How can I help my Friend not be a Creep

[KillMeGod]

This dude is gonna be asking to bang his daughter when she turns 18.

yup exactly and hopefully he wont try until she is 18

 

[pookiyama]

What's the verdict? Is this guy Alpha yet?

 

[Pugilistic]

you can't teach a creep to be normal, you should cut him loose... you dont want this guy around when you and all your friends have kids and you are doling family stuff and you have to invite the weirdo over too

I don't see myself hanging around with him for that long. Not that I plan to get married and have kids, but I see myself simply outgrowing the relationship eventually.

you cannot do anything until your friend gains true confidence in himself and is no longer AFRAID of women. i'm going to guess that your friend acts the way he does, because he's unsure of himself and is so scared to make mistakes with women, that he bumbles and stumbles, and his lack of confidence shines through and scares away women and people in general.

I guess the biggest problem to all of this is his refusal to admit this. He repeatedly has told me and other guys that he thinks he himself is awesome, that he's pretty cocky, and he's afraid of rejection, but his actions aren't of a person who really thinks that he's awesome. You can tell pretty quickly this guy lacks a lot of confidence, and I don't know if he really has no self-awareness or if he's lying. Getting him to admit that to me, would at least give me something to work with. Him admitting to vulnerability would increase my appreciation for him greatly as well.

 

[Gandzooka]

The first step is that the guy must understand that he has a problem, before that any help is useless.

My guess is that it is some kind of social ineptitude that has lead him to be bitter towards women which shows in passive-aggressive creepiness. He sees other guys doing things that get them women but doesn't really understand it and tries to emulate in useless way, like that whole spending lot of money in clubs thing, he thinks that that is the reason other guys get women. It's just not that singular act but he doesnt get it.

Ask him what does he think women want from a relationship and what does he have to give in relationship. I have a feeling that the guy hasn't thought about that kind of thing ever.

This reminds me of some story I read where it went something like this: a prisoner or psychopath was talking about how he would approach some woman alone in park to protect her from other bad guys and the guy was amazed when he was told that the woman would by default consider her to be one of those bad guys from the way he would act, the other viewpoint had never even crossed his mind, that he could be viewed as a bad guy due to his actions*

*not sure about the details but I think that was the gist of it

 

[Benoitthegr8]

Seriously, get a ticket to Bangkok for one of your 4 day weekends, there are many women looking to meet westerners and if he strikes out there you can always arrange to go to a bar and find nice willing ladies... pay the bar fine to get them off work and the rest will be war stories...

 

[Pugilistic]

Well my other buddy and I went to his place and talked to him about this over a few beers. We wanted to emphasize we want to help him and not to shit on him because he complains about not getting laid. I tried to lay it down logically while giving him real life examples of women we know wanting to avoid him. He did make a lot of excuses as I expected but he also listened and agreed to many things as well. He knew that making the excuse that he's not white is just an excuse and that the way he texts women needs improvement. We told him not to say or do certain things. So for now, he seems to be going along with it. But I am not confident about any real changes because he needs some fundamental changes to his psyche, and I am not qualified to deal such issues.

Before we went to his place to give him this talk, we told him we're coming and his first reaction was to avoid it. He didn't feel like dealing with it right now. I've seen this many times from him before where he has a tendency to avoid facing problems head on and seems legitimately scared to make any changes. He conceded and agreed to what we said, but he also felt really down and hurt. It also alarmed me that he said he didn't remember texting some of the things he texted to my female friend. His psyche is so volatile that whenever he gets lonely or bored he will send out a bunch of texts to women and not even remember what he said, then ends up scratching his head when those women block him.

 

[Reyesnuthugr]

You're going to facepalm so hard one day. Why did you ever keep that guy around. I get the feeling you get a cheap thrill from it and somewhat of an ego boost.

You're going to pay dearly for it

 

[BjPenn2017]

How the fuck does he creep them out? I don't work out, eat healthy, am fairly negative and a bit socially awkward and I still get laid fairly often. Is your buddy like bad/creepy looking too? As much as chicks don't say looks play a part they obviously do to an extent, especially if they're just looking to get laid to.

Is he like texting/creeping on them when you guys aren't all around? Does he say genuinely creepy shit when you are? It really isn't hard to get laid off POF or Tinder either. I'm gonna assume he's fairly bad looking with a fairly bad personality the way you describe him.

 

[Oeshon]

you can't fix creepiness, he is probably a high functioning aspergers.

what you can do is make him awesome so that girls overlook his lack of social awareness. Get him to hit the gym hard so that he becomes a brick shithouse.

 

[Hatredcopter]

Are you in Korea? Why don't you just pay a prostitute to pretend to like him and get him laid?

yeah, TS
haven't you seen true romance?!

You never know how that'll turn out.

damn
beat me to it
cements it as a good idea though...

your friend needs a Platinum Sherdog account.

sounds like already has one

 

[Just Creed]

Your friend just wants you to tell him what he wants to hear. No point in trying to help him.

 

[Pugilistic]

How the fuck does he creep them out? I don't work out, eat healthy, am fairly negative and a bit socially awkward and I still get laid fairly often. Is your buddy like bad/creepy looking too? As much as chicks don't say looks play a part they obviously do to an extent, especially if they're just looking to get laid to.

Is he like texting/creeping on them when you guys aren't all around? Does he say genuinely creepy shit when you are? It really isn't hard to get laid off POF or Tinder either. I'm gonna assume he's fairly bad looking with a fairly bad personality the way you describe him.

This guy isn't a bit socially awkward; he is terrible at gauging basic social cues. He interprets interaction with people completely wrong all the time. He thinks a girl ignoring him is a good time to start making unwanted sexual comments, and he thinks a girl not noticing him smiling at her is her disrespecting him. And he makes these advances without any confidence or smoothness. He also pats girls on the head, pokes them, or pinches their cheeks without any invitation to do so. He's doing this pretty much all the time. Around us, at home, on his way from work, etc.

It doesn't help that he's not a good looking guy at all but I've seen uglier dudes than him get laid. I'm an average looking manlet and he's seen me with some hot chicks on (rare) occasion so he cannot use the excuses that he uses.

you can't fix creepiness, he is probably a high functioning aspergers.

what you can do is make him awesome so that girls overlook his lack of social awareness. Get him to hit the gym hard so that he becomes a brick shithouse.

He has autism I am sure. What's unfortunate is that he seems to have very few redeeming qualities, if at all. He is fat and refuses to workout, and just like with women, he'll make every excuse under the sun for his obesity including claiming he is quite happy with his body. I tried getting him to the gym for years. I don't know of any particular skill or talent or even hobby he has. I don't know what his passion is despite knowing him for four years. He doesn't play an instrument or knows how to sing. He doesn't cook, doesn't draw or knows how to dance. Doesn't speak any languages except English, which even that he seems to have a poor grasp on. He claims he's an martial artist who trains for the street but even if that was true, I don't think being good at street fights is a particularly attractive trait to most women. I hope to get him to speak the local language at least, which would really open up his options for meeting people.

Your friend just wants you to tell him what he wants to hear. No point in trying to help him.

True but I think last night showed me at he will listen if you call him out on shit. I've always either poke fun at him in hopes he'll get the hint or tried to expose him to tips but he just never got it. But I think whenever I see him do something dumb, I should just tell him not to do that. Whether or not he will actually follow through remains to be seen.

 

[Oeshon]

a

He has autism I am sure. What's unfortunate is that he seems to have very few redeeming qualities, if at all. He is fat and refuses to workout, and just like with women, he'll make every excuse under the sun for his obesity including claiming he is quite happy with his body. I tried getting him to the gym for years. I don't know of any particular skill or talent or even hobby he has. I don't know what his passion is despite knowing him for four years. He doesn't play an instrument or knows how to sing. He doesn't cook, doesn't draw or knows how to dance. Doesn't speak any languages except English, which even that he seems to have a poor grasp on. He claims he's an martial artist who trains for the street but even if that was true, I don't think being good at street fights is a particularly attractive trait to most women. I hope to get him to speak the local language at least, which would really open up his options for meeting people.

He is a lost cause then.

 

[usulrah]

I've only skimmed the thread but if you take women out of the equation is he cool to hang out with and a good friend? From what I've seen he doesn't have many redeeming qualities, why are you friends?

 

[Pugilistic]

a


He is a lost cause then.

Well, that's not entirely true if I think about it. He is at heart, not a bad nor malicious person. He's so awkward that he's taken girls home and failed to sleep with them, but I know of guys in that same situation who would've done some rapey shit. Or would've straight up tried to rape them. But my friend wouldn't do that kind of shit. Okay, I guess not being a rapist isn't exactly a quality I can praise but my point is his creepiness isn't coming from an evil place. I know he also has some skill with cars and woodworking, which was quite impressive when I saw photos of his work, but it's meaningless now because he hasn't worked with cars or wood for at least five years. He talks about how he misses those things but I don't know why he doesn't go out of his way to pursue his interests. My impression is that he spends most of his time on facebook and tinder when he's not at work or out drinking with us. He's always texting and can't put his phone down so I know he's not doing anything really engaging.

I'm not qualified in anyway to be making these assessments, but I am starting to get a gauge on him. He always seemed like a guy too scared to change and take any initiatives on his own. As if actual hard work terrifies him. Even when meeting up just to party, he was always very dependent on other people's plans. But if you call him out and tell him what to do, he won't protest. He'll admit that he doesn't have the balls or whatever even if he doesn't do it. I think if I straight up tell him not to do certain things that obviously creep people out, I think I'll have something to work with.

I've only skimmed the thread but if you take women out of the equation is he cool to hang out with and a good friend? From what I've seen he doesn't have many redeeming qualities, why are you friends?

I have asked the same question myself and I can say that he's available and there are times he has gotten my back. It's extremely unlikely it'll happen, but I know he's at least one guy who would have my back if I got in a fight. Although he's so volatile there's a chance he might make it worse..but he's not a pussy about fighting even if he's a pussy about a lot of other things.

 

[usulrah]

Well, that's not entirely true if I think about it. He is at heart, not a bad nor malicious person. He's so awkward that he's taken girls home and failed to sleep with them, but I know of guys in that same situation who would've done some rapey shit. Or would've straight up tried to rape them. But my friend wouldn't do that kind of shit. Okay, I guess not being a rapist isn't exactly a quality I can praise but my point is his creepiness isn't coming from an evil place. I know he also has some skill with cars and woodworking, which was quite impressive when I saw photos of his work, but it's meaningless now because he hasn't worked with cars or wood for at least five years. He talks about how he misses those things but I don't know why he doesn't go out of his way to pursue his interests. My impression is that he spends most of his time on facebook and tinder when he's not at work or out drinking with us. He's always texting and can't put his phone down so I know he's not doing anything really engaging.

I'm not qualified in anyway to be making these assessments, but I am starting to get a gauge on him. He always seemed like a guy too scared to change and take any initiatives on his own. As if actual hard work terrifies him. Even when meeting up just to party, he was always very dependent on other people's plans. But if you call him out and tell him what to do, he won't protest. He'll admit that he doesn't have the balls or whatever even if he doesn't do it. I think if I straight up tell him not to do certain things that obviously creep people out, I think I'll have something to work with.



I have asked the same question myself and I can say that he's available and there are times he has gotten my back. It's extremely unlikely it'll happen, but I know he's at least one guy who would have my back if I got in a fight. Although he's so volatile there's a chance he might make it worse..but he's not a pussy about fighting even if he's a pussy about a lot of other things.

That's something but do you actually enjoy time with him, I've know a few raging arseholes who would happily throw hands with you but in general they are not people you would like to be around

 

[Pugilistic]

That's something but do you actually enjoy time with him, I've know a few raging arseholes who would happily throw hands with you but in general they are not people you would like to be around

No doubt. I can't say I never a good time just chilling with him but those are few and far between. I have a hard time relating to him because he literally speaks like a teenage kid.

 

[Doughbelly]

Well, that's not entirely true if I think about it. He is at heart, not a bad nor malicious person. He's so awkward that he's taken girls home and failed to sleep with them, but I know of guys in that same situation who would've done some rapey shit. Or would've straight up tried to rape them. But my friend wouldn't do that kind of shit. Okay, I guess not being a rapist isn't exactly a quality I can praise but my point is his creepiness isn't coming from an evil place. I know he also has some skill with cars and woodworking, which was quite impressive when I saw photos of his work, but it's meaningless now because he hasn't worked with cars or wood for at least five years. He talks about how he misses those things but I don't know why he doesn't go out of his way to pursue his interests. My impression is that he spends most of his time on facebook and tinder when he's not at work or out drinking with us. He's always texting and can't put his phone down so I know he's not doing anything really engaging.

I'm not qualified in anyway to be making these assessments, but I am starting to get a gauge on him. He always seemed like a guy too scared to change and take any initiatives on his own. As if actual hard work terrifies him. Even when meeting up just to party, he was always very dependent on other people's plans. But if you call him out and tell him what to do, he won't protest. He'll admit that he doesn't have the balls or whatever even if he doesn't do it. I think if I straight up tell him not to do certain things that obviously creep people out, I think I'll have something to work with.



I have asked the same question myself and I can say that he's available and there are times he has gotten my back. It's extremely unlikely it'll happen, but I know he's at least one guy who would have my back if I got in a fight. Although he's so volatile there's a chance he might make it worse..but he's not a pussy about fighting even if he's a pussy about a lot of other things.

You should stop trying to justify your loyalty to this guy. You already explained once that you feel that he's loyal to you and would have your back. You don't have to keep explaining over and over. He's your friend and you are stuck with him. Stop spending so much time answering why you should help the poor dumb schlub and just get down and dot.

 

[Fraz]

Sounds like he would be a fantastic addition to Sherdog. Let him cut his teeth in the heavies, see if he has what it takes for mayberry

 

[Pugilistic]

In case some of you wanted an update.
I decided to distance myself from this guy. The number of women he's sending sexual texts to is racking up, including women who are my friends and coworkers. A puzzling behavior he exhibits is that he makes advances towards women via text yet he barely interacts with when they are physically around him, only to go back home after the party and text them again. He's pissed off some guys as well and frankly the way he interacts with me don't make want to take his side. Some of the shit he does is disrespectful and I have a problem with a friend who disrespects others for no reason, but I let it slide this whole time because I assumed he was just socially retarded and oblivious. Despite feigning being open to our input during our "intervention" he hasn't changed. He's retroactively changed his mind and still asserts he did nothing wrong. Then there is nothing I can do. I have been inviting him out less and less to things, and I plan to minimize my interaction with him. He needs to seek help from a professional.