- Joined
- Aug 21, 2013
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it starts at 6, i know shes already gone. going to see so many people i havent seen in decades. they will cry, i will cry, i dont know if i have any tears left. 7 years, we met on our birthday, we both were born on may 15. she was the sun and i revolved around her. i miss her, even the things that used to drive me crazy. she told me this would happen,s aid she would die young, and she did. 30 years old, pulmonary embolism, just like her mom. i ran upstairs when she fell, at the bottom of a flight of stairs. she looked so scared, was unresponsive just staring out into space. i slapped her because in the movies people wake up, in real life it doenst owrk. i called 911 immedaitely, began cpr, nothing. the emts took over within 3 minutes of the whole thing, brought her to ER. 15 doctors and nurses, intubated her, broke her sternum doing cpr. administered everything they could, hit her with the paddles. nothing. at one point when i first ran to her we locked eyes for a split second, she gasped for air, the last breath she ever took. no pulse, no breathing, she urinated and i kneeled in it doing crp. i screamed at her, i begged her to wake up. she never did. she left behind so many peop[le who are all just here and shes gone. she didnt take care of herself, the last 2 years she was basically in bed or at her computer. there were a hundred warning signs and red flags, ill regret not making her get healthy. the details are irtrelvant in that regard, when its ur time to go its ur time to go. she was my everything, and i think i also died that night. now i have to go to a fucking meet and greet with hundreds of people that also will feel some form of pain, but not like mne. i know they also need a time to grieve, but im just dead inside at this point. the tears stopped coming days ago, even when i cry. its true what they say u do run out. i have to remind myself to do the most basic things. in the bl;ink of an eye it can all go away sherbros, literally. i made so many plans for us, and i was getting things done, working to make a better life for us. i never planned for a life without her and thats on me. i took her for granted, every time she got sick and stayed in hospital she always got better. when someoen dies slowly, its easy to not notice the small signs over along period of time. she looked so scared even though she was already pretty much gone. she left so many unanswered questions that will haunt my soul to the day i join her and cross over. i just hope she is with her mom now, she never really got over that. tell the people you love that you love them. really and truly tell them even if it feels awkward. not a day wen by i didint tell her how much she meant to me, she was literally my world. from the moment we met until the moment i helf her when she left i can say for sure she knew love, even when it wasnt good, she knew and for that im thankful. now i have to go stand next to her dad who burried his wife 4 years ago almost to the day, and now is in the same funeral home saying goodby to his only daughter, i dont know how he is still standing. i dunno bros, send prayers and wish me luck. im about to go do the hardest thing ive ever done. that night will haunt me, and when someoen dies its not a one and done kind of thing. each little change in my life without her a little shread of what is left of her essence dies again. my house is emptied out, but i still dont have anywhere to go. her material items are mostly gone, im keeping only a few things because its too hard to see them. i now have to embark on a lifetimne without the person who made me , me.
Kristen, it will never be the same without you. you knocked me on ym ass when i met you, and knew we would have a story. i wish we had a million more years together, it went in teh blink of an eye.
IM sorry for everything babe i miss you and i love you to the moon and back cutie pie.
Kristen, it will never be the same without you. you knocked me on ym ass when i met you, and knew we would have a story. i wish we had a million more years together, it went in teh blink of an eye.
IM sorry for everything babe i miss you and i love you to the moon and back cutie pie.
