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Part of maintaining our culture is tolerance of differences that are unimportant to us, even if they're important to those practicing them. That is a core part of having an open culture. Being able to wear a turban in public even though it's not traditional American dress is as much a part of American culture as being prohibited from wearing shorts in Qatar is a part of theirs. In a sense we don't tolerate superficial differences for the sake of the immigrant, we tolerate them because we want a tolerant culture that gives people freedom to dress as they like. I think there's some wisdom in what you say in terms of the strictre culture dominating the less strict one, and that's why I think we should strongly hold the line both legally and culturally on things that do matter. It's a tough balance and it's one where I think the far left goes way too far in being accepting of cultural practices that are alien to Western values simply because they're held to be important by minorities. I also agree that Islam is antithetical to Western values as it's practiced almost everywhere in the world, and I do believe that if Muslims are going to immigrate to the West it's on them to give up those parts of their religion that are in opposition to Enlightenment values and it's on us as the citizens of those nations to push back strongly however we can against attempts to import those medieval cultural practices. Of course, I also don't believe religions have any inherent truth so I have no problem telling someone to 'moderate of leave', because I don't really respect religious beliefs for their own sake.
I guess that what I've described emphasizes the Broken Window Theory in a preventative sort of way, where we don't even let the small stuff go by to where we even need to stand strong on the important issues, but I also understand that that approach is not an "American" one. I am also not advocating it per se, but I think it distinctly shows how our cultures differ, i.e. when they are here they can wear what they want, but when we go there, we cannot.
As for them giving up their values, it's just not going to happen, and I don't think it's realistic to believe they will. The best case scenario is one where both cultures amalgamate over time where second and third generations lose their cultural zeal and begin to identify more with the new world, but that process is usually a lengthy one, and after cultural conflict has already reaped it's bloody reward.
I just don't see a scenario where this doesn't end in a lot of grief for both parties, and I wish more people recognized that. I don't even want to fight a culture war, I just want people to admit it.