiu jitsu helps wih many things but it does have it's limits. Get your life together dude. Fix one thing at a time. Thinking about all of it at once can be overwhelming and feel impossible to fix.
 
OMjitsu316 said:
Don't even know exactly where to start. Been training bjj around five years. It was always a good escape, and I'd often walk off the mat feeling a bit more confident in facing my problems. But now, I'm just all messed up. I've always dealt with mood disorder stuff a bit, but this situation just. Eff.

Have my head wrapped around this girl. Bunch of crap to it, can't explain all the BS. She's a bit twisted. Got a DUI, lost my job, terrible toothache, baby momma issues, and I'm having a hard time showing any enthusiasm with my son. Drinking a lot. Haven't drank in two days.

Anyway. Now, in between rolls, I'm still thinking about stuff outside the gym. I've been skipping classes I could easily get to. The progression isn't feeling as satisfying. I don't even know if I'll be able to afford membership soon. Let alone roll without insurance.

Anyone made it through this crap? It's constant. I don't even know. Looking for whatever message anyone feeds me.
Click to expand...

I can literally relate to all of that, though not all at once.

The good news is that it seems you realize things aren't as they should be, and you want to do something about it. I suspect that deep down you know exactly what the problems are, and what needs to be done about them. You just have to do it. One thing at a time.

IMO, the booze should be the first thing out the window, followed by this sketchy gal you're talking about. Perhaps you can get counseling, medication, or both through a community service program.

Best wishes man. Change can happen.
 
Id try to get a new job and concentrate on making money. Nothing feels worse than not working for a living.
 
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