Fighter Jokes Compilation

Discussion in 'UFC Discussion' started by Pitier of Fools, Dec 14, 2017.

  1. Pitier of Fools

    Pitier of Fools Brown Belt

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    Since some of you grumpy people need humor, here you go.

    Kyle Maynard goes into a bar and the bartender says, "You need to get out of here. You obviously can't hold your liquor."

    Jon Jones gets pulled over in his Bentley by a cop, and the cop sees a bottle on the seat. The cop asks Jones what's in the bottle, and Jones replies, "It's only water officer!"
    The cop takes the bottle, smells it, and says, "Son, this this smells like wine to me."
    Bonesy says, "Praise the Lord, he's done it again!"

    Bigfoot goes into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

    Why are GSP, Shogun, and Joanna Jedrzejczyk against a fighters union? Because strikes make them tap.

    Mike Perry goes into a bar and the bartender says, "You know, we don't see too many goats in here." Connor replies, "At these prices, you're not going to see many more."

    Stefan Struve walks into a bar and says, "Heyyy everybody, high balls are on me!"

    Mighty Mouse goes into a bar and manages to climb on the stool. He orders a shot, and the bartender says, "That'll be tree fiddy." Mighty Mouse says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."

    GSP is at a gas station when a flying saucer pulls up to the pump next to him. A little alien climbs out and starts filling up. Georges notices that the flying sauces has "UFO" printed on the side, so he says to the alien, "I am imprezzed with your flying saucer. Is the 'UFO' for unidentified flying object?"
    The alien says, "No, stupid. It's means unleaded fuel only"

    Matt Hamill goes into a bar....and gets hammered.

    Chuck Liddell goes into a bar and the bartender throws him out for being too drunk. A little while later he goes back in and gets thrown out again. A little while later he goes in a third time and says to the bartender, "Geez, how many bars do you work at?"

    Ronda Rousey tells Cecil Peoples, "I'm dating a Brazilian." Cecil says, "Are you serious??? How many is a brazilian?

    Mark Coleman goes into a bar...and gets hammered too.

    Mighty Mouse walks into a mini bar....

    Alistair Overeem walks into a bar....and wakes up about ten minutes later.

    Artem Lobov goes into a bar....







    ...and gets hammered.
     
  2. fordman7795

    fordman7795 Brown Belt

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    Too long, didn’t laugh

    :eek:
     
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2017
  3. Calipwnia

    Calipwnia Purple Belt

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    I appreciate this. Thank you.
     
  4. Sakuraba7

    Sakuraba7 Black Belt

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  5. loisestrad

    loisestrad Silver Belt Platinum Member

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    - Knock knock.
    - Who's there?
    - Jessica.
    - Jessica who?
    - Jessica Eye pity the fool!!

    Edit: Just to clarify, I only made this "joke" cuz TS' nick is Pitier of Fools.

    Just felt like I needed to explain that...
     
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2017
  6. mb23100

    mb23100 Silver Belt

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    Only one that even made me smile was the Overeem one
     
  7. Cro Cop Is Back

    Cro Cop Is Back Red Belt

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  8. Ares Black

    Ares Black Asteroid Belt

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    Conor McGregor













    Thats it. No punchline.
     
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  9. Dertysandal

    Dertysandal Aerial submission specialist

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    Why didn't the boomerang come back?
    Because it's in an Australian courthouse for evidence
     
  10. Woliwo

    Woliwo Brown Belt

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    The best one IMO :)
     
  11. Ceez

    Ceez The Catalyst

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    I'll take it TS, some of those weren't bad
     
  12. RichardHarrow

    RichardHarrow 'arrow

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    So you just inserted mma fighters names into bar jokes ?
     
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2017
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  13. Jesus5000

    Jesus5000 Andy Wang was always my friend

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    War Machine walks into a bar and beats the shit out of his ex and her lover.
     
  14. Typrune Goatley

    Typrune Goatley Black Belt

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    If Jon Jones was a kitchen appliance, what would he be?

    A Juicer!!!!
     
  15. Moezao

    Moezao Purple Belt

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    These ain't that bad, got a smirk from me.
     
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  16. DuncanFan819

    DuncanFan819 Green Belt

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    Daniel Cormier, Mike Perry, Holly Holm, and a 2nd grade student are on an airplane. The pilot announces that they are going to crash, but there are only 3 parachutes left.
    Cormier says "I'm the LHW champ, I deserve to live" and jumps out with a parachute.
    Mike Perry says "I have a fight this weekend" and jumps out.
    Holm looks at the 2nd grader and says, "I've had a good run. You can go, I'll stay on the plane."
    The 2nd grade student says, "We can both go. Mike Perry took my backpack."
     
  17. Typrune Goatley

    Typrune Goatley Black Belt

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    Benson Henderson gets arrested and is sharing a jail cell with Jon Jones. Bendo is facing a serious crime but doesn't seem too worried about it.

    "No big deal" Bendo says.

    "No big deal? You are being charged with a 1st degree felony," says a concerned Jones.

    "Don't worry," replies Bendo. "Judges love me."
     
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2017
  18. Typrune Goatley

    Typrune Goatley Black Belt

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    What do Tyron Woodley and a Pitcher who misses an entire baseball season have in common?

    They both throw about the same number of strikes
     
  19. DuncanFan819

    DuncanFan819 Green Belt

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    Why is Jens Pulver going to Hell?

    He's a lil' evil.
     
  20. Khabibs Tiramisu

    Khabibs Tiramisu Orange Belt

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    Why did Conor cross the street?












































































    It's because his gay sherdog nuthuggers are waiting on the other side to suck his tiny cock
     
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