Fighter Jokes Compilation

Discussion in 'UFC Discussion' started by Pitier of Fools, Dec 15, 2017.

  1. Pitier of Fools Brown Belt

    Pitier of Fools
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    Since some of you grumpy people need humor, here you go.

    Kyle Maynard goes into a bar and the bartender says, "You need to get out of here. You obviously can't hold your liquor."

    Jon Jones gets pulled over in his Bentley by a cop, and the cop sees a bottle on the seat. The cop asks Jones what's in the bottle, and Jones replies, "It's only water officer!"
    The cop takes the bottle, smells it, and says, "Son, this this smells like wine to me."
    Bonesy says, "Praise the Lord, he's done it again!"

    Bigfoot goes into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

    Why are GSP, Shogun, and Joanna Jedrzejczyk against a fighters union? Because strikes make them tap.

    Mike Perry goes into a bar and the bartender says, "You know, we don't see too many goats in here." Connor replies, "At these prices, you're not going to see many more."

    Stefan Struve walks into a bar and says, "Heyyy everybody, high balls are on me!"

    Mighty Mouse goes into a bar and manages to climb on the stool. He orders a shot, and the bartender says, "That'll be tree fiddy." Mighty Mouse says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."

    GSP is at a gas station when a flying saucer pulls up to the pump next to him. A little alien climbs out and starts filling up. Georges notices that the flying sauces has "UFO" printed on the side, so he says to the alien, "I am imprezzed with your flying saucer. Is the 'UFO' for unidentified flying object?"
    The alien says, "No, stupid. It's means unleaded fuel only"

    Matt Hamill goes into a bar....and gets hammered.

    Chuck Liddell goes into a bar and the bartender throws him out for being too drunk. A little while later he goes back in and gets thrown out again. A little while later he goes in a third time and says to the bartender, "Geez, how many bars do you work at?"

    Ronda Rousey tells Cecil Peoples, "I'm dating a Brazilian." Cecil says, "Are you serious??? How many is a brazilian?

    Mark Coleman goes into a bar...and gets hammered too.

    Mighty Mouse walks into a mini bar....

    Alistair Overeem walks into a bar....and wakes up about ten minutes later.

    Artem Lobov goes into a bar....







    ...and gets hammered.
     
    #1
  2. fordman7795 Brown Belt

    fordman7795
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    Too long, didn’t laugh

    :eek:
     
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    Last edited: Dec 15, 2017
  3. Calipwnia Purple Belt

    Calipwnia
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    I appreciate this. Thank you.
     
    #3
  4. Sakuraba7 Brown Belt

    Sakuraba7
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    #4
  5. loisestrad Silver Belt

    loisestrad
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    - Knock knock.
    - Who's there?
    - Jessica.
    - Jessica who?
    - Jessica Eye pity the fool!!

    Edit: Just to clarify, I only made this "joke" cuz TS' nick is Pitier of Fools.

    Just felt like I needed to explain that...
     
    #5
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2017
  6. mb23100 Silver Belt

    mb23100
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    Only one that even made me smile was the Overeem one
     
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  7. Cro Cop Is Back Red Belt

    Cro Cop Is Back
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  8. Ares Black Black Belts in White Knight and Dr. Seuss styles

    Ares Black
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    Conor McGregor













    Thats it. No punchline.
     
    #8
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  9. Dertysandal Aerial submission specialist

    Dertysandal
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    Why didn't the boomerang come back?
    Because it's in an Australian courthouse for evidence
     
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  10. Woliwo Brown Belt

    Woliwo
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    The best one IMO :)
     
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  11. Ceez The realest nigka u know

    Ceez
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    I'll take it TS, some of those weren't bad
     
    #11
  12. RichardHarrow 'arrow

    RichardHarrow
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    So you just inserted mma fighters names into bar jokes ?
     
    #12
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2017
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  13. Jesus5000 Orange Belt

    Jesus5000
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    War Machine walks into a bar and beats the shit out of his ex and her lover.
     
    #13
  14. Typrune Goatley Brown Belt

    Typrune Goatley
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    If Jon Jones was a kitchen appliance, what would he be?

    A Juicer!!!!
     
    #14
  15. Moezao Purple Belt

    Moezao
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    These ain't that bad, got a smirk from me.
     
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  16. DuncanFan819 Green Belt

    DuncanFan819
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    Daniel Cormier, Mike Perry, Holly Holm, and a 2nd grade student are on an airplane. The pilot announces that they are going to crash, but there are only 3 parachutes left.
    Cormier says "I'm the LHW champ, I deserve to live" and jumps out with a parachute.
    Mike Perry says "I have a fight this weekend" and jumps out.
    Holm looks at the 2nd grader and says, "I've had a good run. You can go, I'll stay on the plane."
    The 2nd grade student says, "We can both go. Mike Perry took my backpack."
     
    #16
  17. Typrune Goatley Brown Belt

    Typrune Goatley
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    Benson Henderson gets arrested and is sharing a jail cell with Jon Jones. Bendo is facing a serious crime but doesn't seem too worried about it.

    "No big deal" Bendo says.

    "No big deal? You are being charged with a 1st degree felony," says a concerned Jones.

    "Don't worry," replies Bendo. "Judges love me."
     
    #17
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2017
  18. Typrune Goatley Brown Belt

    Typrune Goatley
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    What do Tyron Woodley and a Pitcher who misses an entire baseball season have in common?

    They both throw about the same number of strikes
     
    #18
  19. DuncanFan819 Green Belt

    DuncanFan819
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    Why is Jens Pulver going to Hell?

    He's a lil' evil.
     
    #19
  20. Khabibs Tiramisu White Belt

    Khabibs Tiramisu
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    Why did Conor cross the street?












































































    It's because his gay sherdog nuthuggers are waiting on the other side to suck his tiny cock
     
    #20
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