First date horror stories

[equus]

[]

lol. considering that shit stories get dubs on sherdog, the smarter posters have stayed away from sharing any....

 

[method115]

That's a pretty good one. My one horrible date was an online thing to. Pureto rican girl and I can't remember why but I couldn't get a picture of her. So I took a chance I thought Puerto Rican I have a good chance of getting a hot girl.

So me and my friend pull up at her house and she comes out and shes short and fat. immediately I tell my friend "Fuck!". He's having a great time big smile on his face. So we had planned to go to the mall that day not knowing it closed early on Sundays. Thankfully it was closed and we just took her back home and I never talked to her again.

 

[The Special One]

This was about 3 years ago, I asked out this girl from university. I knew her from my stats class, and she was pretty hot - 8/10 at least. So we went to get something to eat and went to watch a movie (don't remember which movie though), we made out but were asked to leave by the staff - whatever. So we're walking back to my place through the park and she says she wants to fuck right then and there and who am I to argue. So we're going at it when we notice this big german shepherd staring at us - I freak out and pull out and just as I'm about to pull my pants up he lunges at me and bites me on my weiner. I'm screaming in pain while my date called the ambulance. When I got there one of the nurses was laughing her ass off and after I got the stitches done the doctor who came to give me my prescription not was also giggling. We never went on a second date.

If this is true, that's insane.

 

[R.I.P. KMS]

I had a date about a decade ago that went oddly. I got this girl's number at a show I played and we chatted online a bit. Decided to go out, because she was really cute and it seemed like we had a lot in common. The day of our date, I'm fiending for some buffalo wings, so me and my roomie had some hot wings for lunch. Later, I picked up my date and headed to a party in the woods. The date was going really well, and we started drinking when we got to the party. We're hitting it off, when some chick walks in and catches my eye. She was like 6'0 tall and was all emo with her faux hawk. She was gorgeous.

I'm chatting with my date and the guy who is hosting the party, and she sits down next to him. Apparently they're good friends so she jumps right into the conversation. It was like a whirlwind... we had everything in common and the chemistry was perfect. We're flirting back and forth and the people around us didn't matter at all. It was amazing. Until the stomach cramps kicked in. The hot wings started moving in my stomach and I had been drinking a lot, so I knew I had to take care of this situation. I excuse myself to the emo chick, totally ignoring my date. I go to the bathroom, shut the door, and unbuckle my belt... when all of a sudden the emo chick busts in the bathroom, slams the door shut, and just grabs me. We start making out, hands are flying, her pants hit the floor, my pants hit the floor, she grabs my junk, and all of a sudden, I remembered why I was in the bathroom in the first place.

I was a little drunk and my 18 year old self panicked. My pants were at my ankles, and I understood the inevitability of the situation. I told her to hold on, then proceeded to sit down on the toilet and take one of the biggest shits of my life. I remember the shear look of horror in her eyes as this seemingly endless destruction poured forth from my b-hole. Our eyes stayed locked, as if we were sharing some sort of tragically significant moment together. When I finally finished, I just kind of half-smiled at her... exhausted and spent. She told me she had to go, and rushed to get herself composed, dressed, and out the door. She just left. I stood up, and before I could buckle my belt, my date came in and just mauled me. We banged right there, with the unflushed toilet and the smell of a thousand rotting carcasses wafting in the air.

I never saw the tall emo girl again. And nobody had ever heard from her since... but I learned a valuable lesson about bathroom door locks, that day.

:icon_lol:

Wow, im dying laughing at work right now...

 

[SherdogGoat]

This was about 3 years ago, I asked out this girl from university. I knew her from my stats class, and she was pretty hot - 8/10 at least. So we went to get something to eat and went to watch a movie (don't remember which movie though), we made out but were asked to leave by the staff - whatever. So we're walking back to my place through the park and she says she wants to fuck right then and there and who am I to argue. So we're going at it when we notice this big german shepherd staring at us - I freak out and pull out and just as I'm about to pull my pants up he lunges at me and bites me on my weiner. I'm screaming in pain while my date called the ambulance. When I got there one of the nurses was laughing her ass off and after I got the stitches done the doctor who came to give me my prescription not was also giggling. We never went on a second date.

I would have believed you if it was Nicolas Cage instead of the German Shepherd.

 

[Halifax]

When I was 24 years old I met a girl at a club. She invited me to go watch a movie and have dinner with another couple a few days after. I said sure. After the movie wr went out for dinner. While we were waiting for our food our conversation revealed that my date and her friends were16 and 17 years old. I freaked out in my head but stayed calm. I never felt more uncomfortable but they seemed ok with it. I ate fast and got out of there asap. When she called a couple days later I asked her if she was seriously asking me to date a 16 yr old, lol.

Rofl. That's not so bad.

My old roommate back when we were 21-22 fucked a 15 year old and freaked when he found out. It was fucking hilarious.

Big apartment building. Girl came and knocked on our door one day because her friends live across the hall and she knew he smoked and wanted a smoke. He gave her one. The next day, her friends across the hall were not home yet, and she asked to come in while waiting for them and to borrow a smoke. I had to go to work, but my roommate decided to also pull out the beer, at which point she asked for one, and I left.

I got home from work and he was all happy because he scored. Next day she comes over again, and I am just playing video games on my PC while they are just kind of flirting and cuddling on the couch. At some point, they wanted weed, she asked to use our phone to make a call, and she called her home looking for her brother and got.....her dad. The arguing over the phone part I was trying to ignore while I played Warcraft 3, but at one point, she yelled "I'M ALMOST 16 DAD".

Whatever was drinking at the time, I nearly choked on. I shot a look towards my roommate, and his face was beyond mere words HAHAHAHA. Like, I have never seen eyes that wide. I had to get up, drop my game and go to my room I was laughing so hard.

After that, it was a very strict "He is not home" whenever she came knocking. He moved out within a month because he was convinced her dad was going to come by one day and kill him.

 

[MaureenCretis]

I went out with a mate of mine one night, and we met up with a couple girls he worked with. Night went well, we got drunk & paired off. When the evening came to a code, we went to the station to head home. I'd been kissing this girl and turned to speak to my buddy, and confusingly, he'd disappeared, along with the other chick.

I heard this sort of groaning sound coming from the edge of the platform and wandered over for a look, only to discover them both lying on the rail tracks. She had blood pissing out of a cut on her mouth and he was just staring back up at me. I helped them both climb out, then headed off to the hospital to get her face stitched back up.

After we'd been sat in the waiting room for a while, her friend came out and told us her boyfriend had arrived. Apparently, she'd told him everything and he was less than impressed. So like the gentlemen we were, we legged it out of the hospital quicksharp and got a cab ride home.

I'm pleased to announce we met up with both girls a few weeks later and f*cked them. Her boyfriend wasn't there, so it was all okay.

 

[j123]

Rofl. That's not so bad.

My old roommate back when we were 21-22 fucked a 15 year old and freaked when he found out. It was fucking hilarious.

Big apartment building. Girl came and knocked on our door one day because her friends live across the hall and she knew he smoked and wanted a smoke. He gave her one. The next day, her friends across the hall were not home yet, and she asked to come in while waiting for them and to borrow a smoke. I had to go to work, but my roommate decided to also pull out the beer, at which point she asked for one, and I left.

I got home from work and he was all happy because he scored. Next day she comes over again, and I am just playing video games on my PC while they are just kind of flirting and cuddling on the couch. At some point, they wanted weed, she asked to use our phone to make a call, and she called her home looking for her brother and got.....her dad. The arguing over the phone part I was trying to ignore while I played Warcraft 3, but at one point, she yelled "I'M ALMOST 16 DAD".

Whatever was drinking at the time, I nearly choked on. I shot a look towards my roommate, and his face was beyond mere words HAHAHAHA. Like, I have never seen eyes that wide. I had to get up, drop my game and go to my room I was laughing so hard.

After that, it was a very strict "He is not home" whenever she came knocking. He moved out within a month because he was convinced her dad was going to come by one day and kill him.

lol, wow.

But srs, why couldn't you guys tell she was a bit young? Given her friends lived across the hall, finding their age group from that should be fine.

 

[Slobodan]

I would have believed you if it was Nicolas Cage instead of the German Shepherd.

Come on man, Nicolas Cage is batshit crazy but he's not THAT batshit crazy. :icon_lol:

 

[chardog]

I was a my best friend's place one day, and he decides to bring out some liquor. His sister and her friend decide to join.... We play some coin game and in a few minutes we were tossed. My friend decides to bike to the store to get some more, but by then, both girls were all over me. One of them eventually passes out, then me and the sister go in her room. She was all over me, riding me and all.

my best friend walks in........ WOW, fucken lock the doors you ****! the lil sister freaks out, jumps off of me, and I barely walk to the kitchen and just sit there.... my friend was understanding and didnt make a big deal out of it, hell it was his fault for getting me drunk, and it wasnt like I was hitting on his sister!

it's only a matter of time before someone walks in on me having sex. Either my partner will forget to lock the door, or a malfunctioning door.

 

[dan280zx]

There are some details that I have to leave out about what happened while this was going on because I'll get banned. What I can say is that Brittany and a Super Soaker ended up having a lot in common.

...

 

[Halifax]

lol, wow.

But srs, why couldn't you guys tell she was a bit young? Given her friends lived across the hall, finding their age group from that should be fine.

Most of the apartment were first and second year university students. Lots of coming and going and a lot of people you just can't tell age with these days

 

[GearSolidMetal]

The first time I went to a club was a pretty nice time. Went early so I didn't have to pay cover, and the 18-year-old this story is about... let's call her Rachel... is there early too, and she's decked up in her club gear, and she's a legitimate 10/10. And she's immediatley showing me signs of interest, coming up to me with seductive body language and expressions. We didn't talk that much that evening because we spend much of the evening on the dance floor, and then I pulled her off of it and into a dark corner of the club were we have some heavy foreplay. After the club closed I envited her over to my place and we have the best sex of my life. She mentioned she's watched porn since she was 12, and she was down for about anything. So we bang repeatedly until morning, sleep until noon, and that's when the 'First Date Horror Story' starts.

She pitches the idea of spending the day together getting to know eachother. I said yes, and learn within hours that she is literally one of the worst people I've ever met, without a single redeeming quality other than her physical assets. She's one of those scheming and caniving bitches in high school that make people's lives, with lesser social status than her, living hells just for the pleasure of doing it. She was also racist against all Mexicans, because a Mexican hit her car, drove off, and was never caught. I could make a list of 10 other things about her, but those two are enough to get the point across.

The only reason I stayed with her for that long is because it was so surreal, that she couldn't possibly get worse and worse, and she did, so I felt compelled to keep watching the freak show. It was odd, like she was telling me everything horrible about her so that I would somehow find her more attractive, like she saw me as a potential husband. Around dinner I mention I have to get going, and she asks when was the next time we were going out. I reply 'I don't think so, you're a complete **** and I don't waste my time with ****s.'

She flips out, I leave with the biggest smile on my face.

After re-reading the post, it somewhat seems like I was in the wrong at the end. Trust me, if I actually listed all the things that were wrong with her, rather than just two, you'd understand. 'Yeah, but you didn't have to call her a **** to her face.' True, but I wanted absolute zero chance of her contacting me or anything whatsoever from her, and I'm a honest guy. I can tell anyone what I think of them to their face if they pissed me off enough, and Rachel offended me down to my core.

 

[j123]

The first time I went to a club was a pretty nice time. Went early so I didn't have to pay cover, and the 18-year-old this story is about... let's call her Rachel... is there early too, and she's decked up in her club gear, and she's a legitimate 10/10. And she's immediatley showing me signs of interest, coming up to me with seductive body language and expressions. We didn't talk that much that evening because we spend much of the evening on the dance floor, and then I pulled her off of it and into a dark corner of the club were we have some heavy foreplay. After the club closed I envited her over to my place and we have the best sex of my life. She mentioned she's watched porn since she was 12, and she was down for about anything. So we bang repeatedly until morning, sleep until noon, and that's when the 'First Date Horror Story' starts.

She pitches the idea of spending the day together getting to know eachother. I said yes, and learn within hours that she is literally one of the worst people I've ever met, without a single redeeming quality other than her physical assets. She's one of those scheming and caniving bitches in high school that make people's lives, with lesser social status than her, living hells just for the pleasure of doing it. She was also racist against all Mexicans, because a Mexican hit her car, drove off, and was never caught. I could make a list of 10 other things about her, but those two are enough to get the point across.

The only reason I stayed with her for that long is because it was so surreal, that she couldn't possibly get worse and worse, and she did, so I felt compelled to keep watching the freak show. It was odd, like she was telling me everything horrible about her so that I would somehow find her more attractive, like she saw me as a potential husband. Around dinner I mention I have to get going, and she asks when was the next time we were going out. I reply 'I don't think so, you're a complete **** and I don't waste my time with ****s.'

She flips out, I leave with the biggest smile on my face.

After re-reading the post, it somewhat seems like I was in the wrong at the end. Trust me, if I actually listed all the things that were wrong with her, rather than just two, you'd understand. 'Yeah, but you didn't have to call her a **** to her face.' True, but I wanted absolute zero chance of her contacting me or anything whatsoever from her, and I'm a honest guy. I can tell anyone what I think of them to their face if they pissed me off enough, and Rachel offended me down to my core.

Would've been funny if you told her you were Mexican before leaving

 

[GearSolidMetal]

Would've been funny if you told her you were Mexican before leaving

As I said, I'm a honest guy. And I don't look anything close to being believed to be Mexican.

 

[God_Emperor_Of_Mankind]

I had a date about a decade ago that went oddly. I got this girl's number at a show I played and we chatted online a bit. Decided to go out, because she was really cute and it seemed like we had a lot in common. The day of our date, I'm fiending for some buffalo wings, so me and my roomie had some hot wings for lunch. Later, I picked up my date and headed to a party in the woods. The date was going really well, and we started drinking when we got to the party. We're hitting it off, when some chick walks in and catches my eye. She was like 6'0 tall and was all emo with her faux hawk. She was gorgeous.

I'm chatting with my date and the guy who is hosting the party, and she sits down next to him. Apparently they're good friends so she jumps right into the conversation. It was like a whirlwind... we had everything in common and the chemistry was perfect. We're flirting back and forth and the people around us didn't matter at all. It was amazing. Until the stomach cramps kicked in. The hot wings started moving in my stomach and I had been drinking a lot, so I knew I had to take care of this situation. I excuse myself to the emo chick, totally ignoring my date. I go to the bathroom, shut the door, and unbuckle my belt... when all of a sudden the emo chick busts in the bathroom, slams the door shut, and just grabs me. We start making out, hands are flying, her pants hit the floor, my pants hit the floor, she grabs my junk, and all of a sudden, I remembered why I was in the bathroom in the first place.

I was a little drunk and my 18 year old self panicked. My pants were at my ankles, and I understood the inevitability of the situation. I told her to hold on, then proceeded to sit down on the toilet and take one of the biggest shits of my life. I remember the shear look of horror in her eyes as this seemingly endless destruction poured forth from my b-hole. Our eyes stayed locked, as if we were sharing some sort of tragically significant moment together. When I finally finished, I just kind of half-smiled at her... exhausted and spent. She told me she had to go, and rushed to get herself composed, dressed, and out the door. She just left. I stood up, and before I could buckle my belt, my date came in and just mauled me. We banged right there, with the unflushed toilet and the smell of a thousand rotting carcasses wafting in the air.

I never saw the tall emo girl again. And nobody had ever heard from her since... but I learned a valuable lesson about bathroom door locks, that day.

Standing and clapping.gif

 

[God_Emperor_Of_Mankind]

As promised from yesterday, my friend just gave me a great story. It was better than I could have hoped for, and I wanted to share it with all of you.

NOTE: This is not a horror story, but it belongs here anyways.

So my friend (we will call him Mike) meets this girl (we will call her Brittany). They get to talking, and really hit it off. Brittany asks Mike if he would like to come over the next night. She mentions that she and her boyfriend would love to have him over. At this point, Mike is not happy about the situation. Obviously, being the red-blooded male that he is, he was hoping to score. He even mentions to Brittany that if he was coming over to her place to hang out, it wouldn't be to sit around with her and her boyfriend. Nonchalantly, she replies, "No, we can still have sex. My boyfriend just likes to watch." Game on.

The next night, Mike goes over there, and knocks on the door. He is feel apprehensive about the whole situation, as he doesn't want to be chopped up into little pieces. His fears come to the forefront when the massive boyfriend answers the door in a white t-shirt and "K-Mart brand sweat pants," according to Mike. He's about 6'2 and 210 lbs, while Mike is about 5'10 and 165 lbs. The boyfriend lets Mike in, and they all take a seat on the couch. The awkward tension in the room is palpable, and the fact that American Ninja Warrior is on the tv doesn't make it any better. They all get to talking, and Brittany mentions that she's a teacher. Teachers and nurses always seem to be the kinkiest ones.

After a little bit of talking, Brittany starts making out with Mike. The boyfriend is sitting there, not minding it at all. Not long after, Brittany starts giving Mike some head. Once she starts doing that, the boyfriend starts jerking off with both hands inside his sweatpants. As Mike is telling me this story, I was howling with laughter at this point. Mike returns the favor by going down on her too. There are some details that I have to leave out about what happened while this was going on because I'll get banned. What I can say is that Brittany and a Super Soaker ended up having a lot in common. After all the foreplay, and before the sex, Brittany turns over to her boyfriend and says, "What are you doing over there?" He responds by saying, "Oh, just taking notes..." This thing where someone else nails your girlfriend/wife while you watch is absolutely baffling to me.

At this point, there's only one thing left to do. Brittany asks Mike if he wants to wear a condom, which he does out of fear of catching something (as though he hadn't already exposed himself to whatever nasty diseases that she's got), and they get to work. At some point during this, the boyfriend has completely taken his pants off, and is going wild on himself. Mike was terrified, and says that he has a newfound respect for people who do porn. Between the boyfriend and American Ninja Warrior, he claims that it was incredibly hard to focus.

Once the deed was over, they claim that Mike was the first person that they let do this, but he believes that to be a bold-faced lie. And it turns out that the boyfriend and Brittany had been dating a grand total of 3 months. I thought one of the more humorous elements of the story was that Mike asked the boyfriend to use the bathroom, and the boyfriend responds with, "No dude. You can have sex with my girlfriend, but using my bathroom is where I draw the line." He's making jokes about it! Of course, for good measure, and because it's Mike, he went out on a date immediately following this encounter. He nailed that girl as well, but there is no story to tell.

Lol. This is utter lunacy. Just no need to get laid like this.

 

[God_Emperor_Of_Mankind]

Never understood the appeal of water sports.

Saw a few porn scenes with it, after that I just skip those parts.

I recall Rebecca Linares's only scene with Max Hardcore, he did it on her face without her consent... quite disturbing. And Zafira had a scene which she did the same thing... with her consent... and I could never look at her beautiful face the same way.

I've had alot of weird dates, and very freaky one-night-stands, but never one that suggested water sports... thank god.

I saw the zafira scene. Crazy how such a beautiful chick is so nonchalantly having that done on the face.

She doesn't even care.

 

[llama de lrey]

My date snuck some coolers in her purse into the stand up comedy show we went too. She ended on the floor puking by the end of the night.

 

[God_Emperor_Of_Mankind]

Out of curiosity, did you pay for everything or split it equally?

That one aspect is something feminists are happy to avoid.