Date From Hell

The pizza line was good, but anyone who shits themselves bee lines for the nearest bathroom for damage control. Should have said you sharted on the ride or somewhere without a bathroom.
 
You got a free pizza so this date still counts as a win.
 
I don't believe this happened but it was a quite funny anecdote.
 
This is such a n00b move by the way
You should have went to the bathroom at the place you had the beer, took your shitty boxers off, threw them in the garbage, and then cleaned your asshole with the soap in there.

Lol you shit on yourself and planned to just sit in your shit the rest of the night?
Come on, son
<36>
 
SmilinDesperado said:
This is such a n00b move by the way
You should have went to the bathroom at the place you had the beer, took your shitty boxers off, threw them in the garbage, and then cleaned your asshole with the soap in there.

Lol you shit on yourself and planned to just sit in your shit the rest of the night?
Come on, son
<36>
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I have to agree ... sex>underwear

She obviously hadn't noticed the smell until she was about to give him head .. either that or she was gagging (not on the smell) and decided to try blowing him anyway.
 
While we're at it, I got farted on by my saturday date doing Doggystyle. Smelled like bad cheese.
 
Instead of swiping right, you should have swiped your ass.
 
Should have accused her of shart shaming and threatened a protest.
 
WaylonMercy5150 said:
So the other day my I met up with this gal whom I met on tinder. We went out for a beer at brewery and had a great time. Only one problem; I sharted basically right away. So we are hitting it off and I got the brown dot in my fucking boxers. She asks if I want to go to her house and I say yes. She got in my car and guys I could smell my ass as soon as I sat down in the driver seat but she didn't say a thing. We got to her house and she said she was going to pour us some wine so I said I had to take a piss.

I went to the bathroom to try and see what kind of damage control I could do but it was too late, the squirt had hardened. So I washed my ass and taint and just like in the fucking movies she comes to the goddamn door and asks if I'm okay. I say yes and quickly finish up. When I get out she is wearing lingerie and basically wants to fuck right then and there.

My ass is on fire and I smell like Andre the Giants balls after his Wrestlemania 3 match. She starts kissing me and she smells great but every now and again I get that fucking lingering shit smell coming from my ass. She takes me to her bedroom and starts going down on me and I start freaking out.

She sits me on her bed and starts taking my jeans and underwear off and I just say fuck-it. When she finally got my boxers off I knew the smell had hit her like a ton of bricks. Her face soured and her eyes locked on mine with a look of sheer terror. She put her hand over her mouth and ran straight for the bathroom. I pulled my pants up, walked to her kitchen and grabbed a personal pizza from the freezer and drove home. We haven't spoke since.

So should I call her back?
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If this actually happened you should’ve went to the bathroom and tossed your underwear out at the bar. Have to think on your feet and adapt man. I’m going to say it didnt happen though but I appreciate you for making me laugh at work.
 
MT7 said:
I was on a bus for like two hours with severe diarrhea that was trying so hard to come out of my ass, that I thought God himself was helping it. I looked awkward, face red, legs crossed, body straightened out across the seats, trembling. People probably thought I was a goddamn weirdo. But I made it. I don't know how, but it was one of the hardest (and most painful) times in my life. Not a spot on my boxers. So can you explain to me how the hell you couldn't hold your shit in, when I'm sure there was a bathroom close by? If your story is even true, that is.
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You're a god amongst men.
 
You didn't even fwap and cum on her pillow? Just walked out with a boner ... smh
 
Kardashians said:
Do you think Andre has big balls in proportion to the rest of his body.

Or tiny baby balls?
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You must have missed his leaked sex tape.

Andre had the reputation of being a ladies man, so one would assume that his equipment couldn't have been ... unworkably large. On the other hand, he also had the reputation of having horrendous b.o., which tends to be incompatible with being a ladies man.

The mystery endures ...
 
AngryWeasel said:
While we're at it, I got farted on by my saturday date doing Doggystyle. Smelled like bad cheese.
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A few years back I was banging a chick doggystyle and decided to get frisky so I started rubbing her asshole. Then all of a sudden I felt it loosen up and she farted. It was not smelly but it was one of the air type ones that just goes prfffffttt and is more like wind blowing. She did not miss a beat and kept pounding back.
 
none of this happened just like th incel son story
 
JabToucher said:
What happened to that thread here years ago which told of a man shitting himself badly in a hotel hallway and apartment. The hotel maid looked like she was about to cry apparently.
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The movie, and the book is called: I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell
 
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