How can I help my Friend not be a Creep

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by Pugilistic, Aug 29, 2017.

  1. Doughbelly

    Doughbelly αlpha-nerdette, action scientist

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    That's a better direction to take this thread and I find it admirable that you are trying this hard to help the guy.

    I'd be careful about doing this solo. He's just going to take it as an assault on his identity and he might take to blaming you for his problems. You might want to take more of an intervention approach with a couple of your friends. Start with stuff within your own personal experiences as opposed to things that were said by people not present (such as girls). Creepy, inappropriate jokes might be one.

    I think this thread now deserves the attention of @cooks1 who is totally awesome at figuring stuff like this out.
     
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  2. Pugilistic

    Pugilistic Red Belt

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    I suggested that he go to a prostitute and shot that idea down. I don't know why because he's been to them before and he spends more money at clubs at anyway. I'm not sure how many chicks are willing to put up with him enough to break it down for him. I mean, my friend spelled it out for him and his reaction was to get defensive.

    Yeah I'm doing this with another guy. It would be great if there was another guy who has known him for years present, but most of those guys don't hang around anymore. It makes me wonder if I'm lagging behind in growth or if I'm just that much more patient. Another one of our friends tried to convince this guy to make healthier life choices for years to no avail. I expect him to get defensive and have his feelings hurt to some degree. Last year he stopped talking to me for months because I told him to stop gossiping about one of our mutual friend's love life. So I wouldn't be surprised if something similar happens.

    Helping, or attempting to do so, is just the best move for everybody involved I think. Nobody can't say we just cut him off, and he can't claim that I never tried for him. I've known him for years so it is hard to just cut him off especially considering we have mutual friends, and he lives close and frequents the same bars that I do. I don't have confidence he can be helped but at least I tried.
     
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2017
  3. Phlog

    Phlog Dad Belt

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    You don't change people, it's people that change themselves. Wither adapt to make his life easier or cut him out of your life.
     
  4. Phlog

    Phlog Dad Belt

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    Not saying you can't help by talking to him about it, but you might make things worse also. It's down to your skill in creating an interest in him to seek change.
     
  5. Phlog

    Phlog Dad Belt

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    And fuck that.
     
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  6. Yellowking

    Yellowking Purple Belt

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    Probably just stop hanging out with dudes that go to clubs and pay for bottle service. What kind of woman do you think is in to that? Not a good'n that is for sure...maybe hot but probably dumb and impressed by really cringey, basic stuff.

    Truth is, me and a lot of dudes would nail that type on a weeknight with a right swipe and not a $ spent
     
  7. ShinkanPo

    ShinkanPo 風 林 火 山

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    ah this is the Pimp thread?

    You better tell him that at his age asking guys to pimp girls for them is really creepy he better realize that he is creepy
     
  8. cooks1

    cooks1 No matter where you go-there you are

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    Awww.....That gives me the feelz.

    [​IMG]

    Guess I have a few questions here. The first one is what makes this cringeworthy fellow such an awesome friend? Maybe he is an awesome, amazing friend, but I have yet to hear one redeeming feature. I need to hear the reasons why Pugilistic is keeping this person in his close orbit.

    Once that question is addressed, we can move on to question 2. Which is why does anyone give a shit how much this cat is getting laid. I have many friends. Some I am very close with, some I am not as tight with. But I can tell you with certainty that I give 0.00 shits about how much any of them are getting laid. Seems to me that some people are trying to take this dudes problem and make it their own. No reason to do that.

    My general rule of thumb with friends behaving in a way I don't want to be associated with is that I will give them a gentle nudge or suggestion to modify their behavior. Which they are under no obligation to heed as they are a grown ass person. But if they don't modify their behavior, I modify mine

    With this fellow, assuming he was still worth having as a friend, I would have changed my orbit to be around him only during male only events like poker nights or fishing or hunting or whatever. Plenty of ways I can be a friend to the guy without getting sucked into his weird shit. If he solicits my advice during those events I will happily give it, but I have the benefit of not being in a surrounding where I have to endure, and be associated with, the actual antics themselves.
     
  9. Undying Poster

    Undying Poster Double Yellow Card Double Yellow Card Yellow Card Banned

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    Creepy = ugly

    Try making him attractive, otherwise you should probably put him down.
     
  10. Pugilistic

    Pugilistic Red Belt

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    Great post with good points. If I'm being honest, I can't give you a solid answer. I've asked that question myself, tried to break down what the friendship brings to my life, even questioning the concept of friendship itself to figure out if I need this dude in my life. In the years I've known him, he was the only one who had my back once in a conflict I had years back with some dude who was trying to fuck with my then girlfriend. Something even my best friend at the time didn't do. And he got wasted with me when my recent ex left me. But overall he has also brought a lot of negativity to my life as well. My life wouldn't change much if he was out of my life because at the heart of it all, he's really just a long-time drinking buddy. I can't say we have a deep connection or an intellectual repertoire, and he's not a particularly fun guy to be around either...so why do I hang out with him? I guess in some ways it's difficult to avoid him since he's around the same area as I am and he hangs out with many of the same guys as I do, unless I drastically change my social environment. Because I truly believe he is autistic, there's also an element of pity. I've been socially awkward and terrible (even more than now) with women once, so I want to see others conquer it. I invite him out to parties and introduce him to people to try to get him out of his shell.

    And to be really really honest, despite all of the annoying shit he says, he's still an easy person to be around with in that he has not one assertive bone in his body despite his tough guy persona. He'll do whatever I or the other guys do - not that I boss him around. My masculinity is never threatened nor do I have to worry about a girl I'm interested being more into him. He's just...there. Is he truly an amazing friend? No, but he's easy to hang out with. And that realization makes me feel like a shitty person.

    As for 2, I don't really care about his sex life. But he tries very hard to make his problem my problem through constant complaining and asking me to introduce him to girls, etc. He's been nagging me to hit on more girls so he can get a piece of the action. And due to his antics, some girls, including those I consider very close friends, are being bothered by him. So I figure my options are to attempt to assist him and/or cut him off in a way that doesn't leave hard feelings.
     
  11. cooks1

    cooks1 No matter where you go-there you are

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    Well- Good Luck with whichever way you go.
     
  12. A.S. Deep

    A.S. Deep Brown Belt

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    Get his money and give him some chick. Before the date, though, tell the girl that your friend isn't the most charming guy and give her a cut of the money. Tell your friend that your services will only guarantee one date per girl, nothing more. This way he'll keep on paying you for first dates until he succeeds. He wins and you win.
     
  13. mushishi

    mushishi A is a, a is a, should I save her?

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    Make him a workout buddy.
     
  14. Doughbelly

    Doughbelly αlpha-nerdette, action scientist

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    I always picture you as Mayberry's own personal and professional relationship guru.
     
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  15. KillMeGod

    KillMeGod Double Yellow Card Double Yellow Card Yellow Card Banned

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    you can't teach a creep to be normal, you should cut him loose... you dont want this guy around when you and all your friends have kids and you are doling family stuff and you have to invite the weirdo over too
     
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  16. Eazy123

    Eazy123 Brown Belt

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    [​IMG]
     
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  17. Grrrr

    Grrrr BE NICE

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    Say....hey, stop being a weird motherfucker.
    If he doesn't heed your advice then say fk it and bail.
     
  18. Doughbelly

    Doughbelly αlpha-nerdette, action scientist

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    That's one of those things about friendship that can be bitch. Once you have loyalty, you have to give it.
     
  19. IIIIIIII

    IIIIIIII Titanium Belt

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    you cannot do anything until your friend gains true confidence in himself and is no longer AFRAID of women. i'm going to guess that your friend acts the way he does, because he's unsure of himself and is so scared to make mistakes with women, that he bumbles and stumbles, and his lack of confidence shines through and scares away women and people in general.
     
  20. blaseblah

    blaseblah Silver Belt

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    This dude is gonna be asking to bang his daughter when she turns 18.
     
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