Death Match: You vs. Adult Male Chimp (Below Average Sized)

Who Wins?

  • Total voters
    69
Just wear some thick fabric and it's auto win, chimps can't strike properly.
 
TheRuthlessOne said:
I'd go for a fake overhand into a double leg

Take the chimps back and sink in the a rear naked
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Do you think even if it let you get around its neck you could choke it out? Those things barely even have necks.

IAC said:
Just wear some thick fabric and it's auto win, chimps can't strike properly.
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Lol, I think them fangs will go straight through some thick fabric. It would probably go for your face anyway.
 
Whats the time limit? Thinking an attempt to befriend it and all the while sharping the bat against the cage. Once I make it fall asleep in my arms with a old trusty bedtime story, slit its throat.
 
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 <24> Chimps are CARAZEEEEEE
 
Internet wimps always fantasize about fighting chimps. Wonder how all that got started.
 
With a bat, I would win, no doubt.
Without a bat, I would lose, no doubt.

Pretty simple.
 
They're stronger, faster, more agile and have dog-like canines. It would fuck you up, bat or not.

I think you'd need to be very lucky to put an agile animal with a thick skull down with a bat. If you miss and it attaches to your arm or face then you're fucked. I'm guessing they have ridiculous pain-tolerance too - animals seem to. People have been attacked and it's taken several gun shots at point blank range to get them off and the pictures of the damage is not pleasant.

Maybe you'd have a chance with a decent knife.
 
Fedorgasm said:
A human's best weapon is his brain. So I'd outsmart the chimp.

The chimp has no reason to fight me, so I'd make friends with the chimp. I'd pick the lice out of his back, teach him sign language, etc. Then when he's asleep I'd bash his skull with the bat.
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So you'd marry it?

They called her .... the Black Widow.
 
I feel like my only chance of survival is to seduce it.
 
With just your hands? Anybody who says they'd win is full of shit. With a spear or something, maybe.
Edit: Just saw the addition for the bat... maybe
 
Difficult to say. The chimp would have a considerable fight IQ advantage over most Sherdogers.
 
Not even gonna entertain a vote with a baseball bat.

The chimp goes down in a hail of gunfire. Or I do.
IMG_0964.GIF
 
hiphopnazi said:
Whats the time limit? Thinking an attempt to befriend it and all the while sharping the bat against the cage. Once I make it fall asleep in my arms with a old trusty bedtime story, slit its throat.
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No time limit. It's a death match. I should probably change it to an agitated chimp because alot of answers are trying to befriend the thing but I don't think that should be possible in this scenario. Haha.
 
Gimme the biggest chimp you got. Ill take him down.
 
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