Once attended a medical billing class which lasted three months. Small class, mostly female, mostly twenties. All any girl wanted to talk about during breaks were tattoos, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Except a girl we'll call Big Pharma. You see Big Pharma was in her late thirties, ten years my senior, and she lived up to her name. Big Pharma and I sat together and talked literature, cuisine, and prescription drugs.
Big Pharma and I never exchanged numbers, never left campus for lunch, and never expressed interest in anything outside of a working relationship. Three months passes in the blink of an eye then Big Pharma and I part ways for what we assumed would be forever. Not long after finding a job I begin dating a hot little number we'll call Incontinence. This one lived up to her name too. Less than one month into dating Incontinence I ask why she feels the need to consume an entire bottle of Cab every night. After much fuss and denial Incontinence reluctantly reveals that red wine is the only substance on earth which keeps her regular. Gross.
Incontinence and I have a rocky relationship that lasts only five months. Her habit of one bottle per night turned into two and I had also found out she was chasing pain pills with wine. Incontinence needed help which I could not provide. We broke up.
After every break up a man needs to stretch his wings and fly. So I'm at the bar. At the club even. Who do I bump into? Big Pharma. She's big and booze up. We dance, laugh, drink, kiss, and leave together. Knowing I got one in the bag I don't ask her designated driver where we're headed. Happily I walk right into a raucous house party. There's nowhere to put the moves on Big Pharma. She knows everyone there and I'd never seen their faces before. So what's a man to do other than mingle?
Mingle I do. Meet a woman we'll call Richter Scale. A fellow medical professional who sits at a computer all day. By the looks of her she never gets up. Richter Scale says a skinny man like me could never out drink her. Challenge accepted.
We went shot for shot using one of those tall skinny glasses. Stoli goes down like water. Soon, very soon, I've got blinders and just want to get my hands on something. Find myself on a love seat sitting on Richer Scale's lap. She took up damn near both seats. We're furiously making out.
Big Pharma struts up and points directly at us. Yells "you're with her now?!" and storms off.
Apparently the two ladies were friends. Richter Scale attempts to chase Big Pharma down the hall to apologize but was unsuccessful. I find her panting in the hallway right next to a vacant laundry room.
Still rocking half ass whiskey dick I try to push rope one more time in the laundry room. Richter Scale was too emotional and the moment had passed.
A tale of three girls once known.