Death Match: You vs. Adult Male Chimp (Below Average Sized)

Who Wins?

  • Total voters
    69
you'd break your hand punching a chimp's head. Their skulls are thick and heavy.
chimp-vs-human.jpg

The reason head trauma is so dangerous to people is becuase we have relatively large, fragile brains encased in very thin protective casings. A chimp's skull is several times thicker than a man's. The chimp's skull is also wrapped in a least a centimeter of muscle all the way to the sagital crest, where the human skull is mostly "naked", i.e. free of muscular padding, only protected by skin and hair.
Click to expand...
 
irish_thug said:
I would sooner fight a mountain lion than a chimp. There is some serious underestimating of chimp strength going on ITT.
Click to expand...
Arkridge said:
Seriously? I think a chimp would kill the fuck out of me but I think a mountain lion would kill the fuck out of me even faster.
Click to expand...

Mountain lion would kill you more assuredly but much slower

They are the Jon fitch of the animal kingdom. They pin you down and slowly grind you out. It takes them over 20 minutes just to kill a dog

However they are pretty inescapable once they have a hold of you. But are extremely vulnerable to a second opponent who can just walk over and hit/stab it at will while it can't defend itself without letting you go

Chimps are on the other end of the spectrum. They attack quickly and ferociously but with increased muscle strength, they don't have the kind of endurance that humans have
 
Codger said:
They're stronger, faster, more agile and have dog-like canines. It would fuck you up, bat or not.

I think you'd need to be very lucky to put an agile animal with a thick skull down with a bat. If you miss and it attaches to your arm or face then you're fucked. I'm guessing they have ridiculous pain-tolerance too - animals seem to. People have been attacked and it's taken several gun shots at point blank range to get them off and the pictures of the damage is not pleasant.

Maybe you'd have a chance with a decent knife.
Click to expand...

If I can hit a curveball, I'm sure I can hit a chimps head

The real question of this thread, is whether we think we can at least knock a chimp away with a swing of the bat, to maintain distance

Chimps aren't that heavy, I think I can knock it away enough times to make it give up
 
One thing that video posted earlier brings up is that most animals don't fight to the death.

In that video, all the guy did was hurt the chimp enough to make him give up and admit the dude was the alpha.

I think with a baseball bat, most of us would be able to hurt or scare the chimp enough that he would give up and admit you're the alpha. It's in their DNA, they back off and live to fight another day.
 
lol @ how many pussies are admitting they'd lose to a chimp. Embarrassing. Hand over your man cards you little sissies
 
Haha, what? Really?

Those of you that think you can beat a chimp are high as fuck.

 
Arkridge said:
Seriously? I think a chimp would kill the fuck out of me but I think a mountain lion would kill the fuck out of me even faster.
Click to expand...
Pwent said:
Mountain lion would kill you more assuredly but much slower

They are the Jon fitch of the animal kingdom. They pin you down and slowly grind you out. It takes them over 20 minutes just to kill a dog

However they are pretty inescapable once they have a hold of you. But are extremely vulnerable to a second opponent who can just walk over and hit/stab it at will while it can't defend itself without letting you go

Chimps are on the other end of the spectrum. They attack quickly and ferociously but with increased muscle strength, they don't have the kind of endurance that humans have
Click to expand...

As long as we're going with the same parameters, armed with a bat, I'd still prefer the cougar. Now, I'm not saying I'm going to go picking a fight with one, there are apparently a few in my area, I'm just saying I'd rather.
 
Before coming in here I was thinking I would destroy that chimp AND he's chimplet? But then I saw that I also get a bat? Come on..the reach of that bat. No way is that monkey going to get near me. Teep + bat swing = head clean off

A better fight would be unarm vs unarm. I think I would still destroy that chimplet. I'm a traned UFC black belt. Teep and jab to keep distance. IF that fool jumps in for a clinch + neck bite, I'll judo toss or body slam that fool and let my UFC black belt goto work. Armbar, triangle, kimura, americana, RNC, you name it. I might come out with a few bites and scratches but other than that I'm good as rabies.

Sub or KO first round!!!
 
FMO-UG-20061206-08-29-43-0188-08.jpg


Look at the teeth on these fuckers. I wouldn't take my chances with anything less than a LMG.
 
I would go down swingin, but that Chimp will murder me. Hopefully before he sodomizes me with the baseball bat.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Latest posts

Forum statistics

Threads
1,236,994
Messages
55,459,966
Members
174,787
Latest member
Freddie556

Share this page

Back
Top