Complicated Situation with BFF

[RichardN7]

Long story short:

It’s about my best friend.
When we met years ago, we immediately hit it off. Chilling, talking, helping each other. He was closer to me than my family, and we both helped each other out of some hard situations. We had each other’s back and never had problems of any sort. #nohomo
About two years ago, he started his own business, while I moved abroad for about a year. When I came back, he started asking for help. Everything was the same, except he needed sums in the neighborhood of 500 bucks every few weeks as he was planning ‘business trips’ or needed help for his enterprise. I thought “fuck the money, my homie needs help”.
When all was said and done, I’d given him over 2000 bucks, with the promise of him returning it about 6 mths later. When the time came, I politely asked for it, he explained he couldn’t return it. I said “ok, hopefully you can soon”.
Later he said his laptop was broken, so he temporarily needed one. I gave him mine, a 2500 dollar beast of a laptop. He disappeared a day before he was due to return it, said police had confiscated it and a bunch of other shit because he was ‘wrongfully accused’ of some shit (which I actually believe him about), so he went to another town to work off his court-assigned ‘community service’.
Now he’s back.
So far he owes me 4500 dollars at least.
My other closest friend also gave him another 5000, being equally naive.
Now this asshole is avoiding and hiding from both of us...

I found out from an acquaintance where he lives. I’m gonna go there tomorrow. What should I do...?
I promised I wouldn’t beat him, even though physically crippling this rat would satisfy me greatly... what else is there to do though?
I’m not getting my money, neither is my other friend... we’re both leaving the country for upwards of 5 years this December...

Idk, just felt like sharing. I am disappointed. I always believed in friendship, brotherhood, loyalty, trust, honesty, honor, etc etc etc...
I thought for the longest time this man had these qualities, and he did... what happened...?

Discuss.


Cliffs:
-BFF in question was a great friend. Loyal and helpful to the end.
-Said BFF started asking for money, gave him money and items worth ~5000$. He was due to return them 6 months ago. He didn’t.
-Now he’s hiding from me and another guy he owes money to. I found out where. What are my options aside from beating the shit out of him? What would you do? How would you feel?

 

[minute bull]

Are you ... headed for a non-extradition type country? Because

 

[The Hash Slinging Slasher]

Is he mixed up in drugs?had a similar situation with my brother when he was strung out. Always needed money, and when you’re on meth, you’ll steal and lie to those closest to you to get it. Let him borrow my doubleneck SG guitar, he said it got stolen but I know he sold it probably for a fraction of its value to get high. Just something to think about.

 

[Robocok]

Move on and take it as a lesson learned.

 

[weich]

It sounds like your friend is in a rough situation. I'd be pissed about the money and equipment too but beating him could get you in more trouble and cost you more money. If you still want him to be your friend then I'd go over and stage some sort of an intervention. If you don't want him to be your friend then try and file a police report.

 

[Hankooks]

I know the feeling. I paid 500 bucks to get my buddies wife's car fixed almost 4 years ago and still haven't been paid back. He fixes my computers when I need him to so I let it slide and fuck with him about it every once in a while though.

I'd suggest slapping the fuck out of your buddy in front of a bunch of people he knows if possible.

 

[Ceez]

Wisdom passed down to me was something like, "Don't loan money to friends, give it to them and if they pay it back that's great if not you're still friends. Otherwise don't loan it at all."

I would talk to him, and let him know man to man how you feel. Tell him you value him as a friend but will no longer help him out. See what his reaction is. Obviously you've know him long enough that you should be able to read his body language and remarks to tell if he is being genuine and remorseful. You never know what it's like to walk in somebody else's shoes. He may have been through some rough times that he hasn't told you about. If he is truly your best friend give him the benefit of the doubt, I mean if he's not going to pay you anyways what good is any other avenue?

 

[aerius]

Lemmy has answers for everything

 

[Turtlejuice]

First things first, you should probably refrain from calling him your BFF.

 

[RichardN7]

To all the guys saying ‘talk to him’: I’ve tried, he’s always got a bullshit excuse. I’m done believing it and I’m done calling him ‘friend’. There’s no place for people like that in my life, especially now that I’m about to make some drastic changes in my life and direction.
To the guy who suggested he might be strung out - he has had drug problems, but I doubt he still does.

 

[weich]

To all the guys saying ‘talk to him’: I’ve tried, he’s always got a bullshit excuse. I’m done believing it and I’m done calling him ‘friend’. There’s no place for people like that in my life, especially now that I’m about to make some drastic changes in my life and direction.
To the guy who suggested he might be strung out - he has had drug problems, but I doubt he still does.

Why do you doubt he has drug problems? His behavior and his inability to pay you back makes me think it's drugs, gambling, or both.

 

[aerius]

Why do you doubt he has drug problems? His behavior and his inability to pay you back makes me think it's drugs, gambling, or both.

Hookers. It's definitely hookers.

 

[minute bull]

If you HAVE to meet him, you've got to do the opposite of what you think you want to do.

No, I don't mean give him more money.

You have to forgive him. If you're not ready for that don't meet him. There's no reason to meet him otherwise, and there's no life you can lead if it is beholden to someone else. Here's what I mean. Let's say right now you think forgiveness is a sign of weakness. That he would take it as though he can take any money from you and never pay it back. And that letting people do whatever they want to you without you saying anything -- well, that's a pussy-ass move. No one should tolerate that.

And in a way you'd be right.

But there are other ways.

Forgiveness only lets one person off the hook, and it ain't him. It's you.

You owe it to yourself to find a way to unburden yourself of things you don't want. You don't have to be in his presence to forgive him either. You can do that right now and remind yourself each time you're feeling yucky: there's a difference between regretting one piece, or 4000 pieces, of your history -- and allowing someone to continue taking advantage of you.

Do not give away your autonomy. Harness your energies toward your own benefit, and make sure it benefits something more concrete than simply Emotion.

 

[Jumpy]

Best friend but you’ve never been to his place? Sounds like you got scammed. Long con.

 

[Magooglie]

What kind of business does he have, restaurant? His business is clearly failing if it's not drug problems. He's probably in a ton of debt to a lot of people, not just to you and your friend. You should take a look about what's going on in that side of his life.

 

[djacobox372]

I have a policy when it comes to "lending" money... don't do it.

It's okay to gift money to friends and family, but never expect it back. If they're the type that insists on paying you back, tell them to pay it forward.

 

[koolinkunming]

Long story short:

It’s about my best friend.
When we met years ago, we immediately hit it off. Chilling, talking, helping each other. He was closer to me than my family, and we both helped each other out of some hard situations. We had each other’s back and never had problems of any sort. #nohomo
About two years ago, he started his own business, while I moved abroad for about a year. When I came back, he started asking for help. Everything was the same, except he needed sums in the neighborhood of 500 bucks every few weeks as he was planning ‘business trips’ or needed help for his enterprise. I thought “fuck the money, my homie needs help”.
When all was said and done, I’d given him over 2000 bucks, with the promise of him returning it about 6 mths later. When the time came, I politely asked for it, he explained he couldn’t return it. I said “ok, hopefully you can soon”.
Later he said his laptop was broken, so he temporarily needed one. I gave him mine, a 2500 dollar beast of a laptop. He disappeared a day before he was due to return it, said police had confiscated it and a bunch of other shit because he was ‘wrongfully accused’ of some shit (which I actually believe him about), so he went to another town to work off his court-assigned ‘community service’.
Now he’s back.
So far he owes me 4500 dollars at least.
My other closest friend also gave him another 5000, being equally naive.
Now this asshole is avoiding and hiding from both of us...

I found out from an acquaintance where he lives. I’m gonna go there tomorrow. What should I do...?
I promised I wouldn’t beat him, even though physically crippling this rat would satisfy me greatly... what else is there to do though?
I’m not getting my money, neither is my other friend... we’re both leaving the country for upwards of 5 years this December...

Idk, just felt like sharing. I am disappointed. I always believed in friendship, brotherhood, loyalty, trust, honesty, honor, etc etc etc...
I thought for the longest time this man had these qualities, and he did... what happened...?

Discuss.


Cliffs:
-BFF in question was a great friend. Loyal and helpful to the end.
-Said BFF started asking for money, gave him money and items worth ~5000$. He was due to return them 6 months ago. He didn’t.
-Now he’s hiding from me and another guy he owes money to. I found out where. What are my options aside from beating the shit out of him? What would you do? How would you feel?

I had a best friend I've known for 25 years since grade 8 who owes me $400 from 15 years ago. He expected me to just let it go and not pay me back. I never got into a physical confrontation with him about it, but because of that and a couple of things that were the icing on the cake I ended the friendship and blocked all contact with that piece of shit. The guy's a deuce.

Sometimes you just have to cut your losses and walk away. Also my mom used to say that if you're going to lend money to someone, lend it with the expectation that you'll never get it back. There are no guarantees, even with your friends.

 

[IIIIIIII]

Long story short:

It’s about my best friend.
When we met years ago, we immediately hit it off. Chilling, talking, helping each other. He was closer to me than my family, and we both helped each other out of some hard situations. We had each other’s back and never had problems of any sort. #nohomo
About two years ago, he started his own business, while I moved abroad for about a year. When I came back, he started asking for help. Everything was the same, except he needed sums in the neighborhood of 500 bucks every few weeks as he was planning ‘business trips’ or needed help for his enterprise. I thought “fuck the money, my homie needs help”.
When all was said and done, I’d given him over 2000 bucks, with the promise of him returning it about 6 mths later. When the time came, I politely asked for it, he explained he couldn’t return it. I said “ok, hopefully you can soon”.
Later he said his laptop was broken, so he temporarily needed one. I gave him mine, a 2500 dollar beast of a laptop. He disappeared a day before he was due to return it, said police had confiscated it and a bunch of other shit because he was ‘wrongfully accused’ of some shit (which I actually believe him about), so he went to another town to work off his court-assigned ‘community service’.
Now he’s back.
So far he owes me 4500 dollars at least.
My other closest friend also gave him another 5000, being equally naive.
Now this asshole is avoiding and hiding from both of us...

I found out from an acquaintance where he lives. I’m gonna go there tomorrow. What should I do...?
I promised I wouldn’t beat him, even though physically crippling this rat would satisfy me greatly... what else is there to do though?
I’m not getting my money, neither is my other friend... we’re both leaving the country for upwards of 5 years this December...

Idk, just felt like sharing. I am disappointed. I always believed in friendship, brotherhood, loyalty, trust, honesty, honor, etc etc etc...
I thought for the longest time this man had these qualities, and he did... what happened...?

Discuss.


Cliffs:
-BFF in question was a great friend. Loyal and helpful to the end.
-Said BFF started asking for money, gave him money and items worth ~5000$. He was due to return them 6 months ago. He didn’t.
-Now he’s hiding from me and another guy he owes money to. I found out where. What are my options aside from beating the shit out of him? What would you do? How would you feel?

i went through THE EXACT SAME thing you did. i let someone i thought was a friend borrow in excess of $5k. yes, that is a lot of money, i know. long story short, the guy bailed and i never heard from him again. i was incredibly upset, and sad, because i truly thought i had a friend. my advice to you is simple: let it go and move on with your life. the more you allow this to upset you, the more you can't live in the present moment and the more time you lose living life. it's a tough lesson, but trust me, you will become a stronger person once you've moved past this.

 

[IIIIIIII]

Best friend but you’ve never been to his place? Sounds like you got scammed. Long con.

there are lots of con-artists out there. they seek people who are overly generous by nature.

 

[minute bull]

there are lots of con-artists out there. they seek people who are overly generous by nature.

AKA wives