Date From Hell

[Tone C]

Nope. It's time to move a few cities away and maybe even change your name.

Sharty McShart Pants?

 

[XThe GreatestX]

It happens

 

[blackdudebro]

What are you doing breaking character?

Damn...

 

[AngryWeasel]

A few years back I was banging a chick doggystyle and decided to get frisky so I started rubbing her asshole. Then all of a sudden I felt it loosen up and she farted. It was not smelly but it was one of the air type ones that just goes prfffffttt and is more like wind blowing. She did not miss a beat and kept pounding back.

One of the girls I have recently been with had a special sense of private parts, nudity etc. Basically She didn't give a fuck about anything. Well here she was naked on the bed, crounched cat-like on the opposite way of me, giving plain view of the mystery country.
So of course I am looking a little bit. And then, of course, in plain view, here Comes the pfffrrt. In my direction. Was at the same time horrific, dirty and funny.

 

[Sansnom]

Man I can't find it but some of the funniest shit I ever saw on the internet was this story from Misc about a dude shitting himself round his dates house. He ended up in the bathtub because he had a solid boner so he couldn't piss and shit in the toilet at the same time. Shit had MS Paint drawings and everything

Dying here just remembering it

Found it (*** Graphic MS Paint cock and scat warning ***)

Pretty hilarious. Probably fake though.

Also, wtf are pee bottles? Lol

 

[Alphaboy]

In the off chance this actually happened, why didn't you just suggest going to your house so that you could shower?

 

[GordoBarraBJJ]

This is like a Penthouse Forum letter gone wrong.

 

[aunshi189]

In the off chance this actually happened, why didn't you just suggest going to your house so that you could shower?

The guy shits himself in public. What kind of state do you think his home is?

 

[n...not crazy]

My wife farted while she was blowing me the other day. I laughed for almost a minute. She kept right on going.

But to be fair, she didn't shart. If that happens to you again, beat up a guy in the bathroom and steal his underwear.

 

[LHWBelt]

I was on a bus for like two hours with severe diarrhea that was trying so hard to come out of my ass, that I thought God himself was helping it. I looked awkward, face red, legs crossed, body straightened out across the seats, trembling. People probably thought I was a goddamn weirdo. But I made it. I don't know how, but it was one of the hardest (and most painful) times in my life. Not a spot on my boxers. So can you explain to me how the hell you couldn't hold your shit in, when I'm sure there was a bathroom close by? If your story is even true, that is.

I've shit myself a few times, it happens. One time i was running to the toilet and didn't make it. One time it seemed like a harmless fart and no women were around so i fired it off. A few good pairs of underwear died for my lack of bowel control.

 

[JabToucher]

Shit happens dude

 

[SaucyJack]

Tell me more about that personal pizza.

 

[lostdog000]

 

[lostdog000]

2002

met a girl,Kym, in a chatroom 5'7", 116 pounds

started chattin her up all the time, phone and all.

she was always to busy to hang out

so she told me to meet her friend for lunch

i met her fat friend, they talked the same way. i got a free lunch and said bye

kept talking to Kym. she asked if i'd ever do her friend. i said no

Kym ghosted me

took me a few sad days before i realized Kym WAS the fat friend. i'd been talking to a fat liar on the phone.

 

[NoGoodNamesLeft]

Literally none of this ever happened.

well i believe he did shart taht day

 

[Jack Reacheround]

Props for snagging the za, but you should have stolen her Van Wilder DVD. That movie is way better when it's stolen.

You should be banned for calling pizza “za”.

 

[Krixes]

I don't even care if that story is true because it was fucking epic. I was laughing the entire time.....

 

[dawnignited]

So the other day my I met up with this gal whom I met on tinder. We went out for a beer at brewery and had a great time. Only one problem; I sharted basically right away. So we are hitting it off and I got the brown dot in my fucking boxers. She asks if I want to go to her house and I say yes. She got in my car and guys I could smell my ass as soon as I sat down in the driver sea—

 

[Swiftie]

You should have just taken off your nasty boxers while you were in her bathroom. You could have washed your ass and hid the boxers in the bathroom.

 

[MMouse]

Always have extra clothes in my trunk incase.

Anything can happen when you're not home