Death Match: You vs. Adult Male Chimp (Below Average Sized) | Page 2

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by Arkridge, Mar 20, 2017.

?

Who Wins?

  1. I'd Kill That Stupid Chimp

    40.6%
  2. I'm As Good As Dead

    59.4%
  1. Agent Mulder's Hair Brown Belt

    Agent Mulder's Hair
    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2016
    Messages:
    4,795
    Likes Received:
    7,034
    i would injure myself in training and pull out
     
    #21
    pcptornado, Pwent, RayA and 4 others like this.
  2. brokenjaw Green Belt

    brokenjaw
    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2015
    Messages:
    1,179
    Likes Received:
    2,132
    Give me a knife or a shotgun and then we talk...other than that, I'd stand no chance against a chimp.
     
    #22
    morgado388 and dontsnitch like this.
  3. HunterAcosta Orange Belt

    HunterAcosta
    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2017
    Messages:
    364
    Likes Received:
    351
    Blow would bounce off his cranium and then he'd screw you in the bum with the bat. Their skulls are denser than humans . You'd be dead . Hell, there's videos of fools hitting pit bulls in the head with pipes and bats with little effect.
     
    #23
  4. irish_thug Gold Belt

    irish_thug
    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2007
    Messages:
    19,748
    Likes Received:
    12,612
    Location:
    In a drunken stupor
    I would sooner fight a mountain lion than a chimp. There is some serious underestimating of chimp strength going on ITT.
     
    #24
    pcptornado, Mike and Arkridge like this.
  5. Arkridge Senior Moderator

    Arkridge
    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2010
    Messages:
    17,708
    Likes Received:
    16,525
    Location:
    San Jose
    Seriously? I think a chimp would kill the fuck out of me but I think a mountain lion would kill the fuck out of me even faster.
     
    #25
    TeTe likes this.
  6. PRIDEWASBETTER Divided We Fall

    PRIDEWASBETTER
    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2010
    Messages:
    21,433
    Likes Received:
    3,921
    Location:
    United States of America
    There you go.
     
    #26
    Arkridge likes this.
  7. PRIDEWASBETTER Divided We Fall

    PRIDEWASBETTER
    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2010
    Messages:
    21,433
    Likes Received:
    3,921
    Location:
    United States of America
    Low blow -----> Figure 4 -------> I win.
     
    #27
    Arkridge likes this.
  8. TheRuthlessOne Beltless

    TheRuthlessOne
    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2014
    Messages:
    17,606
    Likes Received:
    22,457
    Location:
    Dagestan
    I'd go for a fake overhand into a double leg

    Take the chimps back and sink in the a rear naked
     
    #28
    Arkridge likes this.
  9. JonesBsample White Belt

    JonesBsample
    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2016
    Messages:
    111
    Likes Received:
    135
    Depends... are these the same chimps from Ape Escape?
     
    #29
  10. Fedorgasm Black Belt

    Fedorgasm
    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2008
    Messages:
    7,220
    Likes Received:
    2,375
    A human's best weapon is his brain. So I'd outsmart the chimp.

    The chimp has no reason to fight me, so I'd make friends with the chimp. I'd pick the lice out of his back, teach him sign language, etc. Then when he's asleep I'd bash his skull with the bat.
     
    #30
    Pwent likes this.
  11. SoberAwakening Brown Belt

    SoberAwakening
    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2014
    Messages:
    4,243
    Likes Received:
    3,914
    Location:
    Your Grandma's House
    Didn't that one chimp rip that ladie's face off??? Do I get a choice of a weapon or just fistacuffs?
     
    #31
  12. Arkridge Senior Moderator

    Arkridge
    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2010
    Messages:
    17,708
    Likes Received:
    16,525
    Location:
    San Jose
    Read the OP. Jesus. Lol. You get a youth sized aluminum baseball bat.
     
    #32
  13. Fedorgasm Black Belt

    Fedorgasm
    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2008
    Messages:
    7,220
    Likes Received:
    2,375
    LOL that story's pretty funny. He's the head chimp now. I wonder how old that chimp was? He kinda makes it sound like it was a pretty small one.
     
    #33
  14. brokenjaw Green Belt

    brokenjaw
    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2015
    Messages:
    1,179
    Likes Received:
    2,132
    That's the scary part, a small chimp had a competetive fight against a grown man who was above average strong. Full grown chimp would fuck everyone's shit up.
     
    #34
  15. marioh Black Belt

    marioh
    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    5,472
    Likes Received:
    1,687
    Location:
    NYC
    i guess it all depends.
    can a good swing of an aluminum bat that makes flush contact on the chimp's face/nose area enough to knock it out (or force the flee instinct to kick in) ?

    not sure if any studies have been done on that.
     
    #35
  16. 00 Buck Purple Belt

    00 Buck
    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2004
    Messages:
    1,639
    Likes Received:
    444
    Do I get time to prep with steroids and UFC training?

    At least eat sum fresh shellfish to boost T-levels?
     
    #36
  17. morgado388 Orange Belt

    morgado388
    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2013
    Messages:
    291
    Likes Received:
    90
    Who are you Rick Flair?
     
    #37
  18. I Am Legion Brown Belt

    I Am Legion
    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2013
    Messages:
    3,454
    Likes Received:
    2,197
    I would throw it a banana filled with xanax
     
    #38
  19. edirp Double Yellow Card

    edirp
    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2014
    Messages:
    3,530
    Likes Received:
    1,541
    Location:
    El Dorado Hills, California
    That fucker will chew off your face and balls unless if you have some watermelon as bait.
     
    #39
  20. Sonny Titanium Belt

    Sonny
    Joined:
    May 19, 2003
    Messages:
    46,350
    Likes Received:
    1,418
    Location:
    Vancouver
    What if it was a female chimp?
     
    #40

Share This Page

monitoring_string = "fd5733925866a04e50edd70f38dfaa35"
monitoring_string = "603ac9fff68f23709f2a42bf5e29272b"