How do I get my 13 year old sister into martial arts? (She's getting bullied)

Croo67

Croo67

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Apologies in advance if this is the wrong section.

My sister is getting bullied at school by a group of guys older than her. Unfortunately, I'm in a different country and 20 years old, so I can't exactly do anything (they are 15), and other than giving them a slap on the wrist every few weeks, the school doesn't seem bothered.

I suggested I take my sister to a martial arts class of her choice when I'm back for Christmas. She is dead against the idea, and it's obviously down to her lack of confidence because of the bullying, and because I think she sees it as not a 'girly' thing to do. I'd like her to go, as I know she'd love it and I worry that the guys will move from just shoving and taunting her, to actually hitting her.

Anyone got any tips or advice on how they got their daughter/sister into martial arts? I was thinking of showing her one of those MMA montages to inspire her, however I wasn't sure of who to go for - a Ronda one or a Miesha Tate one. I was thinking Miesha as she is a bit more girly, so would probably appeal to my sister.
 
You know her better than us. The last thing I'd recommend is an MMA montage, but if you think that will work it's far more likely than anything I would suggest.

I'm also a little skeptical martial arts are going to stop bullying, especially by older guys. You be the judge but that could be a police-type situation. Sounds messed up.

Any way what I would have suggested is taking a class with her at Christmas or seeing if she has a friend interested in taking a class with her if you know her friends well.
 
Do you think she has any interest in martial arts at all right now? Because if she doesn't you're probably gonna have a hard time convincing her to start. I don't think self defense is the answer here anyway, I mean I'm assuming the bullying is mocking etc. and not actual violence seeing as the kids aren't in jail? Because if they aren't attacking her then I don't think it's a good idea to tell her to hit them. Sticks and stones and all that. The only benefit martial arts will give is increased self confidence which is great, but can also be achieved by doing a number of sports which don't involve getting punched in the mouth.

edit: I reread the OP, if the guys shoved her I'd tell the police. I'm really having a tough time imagining a scenario where it's not considered criminal and completely socially unacceptable for a group of 15 year old boys to lay a finger on a 13 year old girl. If any guys did that when I was 15 they'd get their asses whooped. Where is this happening, school?
 
fluffball said:
You know her better than us. The last thing I'd recommend is an MMA montage, but if you think that will work it's far more likely than anything I would suggest.

I'm also a little skeptical martial arts are going to stop bullying, especially by older guys. You be the judge but that could be a police-type situation. Sounds messed up.

Any way what I would have suggested is taking a class with her at Christmas or seeing if she has a friend interested in taking a class with her if you know her friends well.
Click to expand...

This.
Martial arts/combat sports won't start to bear fruit until at least a year in. Most places don't let you spar until 4 months in, and prior to that its all padwork, bagwork, etc. I feel pre-1 year she'll get confident, and bigger people are still going to push her around. It may help her confidence and thats good.

Get her to make friends with another group that will step in for her.
 
Croo67 said:
Apologies in advance if this is the wrong section.

My sister is getting bullied at school by a group of guys older than her. Unfortunately, I'm in a different country and 20 years old, so I can't exactly do anything (they are 15), and other than giving them a slap on the wrist every few weeks, the school doesn't seem bothered.

I suggested I take my sister to a martial arts class of her choice when I'm back for Christmas. She is dead against the idea, and it's obviously down to her lack of confidence because of the bullying, and because I think she sees it as not a 'girly' thing to do. I'd like her to go, as I know she'd love it and I worry that the guys will move from just shoving and taunting her, to actually hitting her.

Anyone got any tips or advice on how they got their daughter/sister into martial arts? I was thinking of showing her one of those MMA montages to inspire her, however I wasn't sure of who to go for - a Ronda one or a Miesha Tate one. I was thinking Miesha as she is a bit more girly, so would probably appeal to my sister.
Click to expand...
MMA montage: PVZ, karate hottie, angela lee, and all the small atomweights. They so small and cute but deadly.

Just say to her： either do martial arts or get bullied. If she rather get bullied than to learn MA then so be it. Or maybe she just wants her big brother home to protect her.
 
Some teenage guys need to beat the shit out of those bitch dudes
 
j123 said:
This.
Martial arts/combat sports won't start to bear fruit until at least a year in. Most places don't let you spar until 4 months in, and prior to that its all padwork, bagwork, etc. I feel pre-1 year she'll get confident, and bigger people are still going to push her around. It may help her confidence and thats good.

Get her to make friends with another group that will step in for her.
Click to expand...

Very true.

Honestly I'd say go to the police, the police will probably give the kids a bit more of a scare than a head teacher would. And on the sly show her some Ronda Rousey and start taking her to martial arts classes to build her confidence. Maybe even teach her some stuff yourself if you know it
 
j123 said:
This.
Martial arts/combat sports won't start to bear fruit until at least a year in. Most places don't let you spar until 4 months in, and prior to that its all padwork, bagwork, etc. I feel pre-1 year she'll get confident, and bigger people are still going to push her around. It may help her confidence and thats good.

Get her to make friends with another group that will step in for her.
Click to expand...
I agree. She's not going to suddenly kick everyone's ass (at least not immediately anyway). I think it might help in that practicing martial arts does wonders for one's self-esteem for various reasons but other than that, in her case specifically I think simply meeting new people will be the best part and she might get good advice on how to deal with it.

As for motivation, I think you could tell her martial arts are fun to practice and she'll get in great shape doing it. I do suggest a grappling based style like judo or bjj since they are often perceived as... not sure what the right term would be... less manly (?) than say, boxing, which could be the reason she is so resistant to the idea.
 
Can you really see her kicking the asses of multiple males two years older than her? The only short term benefit of joining a gym would be possibly meeting fighters that go to her school, and would be willing to help her with her problem. Is there another relative that could make a little more noise about it at the school? She could possibly join some sort of club with older guys who would be willing to intimidate them into stopping. Maybe she could even pay someone to threaten or humiliate them into stopping. Does she know specific names of the guys involved? She could contact the parents and inform them that their 15 year old son is partaking in group bullying of a 13 year old girl. There's always the cops, I'm sure shoving is some kind of misdemeanor. If the school knows it's an ongoing thing, maybe calling the police is the thing to do.
 
Alphafail said:
I agree. She's not going to suddenly kick everyone's ass (at least not immediately anyway). I think it might help in that practicing martial arts does wonders for one's self-esteem for various reasons but other than that, in her case specifically I think simply meeting new people will be the best part and she might get good advice on how to deal with it.

As for motivation, I think you could tell her martial arts are fun to practice and she'll get in great shape doing it. I do suggest a grappling based style like judo or bjj since they are often perceived as... not sure what the right term would be... less manly (?) than say, boxing, which could be the reason she is so resistant to the idea.
Click to expand...

I know that.

However, there's a reason they are disguising their pushes, by pushing each other into her, rather than actually outright pushing her. They know they'll get hammered by the school and cops if they assault a girl, especially one younger than them. My thinking is, if she at least knows how to throw a punch they'll back off.
 
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Id have her go to the police and file a false report that they threatened to rape her and grabbed her breast.
 
Croo67 said:
I know that.

However, there's a reason they are disguising their pushes, by pushing each other into her, rather than actually outright pushing her. They know they'll get hammered by the school and cops if they assault a girl, especially one younger than them. My thinking is, if she at least knows how to throw a punch they'll back off.
Click to expand...
That doesn't sound very effective imo. For them to know she can throw a punch, she'll either have to actually punch someone (and starting learning a martial art won't help at all with that, as others have explained) or have somehow have a previous reputation.

I think I get what you mean, you want them to know that she can stand up for herself so they'll leave her alone, right? In that case imo if she does something crazy and flashy will probably have better immediate results than taking boxing classes. I had a friend who used to be bullied by some older boys when we were in 7th grade or so. One day my friend had grabbed his compass and shoved it against one of his bullies' arm. The guy bled a bit and my friend got suspended, but he was never bullied by anyone again.
 
Croo67 said:
Apologies in advance if this is the wrong section.

My sister is getting bullied at school by a group of guys older than her. Unfortunately, I'm in a different country and 20 years old, so I can't exactly do anything (they are 15), and other than giving them a slap on the wrist every few weeks, the school doesn't seem bothered.

I suggested I take my sister to a martial arts class of her choice when I'm back for Christmas. She is dead against the idea, and it's obviously down to her lack of confidence because of the bullying, and because I think she sees it as not a 'girly' thing to do. I'd like her to go, as I know she'd love it and I worry that the guys will move from just shoving and taunting her, to actually hitting her.

Anyone got any tips or advice on how they got their daughter/sister into martial arts? I was thinking of showing her one of those MMA montages to inspire her, however I wasn't sure of who to go for - a Ronda one or a Miesha Tate one. I was thinking Miesha as she is a bit more girly, so would probably appeal to my sister.
Click to expand...

If you plan on trying to get your sister to fist fight males as a form of defense, you messed up my boy. Before puberty sure, it might work, but now that their balls are starting to drop, they're a lot more physically stronger than your sister ever will be. And it's not even gonna be a 1 vs 1 fight if it happened. You best go down there and whoop some ass, or talk to someone who's gonna do something about it. But teaching a girl that she can "beat up multiple guys" when even a male would have a hard time doing that, now you just want to break her heart even more.
 
Martial arts are clearly not the answer here. A 13 year old girl, as a rule of thumb, has no chance against an older guy, much less a GROUP of older guys. And that's if she's some sort of a martial arts prodigy. A 13 year old girl just STARTING martial arts... never gonna happen. Worst case, she gets herself attacked for real by trying to do damage to the guys.
 
As I have already said, there is 0 chance they'd strike back.
 
When my sister was 12 I was 18 and in college. One day 3 boys verbally harassed her as she was walking home from school. My mother asked me to go to the school and have a talk with them. My sister pointed out the boys to me. I told them I was her brother, I heard what they were saying to her and told them that if they ever bothered her again I was going to beat the shit out of all three of them and call the police. They got scared, apologized and she never had a problem with those boys again.

I understand that you are in another country so you can't be around to protect her but if you are ever in the area maybe you need to pay a visit to the school and have a similar talk with those boys.

Martial Arts can help her with confidence but if things get physical between her and the boys she probably won't be able to defend herself against all of them. She is either going to need to talk to the authorities or get some trustworthy male friends to protect her. Sometimes instilling fear in the bullies is the best solution either with reminding them of the legal consequences of their actions or threatening them with physical violence if they don't stop. If they respond by saying they will tell their parents or the police that you are threatening them just counter with the fact that they are bullying your sister and they will get in trouble themselves for what they are doing.
 
Croo67 said:
I know that.

However, there's a reason they are disguising their pushes, by pushing each other into her, rather than actually outright pushing her. They know they'll get hammered by the school and cops if they assault a girl, especially one younger than them. My thinking is, if she at least knows how to throw a punch they'll back off.
Click to expand...

Martial Arts are good for self-defense primarily against one attacker. If you have to fight multiple opponents learning Martial Arts can help you to at least survive and escape the attack. If you want your sister to fend off these boys that are bullying her Martial Arts are probably not going to get them to stop because multiple bullies see strength in their numbers. If they know anything about fighting they will know she can't beat up all of them so they won't be threatened by her knowing how to throw a punch. They will still push her and laugh when she gets an attitude acting like she is going to hurt them. If she does try to fight them by herself she will probably get hurt. They don't even have to hit her back they could just restrain her or push her to the ground. Martial Arts are worth learning if she needs to defend herself against a single opponent such as a single girl trying to bully her. But multiple bullies? Male bullies? Someone has to put fear in them to get them to stop. Your best options are to report them to authorities, find her some male friends to protect her or scare the shit out of them yourself.

If you are deadset on encouraging her to learn Martial Arts you can show her some MMA fights. Take your pick. Rousey, Nunes, Holm, Tate, Jedrzejczyk and Cyborg are good candidates.

You could also show her stories of ordinary women who know Martial Arts defending themselves. Some have even done it against male attackers. But multiple bullies requires a solution beyond Martial Arts like the ones I suggested.
 
"Report them to the authorities" is very unlikely to work, and already been tried, according to TS. The only choice is threatening them with violence, but 15 year old boys are known to be both cocky and delusional; it might just make matters worse. Unless you're willing to go to jail if they report you to the police after you beat them up.
 
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