how come bjj often ruin's people's social/sex life??

[Thycidides]

They can be tedious, but there's a formula that works for them. At that point it's just a numbers game. I guess it depends what you want from it. I had a several year relationship from one, a lot of hookups from another, and I met one of my best friends from one as well.

Which app do you recommend?

 

[2008]

If you have a girl what's the point of going out? I know you'll hang with your friends from time to time but that's not something you could realistically do multiple times a week every week, especially as you get older.

 

[Quebec Nick]

I used to be an outgoing guy with a wide social circle but the older I get the less I want to go out and party etc... I work out/do BJJ almost every day so I am even less inclined to do it.... I do go to a pub from time to time, but nowadays I mostly just go home after BJJ, drink beer, play video games and bang my GF... I just try to relax as much as possible and see no reason to go out and party anymore.

Do you guys feel the same? The older you get the less outgoing you become?

Going out always feels like the Groundhound Day movie. It's pretty much always the same, it's like the same stuff going on and the only variable is how hammered you are.

I ended it right after college, with some office parties as the exception. Every time I go out in a bar I feel like I'm right back in my 20's.

I have a strong family ties and we see each other a lot, so I don't have social issues. I see a lot of people because I work with the public, I see people at my kids sports (hockey, gymnastics, soccer...) , some college friends that I see once or twice a year...

I have my BJJ buddies. We can go out to see a local MMA show or we do a UFC PPV night at one of the guys house.

I have a busy schedule and I don't really like to waste a week-end day just to get drunk the night before.

Still I'm able to do martial arts 5-6 times a week, to do some cross training, I rarely miss any of my kids sports, I see my relatives about 2 times a week, I have some quality time with my wife everyday. I play some video games also.

I'm living my dream life right now and I know that it's all hanging by a thin thread, if I get wasted everyweek or so, it'll all go down the drain.

 

[mataleaos]

Which app do you recommend?

Here's a simple guideline for you. Tinder is a good open ended one now. It was really in its prime as a hook-up app up until maybe 2015. That's what it was used for and everyone knew it. Now people are on there for other things. But one of the cool things about it is that it can lead to anything. If she swiped you and your pic actually looks like you, it's mostly safe to assume she's thought about hooking up with you and would under the right circumstances. A downside (or upside) is that it's more shallow, and a lot of it is based on looks, but the good thing about that is it gets that part out of the way.

Bumble is okay. it's kind of like Tinder, but if you match with someone, they have to speak to you first before you can message them, I like taking the lead, so it sucks to have to wait for someone to message you. As with everyone, we are all busy and I think they only have like 24-48 hours to message you before you both unmatch, so if a girl is busy then she may not get to you. If you get bumble I advise not even swiping anyone during the weekend.

Bumble is basically Tinder for girls that are tired of getting so many unsolicited dick pics lol.

OKCupid or even Match are better if you're looking for an actual relationship. Especially Match. It has a reputation of being lamer, but there are some quality girls on there.

Having a good profile pic is key. I assume you're a guy. No selfies. A fairly current well lit pic that shows you from the waist up is good. If you don't have a pic of yourself that isn't a selfie, have a friend take one for you. Follow it by a pic of you with a dog if you own one, a pic of you with some friends (preferably mixed company), or you doing an activity that you like. All of these aren't required, but they help. A clever bio is god. Short and sweet. As far as messaging girls, I stay away from anything like what's up, or how's it going, etc. Those are boring. Most of these girls are receiving a ton of messages, but the good news is that most guys are sending boring shit. So make yourself stand out. Ask yourself if you'd reply to your opener if you received it. If you wouldn't, send something else.

I also stay away from compliments, unless it's followed with something cheeky or a question. Don't put them on a pedestal. Their inbox is already flooded with guys telling them how gorgeous they are. You matched with her, so she already knows you find her attractive. Compliments don't usually get much a reply beyond "thanks!"

I try to make a comment about something in one of her pics or something in her bio, or make a self-amusing statement, or ask her a question that isn't yes or no. Everything is geared towards setting up an actual date to meet, and getting her number to message her off of the app. Even using proper punctuation and grammar goes a long ways. Self amusement is important. Just treat it like a video game or something. It's supposed to be fun, and not stressful or a chore. Send shit that you think is funny, direct your messages towards meeting, try to get her number to message her off the app, and try to set up a date within 48-72 hours, tops.

I have more that I can PM if you're interested. This is getting to be lengthy and I don't want to annoy people or hijack the thread.

 

[mataleaos]

Going out always feels like the Groundhound Day movie. It's pretty much always the same, it's like the same stuff going on and the only variable is how hammered you are.

I ended it right after college, with some office parties as the exception. Every time I go out in a bar I feel like I'm right back in my 20's.

I have a strong family ties and we see each other a lot, so I don't have social issues. I see a lot of people because I work with the public, I see people at my kids sports (hockey, gymnastics, soccer...) , some college friends that I see once or twice a year...

I have my BJJ buddies. We can go out to see a local MMA show or we do a UFC PPV night at one of the guys house.

I have a busy schedule and I don't really like to waste a week-end day just to get drunk the night before.

Still I'm able to do martial arts 5-6 times a week, to do some cross training, I rarely miss any of my kids sports, I see my relatives about 2 times a week, I have some quality time with my wife everyday. I play some video games also.

I'm living my dream life right now and I know that it's all hanging by a thin thread, if I get wasted everyweek or so, it'll all go down the drain.

Exactly. Do what the fuck you want to do with your life.

My whole philosophy for life is based these 3 things.

1. Are you happy? Yeah? Awesome. Keep doing what you're doing, and try to do more things that will keep you happy or even make you happier.

2. Are you not as happy as you want to be? Not a bad place to be. Just work on doing more to make sure that you're getting happier.

3. Are you not happy at all? Okay, start doing 1 thing every day to make yourself happy, and start from there.

That's it. Happiness is a set of behaviors and way of living, and it's not a destination where you magically find yourself. Create a happy life for yourself and become the kind of person that you would want to spend a lot of time with. You'll have cool girls and cool guys that want to spend time with you. To the TS I would say having a satisfying social life and sex life is a huge part of happiness, but not everyone has the same definition for what satisfaction means to them in those areas.