how come bjj often ruin's people's social/sex life??

when i was just grappling, i was OBSESSED with techniques and watching videos. if i wasn't training, i'd be reading about or watching videos related to bjj. didn't help that my gf at the time was crazy. in the end, she said i cheated on her with bjj.

i've seen other guys at the gym that was about the life but as soon as they find a gf, they are gone.
 
The thing is it's true for a lot of sports. Ski bums, rock climbing bums, alpineering bums... A friend of mine used to be on the national kayaking team. When I commented on how it must have been a cool life, he said "not really, you make 20K a year, you spend 4-7 hours training your ass of and then you spend the rest of the time playing WOW because you're too exhausted for anything else".

Newsflash: BJJ isn't that special.

I meet a lot of scuba divers like this. Their whole life revolves around scuba, so they get jobs as instructors or dive guides or working in a dive shop (or all 3) and spend all their money on diving. They'll drop everything and go live in Bali or Costa Rica for a year working in the industry, barely making ends meet. Then they hit 35/40 and have nothing to show for it.

Sounds fun for a couple years when you're young and crashing on people's couches is tolerable.
 
Its this millennial generation. To much Iphones and instant messaging. They never learn to develop game in real life.


you have a good point but always hanging out in an environment that is 89 percent male
sure does not help the cause lol
 
I meet a lot of scuba divers like this. Their whole life revolves around scuba, so they get jobs as instructors or dive guides or working in a dive shop (or all 3) and spend all their money on diving. They'll drop everything and go live in Bali or Costa Rica for a year working in the industry, barely making ends meet. Then they hit 35/40 and have nothing to show for it.

Sounds fun for a couple years when you're young and crashing on people's couches is tolerable.



as far as barely making ends meet, i actually find that there are more well off or at-least people with decent jobs in bjj then other combat sports-where you are more likely to find people who are poor and see the sport as a way out of poverty or people who see their sport as a way to release their anger or aggression.....just my observation....this view could be different in different places.


as far the people you mentioned who have nothing to show for it,

i can argue that point too, maybe they dont much money but atleast they have
respect from people due to their training and fighting skills...


it may sound trivial but i know some rich guys who get no respect from people
and it kills them, they want it so bad...and try to get it from people....
 
you have a good point but always hanging out in an environment that is 89 percent male
sure does not help the cause lol

Its different though. I used to train everyday sometimes twice. I'd go down fight muay thai or pankration and all of the guys would go part after a event. Sometimes after practice and always after a event. We'd hit up the bars in Mexico or on the rez and go pick up on girls as a team.

I primarily train iiu itsu now but it has to do with this generation. The kids don't party like we used to. Go do a iu jitsu tournament and brag about how dedicated they are that they are in the gym the next day training.

That is not the way to live. I am 35 years of age. What I am talking about did not happen that long ago. I've seen this change happen in 10-15 years. I tell you it is the iphone, the facebook and all of these tinders that have ruined this generation.

I also think that the fact iu jitsu has gotten more popularized has gotten a different type of person to train as well.
 
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You really don't need to go out for pussy anymore. All kinda apps to help that cause.
 
You really don't need to go out for pussy anymore. All kinda apps to help that cause.
It helps in the transitional point, but you still need to know how to game to score. At the end of the day you're gonna meet in person and have to work your magic.
 
So like, OP knows that getting laid isn't the ultimate #1 goal in life for all men at all times, right?
 
you have a good point but always hanging out in an environment that is 89 percent male
sure does not help the cause lol
I guess I'm not entirely sure what the overall point is though. I think people can have a balance of training a lot with friends at jiu-jitsu and also having a balanced life outside of that.

Is it inherently bad to train in an environment that is mostly guys?

This may be too off the rails for what you're talking about, but there are tons of new studies coming out about how loneliness is damaging men's mental health, and especially middle aged men (https://www.bostonglobe.com/magazin...-loneliness/k6saC9FnnHQCUbf5mJ8okL/story.html).

Isn't it a good thing for men to have a "tribe" of other guys to hang out with? Especially since a lot of married men claim it's harder to make new friends at that point? I'm not married, so I don't know if that's true or not.
 
So like, OP knows that getting laid isn't the ultimate #1 goal in life for all men at all times, right?
Whatever reason he can find to hate on the "kids these days" and lie to himself about being better than them is good!
 
So like, OP knows that getting laid isn't the ultimate #1 goal in life for all men at all times, right?
That's what it sounds like. And That's a huge priority for me no doubt. But other things are important as well.

I think it's best to become someone that you love and that other people want to be around. Work on yourself, your career, your money, your finances, your family, your friendships. The women will come (double entendre lol). If you only go for women, your life will be lacking in other areas.
 
tinder was a valuable tool for getting laid when i was training bjj 2x a day. without that it would have been more difficult thats for sure.

overall i think bjj helped my sex life. got me ripped and improved my stamina and self-confidence.
 
In my experience BJJ tends to be heavily tilted towards some kind of lifestyle and quite a few people get totally dragged in it. More so than in other combat sports in my experience.

The competitor-percentage in BJJ is also very high IMO.

All of this means people who train all the time and have to live a healthy lifestyle, which is not very compatible with going out late, drinking, smoking, etc. That is a pretty huge hurdle for young people who want to get laid.

Now, on online forums vs IRL:

- IRL : many BJJers I have met were sociable, cool & outgoing dudes (if maybe a tad on the "bro" side) who also went out and had no trouble getting girls.

- Online, you hear the alot of the whole "yeah, who needs to go out and drink, it's unhealthy, useless, and stupid". The truth is that a good portions of people who end up on internet forums are of an anxious and obsessive nature, and were never outgoing or had any swag to start with.
 
tinder was a valuable tool for getting laid when i was training bjj 2x a day. without that it would have been more difficult thats for sure.

overall i think bjj helped my sex life. got me ripped and improved my stamina and self-confidence.
It skewed my perception in the bedroom though, chick hugged me from behind and thought it was John "fake Brazilian accent" Doe going for a standing back take, and went for the kimura escape.

When I first started out with BJJ/grappling I used alot of triangles, high mount, back mount pin -- I dunno the official name, but it the one where you pin them down with your weight on their lower back while grape vineing their legs
 
I'm not sure how I would have a social life without BJJ. I find online dating apps tedious.
 
I stay tired from training.. wife doesn't complain tho :D
 
I'm not sure how I would have a social life without BJJ. I find online dating apps tedious.
They can be tedious, but there's a formula that works for them. At that point it's just a numbers game. I guess it depends what you want from it. I had a several year relationship from one, a lot of hookups from another, and I met one of my best friends from one as well.
 
The hard exercise is draining their energy and focus and making them forget about "going out and drinking" like you seem obsessed with. Hard to down 5 drinks when you know guys will be coming to choke you tomorrow, unless you can do something about it.
 
The hard exercise is draining their energy and focus and making them forget about "going out and drinking" like you seem obsessed with. Hard to down 5 drinks when you know guys will be coming to choke you tomorrow, unless you can do something about it.
Not only that, but you're wiped out after a good session, there is literally no energy left, all you want to do is eat, rest, and sleep
 
I used to be an outgoing guy with a wide social circle but the older I get the less I want to go out and party etc... I work out/do BJJ almost every day so I am even less inclined to do it.... I do go to a pub from time to time, but nowadays I mostly just go home after BJJ, drink beer, play video games and bang my GF... I just try to relax as much as possible and see no reason to go out and party anymore.

Do you guys feel the same? The older you get the less outgoing you become?
 
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